Duff McKagan's Column In Seattle Weekly

[FunkyMonkey]

Obama Kicks Some Ass

Posted yesterday at 11:17 pm by Duff McKagan

Wow, what a relief. We all were ready for this and now it has happened?and in our lifetime. We may have had some doubt along the way, but people, we have succeeded in having our voices heard and our concerns tethered. McCain conceded by 8:30 PST and if that ain?t a landslide, I don?t know what is.

When I was initially collared to write this particular piece, I knew that my writing speed and style would be extremely challenged by the sheer amount of information that I would then have to assimilate and then make somewhat readable for the Weekly?s readers in just a few hour period. I found a way to overcome some of that in the way of penning a somewhat ?Dewey-esque? jumpstart- yes, I pre-wrote most of this piece. I have been an Obama supporter from the moment that I saw him speak from Iowa last January during their caucus. Something is his message and delivery that night actually MOVED me. I was born 3 months after JFK was assassinated, and in my 44 years I had never witnessed a politician that actually inspired?until I plunked down in front of my TV to watch Barack that night. I believe so strongly that the rest of us are ready for a fresh direction and hence voted this way that I will only write this victory summary of today like this; Barack Obama is the new President of the United States!

This last couple months of campaigning has been nothing short of high drama. When Sarah Palin was chosen virtually out of nowhere to be John McCain?s running mate, we all scratched our head and hoped that Hilary?s massive contingent of followers wouldn?t make the knee-jerk jump to that camp. When Sarah immediately got on the soapbox to spew forth her extreme right-wing views (Bible-thumpin?, gun-toting, she-devil that she is), the rest of us teetered between a feeling of fear and the knowledge that Hilary?s backers were not going to go Palin?s way after all. How could they? She is for everything that Hilary Clinton is against. The drama escalated after we saw her absolutely fall flat and freak out on her interview with Katie Couric. We were enthralled by Tina Fey?s supposed parody of that interview on SNL?but it was an almost exact word-for-word re-enactment!

We here in Seattle live in a somewhat liberal bubble (or are we now the norm? Has the bubble popped?). Today at my local polling station, confidence for America?s future abounded with every ?I Voted? sticker being passed out. The ?feel? of this election is indeed far different from any I have taken part of in the past. The dividing line between Republican and Democrat seems to be an angry and gaping chasm. This time, the awkward friendliness of the election appears more than just cumbersome. This country needed to draw a line in the sand within itself. Like sand, this line will wash away once we see that we are all better off united, with one intended goal. Or, so I hope.

I want to now say congratulations to us all. We have collectively taken part in pushing for something different and outstanding. America can perhaps be glimpsed upon again as a place for forward thinking and democratic ideals. I am not saying this because we elected a young, black President, but because I think we all realized that Obama is the guy who will try the hardest with the freshest ideas. Ideas on how to get us out of all the holy hell that America holds in tenuous balance. The economy, the ?war? in Iraq, the Afghanistan hullabaloo, global warming and our utter dependence on oil?.just to name a few. He has got his work cut out for him, and we have let him know that we have his back. This is cool. I am not saying that he is the answer to all of our problems, only rather that we made the wisest choice to get us moving in the right direction.

We are at a time in history that the political ?center? has perhaps shifted towards the left. We are not Europe, but tipping our hat to them for helping to shine a light on thinking and acting globally is what we are now doing. Government doesn?t have to step in for everything, but health care issues and Wall Street's overindulgence need some sort of tough Big Brother. I think Europe and the rest of the world are breathing a sigh of relief at the simple fact that we didn?t elect an outdated antique and his scary, hapless sidekick. With our political ?center? being re-aligned, we can now hopefully be seeing the end of days (pun intended) to our freaky Evangelical right and the Republicans' shameless kowtowing to them and their ilk. I try not to live in fear and/or voice bad thoughts or intentions. Hear me now though; whatever happens, Sarah Palin?s political career should come to an end. She is straight-up dangerous. Enough said about that.

