Let's get at it, 2024

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Commercial comes on for a men's razor.  Electric shaver with 3 heads.  Looks pretty nice.  The guy picks it up to show you how to use it and starts shaving his head.     I was not expecting him to go there.

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August 3rd, the date I made the worst decision of my life.  Still I wouldn't go back and undo it.  It put a lot of things in motion that eventually are some of the best things in my life.  Still feel bad about it, apologies never seemed like enough.  I've been forgiven but can't seem to let myself off the hook.  I take ownership for what I did and address it when it comes up.  Don't know what else I can do.  Yeah that happen.

Lunch with Susan, she's all stressed out.  Remind her she can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's getting brighter everyday.  Her brain is loaded with everything that still needs to be done.  Settle down woman, you've got this.

Talked with Mike next door.  He's trying to decide if he's going back to work on Monday or retiring.  Hold on, you haven't even got the paperwork yet on what your pension and medical insurance would be.  He can't move without hurting himself.  The solution to that problem can't be I'm going to sit at home and smoke pot.  Really I mean shouldn't be.  The man can do what he wants.

The doctor thinks my SIL just had a case of vertigo.  That seems to come up more often among my friends.  Is it just something the doctors say when they don't know what happen or is it becoming a more popular problem?  The source of which nobody has figured out yet.

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Aw, Aerosmith is calling it done.

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Got it!  The SIL has a birthday coming up and he has no clue what he wants.  Even my daughter doesn't know what to get him.  But wait a minute, I do know this guy.  He's a family man and he takes pride in his appearance.  He liked the family outfits I got them for Father's day.  They like to swim and there are matching family swimsuits.  And I'm going to send him to the men's spa, including hot towel to the face and get those nails done, fingers and toes.  I do have this.

I'm kind of liking the symbolism of the train in my story.  I do feel like I climbed onto a fast moving train with all these people dying or trying to die around me.  It's been going on since May, also the last time I wrote anything that brought me joy on my joy list.  I'm out of breath, laying on the floor of the train.  There's a fire sizzle sound, I look up to the face of the god.  All I can do is groan, turn my head and wait to hear what he has to say.  Now that's interesting.  Back to where this whole story began.  I'm exhausted from helping people and the god has come to put me on break and answer my questions, renew my strength.

But you know, I never know where the story is going until it rolls off my finger tips.  And I'm still a little scared to see what comes next.  I shut it out but eventually it finds a way.

August 4th, my grandmother's birthday.

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Geez, stop with the deaths.  You don't need to hear about it but Sandy is taking it hard.  Been a year of people dying all around me.

$560 later and I hope the coolant issue and the motor mount are fixed.  I can stand an end to car issues too.

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Sandy had to get fighting drunk last night to deal with it.  Fortunately, I think it was all verbal.  Too close to what she experienced as a young mother and she is friends with the family.  Unfortunately, I had to be the one to tell her.  And my daughter told me which is too close for her too.  Her husband just had an episode.  Single parenthood sucks but you can do it girls.  You've got several good examples of how it was done plus you're the child in that scenario so you can address the needs of your children better having been there yourself.

Mike did go to work yesterday.     Says he hasn't gotten the paperwork yet.  I'm thinking, yeah do it but make some better plans before you do.  It took me a couple of months to let go of the fear of quitting work.  I kept looking over the financing.  The only thing keeping me there.  Never mind I was too young to quit working and leaving all that money on the table.  Lots of money was never my goal because you know, you only buy more shit.     Freedom was the goal.

So I expercised that freedom this morning.     Didn't get out of bed until 10.  I'm putting off what I could do today  to tomorrow.  I'm screwing off all day.  I'm getting my ass kicked at pinball tonight.  I play Mark and Dean tonight.  They are both excellent players.  It's okay, I like hanging out in the pub and it's pinball, take all money. 

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Sandy just finished her CT scan and texted me this
“Some days, I feel everything at once. Other days, I feel nothing at all. I don’t know what’s worse: Drowning beneath the waves Or dying from the thirst.”

I replied, giving into either.

Ponder that for a while.  I know she's scared but don't give in, get pissed off and fight.  She's just the woman to do it too.  Hope she likes that.  Hope it helped.

Update:  Good results on Sandy's CT scan.  Too bad I ate all the cheese cake.

Oh wait, the second report shows a cyst on her kidney.  Google says that's normal for her age but then again, she did have cancer.

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Thank god the political ads/spam are over with for the moment.  The three people running who used guns or a flame thrower   did not get elected and the reporters even commented on how inappropriate that was.  I don't vote on primary candidates and I had no opinion on the two measures so I didn't vote this time.

Susan is trying to move up her closing dates.  Said then I could help her move.  I would have been able to squeeze it in.  How long does it take to empty a storage locker?  I'm not unpacking that shit.  That's on her.  

Terrorist attack thwarted at a Taylor Swift concert.  I shouldn't be surprised but that's scary.

