Let's get at it, 2024

[cineater]

No, I had to share.  Too funny to hold it back.  I'll see what's on sale for Christmas cards after Christmas.

"Come round the bend, you know it's the end, the fireman screams and the engine just gleams."  Mmmm, I did leave the story off at the train coming around the bend.  Me on top screeching to the coyote driving the train.  I can fly off if we crash.  Coyote can jump to safety if he chooses the right direction.  Might not be a train wreck either, just nose to nose and a little jolt.  Somebody would have to back up.  Let me take a peek into the story and see what's going on.  Trouble on the tracks.  Nope, wait a minute, gleaming engine.  Who's this dark star?

[cineater]

Well, that just creeps me out.  One of the reasons I shouldn't be on facebook has popped up.  Paranoid and feeling persecuted by my former employer.  He sees me on his side but my hands are tied.  Unresponsive to my redirection, just keeps adding to his paranoia.  Far enough away, harmless until they're not is my thinking.  "Watch each card you play and play it slow."  Good advice.  Stuff like this happens around the holidays.  Maybe instead of my own facebook page I'll run the garden one.

Hang on, changes of plans, plans to come to St Louis after Christmas and look for an apartment.   

[cineater]

Weather front coming in.  I've had a headache since 4.  We are getting rain for Christmas but the temps are going up.  If we're not getting snow it might as well be warm.

On today's shopping list:  Christmas cards, a rubber mallet and hashbrowns.  None of them at the same store.   I'm still trying to understand my daughter.  She just finished up her shopping.  She's the shopper in the family, how can she not have this?  I'm going to grab the baby tonight so she can wrap.  Taking him to a subdivision where I know we can walk under the Christmas lights.  Don't think he's ready for hot chocolate yet but we'll get there.   

The rubber mallet?  Yeah, it's for me.  I'm tired of borrowing one.  I hoping to spend a little time with it and crowbar in Saturday.   

[cineater]

Man it was crowded out there for a Monday.  I'll get the mallet later.  The baby is going with a birthday invite his father got last night so no lights.

And slight change in Christmas Day plans.  Fucks up my son.  Turns out he was going to leave after breakfast and gift opening and run back to Ohio till Sunday.  Figures it's a good time to go back and pick up his coffee maker, ice scrapers and some other shit he was going to have to buy anyway.  Is it now?!    You've got no money, no gifts for your kids for Christmas, time to spend with you while they're off school and need supervision, you're driving a junker car and her son who tried to stab you is going to be off school the whole time.  Why does he sound so happy with his plans?  He's going to talk to the kids.  Yeah, do that face to face and see the impact that has on them.

You know, my opinion, not my life and nobody is asking.  Well, my daughter is and I have a feeling a few other people are going to too.     Yeah, train wreck.

[cineater]

Everybody pile on.   

Susan has a sewer smell coming from her washing machine area.  Had a guy coming this morning who didn't and didn't show again for the rescheduled time.  Several of the neighbors are complaining of the same smell in the condo unit.  She is not making her all moved in by Christmas goal this year.

My connecting neighbor calls.  He is finally going to try to complete the bathroom remodel he started years ago.  I might hear a little noise.  You mean right there on the other side of the wall to my on suite, not forgetting he's a second shift worker who doesn't get going until midnight.   He has the neighborhood kid, the one who blew up the gas tank that landed on his Challenger, doing the work. 

My daughter texts at 10:30.  She doesn't have a gift for grandma.  Give her a few options.  You've got a husband and don't have to be there till 2.  Show up with a gift.

I'm waiting for a text from Sandy, Monday night football should be over.

Well, okay then.  Can't say these people aren't interesting and a little bit entertaining.   

[cineater]

I am just fucking up all over the place and getting caught.   

Mom was showing off her new flag and somebody asked her who it was from.  She says Santa and the person asks who Santa is.  She tells them it's me!  She's finally figured out who gets her Santa gifts.     Well, I'm not admitting it.  I just turned away real quick.

It happen to catch my eye driving down to mom's that Mega Millions was sitting at one billion.  I stop and buy everyone a chance.  My sister texts what time is the drawing and how does she find out the numbers.  I reply, tonight at 10 just check them online, fuck.  I left her a secret Santa gift right by her computer to open tomorrow.   I text, secret Santa gifts don't get opened until Christmas day, just saying.  Apparently she had went to the computer because a few minutes later she texts back, dang!   