Now, let?s fix some shit!

[Albert S Miller]

What a great article!!!  Would we ever have thought that 15 years or so later, we would see Duff as a great husband and father, now educated, and even having his own column in a newspaper in one of the very well known cities in our country.  He really is a great inspiration, he now seems to live life in a proper fashion, and loves and appreciates every second. Good to see

[Smoking Guns]

Obama Kicks Some Ass

Posted yesterday at 11:17 pm by Duff McKagan

Wow, what a relief. We all were ready for this and now it has happened?and in our lifetime. We may have had some doubt along the way, but people, we have succeeded in having our voices heard and our concerns tethered. McCain conceded by 8:30 PST and if that ain?t a landslide, I don?t know what is.

When I was initially collared to write this particular piece, I knew that my writing speed and style would be extremely challenged by the sheer amount of information that I would then have to assimilate and then make somewhat readable for the Weekly?s readers in just a few hour period. I found a way to overcome some of that in the way of penning a somewhat ?Dewey-esque? jumpstart- yes, I pre-wrote most of this piece. I have been an Obama supporter from the moment that I saw him speak from Iowa last January during their caucus. Something is his message and delivery that night actually MOVED me. I was born 3 months after JFK was assassinated, and in my 44 years I had never witnessed a politician that actually inspired?until I plunked down in front of my TV to watch Barack that night. I believe so strongly that the rest of us are ready for a fresh direction and hence voted this way that I will only write this victory summary of today like this; Barack Obama is the new President of the United States!

This last couple months of campaigning has been nothing short of high drama. When Sarah Palin was chosen virtually out of nowhere to be John McCain?s running mate, we all scratched our head and hoped that Hilary?s massive contingent of followers wouldn?t make the knee-jerk jump to that camp. When Sarah immediately got on the soapbox to spew forth her extreme right-wing views (Bible-thumpin?, gun-toting, she-devil that she is), the rest of us teetered between a feeling of fear and the knowledge that Hilary?s backers were not going to go Palin?s way after all. How could they? She is for everything that Hilary Clinton is against. The drama escalated after we saw her absolutely fall flat and freak out on her interview with Katie Couric. We were enthralled by Tina Fey?s supposed parody of that interview on SNL?but it was an almost exact word-for-word re-enactment!

We here in Seattle live in a somewhat liberal bubble (or are we now the norm? Has the bubble popped?). Today at my local polling station, confidence for America?s future abounded with every ?I Voted? sticker being passed out. The ?feel? of this election is indeed far different from any I have taken part of in the past. The dividing line between Republican and Democrat seems to be an angry and gaping chasm. This time, the awkward friendliness of the election appears more than just cumbersome. This country needed to draw a line in the sand within itself. Like sand, this line will wash away once we see that we are all better off united, with one intended goal. Or, so I hope.

I want to now say congratulations to us all. We have collectively taken part in pushing for something different and outstanding. America can perhaps be glimpsed upon again as a place for forward thinking and democratic ideals. I am not saying this because we elected a young, black President, but because I think we all realized that Obama is the guy who will try the hardest with the freshest ideas. Ideas on how to get us out of all the holy hell that America holds in tenuous balance. The economy, the ?war? in Iraq, the Afghanistan hullabaloo, global warming and our utter dependence on oil?.just to name a few. He has got his work cut out for him, and we have let him know that we have his back. This is cool. I am not saying that he is the answer to all of our problems, only rather that we made the wisest choice to get us moving in the right direction.

