NOW | NOVEMBER 22 - 28, 2007 | VOL. 27 NO. 12
Halifax, NS ? Hanging out with the Trailer Park Boys should come with a label like the ones on rap albums. "WARNING: Contains explicit fuckin' language. You will probably be offended. You will definitely laugh. And you'll want to avoid operating heavy machinery afterward."
Consider this random question from Mike Smith: "Ever pack your cock with cocaine like it's a musket?"
I'm in a booth at Bubbles Mansion, the Halifax eatery (and drinkery) owned by Smith, better known as Bubbles. An alcohol-fuelled shrine to life in Sunnyvale Trailer Park, Life Is A Highway is blaring from the speakers, shopping carts hang over the bar, photographs cover the walls and tables ? Bubbles with Geddy Lee and Ed Robertson, the boys on the cover of Maclean's magazine ? and there's a full-size replica of Bubbles's shack decorated with props from the show. No sign of the kitties, though.
Smith sits beside me, glass of tequila in hand.
"I don't drink beer. Strictly tequila. And good tequila, not shit tequila ? 4 Copas, from a distillery in Guadalajara, the world's only certified organic tequila."
Smith's down-home hospitality also includes a pretty mean pizza and a great cup of seafood chowder served up by Shaggy, the Mansion's chef.
Bubbles' trademark fishbowl glasses are in a case on the table (should Smith feel the need to become his high-pitched alter ego, I suppose) next to a photograph of Bubbles, goggle-eyed and gleeful, pounding on Neil Peart's drum kit. Robb Wells (aka Ricky) and John Paul Tremblay (Julian) are across from us working on pints of "Keets."
The occasional patron walks past pretending to look for the washroom while sneaking a peek at three of the country's biggest TV stars. You may like the show or not, depending on how much you enjoy potty-mouthed pot humour. (As Smith explains, "My dad is probably the biggest fan, while my my mom doesn't like when I say 'cocksucker. '")
But after seven seasons, a Christmas special, a feature film (due to get a U.S. theatrical release in January), numerous public appearances and countless T-shirts and beer glasses adorned with their likenesses, it's safe to elevate Bubbles, Ricky and Julian to iconic status. We're talkin' something like Al Waxman, The Littlest Hobo or The Beachcombers.
"Can you imagine if people freaked out when Nick Adonidas showed up at a bar like people do for us sometimes?" asks Smith incredulously.
The boys will be in Toronto for Grey Cup weekend to host one of several pre-game rock bashes celebrating the CFL showdown's 95th year. "That'll be a good fuckin' time," says Tremblay, the most laid-back of the three.
Smith, the trio's obvious ringleader and party planner, Wells and Tremblay are hanging out and shooting the shit about football, rock 'n' roll and how to throw the ultimate tailgate party. And they're doing it as themselves, not their characters, which is rarer than seeing Julian without a rum-and-Coke.
Now, back to Smith's cock-and-bull (or is it coke-and-bull?) question. I should probably be shocked. But after four hours, round after round of drinks and a monster hash cannon that could've been used by the British to defend nearby Citadel Hill from a French invasion ? or at least made the Brits feel better about being invaded ? our conversation's already taken more twists than Mulholland Drive. Besides, at a certain point somewhere between the third and fourth round, I think, things start to get a little hazy.
Sure, there's the usual talk of dope and booze and making TV on a dime-bag budget.
But we also talk about the CFL versus the NFL (the boys agree that the CFL is better, if only because it's faster; see sidebar, this page); whether my digital recorder would fit up Smith's ass (definitely, according to Tremblay); how Janet Jackson's right breast BLEEPing killed the Trailer Park Boys' TV debut in the U.S. ("Suddenly, you couldn't swear or do dope or anything");
partying with Axl Rose during a Tokyo earthquake ("Axl's standing in the doorway of our hotel at 10 am wearing a bathrobe, shouting, 'Hey, Bubbles! Ever been in an earthquake, motherfucker?!"); how NOW's slogan should be that it's so environmentally friendly you can smoke it; Japanese ass models; and how not to be a dick ("I think we've done pretty well at not turning into dicks; if we made sick amounts of money, maybe we'd be dicks").
All that and it's not even 5 in the afternoon. So discovering that Bubbles is a tequila connoisseur comes as more of a surprise than talk of dicks and drugs.
