Bush vs Putin (transcript)

[gandra]

Bush: Do you think we can find some kind of common ground over Kosovo?

Putin: That's where you are really playing with fire, George. You are proposing to dismember Serbia to add a province to Greater Albania, and you will set a precedent for every breakaway minority that wants to leave Russia. We can't possibly accept this - and I warn you that if you insist on this dangerous and reckless course of action, we will do precisely the same for disputed territories in the near abroad, starting with South Ossetia.

Bush: But Vladimir, how are we going to convince the Muslim world that we can partner up with them for peace if we don't respect the wishes of an overwhelming Muslim majority in Kosovo?

Putin: I hate to put it this way, George, but I think I could teach you a lesson about how to gain influence among Muslims. You aren't particularly popular among Muslims at the moment.

Bush: Okay, you don't have to rub it in. How do you propose to gain influence among Muslims?

Putin: Do you know how many civilians died in Chechnya when we suppressed the rebellion there? No one knows exactly, but the number is around 100,000. We know that half a million Chechens lost their homes. That's half the country. We've been killing Muslims for 300 years. That's why they respect us.

Bush: Vladimir, what you are saying is horrible. The American people will never see the world that way.

Putin: The American people don't have to. They are sitting comfortably in their own continent and think it's a great disaster when a few thousand people are killed in an office building. I'm not suggesting that you go out and explain to your voters that things might be very different in other parts of the world. But I am warning you: we have a tough enough job on our hands. Don't make it harder for us, or you will be sorry.

[The Dog]

where is this from? did you write it yourself?

[Genesis]

did you write it yourself?

Must be, since it's too lame to be real.

[freedom78]

Putin could speak flawless English, and they still wouldn't be able to understand one another.   

[Bill 213]

I'll start with your opener and let you know how this conversation probably went:

Bush: Do you think we can find some kind of common ground over Kosovo?

Putin: That's where you are really playing with fire, George. You are proposing to dismember Serbia to add a province to Greater Albania, and you will set a precedent for every breakaway minority that wants to leave Russia. We can't possibly accept this - and I warn you that if you insist on this dangerous and reckless course of action, we will do precisely the same for disputed territories in the near abroad, starting with South Ossetia.

Bush: Now that we're the world hot dog eating champions, I think you should kiss my ass.

Putin: Excuse me Mr. Bush?

Bush: That's right, I'll whup your ass with a Hot Dog and plate of Freedom Fries any time, any where comrade.

Putin: What the hell are you babbling about?

Bush: Let me put things in your perseptive....Just like we beat Iraq in the war, much similar to the loss your people faced at the end of Rocky IV when Ivan Drago was defeated.

Putin: Do you have any clue what's going on in the world today, we're here to talk about Kosovo.

Bush: Why the hell do I care about some stupid Beach Boys song?  There's more important things going on in the world today, like my buddy Scooter and his prison term that I just commuted.  Let Nancy Pelosi suck on that one.  Oh and by the way...9/11, terrorists and freedom!

[Dr. Blutarsky]

this is awfully lame. this should be locked.

[Krispy Kreme]

I'll start with your opener and let you know how this conversation probably went:

Bush: Do you think we can find some kind of common ground over Kosovo?

Putin: That's where you are really playing with fire, George. You are proposing to dismember Serbia to add a province to Greater Albania, and you will set a precedent for every breakaway minority that wants to leave Russia. We can't possibly accept this - and I warn you that if you insist on this dangerous and reckless course of action, we will do precisely the same for disputed territories in the near abroad, starting with South Ossetia.

Bush: Now that we're the world hot dog eating champions, I think you should kiss my ass.

Putin: Excuse me Mr. Bush?

Bush: That's right, I'll whup your ass with a Hot Dog and plate of Freedom Fries any time, any where comrade.

Putin: What the hell are you babbling about?

Bush: Let me put things in your perseptive....Just like we beat Iraq in the war, much similar to the loss your people faced at the end of Rocky IV when Ivan Drago was defeated.

Putin: Do you have any clue what's going on in the world today, we're here to talk about Kosovo.

Bush: Why the hell do I care about some stupid Beach Boys song?? There's more important things going on in the world today, like my buddy Scooter and his prison term that I just commuted.? Let Nancy Pelosi suck on that one.? Oh and by the way...9/11, terrorists and freedom!

This is hysterical. I give it an A+.

Keep up the good work, and there is no  way this thread  should  be  locked. Putin is 1000% smarter and more strategic, shall we  say, than Bush. Although, putting one fish  in the sea and letting good ol' boy Vlad catch it was pure  genius. I bet Dick thought  of  that. 

[freedom78]

Am I the only one who can't read a quote (real or fictitious) from Bush, without doing the Jon Stewart "Bush voice" (with hand gestures and laugh) in my head?

[The Dog]

The Kosovo/Beach Boys line was great.