We are at a time in history that the political ?center? has perhaps shifted towards the left. We are not Europe, but tipping our hat to them for helping to shine a light on thinking and acting globally is what we are now doing. Government doesn?t have to step in for everything, but health care issues and Wall Street's overindulgence need some sort of tough Big Brother. I think Europe and the rest of the world are breathing a sigh of relief at the simple fact that we didn?t elect an outdated antique and his scary, hapless sidekick. With our political ?center? being re-aligned, we can now hopefully be seeing the end of days (pun intended) to our freaky Evangelical right and the Republicans' shameless kowtowing to them and their ilk. I try not to live in fear and/or voice bad thoughts or intentions. Hear me now though; whatever happens, Sarah Palin?s political career should come to an end. She is straight-up dangerous. Enough said about that.

Now, let?s fix some shit!

Funny, Duff's greatest moments financially and muscially came under Republican presidents (guess life wasn't too bad her in the U. S. of A..... Ha, nice article by Duff, but not all Republicans are big and evil. 

[Layne Staley's Sunglasses]

What a great article!!!  Would we ever have thought that 15 years or so later, we would see Duff as a great husband and father, now educated, and even having his own column in a newspaper in one of the very well known cities in our country.  He really is a great inspiration, he now seems to live life in a proper fashion, and loves and appreciates every second. Good to see

I think even as a gutter-dwelling drug addict, Duff was an intelligent being.

He's come a long way.

I am not endorsing any tobacco products.

[FunkyMonkey]

Look What Happened On The Way to Obama

Posted Nov. 11 at 7:52 pm by Duff McKagan

by Duff McKagan

It may be suggested to enter this read under 'RAMBLE' in your file of an already busy and confused Web world. The point, I am afraid, never becomes crystal clear in this piece. I hope only that it provokes some thought.

I said in lasts weeks column that we had made the wisest choice in Obama for our next U.S. president. In saying that, I also meant that we weren?t just voting for social change, we were putting the right man in office, period. I would be remiss not to mention however, some views that I believe are shared by many on race relations- and the evolution thereof- in our country up to this point.

In 1969, I started kindergarten here in Seattle and it happened to be the same year that desegregation started in our public school system (also known as ?busing?). Now, all I knew was that black kids from Madrona Elementary got sent to my school (Bryant), while white kids from Bryant got sent to Madrona. The kids who got to ride the bus were seen as ?cool? and grown-up and that was the end of our ?little kid? conceptions. You see, we were far too young to have any racial stereotype pre-thoughts. The kids that I matriculated elementary school with stayed pretty much the same through Eckstein Middle to Roosevelt H.S. We would hear of race ?wars? in the upper schools but we younger kids were largely aloof and mystified by them (try being 6 and hearing of something called ?White Rabbit? day, a pre-set race rumble at Eckstein! We actually thought it was a running race!). I think when forced busing started in the upper schools that year; the older kids already had started to form their thoughts (or, more likely, their parents? thoughts). about racial hatred and the like. On top of all this, one of my older sisters Carol had married a black man in the mid-sixties and had their first son (my first nephew) when I was two years old. They had a daughter 2 years after that. Furthermore, my brother-in-law Dexter (their dad) was the coolest guy around and I wanted to be like him. I knew that I would get angry when someone used the ?N? word around me, but I wasn?t sure why (years later, when Axl used it in a GNR song, I would however defend his artistic freedom as he used it in a wry and 3rd person context It was, for me, ironic to say the least). I certainly didn?t understand that a civil rights movement was taking place. I only marched with my mom in the ?Martin Luther King Peace March? when he died because I knew that I would get to miss school that day!

Racial borders meant very little to me. It was only in the 6th grade that some real bullshit entered my world. I had a friend named Willie and we were goofing around at our lockers. Some hard-ass school counselor came around the corner and caught us. We were both taken to the office and our parents were called. My mom left work to come to my school and talk to the administration while I was kept in another room by myself. When it was over, I was kicked out of school for 3 days due to, get this, a racially motivated fight! Willie and I were stunned and ashamed. My mother said that people were still stuck in old ways of thinking and that they didn?t have the means to just see two kids ?messing around?, they could only see a ?black? kid and a ?white? kid fighting! It was like a veil has suddenly been lifted for me and I could see for the first time, bigotry and ignorance, both black and white.

