Let's get at it, 2024

[cineater]

"When the shit hit the fan, it was all I could stand."     Not there yet but it's piling up.

Let me give you the short update.  The van is totaled and she's okay.  The accident was her fault and two other cars are damaged.  She has insurance but not for her car, only liability.  It's totaled, undrivable and has been junked.  We had a very productive day, took care of the car and all the forms for the medical bills help.  Took fuckng forever but I had a good time with my SIL and using my former employment skills.  As I left my brother's hospital room, stopped by the nurses station, he beeped them saying he needed a pain pill.  I told them no he doesn't and he is drug seeking, he was, believe me.  They told me by state law if he asks for them, they have to give it to him.  I requested they inform the doctor what I said and that his wife standing right next to me was in agreement.  We'll address that later.

I did get in their house, it's fine.  We need to do a little cleaning.  My family has no idea what a filthy, unsellable house is.  My friend Susan is dealing with that.  Brother number one caught up to us there.  Again, the short story.  His son is in jail for trafficking.  I'm not sure what kind.  I assume drugs.  He's going to prison.  The bond is unreachable and the bail bondsman told my brother don't do it.  My nephew has been a hot mess for years.  Little different approach with my brother this time.  Reassured him he was a good parent.  None of this is his fault.  My nephew has been going full speed down this road and nothing anyone could do could stop him.  I gave him permission to do nothing.  Leave him there and let the public defender have it.  He knows his child is safe and not putting anyone else in danger.  We'll know where he is and he can't get into any more trouble.  You know, except the prison kind.     This brother also has some health issues going on.  Told him I needed him to take care of himself first before he tries to take of anyone else.  I sent him home with nothing to do.  I'm on it.  I could see the relief on his face.

And to end my evening, my daughter texted the baby was puking. 

I'm already kicking down the door to heaven and demanding some answers on my way in.  Add punching somebody for my friend Marsha.  I wouldn't take me now.  I'm still pissed.  I wouldn't keep adding to it.   

Actually, I'm glad this shit is finally coming to a head in my family.  Lets get it out there and deal with it.  I can take care of it all at once.

[cineater]

Sometimes this  means hysterical laughter.   

My brother is such a drama queen.  My nephew got caught with 40 pain pills in his pocket while sitting in his car.  They charged him as a dealer.  Flip that around to he's an addict and those charges all change.  If the kid didn't tell on himself or they have more evidence, this is workable.  The real truth?  My guess is half for him and half to sell.  He's too much of a user to make this a business.  He's got a lot of a criminal history to support the addict defense that will come in handy.

I'm trying to get through to my brother if he makes this easy for him, he's not going to turn his life around and become a model citizen.  I remind him of our participation on the wrong side of the law and what it took to turn us around and for us to leave that behind.  I'm okay with him participating in getting the charges reduced but he plans to bail him out if it gets low enough.  My question for him is, to do what?  What is he going to do when he's out?  With pending charges, who is going to hire him?  What is he going to do with his day?  Have you heard anything out of him that says he's learned his lesson?  Any reason for my brother to believe he won't be right back here for similar reasons next year or maybe even a day later?  I've been trying to make this point with my brother for years and so far no success.

Okay, were not shooting for model citizen but you follow my drift.   

[cineater]

I also found out my sister-in-law has Huntington's Disease.  It will eventually take away her ability to care for herself, let alone my brother.  My sister was shocked.  Why didn't we know?  Does my sister in law know?  Of course she does, she told me, but it takes a long time to kill you.  Explains some of the things we've seen or why we thought she was brain damaged.  Doesn't really change my long term plans to help them just adds to what we need to do.  My sister is on board to help but she's taking care of my mother.  Brother number one is more calm today and pitching in.  We're going to bring in the SIL sister if she wants to be involved.  See who we can get from her side of the family to help although I don't think there are many people. 

My next step is getting all the accounts set up online so I can access things such as medical records, income sources, public assistance accounts.  And getting all those legal things so somebody can take action if they are unable to.

So the Republican next door asked if I watched the presidential debate.  I just said no.    "Oh you have to."  No, I just have to figure out a way out of this conversation NOW!   

[cineater]

The car is losing it's little computer mind again.  I've noticed when the car sits in the sun is when the warning lights come on.  As I drive it, the lights start to go off.  The one is a sensor problem but the other one is telling me the car computer is not working right.  That could be expensive to fix.  I may have to go to the dealer on this one.

