I'm the biggest a-hole in the world!

[Grouse]

^Yeah that's kind of the problem here, I'm not sure what to do. Should I just sever all ties or should I try to get her to go with me on that little trip we had planned?.

[CheapJon]

^Yeah that's kind of the problem here, I'm not sure what to do. Should I just sever all ties or should I try to get her to go with me on that little trip we had planned?.

sever all ties

[Genesis]

Sever all ties and end it amicably. I don't think you're the kind to forget whatever has happened between you two and just be friends.
There's no point in delaying the inevitable anyway.

[pilferk]

^Yeah that's kind of the problem here, I'm not sure what to do. Should I just sever all ties or should I try to get her to go with me on that little trip we had planned?.

Depends.

Can you live with JUST being friends? If you can (and by that I mean..you can exist around her with zero expectation of anything more every happening...and you can deal with her moving on)...then by all means, stay in contact and be friends.   Keep in mind what that means though.  No "friends with benefits"....BOTH of you dating other people...etc.  You have to be OK and ready for ALL that being "just friends" means, and you have to be 100% on board with it.  Not faking it "just in case".

If you CAN'T be "just friends"...then tell her that and go your seperate ways.  Tell her she means too much to you for you to just be her friend. Tell her the truth, so she gets the closure too.  And then part company....no 3 AM drunken phone calls, no "I'm lonely" hook ups.  Walk away, say Hi when you see her in the grocery store, wave across the pub, but walk away.   Because NEITHER of you is going to be happy if you can't do that.  She's going to feel suffocated and stiffled and probably fucking uncomfortable as all hell.  And you're going to be miserable, emotionally needy, and you'll never ever move on...using her as a sort of emotional crutch.  That's just not healthy.

Both paths have some pain involved.  Both paths are going to require some "behavior modification" to get through.  But really...you can't half ass this.  You gotta commit to one or the other, and you've got to be brutally honest with yourself about which one you can do. 

[Chief]

hey man,
sorry to hear it.. i know it must suck real bad right now!!! 

in this case i'd sever all ties.. it won't be any easier for you if you see her again much less go on a trip with her. it will just make things worse!

[Loaded NightraiN]

I'm not sure what to do. Should I just sever all ties or should I try to get her to go with me on that little trip we had planned?.

sever all ties

Sever all ties and end it amicably

in this case i'd sever all ties..

I say piss on that and try to go on this trip with her... Whats the worst that happens? You guys dont talk ever again? Doesn't sound much different than if you don't go on this trip

After 7 years i'd never be able to be 'just friends'... I'd tell her that's what it was, but the whole time i'd be trying to get her back...  Think about it, how often would you be able to hang out with her before it becomes to much for you to handle?

I've actually done that a few times.... If I wasn't able to get back with them, our 'friendship' would eventually disappear... Not on bad terms, just kinda faded out


Go on the trip and try to get her back... Thats what you want....Right??

[Layne Staley's Sunglasses]

During these toughest of times, you need your friends' support.  They take you out, hang out, whatever...get your mind off your troubles for a little bit.

And then time does its thing.  I know it's a cliche, but cliches become cliches for a reason.  "Time heals all wounds."

Maybe not completely, but you'll be OK.  Right now, you're thinking, "Oh she was the one for me, there's no one better than her in the world."

Believe me, you will find someone that will make you forget all about this girl in due time.

[Grouse]

Depends.

Can you live with JUST being friends? If you can (and by that I mean..you can exist around her with zero expectation of anything more every happening...and you can deal with her moving on)...then by all means, stay in contact and be friends.   Keep in mind what that means though.  No "friends with benefits"....BOTH of you dating other people...etc.  You have to be OK and ready for ALL that being "just friends" means, and you have to be 100% on board with it.  Not faking it "just in case".

If you CAN'T be "just friends"...then tell her that and go your seperate ways.  Tell her she means too much to you for you to just..........

Excellent post Pilferk, you got me thinking with that one.
There's is absolutely no way for me to be "just friends" with her. The thought of her seeing other guys, whether that be a month from now or 10 years from now, it's just too much to handle.  I simply can't do it.


However I can also see where Loaded nightrain is coming from:

I say piss on that and try to go on this trip with her... Whats the worst that happens? You guys dont talk ever again? Doesn't sound much different than if you don't go on this trip

After 7 years i'd never be able to be 'just friends'... I'd tell her that's what it was, but the whole time i'd be trying to get her back...  Think about it, how often would you be able to hang out with her before it becomes to much for you to handle?

I've actually done that a few times.... If I wasn't able to get back with them, our 'friendship' would eventually disappear... Not on bad terms, just kinda faded out


Go on the trip and try to get her back... Thats what you want....Right??

I mean what is there to lose?, I'll never talk to her again either way. At least that's the way I'm seeing it right now.

Sever all ties and end it amicably. I don't think you're the kind to forget whatever has happened between you two and just be friends.

Looks like you're a pretty good judge of character, I am indeed the kind of person that would never forget about something like this. I've also never been able to end a relationship in an amicable way, I somehow always seem to make sure that we split up in anger. Probably because I know that the anger is the only thing that'll keep me from contacting that person again.