We kids however, still had each other, and we all tried our best to blot out the grown-up world and their old ways of thinking. There were younger kids now coming up behind us with still younger parents. It seemed that by the time the kids from the mid to late 60?s started to have kids of their own, starting in the early eighties, bigotry from parents really started to fall off. There were more and more inter-racial parents (black-white, white-Asian, Asian-black, etc?) and therefore there were more and more racially mixed kids popping up. America was truly becoming the melting pot.

There was still though an ?old guard? if you will. Men and women from our ?Greatest Generation? that could not get out from under their old ways of thinking and the stereotypes that they were raised with. It is and was not their fault. Babies are not born with hatred or bias, it is taught. This is not just a white thing either. The older black generation have and had such mistrust and fear of the white man and their apparatus that they in turn taught this to their young. These generations are now dying off. It is our turn to stem the tide and forget the past. Am I asking to forget that this country of so-called ?liberty? was started with slavery intact? No. But we, of this generation have started to simply move on. Is there total equality at the workplace? I certainly doubt it. Again, our generation is doing better than the one before it.

One of my great-nephews (a wonderful mix of intelligence, poise, humor, and race) attends Kent-Meridian High School. It is one of the most racially and ethnically diverse schools in the Northwest. I asked him what it was like and how well kids mixed together there. ?Well Uncle Duff, what do you mean??
?I mean, do kids from different races and ethnicities hang out together?? I said.
? Uh, yeah, we go to the same school and if you come down here looking for different colors and such you will get confused?
?Confused??
?Yea, it?s like a rainbow, we all hang out together?
?Well cool? I thought to myself. Just as we were about to hang up, he chimed in with a parting warning.
? Its not like this everywhere? He went on to tell that one of my other great-nephews (whom is also ?mixed?) gets stares and glares at his high-school on Camano Island. I guess our rural hinterland is still catching up. It kind of bummed me out.

Sometimes I feel that friends look at me as an idealist. I sometimes hope for more than is actually ?practical? to hope for. Obama came into our collective vision at the right time. Our economy is in shambles, we are fighting TWO wars, oil prices reached all-time highs, and new clean energy sources were not getting looked into..we needed something fresh. I also believe that the days of out-of-touch old guys in politics are coming to an end. I just hope other out-of-touch ideas and biases will also soon come to an end.

[FunkyMonkey]

Duff McKagan: Things I Am Thankful For This Year

Posted yesterday at 10:30 pm by Duff McKagan

It's that time of the year that we all either love or hate. For me, Thanksgiving has always been a special time of year.

Growing up in a family of eight kids?with humor as it's main ingredient?has most certainly been exciting and interesting. In my adult years, however, touring and living in Los Angeles has mostly kept me from coming back home to Seattle for this first part of the holidays. The spirit of my family has thankfully always remained with me (even in my 'dark' period!) and this spirit has kept me sane. This spirit gently nudges me to think of how fortunate I am, and how some others may not be. With that being said, here is a quick list of things of some of the things I am thankful for.

Last Saturday I did my weekly grocery shopping at my usual store. This store happens to have a recycling center that will give cash for your cans and bottles. Every Saturday I would see the usual 8 to 12 homeless guys in line there. These fellas go through the neighborhood recycle bins basically to make their living. No big deal. Last weekend though, I saw a rather big commotion at the end of the parking lot where the recycle center sits. When I started to walk past it I saw why; instead of the usual 8 to 10 homeless guys, there was a long line of residents of the area. This is the first time I have witnessed this in the 15 years that I have lived here. I am thankful that I can still provide for my wife and kids this year.

The mornings at my house can be a little hectic and stressful. Getting two girls ready for school while also trying to get yourself ready for the day can be overwhelming at times. My youngest daughter has always had a kooky aversion to footwear-she just HATES putting on shoes. Me on the other hand, cannot really even function before I have ingested two very strong cups of coffee...Daddy has been known to get grumpy. Sometimes REAL grumpy!

