General Babble

[cineater]

My annual physical turned into something.  I just sat on the table.    Two women come in and inform me this is also my welcome to Medicare physical.  The one is in training.  In addition to your normal physical stuff, they are giving me numbers to repeat backwards, shove a piece of paper in front of me and have me identify what is the bigger among the symbols.  And then have me take off my shirt for an EKG, that's not normally done but okay.  Then the nurse practitioner comes in, also in training, does her stuff but has me draw a clock in the circle symbol and show 10 to 11.  Then comes in the real nurse practitioner.  She gives me 5 words to remember and say backwards.  Tells me to remember them as we're going to talk about them through out the physical.  Damn only got 4 later.  Fucking pen.  The staff was good, they rolled right on through, no waiting on anybody.  I walked out of there with 5 other medical screening appointments I have to schedule.  And got a shot before I left.  I was like, what just happened?   

They pronounced me healthy, not senile.  Nobody even said quit smoking.  They trusted me to remember to schedule those five other appointments.  And my insurance is giving me a $135 in gift cards for this and the two screenings I already had.  I'm just a little confused why I'm being treated so well and anybody is interested in my health.     I have to wait forever when I see the doc and he gives me 10 minutes.  Hardly says shit and sends me on my way.  I think I prefer his physical.  You know, you're not dying, neither one of us has any concerns.  Get back to your life and see you next year.

[Muerto]

Shit  I write a little bit.  Kind of my way of working through things.  I don't know where the story is going.  It's more like following it.  The call to write has been strong so I answered it.  I ended up walking into an abandon graveyard.  I guess with death looming all around me that's where I need to be.  Don't want to but if I'm not around, I'm lost in a story.

Yes, you have writing skills, this topic is like your own blog or digital journal 

[Muerto]

I have to wait forever when I see the doc and he gives me 10 minutes.  Hardly says shit and sends me on my way.  I think I prefer his physical.  You know, you're not dying, neither one of us has any concerns.  Get back to your life and see you next year.

Same feeling here, getting an appointment with a family doctor in the public service is a waste of time, you spend hours waiting for a 15-minute shift in which he sees you and calls the next patient, not to mention specialty doctors, the hours turn into weeks or months, in the end they just do their job, they don't give a damn about your health in many cases.

[cineater]

Shit  I write a little bit.  Kind of my way of working through things.  I don't know where the story is going.  It's more like following it.  The call to write has been strong so I answered it.  I ended up walking into an abandon graveyard.  I guess with death looming all around me that's where I need to be.  Don't want to but if I'm not around, I'm lost in a story.

Yes, you have writing skills, this topic is like your own blog or digital journal  

I've been so busy lately I haven't had time for story telling but it's still pushing.  Today, it came out as lyrics.  Something I said about Axl triggered it:

Got pushed into traffic
Started to scream but I'm living the dream.  

Body in the dirt, mind in the gutter
and they want my shirt.

I was like, is that any good?  Where did that come from?  It's about pursuing a career, all the shit you go through to rise to the top.  You know, a career is suppose to be a good but it's a lot of shit along the way.  The tune wouldn't come, just the words so I couldn't get to a chorus.  I moved on with life's ideal dream, which is where the chorus should be, to we're married, with the 2.5 kids but it ends in divorce and getting stuck with the .5, the family pet. 

And now that I know what it's about I'm out of the symbolism that brings the words.  It's better to just write and find the understanding later.

[cineater]

Wait, for the chorus, how about

Looking back over it now
it wasn't what I was told
it wasn't what I was sold
I'm okay leaving life's highway and taking the back roads

[cineater]

Thought my salvation was a mom and two kids
took my wallet and left skids

[cineater]

You know this is a rough go for this guy but I'm laughing my ass off writing this.

[cineater]

The ambulance came to take me away
I have no name so here's where I'll lay
I'm a road side attraction
you pass on your way

[cineater]

Actually that's a pretty good wrap up on Axl, Slash and me.  Write it and think about it later.

[cineater]

We have a new mail carrier.  Asked her name, Clue.  Asked her to repeat it and even said it back to her.  Look, one of the other neighbors needs to confirm that.  I'm still wondering if I got it right.   

I scheduled 5 medical appointments plus one for the cat.  I kind of miss covid lock down.  Nobody wanted to see you.

[cineater]

So my daughter, the nurse, wants to know why I'm getting all these screenings.  It's part of my medical plan when I turn 65.  She's not understanding.  I finally say, because I'm old.  Yeah, I know you're having a hard time wrapping your head around that.  I do too.

You know, when you have to accept the fact your mother is old, you have to accept the fact you're middle aged.     I think I might have made her cry.  Adulting sucks.

