Let's get at it, 2024

[cineater]

Here's the link to Animal's Aglow.  Looks pretty cool.  https://stlzoo.org/events/animals-aglow

[cineater]

My grandson is a sweetie.  My daughter says he always wakes up for them crying.  I let him slowly wake up.  Stretch a little, rub his back, talk to him.  He wants to go back to sleep but grandma keeps reminding him it's wake up time.  He gives me a little wave and smile, he's still waking up.  Until he reaches for me, I have the time to let him wake up slow.  Mom and Dad need to get a move on.

Took him to a kid's music class.  Set him down and he's ready to crawl right into the other kids and start making friends.  

I can't stop thinking about a similar baby I saw on the news over in the Gaza Strip.  I don't know what side he was on.  He looked like a happy baby, like my grandson, but he and his family went missing.     And that 13 year old boy trying to take care of his 6 siblings, all younger than him, one an infant.

[cineater]

Before when I worked in child abuse, I could see these things in the news and they didn't stick with me.  It still hurt but I knew I was working my ass off in the field and doing everything I could plus more.  Now I see them and evaluate them for did my agency miss something?  Could we have been better?  Still hurts though when the answer is no.  And when it gets to children in war, far out of our reach but are they?  Why isn't there an international child protection agency that can take these kids in?  Funnel them into the foster care system in other countries?  We've got enough gay couples looking to adopt.  We have places for the orphans.

I still struggle with I walked away from that.  It wasn't something I wanted to do but the kids needed helped.  I can say I did my time, more than most, but that doesn't ease my guilt.  And I'm still able too.  You know a nun doesn't quit being a nun.

[cineater]

The goal is 5,000 Christmas cards for active military people to go in their care packages.  I wrote, "know that you are thought of and appreciated.  All the best to you, smiley face, my name, city and state.  For an hour and a half!  And I brought home more cards to work on.  Sometimes I would fuck up and put my zip code.     It's an automatic.  When any of the cards I was signing had a cardinal, I wrote Go Cards!  For our baseball team.  Fun activity but my wrist gave out.

[cineater]

The two ladies I work in the greenhouse with, one is like me and the other was an animal control officer.  It's kind of taboo to talk in depth about stuff but it was nice to bring things up with them.  They have the same issues, see it too.  They do the same thing I do, when it gets to be too much, stop watching the news.  They say I put in more time than most.  We did, yeah.  Still think about it too I see.  But we'll see if the horrible images stop after talking with them.  I know I was being vague there.  It's to complicated to explain and why put horrible thoughts in someone else's head?

One more week in glasses.  What do you do for the two weeks in between before they do the other eye?  Pop the lense out of the glasses on the eye they fixed?

[cineater]

Some guy on the news is hoping the kids over there die rather than put up with the horrors of war any more.  Biden says he hopes to have some kind of deal next week to provide aid.  Fuck that shit, get thoses leaders on the phone.  Tell them we're coming for the kids and they need to turn them over.  Get those cargo planes in the air, hospital ships in port.  We're not taking no for an answer.  I want little heads in US beds by Thursday night.

Yeah I don't have the authority to make that happen but somebody does.  And it can happen just that quickly.  Did they even talk about how to get the children to safety and what is humane treatment fair for them when they tried to civilize war at that Geneva Convention?  I'd say those rules need revisiting but is anybody playing by them?

[cineater]

Thinking about that, how inadequate is our own emergency preparedness?  Locally it's been addressed for local disasters.  Something is in place at the Federal level when they took custody of all those unaccompanied minors in Texas and housed them in summer camps.  Whatever happen to those kids?

[cineater]

Maybe that's it.  I'm coming up on my six year break.     The first time I left the child abuse field, I was gone for 6 years.  I had the shit beat out of me.  I remember somewhere along the line one of our trainers talking about the first time she left.  She got completely out of the field and even left the country.  Totally get that.  The only time in that job I ever felt I had time off is when I left the country and went to Denmark.  The job couldn't get to me and I couldn't get to it, nothing around me triggered a memory.

Anyway, when I retired, I put the job behind me.  Kept busy doing other stuff.  Stopped thinking about it.  My friend, also retired after many years, says she never thinks about it.  If the topic comes up, she shuts it down real quick with a "I never think about it".  That was a survival skill in the job.  The taboo topic, don't think about it, just keep working.  My friend who's still working can only talk about the job but it's all how to get the work done.

I went back after that 6 year break because I needed the pay raise.  Also the reason I took the job the first time.  I'm not particularly fond of children.    Children's issues are not something I gravitate to.  I'm their protector and caretaker of their emotional needs.  Money would never get me back in the field.  Pissed off would.    The job didn't pay worth a shit but did give me a lot of fuel for the fire that kept me there so long.  As bad as some things are, it just pisses me off, doesn't take me out, activates me.  So I'll see what crosses my path and where that takes me.  I guess if it can still reach me and piss me off, it's a sign I need to come back.