My wife is really sweet in the morning, usually getting up earlier than me just to make the toad venom (this is what we call our morning brew). By the time we walk to school together, everything smooths out and our collective stress levels wane. I am thankful that my youngest daughter HAS two feet on which to hate putting shoes on. I am thankful that my wife understands my addiction to strong coffee. I am thankful that my wife and kids love me unconditionally.

The world has been getting pretty crazy in the last decade. September 11, the war in Iraq, and this latest credit crunch leading to recession. America was given a choice a few weeks back and I believe that we were extremely prudent and wise. I am thankful that we now have a President (elect) that I have faith in to lead us out of these woes. I am thankful that we have a president that is smart. I am glad that we made this choice together.

I am thankful that I have a dog (he shows, every day, that he is thankful that he has me!).

A bunch of years ago, I moved to LA and formed GNR. When this band became successful and my world started to spin out of control, my three best friends from childhood would call and/or come down to visit. These visits had the result of keeping me grounded. My best friend, Andy, took me to the emergency room in '94 when I suffered acute pancreatitus, effectively saving my life. I am thankful that I have always had my three best friends from childhood. Andy, Eddy, and Brian, I know you read this column, and I love you guys.

I am thankful that Mike F reads this column and calls me a 'butt-rocker'. I like inter-action with the world, good or bad.

I am thankful to be alive.

I am thankful that Krist Novoselic wrote about 'What Really Happened at the '92 VMAs, because I don't really remember.

Kim Warnick and Kurt Bloch were and are two of the coolest and most informed musical people one could ever hope to encounter on this planet. They are also both my friends. I am thankful to have grown up in an area and in a city that fosters individual thinking and oddball trains of thought. I am thankful for growing up with Kurt and Kim.

I am thankful that there may be a plan to bring our troops home safely soon from Iraq and Afghanistan.

I am thankful that a new season of 'Flight of the Conchords' is almost here.

I am thankful that I no longer have the shakes from alcohol. I am thankful for Pulitzer Prize-winning non-fiction. I am thankful that I can afford health insurance for my family. I am thankful that I had a loving mother who shared with me, lessons hard taught to her. I am thankful that I had a mom who loved me (she loved me most out of all 8 kids, of course). I am thankful that I have been able to travel around the world a good 10 times playing rock music. I am thankful that I can remember 3 of those trips (the others, while I have proof by the stamps in my passport, must be filed in the "All the Shit I Don't Remember' file).

I am thankful that the Seattle Weekly lets me write whatever I want and that people actually read it!

I grew up under the watchful eye of seven older siblings, a couple of which are more than old enough to be my parents. As a result, I was an uncle when I was 2 and many of my nephews and nieces have been having kids of their own (For a while now actually. My oldest great-nephew, Dexter, is 16, I think!). When my wife married me 10 years ago, she also married into the fact that she was suddenly a great-aunt! My family is huge and varied and we all really love one another. I am thankful to my brothers and sisters for having children, and for their children doing the same. I am thankful and honored that I got to be your uncle Kyle McKagan...

I know that the basis of this holiday is rooted in a fable about pilgrims and native people. Hey, I read 'Mayflower'. I can be as cynical as the rest. The spirit that I feel around the time of this holiday, however, can never be scrutinized. It has been taught to me by loving people. This spirit will be lived THROUGH me to show that love myself, to others.

Happy Thanksgiving.

[lynn1961]

As always, a great read.  I like reading his columns!   

[MeanBone]

and the more i love Duff.

if there is one cool and honest person in Rock N Roll, there you have it!


Happy thanks giving Duff.

[dont_damn_me]

Duff has allways been cool as shit, he's just even cooler now and alot more inteligent!  I was waiting for another column it had been a while and this one was another great personal entry. I'm thankfull for his comumns!!