Mike reports our siding is scheduled for the first two weeks in September.  You mean when Susan is moving, Marsha's life celebration and my mother are all booked into my schedule?     You watch, the garden is going to need me to schedule a garden leads meeting during that time.  It all happens at once.  I'm pretty sure pinball playoffs are in there too.  Positive spin, we'll just take care of everything.

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Oh no, the Annotated Grateful Dead lyrics site is not responding.  Hope they didn't take that down.  That's some history.  Good thing I have the book.

Tomorrow Jerry Garcia dies, been 29 years.  That really hurt.

Still got Axl and Keith Richards.    And Willie Nelson.  How can you not love that guy?  

So in the story the god drops down from the train car ceiling as a snake which has me on my feet real quick.  I'm waiting for him to speak.  He has this smirk on his face.  He's waiting for me to go off on him.  Learned my lesson the hard way.  The last time I did that he threw me into an ice cold lake to cool off.  I don't have the energy for it anyway.  He motions for me to sit and we just sit at the open door looking out at the world go by.  I quietly cry.

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Susan!  She's been shopping for "small things".     DJ had a vision of the three of us living together someday like the Golden Girls.  Not happening girls. 

I got Mike last night.  His famous last words, Miller High Life will fix anything.  Oh yeah, you've been throwing your back out for years and now want to retire because of body pains.  Doesn't look to me like that theory holds water, just beer.    And as it turns out, what his dad told me about the siding is not true.  Mike told him yesterday he hadn't heard from the siders.  He's convinced his dad is losing his mind.  I'm still thinking it will happen in September, everything happens at once and I'm clear after September.

I did get good news today.  The girl we had stay with us the last two years of high school got engaged today.  A little out of order, they brought the house and had two kids before this.  Covid kind of fucked up a lot of people's plans.  I'm happy for her.  She was the first to graduate high school in her family, did some college and got a good job.  They've been together for years, good guy and his family is great.  She wants a real wedding.  Lord knows I need a celebration.

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My energy came back.  Maybe it's the drop in temperatures or the rise in my nicotine level.  Both of those I still want to address.  Or it could be my allergies have backed off, also on my list of I'm done putting up with this.  Yesterday I addressed the outside of my house including a clean up on the car.  Today is the inside.  Those windows are bugging me.  I've put them off waiting on the siding guys and now it's raining but I have tilt in windows so I can get most of them from the inside.

I was thinking about the story.  I'm going to leave that chapter unwritten maybe refer to it in flashbacks.  It was titled Go Your Own Way.  It did take on a life of its own, not the way I thought it would go but in the direction life went.  You know people die, you can't stay and take care of them.  Take comfort in your belief there is a god and go on with your life.  Follow the music, catch a fast moving train and live.

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Shit!  I smell burning plastic and I'm running the dishwasher.  This is how I lost my favorite knief.  Open it up and one of my measuring cups has fallen down on the heating element.  It's not just melting, it has burned all the way through the handle and is black.  Febreze doesn't even get that smell out of the house.  Good excuse not to bake though, no measuring cup.   

Does this happen to other people?  I've been running a dishwasher for over 50 years and it wasn't until recently I've been burning stuff on the heating element.  Common occurrence?  It's a google topic, must be.  I have yet to find a topic that google doesn't cover.     Google and spell check some of the best inventions of my lifetime.  Duct tape and WD40 can fix anything.

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Yeah, the dishwasher still stinks.  

Woohoo, Brandon wants my old 35mm, manual camera.  Apparently there's a group of people being snobby about going back to film.  Pictures are clearer.  Vinyl, film, they've seen their day but I do agree, they were better.  It's hard stuff to let go of but I know when I'm dead, it would have all gone to the dumpster.  There was a time when that camera was always around my neck.  It has been everywhere.  There's a 200mm lense I treated myself to when I broke up with Michael.  Okay, the guy was not that well endowed but you get the connection, right?     The lense last a lot longer than the guy.

I think it was overwhelming stuff that got me to stop taking pictures.  There was a time when you got your film developed that they gave you double prints.  I had mountains of photos.  But the real reason was, I couldn't look through the lense anymore.  I had started taking pictures for foster children.  We had their life books.  When you spend time in foster care, moving around, you have nothing from those days for memories so we tried to collect pictures for them and other stuff and put it in a book.  The expressions I caught, places they were taken and the meaning behind that or the reason I was taking the picture just killed my desire to take pictures.  I'm better now, I can look at pictures but please don't print them out or give me a disk.  It's a one time look.

I must have picked up another roofing nail.  That's two.  This time I'm going to do the plug instead of watch.  I have a feeling there are more roofing nails in my future.  

People in the neighborhood are starting to get their siding from the hail storm.  I noticed one of them got a green color.  How cool.  The neighborhood, lacks color.  We're all beiges, greys and whites.  I really like the dark blue but Mike wants to stick with a color that won't fade in the sun overtime.  "Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose.  Won't you let me go down in my dreams."