Holy fuck, my brother listen to me.  He has a doctor appointment on the 12th.  I forgot about that big sister power I have over him.  It's been so long since I used it.   

My friend has finally called for a dumpster to clean out her parent's hording house.  She thinks it's going to take a week just to do the top floor.  Oh sister you have no idea how quickly I can throw shit out.  She thinks we're leaving the second floor and the garage to be hired out.  By the end of the week, barring family shit, it's going to be done.  Hang with me, keep the temps down and the coffee flowing, 3 days, it's out of here.  Thankfully she has realized there's nothing in there worth saving or anybody else wants.  I did rescue a cat statue that was her mother's from the front yard clean up.  I think she'll change her mind when it's all said and done and take it back.  She's a cat person and it's only right it be on her front porch.

[cineater]

Another whole day spent on my brother.  I'm multitasking when I go down there.  I'm starting to get push back from the family on the speed at which I want to do things.  I just put it out there this is a lot on my plate and I want it off there so I can go back to my life.  Once I gather all the information I'm looking for, I'll settle on a course of action and I'll move on it.  I appreciate everybody helping me with this.  This is all new to me and if you have better ideas I am all ears.  Lets get a plan together.  I fully expect my brother and his wife will shut all this down at some point.  It's a lot and I will turn my back and walk away until the next crisis but it's only going to get worse and I'm only getting old.  What I can do now, I may not be able to do next time or we won't have the same options.

I confronted my brother on his abuse of pain pills.  I can't blame them for drugging themselves up.  It's a miserable life they are living but I told him the drug use is making it worse.  He tried to bargain with me to keep his morning buzz as he called it.     We're not arguing here.  You're an invalid and you can't do shit about it but bitch.  I can walk away from you and you can't come after me.  I just have to get your wife to stop making them available to you.  And if he thinks he can get around me, he doesn't know what just happen.  I asked him as I was leaving if he was going to busy the nurse and ask for a pain pill.  No, he can't have another one until, every 6 hours is the most he can have them.  If you remember I told the nurse the last time I was there he was drug seeking.  Apparently they cut him off of "as needed".     Wait till your niece gets a look at your medications.  He may end up on aspirin for pain.  The wife already told him she is stopping seeing the doctor who prescribes her pain meds.  He freaked because that's where he's been getting them when his pills run out for the month.  She didn't tell me about that so maybe she is more committed to not letting him have those.  It's certainly easier on her if he's drugged up and stuck in his bed.  I think though he loses bowel control when he does that and she doesn't want to deal with that.

When I told my daughter what I said, she was surprised I talked to him like that.  Oh yeah I did.  I didn't yell at him or be mean but he's interfering with my life.  I'm offering my help and my time to improve his situation.  We're dealing with all of it.  Kick me out of your problems and I'll happily go back to my life but I am not here to help him continue this shit.  He can do that on his own.

[cineater]

Forgot the something good today.  One of my characters showed up.  When it time for me to write, one of characters comes looking for me.  I'm not crazy, it's my way of my brain dealing with stress.  I could explain more but just go with it.  I write a little bit.

The character is Elderon.  He's like a father figure, wise man, he makes me get myself through any problem.  Anyway there he was!  I glance over at a motorcycle group taking a break at a gas station.  Immediately saw him in the crowd and he was looking right at me as I whizzed by.  Relaxed stance, dressed as I would have described him.  I hadn't even been thinking about the story but apparently my brain is trying to go there.  I hear the call to write.  The Dead channel has been playing a song, Terrapin Station.  It's my reminder song to be creative and write.  I mean they have been playing it a lot.  I take that personally, my brain is reminding me what helps me.  It's right there, sit your ass down and write and you'll work it out.  The call to write has been around for a few months now.  Seeing Elderon is always the last step before the story starts running in my head and I can't turn it off.  Oh thank god because I could use a little help here.   

[cineater]

Can a grandma assemble a child's toy while watching an 18 month old out in the backyard?  I got as far as the axel on the wheel, step two.     While he napped I did get it together.  The right way with no extra parts.     And he totally ignored it when he got up.   

The neighbor won another $20,000.  Second time this year.  He was paying $25 a spin.  Not something I would ever do.  I play 50 cents a spin with a max $20 loss.   

[cineater]

Whew I'm home.    It's getting better with some fuck ups.  I did one today, doubled booked.  Brother #1 is better.  He can't help his kid and I imagine after all the shit it's a relief to have it over.  The kid is going to prison for a long time.  The hospital social worker failed to submit the welfare medical application.  My friend told me to do it.  No problem I would rather have done it in the first place.  I know how these things go and what happen here is usually what happens.  It doesn't trip us up any.