Bubbles wants to be your Cinnamon Girl
While the Grey Cup will see the Winnipeg Blue Bombers take on the Saskatchewan Roughriders on Sunday, the boys are (naturally) much more interested in the parties.
The lineup for the Grey Cup concert series reads like a who's who of classic Can-rock: Loverboy, April Wine, Trooper, David Wilcox. Only Rush and the Guess Who seem to be MIA.
?I haven't seen Loverboy in years,? says Smith, who used to play guitar in the Juno-nominated Sandbox back before shacking up in Sunnyvale seven years ago. ?I got onstage with Trooper last year, though.?
Suddenly, the boys are talking music. No surprise. There's a strong connection between the Trailer Park Boys and rock 'n' roll. DVDs of the show are incredibly popular time-killers on band tour buses. The boys did a cross-Canada tour with Our Lady Peace after season two, and were featured in the Tragically Hip video for The Darkest One. And both Alex Lifeson of Rush and Skid Row's Sebastian Bach have been on the show, while Lifeson and Gordon Downie were in the Trailer Park Boys movie.
?I'll listen to anything from reggae to heavy metal,? says Wells.
?You liked the Flock of Seagulls,? says Tremblay.
?Did I??
?You used to wear your hair just like that.?
?I don't remember that,? says Wells, whose onscreen alter ego sports a Jason Priestleyesque pompadour circa season three of 90210.
?Lots of celebrities like our show,? says Tremblay, who somehow manages to make it not sound like he's bragging. ?Brad Pitt, Eddie Murphy....?
?I have a confirmed report that Ringo Starr watches Trailer Park Boys ? and he does a Bubbles impression,? says Smith. ?I also hear he's a tool.?
When it's mentioned that Neil Young's also known to be a fan and that he's playing Massey Hall in a few days, Smith makes a shameless plea: ?If there's any reader out there with an extra ticket and you want to bring Bubbles to see Neil, get in touch with me, for fuck's sake.?
Which leads me to ask what band they'd love to play with if they had the opportunity.
?I kind of did join Guns n' Roses and went on tour playing with them for two months,? says Smith, who met Axl Rose through Bach. Smith ? as Bubbles ? would perform his song Liquor And Whores in concert. ?It was awesome, amazing, completely surreal.?
?I'd join Steel Pulse,? says Tremblay, referring to the British roots reggae outfit. ?I'd have a pretty good rockin', chillin' time with those guys on tour.?
?I want to recant my answer and say Menudo,? says Smith, straight-faced. ?Back when Ricky Martin was with them. They were nothing without Ricky.
?It's an important question, though,? Smith continues with what I believe is mock seriousness. ?You have to factor in how hard the band parties. You could say the Police, but they're not partying ? they're off doing yoga.?
?The Stones?? asks Wells.
?Not now. Back in the 60s, but if you were in the 60s you'd join the Beatles.?
?Roger Waters??
?No. You'd want to join somebody like...?
?The Who.?
?Not the Who,? says Smith.
?Who's all banged up on heroin?? asks Tremblay.
?Audioslave??
?They're cleaned up.?
?Boys, I'm joining the Hip,? declares Wells.
?The Hip's good,? says Smith.
?I'd party with those dicks,? says Tremblay.
?Nice comfortable tour bus, lots of stuff to do after the show,? Smith says.
?Smoke different things,? says Wells.
?And they don't do yoga.?
And on and on the debate continues, over another round of drinks.
?It's strange ? we've hung out and toured with a lot of bands, and we always seem like the crazy ones,? says Tremblay. ?They're all chilled out and we're like, ?Boys, this is a fuckin' rock tour!'?
?Except for Guns n' Roses,? says Smith.
?Axl is the only one who ever out-partied us,? says Tremblay admiringly. ?Ever.?
The night started in L.A. at Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen's pad. Rose even sang a few songs. By 7 am, he'd taken the boys to another house party where he ordered the windows blacked out so it still felt like night.
?This is Axl and just booze, not any other substance ? just liquor,? says Smith. ?He can drink for two days straight. He's a machine.? By midafternoon, Rose was ready to hit a strip club.
?We were like, ?That's it. We're done,'? says Tremblay. All three TPB slept until the next day, missing the Oscar after-parties they'd been invited to.
Not that it was the last red-carpet affair for the three.
Complete Interview here:
http://www.nowtoronto.com/issues/2007-11-22/cover_story.php
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