Er, that reminds me of a cowboy I had for a minute but I didn't see him again.  There's a picture in my head of a beat up ranch just at the edge of the Big Horn mountains in Wyoming.  I thought this is where I belong someday.  I ended up staying here and never got back that way again.  But the picture is still in my head.

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Pile on in September.  My son has decided to come visit for a week the first week.  Everything is not copasetic in Ohio.   I'm okay with that but I wish he would talk himself through it before he calls me.     Mike's all giddy, his insurance is going to pay to reside his whole house.  He thinks mine will follow suit.  He saw the green siding going up on the house down the street and wants to look at color options.  Cool, just shoot for September.  I'm trying to see just how much I can pack into one month.   

It occurs to me I can not get out of my own world.  I wanted to step away from that this year.  Do some different shit, find a new interest, new experiences, change of pace.  Epic failure there.    Seems busier that ever.  Maybe I'm just laying the groundwork.

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Well, who knew?  Went shopping with Susan for a couch and dining set.  She didn't think she was a mid-century modern girl but that's what she liked.  Not my style either but it looks nice and seems sort of like her.  Only the washer and dryer left to buy for her new place until she gets moved in.  I get home thinking about her style and think wait a minute, where have I seen this style before?  In the hoarder house!  OMG, the house is from the 60's and so is all that furniture.  The hoarder house got to her.   

I can not get to the eye doctor fast enough.  Wake up and my eyes are all crusty, by the afternoon they are swollen and bloodshot.  Allergies or an infection.

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And now my college roommate is coming to visit in September.   

My SIL asked if I could take the grandbaby for 3 days while he puts in new flooring at their house.  Only if your wife comes with him.   

Mike picked out a green color for our siding.  So excited, I need some color in my life.  We can only do it if my insurance agrees to reside my house.  The guy already told me he wasn't going to pay for it but now Mike's insurance is paying for his whole house.  We're staying with beige if they don't.

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The eye doctor says inflammation and allergies.  I have to do 5 drops a day plus regular eye drops.  Good thing I don't wear mascara.    My eyes are getting better.  I did not have this problem before the cataract surgery but then again, mold has been really high around here.

Forget my college roommate.  Same shit she always pulls.  Makes plans with you only to keep you waiting and is likely to blow you off after you've already got to the meeting place.  I'm thinking my other college roommate who was in on it probably saw my email and thanked god because she saw the set up too.   

Woke up this morning to no cat food and 4 hungry cats.  Thought for sure I had just brought a bag.  Looked for it everywhere and no luck.  Totally changed my plans for the day.     I keep telling people I am losing my mind and they keep telling me I'm just over loaded.  I think they are the ones in denial.     I mean you don't just wake up one morning to your mind gone.  There has to be some before indicators!

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Today was the grandbaby's first haircut.  My daughter sends me pictures and says that was traumatic.  I'm thinking for who, you or the kid?    Poor kid, his hair was so long it was always in his eyes.  The SIL didn't want to cut it because one of his friends told him the hair would lose it's baby softnest.  Never heard of that but get it out of his eyes!  Even told them the trick to get him to sit still.  He loves his toddler music videos.  Totally tunes out the world and focuses in on those.  Yes, grandma lets him watch TV, educational and musical.

I crashed last night.  Got a full 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Not sure how that happen but I'll take it.  

Er, should mention toddler music videos and what it does to an adult.  You end up walking around with those songs stuck in your head.  And since this is my second round, I'm also having flashbacks to those Barney shows from the 90's.   

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Geez, the neighbor's mother died.  They were 9 hours away checking up on his father when she had to drive to Chicago with the key to her mother's house.  If the father doesn't go to a nursing home they are moving down there to take care of him.  So I go into the house to my stack of sympathy cards, one left.  I had a bunch of those not to long ago.

I'm going back to the hoarder house.  Susan moved a piece of furniture only to find an envelope taped to it loaded with collectable coins.  Where going to do one last search of the house.  What is with people who do this and don't tell anybody?  When my grandfather died they dug up $10,000 worth of silver coins.  He use to bury jars of change all over his property.  Who knows how many they didn't find.  These are now in a lock box at the bank.  Takes two people to lift that fucker but we all know where they are. 

The neighbor wouldn't let the police kick the door down.  Good call, the mother had been dead two days but still who keeps the spare key to the house 5 hours away to begin with?  I have one of those code locks.  I think almost everybody has the code to my house.  I made them put it in their phone. 

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Back to the hoarder house.  We cut up the couch looking for two rings she lost in it.  Never found those but I did find 2 antique rings in a little piano ring box.  The one coin she found was worth $800 and she found a sheet of uncut dollar bills.  Apparently you can buy those from the mint.  I thought maybe he was printing up money there for a minute.    And I left with a car load of shit for the gardens, more antique toys for the parks and a saint statue for the Salvation Army garden.  That little piano ring box too.

We stopped by and looked in the windows of the condo.  I think she'll be happy there.  It feels like home to her already.  Hopefully, we are moving her in next weekend.