Good news is my brother will be coming home probably in the next 10 days and I can stop all this running around.  Still an overwhelming amount of work to be done but at least I won't be interrupted trying to put out another fire.  And my siblings are jumping in.  They like my plans and see away out some where down the line.  I gave them permission to think of themselves first.  Something I'm not very good at.  

Geez it's the 4th already.  I'm going to join the party for a while.

Little update.  I went in to fill out their applications for medical help and the computer told me they were active.  Don't know if that means they already have it or the application is already in.  Step in the right direction.  I'll call Monday and see if I can get somebody to tell me what is going on.

[cineater]

Oh yeah, brother number one has the older sibling superpower too!  Told brother number 2 to get his ass out of bed and come into the livingroom and he did.  I have not used sibling power in years.  Totally forgot about it.  Usually we're just screwing with each other trying to shift mom's focus off ourselves and onto the other sibling.  It's true were just doing childhood in reverse.  I wonder when we peaked?  It's fast to go downhill then up.  We're headed for losing our ability to walk and soiling ourselves, oh joy.    I guess I'll tell mom isn't going to work.  Now it's I'll tell your kids.

[cineater]

Blew off the parties.  I had plenty of offers but it's hard to hide what's showing on my face and I have another day of acting tomorrow.  To say I'm freaked out is understatement.  This is absolutely not the great adventure I saw coming my way.  Sometimes the old jazz of managing a bunch of shit kicks in but there's nothing jazzy about your best friend on death's bed.  I try to get some alone time, take care of me and regroup.  Fuck it, I just have to admit to people I have so much going on I have a case of the spacies.  You just keep asking questions and double check everything when this happens.  This is a great fucked up adventure!   

So anyway, if you find yourself in a similar situation, here's what I did today.

Checked with a friend who's an accountant for some guidance on how to get the money out of their house while were switching houses.  There's the home equity loan.  My SIL thought that was free money and she could use it to stay in the house.  No it's like a credit card, you have to make payments on what you take out.  Then there's the reverse mortgage.  My SIL also thought this was a way to stay in the house.  No, it won't cover major household repairs, just add to your monthly income and eventually you have no equity left.

I need to explore those senior living situations where they go from indepent living all the way through to the nursing home.  I don't think that's an option but it will be when they can no longer live in the new house.

If they won't budge out of this house now, I'm done and can go back to my life.  I'm just going to present them with all the options.  I'll deal with it the next time a crisis comes up.

Good news for the day.  My dieing friend called.  The fireworks were beautiful.  My daughter and her family had a fun day.

[cineater]

Walmart delivery, duh.  What do I know about living life without a car?  Solves the problem of how they get groceries.  Got that idea from a friend.

The meeting with the social worker was kind of a waste.  To represent all his therapies they sent the speech therapist who was reading notes.  No idea when he's getting released but I assume it's coming up since they called the meeting.  The social worker only knew to refer us to nursing home programs.  Nothing about services at home except the therapy services he would get.  Asked me if I read the brochure she gave me.  Yes it was a directory for alternative living programs that paid to be in the brochure.  You handed me junk mail.   

The wife got a little annoyed with us when we started throwing up our boundaries.  Things like we are not at your beck and call.  I phrase it nice like saying you have to be as independent as possible but my sister is pretty clear she isn't going for that shit.  The wife says things like he can't come unless he can do stuff but then thinks the therapy coming in makes it all okay.  And she's indicating she doesn't want to sell the house.  When we got her home, the kid was there repairing their stairs so my brother can get in the house.

I was telling my sister I feel like I'm developing brain problems.  She was listing all the households and things I was trying to help out.  Yeah it's a lot.  Then she said the only thing I don't have to do is the garden.  Hold on sister, that's what I want to do.  I'll cut back but I'm not giving up what I like to do in this mess.  What I don't have to do is deal with this messes caused by somebody else.  I've got myself in a real comfy rut and getting thrown out of it has thrown me for a loop.  I remind myself this happens everytime there is a major change in life.  Probably not losing my mind but it sure feels like it.

[cineater]

I'm fucking with the neighbor.  He was complaining he forgot to set out his recycling bin yesterday and it was full.  He pretty much fills it up every week with water bottles and beer cans.  It's a big deal for him.  This morning I'm getting ready to leave and I see the recycling truck coming down the street.  They are a day behind because of the holiday, makes sense.  I take the bin out to the street for him and take it back when it's empty.  He didn't see me, the father didn't see me, so now they have a little mystery to figure out, what happen to the recycling?     His dad just washed out the bin so it looks like a new bin too.