The one handed egg trick, I got to number 4 and got a shell in it.  On number 5 I figured I needed a little more hard hitting and all down the side of the bowl.     Number six got it right but I still need to work on my cracking an egg with one hand trick.

First Christmas went well.  I was determined not to check out.  Kind of cool because I forgot I was doing that by the time I got there.  Spoke with everybody and my brother who has been distant joined me in a joke on his daughter.  Pregnancy hormones running wild in that girl.  It's all about sex. 

Car is loaded with gifts for tomorrow.  Breakfast and gifts at my daughter's.  She wants me to be there at 9.  Working people, I swear, sleep in once in a while.  We're having dessert at my house tomorrow night.  Guess I should have put ornaments on the tree.

[cineater]

3 losers on the Mega Millions already, 10 people in on it.    I would have spilt it with all of them.  Wouldn't want to be the one who feels like she's responsible for the whole group.   You can pay for your own poor choices now.  

Sandy won $15 on her scratchers.  Loves that I was on cold meds when I created her gift.  

The fourth got the mega ball.  Lives to try again.  That's after she told me she would be in bed before they drew the numbers.   

Nobody won and it has rolled over.  There is a million dollar winner in Missouri.  Lets see how the other 6 did.

[cineater]

Let's have a do over.     The daughter needed me to pick up milk on the way over so I bought everyone another chance.  Had a little trouble finding room for a gallon of milk in the car between the gifts and the food.   

Nice Christmas at my daughters.  We had breakfast and took our time about opening gifts.  My favorite gift is an elephant watering can.     Got a box with Patriots on it.  They produce survival products in case some of those conspiracy theories come true.     Also useful in natural disasters or those WTF moments.  Tonight everyone comes here for dessert except my son.  He left us and went over to see the kids for a minute before heading to Ohio.

Remember those days when just having to be with that special somebody made you do crazy shit like drive two states away?     I don't know that that's the case here but it's going to be special for her.  I can be thankful she gave him shelter and help when he needed it.  On Christmas he got family and I know that was his wish.  May he reach his destination and make her wish come true.

Okay, time for my Christmas nap underneath a good book!     Hope everybody is having a good time, it's required today.

[cineater]

It's not over until New Years Day.  But it's fair to rag on Christmas at this point.   

Mom's Christmas, the old ladies were in charge and it went off perfect.  Decorations, party favors, food and games, spot on.  I was shocked at how skinny by brother has become.  Both he and his wife had dark circles under their eyes.  They weren't drugged up and my brother was able to walk around without a cane.  Everybody showed up an hour early, food and gifts, they are coming early.     Surprised nobody was in any hurry to leave.

My daughter's show, way too early to start it at 9 in the morning.  She is so off her game.  I'm going to write it off as new parents.  One toddler can throw off anybody's game, even when there are two parents.     Next year we start that at 11 and I'm bringing paper products.  90 gallon trash bag so needed.     The SIL starts off every Christmas morning like he's in a bad mood.  Memories of childhood Christmases I suspect.  By the end, he's happily playing with his toys.  Next year, I think he and I will plan this party.

My dessert party, last minute thing.  My house is way too small!  The kids were totally beat and nobody is hungry for more sweets at that point.  The puzzle was fun.  I'm thinking next year, somewhere else, maybe family Christmas movie theme.  Everybody snuggled in the living room with blankets, maybe a Christmas pajama party?  I'll get my daughter to help me plan that.

I'm going to grab Susan and go on a Christmas blanket hunt for the hospital for next year this weekend.  They did 360 blankets at the hospital, everyone in the hospital got covered.  It's not really a charity, something the employees do.  All the little wishes for the foster children got filled.  I need to play in my plant room for a while.  The onions need a haircut.  Doesn't help I didn't get up until noon again.     Then again, what is time to me?  Oh shit!  Just looked out the window and I have siding on my driveway.  I have to get the Christmas light down!

[cineater]

She's retired and still can't get a Christmas card here on time.     My college roommate.  Included a note, "come visit, we have a guest suite".  The number of places I have slept with this woman:  two man pup tent high in the mountains, a car in a suburb somewhere in California, a house under construction, a bed in a guy's parents' house who picked us up off the highway, numerous couches and even just our sleeping bags thrown on the ground in some park.  In all these years I don't think I've ever slept in her house or her in mine.  It was always ours.  Guest suite sounds really weird.  Am I just a guest?  Not wishing her husband dead but let me know when it's me and you.  I don't know that stranger you're married to and I don't want to play the role of guest.

