Coups and Security Checks for Duff McKaganBy MICHAEL McKAGAN
Published: June 1, 2009
I?VE been flying to work for the last quarter-century.
And I?ve had my share of foreign-soil adventures, like escaping a coup attempt by Hugo Ch?vez in 1992, when Guns N? Roses was playing in Venezuela.
I didn?t know what a coup was. I didn?t even know how to spell it. All I knew was that it didn?t bode well for us.
Fortunately for me, Mr. Ch?vez liked our band and waited for our chartered plane to leave before he strafed the airport.
That particular trip to South America also involved a bribe of $30,000 to another country?s immigration service so we could play our show. Yes, this stuff does happen. We actually employed a guy who spoke both Spanish and Portuguese to go to some of these countries beforehand to find out which officials we had to pay off.
I rarely fly a charter anymore. Now it?s all commercial when I play with Velvet Revolver or my band, Loaded. All I want to do is to get from Point A to Point B with as little hassle as possible.
Although I?ve never been convicted of a felony or even a misdemeanor, I have a suspicion that I?m persona non grata in airports. I?m always the guy that gets ?randomly? selected for a more thorough security check. I could be standing behind someone who is a jerk, and he gets waved through. Not me. If airport security was the lottery, I would be richer than rich.
No one can tell me why this happens. Maybe it?s profiling. Maybe none of the security people like my music. But I?m still unfailingly polite, even when I?m yanked out of line, which happens so often that I?ve lost count.
I?m really the most nonthreatening of travelers. I mean, how much of a scene can I cause when I spend time doing crossword puzzles? I?m actually a crossword puzzle fanatic.
But I look at this ritual as a chance for me to meditate and sort of be the river flowing downstream as opposed to a boulder, trying to hold the water from flowing at all. It?s almost like a ballet, as I know all the security moves by rote: arms out, palms up; sit down, shoes off, extend your legs. Little do these security agents know that I am happily aloof as they are checking me for whatever. It also gives me a chance to stretch my muscles.
I have learned that traveling alone usually works better for me. Traveling with a group always poses a risk if you are not sure of everyone?s past legal history. Foreign passport control employees get miffed when they find a felony on someone?s record and weren?t previously notified. And what if some roadie forgot about an illegal substance in a coat pocket when you are going to someplace like ultra-drug-stringent Dubai?
Don?t get me wrong, I am a social animal and absolutely love the people I work with, and there is camaraderie in traveling as a group. But my sanity is more manageable when I can get through customs in less than five hours.
I also don?t mind talking to seatmates, though everybody, including me, is generally busy working. Occasionally, someone on the plane will recognize me and will want to talk music. I like to talk about everything but music.
I?m still hoping for a seatmate who is a crossword puzzle fan so we can help each other out. Airplane cabins are my arenas where I experience many triumphs and failures against the legendary puzzle master Will Shortz and his wicked crossword makers.
Want to know a four-letter word for an upset? It?s a coup.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/business/02flier.html?_r=1
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