[cineater]

I'm excused from jury duty Monday.  They cancelled so they can't call me again for 2 years.  I spent 24 years going to court.  Holds no thrill for me.  I always got out of other jury calls because I might need to be in juvenile court so I've never had to do it.  I left my week open in case I got stuck there.  Friday I was going to have to cancel if I did but otherwise I'm open, shhhh. 

[Muerto]

So my daughter, the nurse, wants to know why I'm getting all these screenings.  It's part of my medical plan when I turn 65.  She's not understanding.  I finally say, because I'm old.  Yeah, I know you're having a hard time wrapping your head around that.  I do too.

You know, when you have to accept the fact your mother is old, you have to accept the fact you're middle aged.     I think I might have made her cry.  Adulting sucks.

How old are you?

I am 43 years old, my wife and I are terrified of living alone once our children start their own lives, the eldest of 21 years is already in the middle of his degree, the middle one of almost 18 years tomorrow takes an exam to enter the naval university (he may be the 1st to leave home) and our youngest daughter is still in high school. If today we feel silent when everyone concentrates on his activities, we cannot imagine what it will be like to live alone, we will miss them very much.

[cineater]

Oh you would have thought my daughter was dying for the way I felt when the time to move out came.  I had to hide all of that from her.  It was my job as the parent to help her in this next step of child development.  It so sucked.  I was crushed.  So it's your job to help the kids on their way to adulthood and keep all the pain between you and the wife.  Thank god for text messaging.  My rule was I wouldn't be the first right off the bat but sometime during the day I found a reason to touch base if she hadn't.  We both acknowledge we would miss each other and decided to take a class together and we had date nights in the beginning.  Gradually I got use to it and found a life without a child.  She's been out of the house about 6 years now.  The subject recently came up and I did tell her some of what I felt when she moved out.  She's going to have to face that when her child moves out so I thought I'd do the parent thing and teach her about that.  She said she didn't even know how I felt when she left, that I was the strong one telling her she could do it so she knew she could.  Hell I left my parents house without looking back.  I was going to do it.  She's a lot different from me, got her shit together.

Can't help you with the spouse relationship adjustment.  You guys will figure it out.  There's no rush to make it how it's going to be until you explore all the options.  It's a little unsettling not to know the routine but you'll settle into one soon enough.  Just don't do the stupid thing and start the family all over again.     It's smart at some point to down size the house so the kids can't move back home.  You wouldn't be a good parent if you didn't hold them to their adult responsibilities.

I will be 66 in June.  My 40's were tough years.  You'll like the 50's.  A lot of the things that stressed you out all those years, you just don't give a shit about any more.    60's have been really cool.  I've never been happier.

[cineater]

Blood work is in.  I pull in pretty steady numbers across the board.  Indicates though I may have a UTI.  This time of year, what doesn't hurt?  THAT!  The only thing not hurting from the neck down is that. 

[cineater]

Okay, maybe that does hurt.  I just thought it was from bending over and transplanting so much.  Good to know it might not be my back.  The back goes I'm in some trouble.  Give me some drugs.

[cineater]

Text Susan, you got a headache?  Yes and no.  Okay I know what I'm dealing with, weather front coming.  We've both been feeling it for a couple of hours.  It's going to get worse until it passes.  Pop a sinus pill and an aspirin at the point it's getting painful.  And here's the weird part.  The top of my head is cold. 

The scientific explanation is it messes with the chemicals in the brain and can trigger migraines.  Yeah I know that one.  Susan's probably on the floor with one now.  It's been years for me since the headache has flipped to a migraine.

I slip a crochet hoodie on to warm up the top of my head but then the pain moves to my forehead.  Pull it down but it moves to my cheeks and nose and then I close it up.  That's the really weird part. 

[cineater]

Not a UTI, just a strained back.  No white blood cells.  Strained back is more like me.

[cineater]

Looking back over it now
it wasn't what I was told
it wasn't what I was sold

Wonder what it would have been like if I went another way
Didn’t listen to what they would say
Got out of my head
Got out of my way
Laid down the law and had my say

Might have been road kill
But still
Could have been in the driver’s seat
instead of pushed by a cheat

Looking back over it now
it wasn't what I was told
it wasn't what I was sold

Can’t say I’m pissed
It is what it is
It was a swing and a miss
That’s all it is

A semi rolled by and blew me to the side
Saved my hide
That is no lie

Battered and bruised
I staggered away
Flip them the bird and flew away
(insert best Janis Joplin laugh)

[cineater]

For some reason that story rolls like Hot Rod Lincoln in my musical telling of it.  Comes out pretty fast.