[cineater]

   He lifted the lid, threw something in, closed, looked puzzled and lifted the lid again, yep it's empty.  I had to start laughing at this point and told on myself.  His father still thinks they missed the recycling guy so he's going to have some fun with him.

I contacted A Place for Mom.  It's a service that connects you up to senior housing that goes from independent living, through levels of care, all the way to nursing home care.  I went to their site looking for information but you can't get it without giving them a name and number.  They have an automated call system that called me 7 times today starting at 8:05.  I finally had a minute to call them back and they are emailing me the information I was looking for on pricing.

The first call from them, I was already in the car and on my way.  The goal for today was to take the main living spaces in my brother's house from filthy to needs a spring clean.  Everybody took a room, took three hours but we got there.  We still have 3 rooms left, the basement and a garage.  The bedroom is the only essential room we need to get at.  We only took out 4 bags of trash.  It's not a hoarder house.  At one time, she was a good housekeeper and the organization is still there but at some point she gave up trying to keep up with it.  It's hard for me to tell if this is a progression of her disease, drug abuse or depression, probably all three.

They do have WiFi in the home and an iPad.  Let my daughter get that all hooked up.  The SIL knows basically how to use it but somewhere along the lines she forgot they had WiFi.  Again, hard for me to tell why.

When we finished there, we had to go over and have my nurse daughter screen mom for a stroke.  Last night mom was having trouble with her left leg and a pain in her left arm.  She passed the screening but my daughter did notice a couple of minor things.  Her speech is a little off and when she asked mom if she felt equal pressure on her arms when she touched her, she hesitated but then agreed.  This is my daughter's area of experience.  Mom will call the doctor tomorrow.  She's feeling fine but her leg still hurts and she's limping.  She has agreed to start physical therapy, finally, because she is losing her ability to walk.  She's been declining for two years.  She'll be 91 this month.  I need some Sees candy.    I'll get that ordered.

I did take my daughter out for a late lunch and had time to catch up with her life.  I came home beat.  I couldn't get to sleep last night until 4 with my mind unable to turn off my brother's situation and I got up at 7.  It's getting hard to get my first cup of coffee down before I'm out the door.   

So I don't have to run down there again until Thursday but we're thinking the insurance runs out and he will be discharged Wednesday.  We'll find out tomorrow.  I don't have to think on my feet any more tonight.  I did have a passing thought.  I could be that person on the phone at A Place for Mom.  I have the credentials, work from the phone job.  I talk to them a little bit about it.  Works kind of like Uber I imagine.

[cineater]

Can't decide if A Place for Mom is worth the emails and phone calls but they were on it.  When I told them we decided not to pursue that type of housing option, the calls stopped.  The only option for my brother and his wife right now is to continue in their current home or move to a new one.  Really helps in this situation to talk it up.  Other people know a lot of shit that might be able to help you.  Tomorrow I start calling to see what there is to help them in the home.

My mother and sister are also cleaning out.  I got 3 books from the 40's I'm going to see if they are worth anything.  One is a huge Webster Dictionary, has those cut in tabs for each alphabet section.  One is a Girl Scout Handbook and last one is interesting.  A book by A A Milne.  The Winnie the Pooh author, When We Were Very Young.  That could be the really rare book.  It's other children's stories he wrote.  Not so much interested in what they sell for but getting them into the hands of a collector.  Someone who treasures what they've got.  I don't have any friends who collect rare books, they don't have that kind of class.    Update, $13 on ebay, fuck the internet nothing is hard to find any more.

[cineater]

How many people with a problem need to talk to me before I get my first cup of coffee?   The answer was 7 this morning.   

My brother gets discharged Friday morning at 11.  Hotel rehab.     Actually fits in well with all my prep work.  I was going to see him Thursday anyway.  Run by mom's and pick up her vehicle so therapy can do a practice session with him getting in the car.  It's the only car we have now that he might be able to get in.  If he can't, we have back up medical transport to get him home.  My other brother is off on Friday.  Not that he's much physical help but he's tall and it's always helpful to have a tall person when you're short.    I can pretty much dump my brother at home and go.  The other brother can sit around and chat.  He's a lawyer turned truck drive, he can bullshit forever.  He can drive home the point they need to down size. 