[MeanBone]

Duff seems like the kind of dad i wanna be someday. he's very family oriented, he's a great role model.

[LunsJail]

I never realized Duff was so intelligent.  Always love reading his columns. 

[MeanBone]

Duff McKagan: Alternative To What?
Posted yesterday at 9:13 pm by Duff McKagan


Kurt Bloch, left, at Sub Pop's 20th anniversary party at Hattie's Hat on April 2. Photo by Sarah Joann Murphy. Duff McKagan's column runs every Thursday on Reverb.

I got an email the other day with a question from a friend who was basically trying to settle a bet. The argument was over what actually defines 'Alternative' music and also what makes up an 'indie' band. While on the one hand, I hoped my answer at least put some clarity to my friend's argument, I also knew that my 'answer' would be un-provable. You see, I was around when the term 'alternative' was first used for radio and I was an early advocate, but much of this period in music is now all but forgotten. Rock history will more than likely remain silent as to the progression of radio's role.

Kurt Bloch should have a star. That is, of course, if modern rock music had a street on which stars were placed for its pioneers. If any of you indie rockers are scratching your head now and saying "Who?" well, shame on you. Back before there was Sub Pop here in Seattle, and back before there was any attention at all being paid to the Northwest as far as music goes, there was a scene and it was truly 'alternative' and 'indie'.

In 1978, Kurt had a radio program at Nathan Hale High School and he simply played and did what he wanted to do. Kurt had started a band with his brother, Al, named the Cheaters. The Cheaters started to write songs and play gigs, mostly at parties and mostly for fun, but they were playing their own UNIQUE music. There were no record labels back then other than the Majors, but Kurt wanted to put a single out. He did what, unbeknown to him, other independent bands then were doing in other parts of America; he started his own label.

Understand that if your music is not 'commercial' enough for a larger record company to see a profit in, you are left to your own devices. These 'devices' became THE spearhead for burgeoning individualistic punk rock scenes throughout North America. Rock radio wouldn't touch it because advertisers didn't see the value in catering to a small smattering of punk rock and other 'alternative' styles. These other alternatives were bands like Motorhead, Iggy, Grandmaster Flash, and even AC/DC for their first record at least (the first American press for AC/DC came thanks to 'PUNK' magazine, in fact).

On the far left of your FM dial, you will find the stations that have been given space according to some FCC rule that provides for non-profit organizations with radio broadcast capabilities. In Seattle, KCMU started to play national and international bands like U2, Psycadelic Furs, the Ramones, Iggy, and Souxie and the Banshees while also propping up local acts such as the Fastbacks (w/Mr. Bloch), Solger, X-15, the Accident, and DOA. You weren't gonna like all of it, but KCMU became a radio station that started to expand the local music scenes' horizons. Punk Rock and New Wave gigs began to attract such a large crowd, in fact, that an AM music station (KJET!!) sprang up. Commercial alternative radio had arrived in Seattle.

Indie music comes from a term first used in the early 80's by smaller stand-alone record stores. One could search through records using the alphabetical tags that popped above the 12" height of the rows of records. More adventuresome listeners could seek the harder-to-find bands in the 'indie' bin. Simply put, these were smaller acts on tiny independent labels. Of course, as the popularity of these bands grew, major labels offered up a more lucrative deals to these acts. The 'indie' bin however, remained the place to find cutting edge music, and eventually became a marketing tool for major record companies later in the 80s until this very day. A band would garner much more 'street cred' if they were deemed to be an indie band. Larger labels soon began to form smaller imprint labels to cater to this record-buying street ethic.

Alternative and Indie music became very, very popular. Like all things that become popular, there are those that exploit them for the cash value. This commercialism, in turn, causes a rush to the bandwagon...and this is what we witnessed sometime around 1998. Where once had been originality with the likes of Pearl Jam and the Beastie Boys, now stood watered-down copycats such as Creed and Limp Biskit. Alternative radio had once been a place to find new music and re-visit killer songs by the Stooges and Joy Division. The term 'alternative' was fast becoming the magnet by which audience-seeking advertisers would be drawn to.