No idea when they are coming to do the siding but I'm holding out until Sunday to take the lights down.  I can get them down in 20 minutes if I have too.  I just have to be awake when they get here.

Have I pissed Sandy off?  Took her forever to answer my text and then it was I'm busy tonight.  The only thing I can think of is I didn't text her Merry Christmas yesterday.  She's touchy like that.  You can piss her off and not even know it.  And she holds a grudge!

My ex gave me a cordless snow shovel for Christmas.     My daughter got one too.  I feel like he's robbing me of one of my little secret joys.  I'm obligated to at least try it out but we get so little snow here I don't want to waste even one snow fall.  Basically, it's pretty worthless to begin with.  It's going to take forever, noisy and not meant to throw the snow across a double car driveway.  No telling where he got this from and I really shouldn't return it.  Told me my hair looked good.  Where did that come from?  It doesn't look like anything, I just had it down. 

[cineater]

What day is it?     Feels like Sunday, everyday.

I'm busy wrapping up all the end of the year shit and paying off the bills.  Except for property taxes, I've managed to get through Christmas without taking any money out of savings!  Not to worry I've got a ticket on 1.15 billion tonight.  I try to imagine what I would do with all that money except every time I hear in my head, "where all your dreams come true".  The voice of that little evil dude in Shrek.     I think about all the people I have to support, charities to give to and who I'm going to hire to manage all that money.  I'm not doing it alone either.  3 way split with my daughter and SIL.  They'd get it in the end anyway, avoid the extra taxes.  We're claiming it under Care Bear and Dancing Bear trust.  May add another bear name.  The SIL hasn't got a bear name, maybe Papa Bear.     Don't think it would happen but it could, I'm prepared to handle this pain in the ass.  Duty, responsibility and obligations, money only makes that more of a bitch.   

I get to play with my new calendar today.  Always fun and I have a stack of appointment cards to enter on that.  I should do it on my phone but what's the fun in that?  And I'm not doing it twice so people just have to wait until I check the paper one.  This year's one has cactus on the cover, maybe I am thinking about heading to Arizona.  Mom got it off my list before my daughter got to it.  When she does it, it comes with stickers on dates I need to remember like her birthday.   

Totaled up my volunteer hours for the garden group, 784.  Doesn't include all the phone calls, emails and research that goes along with it.  I was over 1000 the year before.  The heat this summer really kept me away.  And without Marsha, it's just not as fun.  Still it's a part time job.

I stayed up until 6AM last night and up at noon.  Just looked, no dumpster on the driveway.  That has to get here before they start the siding work.  The neighbor doesn't know anything about it.  He was just as surprised as I was the siding was out there yesterday.  Somehow the ringer on my phone got turned way down.  He was banging on my door last night when I didn't respond to his returned texts or phone calls.  He thought something happen to me.  I was lost in my book.  Anyway, there's time for them to get this work done between raindrops and dropping temps.  I'm hoping by the end of next week this whole thing is done with.

Susan was told that smell happens every winter.  Never buy a home without my approval.  My daughter did too and she's had to deal with a leaky basement ever since.  I don't know anything about construction but I can spot a money pit.   

[cineater]

End of year shit wrapped up.  Time to look forward to next year.  Er, I don't want to.  This year was sucky.  I want it to be over with.  But can we just stay here in this moment in time?  It's almost over with.  Not much more can happen.  Pretty safe right here in the glow of Christmas lights, the house is cozy and I sleep away most of the day.

I'm still looking for my joy.  I looked over my joy list and it end in May when the parks department picked up all those milkweed plants I got to grow.  Also the month I began to suspect Marsha wasn't telling us everything about her cancer.  Took me a while to voice that she was letting go and this might be taking a turn for the worst.  Could be grief that has my joy on lock down.  It will pass with time and I have to ride it out.  Can't say I'm unhappy but everything about next year just seems like work I have to get through.  Nothing out there I'm really looking forward to and nothing I can think of I want to do.  Don't mean to sound all gloomy.  It's not like that.  It's just joy has left my life and while I look for it, just can't seem to get find it.