I'm home today.  The SIL tried to grab it but I'm not pushing aside me.  I need to regroup.  I hit the go button tomorrow and am booked through next Wednesday afternoon.

[cineater]

Who is this pill pushing doctor my family is all seeing?  My brother has a problem with pain pill abuse and my mother's walking problem may be her sleeping pills that she decided to start taking a double dose.  What is she even doing on sleeping pills?  Turns out my SIL was diagnosis just this May with Huntington's.  This is a genetic disorder and nobody in her family has had it.  Who made that diagnosis and what tests have been ran?

The pressure is off to get through the crisis and get my brother back home.  I can stop doing for a minute and dig in a little deeper into what is really going on.  My brother was doing better before the covid.  Did something happen like another stroke or is he just taking longer to bounce back from covid?  What help do they need going forward?  For the moment I feel more in control of my participation.   

I did find out the insurance will pay with no copays for in home services, all the therapies and someone to help him bath.  For medical transport he gets 12 Uber type transports per year.  Not that bus stuff where they pick up everyone on the way, dropping people off and doing the reverse in return that takes your whole day.  And they send him 14 free meals when he's discharged.  He can use all that stuff.  It helps.

My friend Susan finally made the decision to dump her parent's house.  She finds it interesting that everyone she has told this to has said they think that's best.  Er, we've all been telling you this all along.  You just didn't want to hear us.  She had to hear it from professionals and wear herself out enough before she could make the decision.  Totally get that, same way here.

So if you want to skip all that, I do have a fun story coming up in the next post. 

[cineater]

The neighbor won $1250 on the slot machine.  They come to cash him out, get his id and information, walk away to do the paperwork.  They come back, hand him his id which he puts in his pocket, hand him paperwork and $1900.  He questions that, thinks maybe he made a mistake in what he thought he won.  He's in the middle of a spinning so just sticks everything in his pocket.

A little later, it's bugging him so he looks at the tax paperwork and it has somebody else's name on it and the higher payout.  Sits there a little while waiting for them to realize their mistake and come back.  They don't so he heads over to them stopping by the restroom on his way.  Everybody crosses paths at this point but eventually they are all together and the pay people know they fucked up.  They take the cash, tax form and id again and disappear into their room.  The guy comes back out with all the shit.  This time my neighbor looks at it.  Paperwork still has the other guy's name on it.  Turns out the id is the other guys!  But where is my neighbor's id?

They did straighten this whole fiasco out eventually.  No way he was going to get away with the extra cash so good thing he straighten it out while he was still there.  But this would have been a fine time to ask for some free play!  They fucked up big time.

[cineater]

I may have to name my goat.  I'm trying to figure out a Kendal.   

I'll explain that joke if you didn't get it.  "Don't let them get your goat meaning:  to upset or irritate someone. The way she's always correcting other people really gets my goat!"

That was funny right? 

[cineater]

My goat's name is Sally.     First we had to set it back to it's factory settings and whip away my sister's information.  We did that last night.  Tonight we figured out it needed up dates so maybe it would run faster.  We're using a phone as a hotspot so maybe that's why it's running slow but after the updates, it ran faster on somethings.  But when we search the library catalog it slows way down.  Enough for tonight, I'm taking Sally home.   

My brother did very well practicing getting in and out of my mother's car.  He comes home tomorrow.  Once again I was down there for the whole day.  His wife put the medications downstairs so he can't get to them.  We talked about she needs to have a talk with him, no argument, I can't live like we were any more.  It slows her down too, not easy for her to get up and down those stairs either.  So tomorrow we are going to offer to help them make some changes.  If they are willing to discuss some stuff we'll do it at another time soon.  If not, what can we help you with or are we done here?  If we're done for now I'm still open to trying again.

My new motto is "don't set yourself on fire trying to keep someone else warm".  I'm real bad at setting myself on fire. 

[cineater]

My brother did come home on Friday.  Monday I take her to the stroke doctor to see what's to be done there.  Everything else going forward is on hold for a minute until we address her stroke.

Really helpful when you have somebody who knows how a Kindle works.  Mine is set up.  I'm still working on the one for my brother.  My SIL couldn't remember her Amazon password.  I will get that set up in the end.

My friend Susan is moving forward with her parents hoarder house.  She's going for a clean break and selling it to the flippers.  On TV they buy those house with all the shit left in there but she is going to haul it away.  Has her sights set on being in her new home and settled by Christmas.

I'm kind of lost for the moment.  Radical badass joy seems out of reach but only for the moment.  I will find it.