Of course with alternative radio becoming so commercial, programmers will eventually do what their advertisers ask...PLAY IT SAFE and don't alienate any part of our audience. Radio has become so damn vanilla that it's a wonder ANYONE listens anymore. I know that I don't.

"Indie rock" on the other hand, has become a catchall phrase for music that must seemingly remain lo-fi. I get it, and I really like a lot of indie music (are Shiny Toy Guns indie?), but when a band like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs claim that they are 'indie' while being signed to the biggest major corporate conglomerate record label (Interscope/Universal), I just have a hard time swallowing indie cred. It just seems like another selling tool and a good one at that. Hey, there is nothing wrong with making money whilst doing your art. The 'indie' moniker alas, just seems to be another contrived piece of misleading word-smithery and low-resolution imagery. Hey, Urban Outfitter's has got the one-stop indie lifestyle thing down to a T!

So, let's get back to Kurt Bloch. In my opinion, the way this guy leads his life and plays his music should be a touchstone for all of us who get too caught up in trying to label art. This dude has never changed his tune. The Fastbacks will go down as a band that kept its integrity, if nothing else. Kurt is still a guy who gets real, real excited about new music (or any music for that matter, he's a walking encyclopedia!). He works at Gibson guitars because, well, he loves guitars! His new band, Thee Sgt. Major III are killer because they are oh so obviously 'in it' for the pure love of playing live and writing songs.

Kurt never took much stock in labeling anything, that's for sure. He is a one-of-a-kind, the kind of talent that makes you forget all about what should or shouldn't be 'correct' in the music industry today.

That's my two-cents, anyway.

Topics: Duff McKagan

[FunkyMonkey]

Duff McKagan: MALL is a Four-Letter Word!

Posted yesterday at 7:56 pm by Duff McKagan

I must start this week's topic off by clarifying that I DO love the Christmas season. I was just now proof reading this text and it struck me that I come off as a bit of a pointless complainer here. Oh well..I'm not a Scrooge, just a reluctant consumer i guess.

I absolutely HATE to shop. There are not many worse ways to put me in a crappy mood than to actually have to go to a mall and browse. I know I'm not alone in this (right, gentlemen?). However, as many of you know, I live with 3 females (my wife and 2 daughters); the mall has become an entrenched battlefield in my existence. Ah, but the Christmas season is here and I will have to put on my armor and charge the enemy.

Some of my earliest memories are of me shopping with my mom. With all 7 of my older brothers and sisters either in school or out of the house altogether, my mom would have to take me along when she went to get one of us new jeans or tennis shoes. I remember playing under the racks of clothes and getting lost. I remember the day care at the Bon Marche downtown. I remember getting dizzy from all of the different colors and fragrances. I remember getting hot and sweaty. One of my first independent thoughts was: "When I grow up, I will NEVER go shopping!"

When I first met my wife, I would grit my teeth through a cheery smile to shop with her. This is one of the things that new couples do. I was a bit sheepish at first to tell her of my shopping phobia. Somewhere around a year-and-a-half into our relationship, I had to finally tell her that shopping just wasn't my 'bag'. We has just gone into some sale at Nordstrom's and it was a fuckin' maelstrom of mostly females, frantically vying for the same low-priced pashmina or some other such trifle. Suddenly, it all came back, the dizziness, the perfume-induced nausea, the suffocating clothes racks. I told my wife that I had to get out of there.

"Honey, I just think you are over-reacting," she replied. I think she was just bummed out that she'd just lost her shopping pal (me). Well, as chance would have it, the two of us were watching the news a few weeks later and a story came on about people just like me. The story highlighted the fact that a phenomenon was gripping America. It afflicted mostly men and this shopping semi-paralysis was even backed by scientific testing. I was not alone! There were other people who just hate to shop. My wife looked at me and said, "Well, whaddya know?" I had my out at last!