[Sin Cut]

I'm with Loaded NightraiN on this one.

Also if a girl comes to hit on you, and your ex is there, go for it - not all the way, but test the ice, you'll see if she cares

There was this girl I spent some weekends with, we met randomly at this bar and she ended spending a good few nights at my place.
Then my ex found out and went haywire on her, threatened with violence and I had to call her and tell her to cool the fuck down, I'm single and who I'm seeing isn't her business.

It made this girl a bit freaked out and she decided it's better we ain't seeing eachother. I told her fine, thinking she'll change her mind anyway.

Last weekend I was hanging out with the girl from photos-thread and this other girl was in the same table as we were. We said hi like we've done before and I didn't feel like there was any bad blood between us. I've been alone the last few times I've seen her.

While I was singing in karaoke, she had gone on how I'm bad news.
Jealous little thing isn't she? Good thing my date didn't care.

[Genesis]

I mean what is there to lose?, I'll never talk to her again either way. At least that's the way I'm seeing it right now.

I can understand the desire to be together one last time... BUT You have to look at it from both ways. You are correct in saying it isn't going to make a difference, but the way I figure, if you do go with her on that trip and have a good time, it's just going to make the separation worse. You can't continue the relationship, so why prolong and intensify your agony? It's going to be worse once you get back from that trip.

I've also never been able to end a relationship in an amicable way, I somehow always seem to make sure that we split up in anger. Probably because I know that the anger is the only thing that'll keep me from contacting that person again.

Well, TBH I've done that as well and as you mentioned it is effective in getting over someone. Whatever works. I guess it is better than drowning in alcohol, as I'm prone to do otherwise.

[CheapJon]

I mean what is there to lose?, I'll never talk to her again either way. At least that's the way I'm seeing it right now.

I can understand the desire to be together one last time... BUT You have to look at it from both ways. You are correct in saying it isn't going to make a difference, but the way I figure, if you do go with her on that trip and have a good time, it's just going to make the separation worse. You can't continue the relationship, so why prolong and intensify your agony? It's going to be worse once you get back from that trip.

genesis is speaking words of wisdom, grouse.. let it be

[Loaded NightraiN]

You are correct in saying it isn't going to make a difference, but the way I figure, if you do go with her on that trip and have a good time, it's just going to make the separation worse. You can't continue the relationship, so why prolong and intensify your agony? It's going to be worse once you get back from that trip.

Why are you so sure this trip wont work??

If he does go and it doesn't work, he will be down in the dumps a while, and sooner or later there will be closure knowing he tried...

If he doesn't go at all, for the rest of his life he will hear their song, or see their movie, or get lunch at their favorite spot, and will always wonder what that weekend could have been like

[Genesis]

You are correct in saying it isn't going to make a difference, but the way I figure, if you do go with her on that trip and have a good time, it's just going to make the separation worse. You can't continue the relationship, so why prolong and intensify your agony? It's going to be worse once you get back from that trip.

Why are you so sure this trip wont work??


If he does go and it doesn't work, he will be down in the dumps a while, and sooner or later there will be closure knowing he tried...

I'm not saying the trip itself won't work, I'm talking about his state after the trip.

If he doesn't go at all, for the rest of his life he will hear their song, or see their movie, or get lunch at their favorite spot, and will always wonder what that weekend could have been like

Nah, he's been with her for 7 years. He'll have plenty of other memories to torment him, rather than the thought of what one weekend might have been.

Although, I must say Grouse, don't go by only what we say, go if you want to, just be prepared for more hurt.

[Loaded NightraiN]

Nah, he's been with her for 7 years. He'll have plenty of other memories to torment him, rather than the thought of what one weekend might have been.

Those 7 years are there either way, so yes they will be there no matter what he does...

But like I said, this weekend will always be the biggest 'what if'

Although, I must say Grouse, don't go by only what we say, go if you want to, just be prepared for more hurt.

Thats what we agree on... Its up to you Grouse, do whats best for you 

[Genesis]

But like I said, this weekend will always be the biggest 'what if'

'What if' what? He's already said there isn't any chance of them getting back together again. It's not like 'If only I had gone on that weekend and talked to her, we'd still be together'. No, that's not it.
I just don't think one more weekend of enjoyment constitutes a 'what if' moment of regret, unless it changes something for the better, which it won't.

I'm speaking in circles. I better stop.

[Loaded NightraiN]

But like I said, this weekend will always be the biggest 'what if'

He's already said there isn't any chance of them getting back together again.

I'm speaking in circles. I better stop.

Considering he never said that, yeah you'd better

[Genesis]

But like I said, this weekend will always be the biggest 'what if'

He's already said there isn't any chance of them getting back together again.

I'm speaking in circles. I better stop.

Considering he never said that, yeah you'd better

I can say politely: Read the Fucking Thread.

[Loaded NightraiN]

Yet you cant prove me wrong 

[Annie]

I'm sorry Grouse. It's hard when a relationship ends. i think you have received some pretty good advice.

[mrlee]

Good, you're atleast in speaking terms now.

Think the possibilites, now you can sleep with other chicks and have that "for old times sake" with her 

LMAO, Sin Cut, man what a legend.