[cineater]

WTF, I get a call from the eye surgery center, they want another $200 for a copay.  I was just there yesterday paying.  Why wasn't that brought up?  I can understand a copay but I don't understand why my follow up visits to my eye doctor have to be paid out of pocket and not ran through my insurance.  Nobody can seem to explain that one.  Something about the upgraded lense.  Why should that matter unless that's their share of the profit on the lense.  I should have called around and got pricing before just going with my eye doctor.  I know, it's only money and my vision is priceless but we're now at $8200.  My sister only paid $5000.  Wait, that's $200 per surgery so $8400.

[cineater]

You know, I'm kind of excited about doing something for kids again.  I don't have to be a front line worker although that's my preferred spot.  I can do policy and paperwork but that's always just been to keep my mind of other things and develop plans.  Is there something I could do with kids and plants?  That would be the ideal spot.

[cineater]

Aw, poor baby.  He's teething and miserable.  He can't sleep and just cries on your shoulder when the pain meds wear off.  And on top of that his tummy isn't doing great.  At least grandma came over and is going to let you be distracted by TV you're not supposed to be watching and rub your tummy.     Growing up isn't easy.

I was beginning to think that pony I ordered him was a scam but I checked this morning and it has shipped.  Yes, it's coming from China so no ETA.

[cineater]

Finally, something to put on my joy list for the year.  I ordered a birthday gift for my friend.  I'd tell you what it was but she drops by here once in a while.  I hope she'll like it.  It's just so unexpected.    It's next week so if she likes it, I'll post a picture.  If not, we'll never speak of it again.     She's going to like it though.

[cineater]

Last day in glasses.  I hope.  I keep trying to find out the down side besides the rare side effects. Nobody seems to have any complaints.  My focus is beyond the surgery.  Busy today and setting tasks that have to be done afterwards so I'm not freaking out about it.  The first task afterwards is to get home and have a cup of coffee.    And because I'm so tense, may be a nap. 

[cineater]

That didn't work out as expected.  Everybody else told me they walked out of cataract surgery and could see.  I feel like I'm looking through a glob of vaseline.  They say that's normal and it will clear up within a couple of days.  I got a clear plastic eye patch so I don't even look like a pirate.     There's some other shit I can't do, basically I'm on down time, the couch, for a week.  We'll see in a few days if it's a miracle.  In the meantime I have my other bad eye and the glasses which don't fit right with the patch on.  Surgery is no big deal.  I even stayed in my street clothes the whole time.  It's kind of like watching things in outer space and only takes about 10 minutes.

My investment guy called to respond to one of my questions.  He jumps right on, that investment is doing really good.  You mean the one I've had forever I told you I wasn't going to get rid of to buy something from you because it's been a great little performer?     I'll admit I don't know shit about investments but it's easy to see performance.

[cineater]

And a black eye.  I can't bend over and have my head below my heart.  I'm supposed to squat down.  My knees hate that and I'm pretty sure I would fall over if I didn't have something to hold onto to get back up.    And I'm not going to remember I can't bend over and pet the cats.

This is kind of weird.  The new eye sees my couch pillow as white.  The old eye beige.  The new eye is still dilated some but I don't remember that happening when I did acid.  Then again you're so overwhelmed with color on acid who would look at white vs beige.  I'm pretty sure that pillow is beige but then again I had started getting cataracts when I got that pillow.  I'm going to laugh if that pillow is really white.

[cineater]

So I sent some people the pillow test.  Younger people see it as white and the older folks beige.  I'll keep an eye on it,  , and let you know what I think after my eyes have heeled.

[cineater]

The eye doctor says it's white.  As you age your birth lense yellows.

My vision is getting better.  I'm playing this eye or that eye, what can you see?  I have to stop that, over exercising the operated on eye.  I could actually read the eye chart, almost the last line but it was blurry.  With the lense I got, she says I will need both eyes to focus for the best vision.  I have to give it a few more days for the eye to heal for the blurriness to go away.

Did settle what the extra $600 to the eye doctor is.  It's their cut of the profit on the lense.  I did make the doctor squirm when she admitted that.  The eye doctor does nothing to deserve a profit on that.  It's the same eye exam any other person gets.  And they don't run that by the insurance company.  I don't have a copay on the office visit and I'm thinking they don't get the insurance asking questions about that charge.  Won't surprise me if there isn't a class action suit against that someday.

[cineater]

This morning I can read the internet on the computer and my phone at arm's length.  It's not clear and it's giving me a headache trying to focus both eyes.  But I can see more.

I did rediscover how much I like bagels with all of this.  I put the cream cheese on the bagel and then bake them until they are warm.  Goes really well with a coke.     Haven't had this combo since college.  You know, you grow up and you just don't have the time any more.

[cineater]

Second on my joy list, the Hairy Woodpecker.  I can see birds well enough to get their markings!  I could not do that before cataract surgery.

[cineater]

Wait might have been a Downy Woodpecker.

"Hairy Woodpeckers are larger than Downy Woodpeckers with a longer bill. The outer tail feathers on Hairy Woodpeckers are unmarked, but they are spotted on Downy Woodpeckers."

I'll get better at this.  Birds are pretty cool and I haven't seen them in so long.