I could not be more blessed to have 2 girls, let's get that straight right away. This is not about me wishing for a boy to even things out a bit at my house. I've taught our dog Buckley how to sit next to me when a Seahawks game is on (although he has oddly been throwing up right in front of the TV as of late. I've considered joining him.). No, being a dad oftentimes means to go beyond oneself. For a parent to two girls, self-sacrifice is key, especially if one has a shopping phobia such as me. I've had to 'reach deep inside' and do some serious soul-searching about my current predicament. Either I start to alienate myself from my family and become the grumbling grouch in the corner, or, I can join in and celebrate in the age-old girl pastime...the mall.

The girls know what I mean when I say "Hey, let's go to the blah." The 'blah' is my nickname for the mall. Every mall, every place you go seems to have the exact same stores: Gap, Foot Locker, Williams-Sonoma, Claire's, Victoria's Secret, etc. It's all 'blah' to me. How in God's name is going to the same damn stores in every town in this country the least bit entertaining? Well, to the rest of my family...it is. If you happen to see me at a mall, please engage me in some sort of intellectual conversation (fart tennis, anyone?). I slowly die at the vine at these places. But my girls are happy, so I suppose this is just part of a husband and father's duty. Fuck! I go less and less these days. (I am getting REAL good at coming up with some sort of 'band business' that urgently needs attention!)

I guess at this point, I've given you all a fairly good look into my life-at least as far as where I stand on shopping.

Well, now Christmas is here and I DO try to brave at least a part of a day to go out and get my wife's present. She starts dropping hints sometime around Thanksgiving. It is up to me to try and decipher these hints into something that I can shop for. This year, it was a pair of designer shoes. "No problem," I thought to myself. A simple and quick in- and -out of a Macy's and I am home free. Killer!

This last Saturday I prepared myself for quick trip to get the shoes. My oldest daughter asked to go along to help, and I was glad for the company. When we entered the women's shoe department at Macy's however, I was met by a scene of a sort of heightened panic one might associate with the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. I found out quick that a women's shoe department on a Saturday (and a few weeks shy of the holidays!) is not a place for the faint of heart, and definitely not a place for me. There were shoes and boots scattered EVERYWHERE. The looks on peoples' faces were fierce and SCARY. I had to keep pulling my daughter out of harm's way. These women at this place were seemingly completely out of their collective minds! This was not going to work for me.

Lucky for me, I have a few 'go to' people that are willing to help when a situation like this arises. I called my wife's good friend, Nancy, right then and there. I explained to her the situation and she talked me off the ledge. Nancy is a seasoned shopper who had some great tips for me. She told me to just call the store, tell them what you want, give them your credit card number, and they would hand deliver the item right to my house! I did just that . And what do you know? It worked just like she said. Done.

My days at the mall are now all but done. Well, at least until after Christmas. Right, girls?

[Kodak]

 :hihi:gotta love duff . i got a good laugh outta that

[D]

Oh shit, that was the greatest article I've read in a long time.

I was laughing my ass off the whole time.

[Layne Staley's Sunglasses]

My first job was at that mall he was talking about.

 

[MeanBone]

DUFF RAWKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[GNR4L]

Im from the Seattle area and Duff's my fav from the old band.  I think he shouldnt comment anymore on CD, I mean how can you file a secret lawsuit against Axl and then go out in public and say good things ?

[D]

Im from the Seattle area and Duff's my fav from the old band.  I think he shouldnt comment anymore on CD, I mean how can you file a secret lawsuit against Axl and then go out in public and say good things ?

Its apples and oranges. He thought he was owed money so u sue.  It isn't anything personal.

[slashrulz]

I wish interviewers would stop asking Slash and Duff about ChiDem. They aren't on the album, nor have anything to do with the album so why would you ask questions about it? Well I guess they are just gunna be asked about Axl and ChiDem in every interview