Sexism?

[GeorgeSteele]

One of the guys I work with recently signed up to Match.com.  He's twice divorced but has been single for quite a while and I guess he decided to actively seek out a lady friend.  He's 69 years old and his profile indicated he was looking for someone in the 45 to 55 range.  Apparently, that triggered the following response from a 67-year old woman:

"Date received: December 29, 2006
Subject: Sexism is alive and well

Hello,

This is not an attempt at contact because, although you're older than I am, Your preference is for a woman at least fourteen yrs. your junior. So, think of this missive as a 'brief' for all the women who deserve better. The definition of oppression is: a denial to others what one would have for oneself. You're 69 and consider yourself desirable--but a woman of the same age is not? Wake up and smell the air of the new millenium."

He forwarded the message to me this morning.  I just kind of laughed at first, but when I spoke to him he was really upset about it.  He's a real nice guy, good-natured, minds his own business, etc., so the more I think about this, it kind of pisses me off too that someone would need to go out of their way to be so hostile to someone they don't know and who wants nothing to do with them.   And to call it oppression?  The guy prefers younger women, so that makes him Josef Stalin?  As though he could force anyone to date him.  Just ridiculous.

[the dirt]

Sexist? Get outta here.

If he wants a 25 year old woman that's his preference, his choice, and he has the right to try and get one through this place.

[AxlsMainMan]

George, tell your co-worker to honestly not worry about it.

Some people are compulsive complainers who are easily offended and get off on bitching over the stupidest things.

[bazgnr]

It *is* ridiculous.  Nothing wrong with what he did.

[Robman?]

. You're 69 and consider yourself desirable--but a woman of the same age is not? Wake up and smell the air of the new millenium."

I think shes the one that has to "smell the air" not only do we live in a society where a person can choose what they want to do, the new millennium also accepts people who are of different ages to love each other.


He's probably a really nice guy, and theres probably a women out there that would love to be in a relationship with him. Shes says 2 years is a big difference, my Grandparents are further apart than that. My grandad is in his seventies, my grandmother is in her late sixties, theres a few years between them.

[Danny Top Hat]

She sounds bitter - there's no need to butt in and guilt-trip this man when she doesn't know him and it's just gonna make him feel bad.? Of course he can put down what he wants and it's none of her business.

BUT

I do kinda see her point.?

[MadmanDan]

It's unfair, but that's the way it is !! If a man takes care of himself, he can be attractive to women much younger, but a woman can't do that after a certain age.
   

[freedom78]

I'm sure that site (or others like it) also includes a preference for a partner of certain ethnicity, religion, culture, etc.  Does that make one racist if they say they want someone who's white, black, latino, etc?  Or Catholic, Protestant, Jewish?  Attraction is too personal to criticize.  What if someone's into something kinky?  I'm sure there are LOADS of wonderful people who aren't into their particular fetish.  Does it make you bad, because you're not interested in them?  You have the right to discriminate in such ways, and I don't think it's wrong to do so.  The fact that most relationships aren't interracial suggests that most people don't think it's bad, either.  Some may call you a racist, but the simple fact is that you may have more in common with someone of the same race.  It doesn't make you a bigot.

And shame on the woman who wrote the email!  How you can make a judgment about someone you don't know is beyond my comprehension. 

[Sin Cut]

GeorgeSteele, imagine what reply he had got if his profile would've indicated he was looking for someone in the 18 to 25 range. 

That's what I would do.

Obviously this would is a counter to the fact that there's not too many women who age like Madonna. And that's a fact.

Also another thing that come in mind is that when you can spesify the body-type, for an example "Athletic -> toned -> normal -> fat -> super-fat -> super-duper-fat".
So why is it then that more than just slightly overweight hit you with a message? Is this the time of optimism?! And really it's not just about looks either, since I assume life values and hobbies would be different between a toned person and a fat person. "Let's go jogging honey!" and the obvious; "Just wait until I'm through Oprah and have finished my chips!" (and just think the hospital-bill later when her knees or back start to give in)
 

I know, a title "no fat chicks" would be just too harsh and probably give a shallow picture of the one who wrote the profile. But really, who'd like to start whipping someone into shape on date one?

[polluxlm]

69 and single? I'd go to Thailand or something I think

And of course it's not sexism. We live in a free world, supposedly, but people seem to disregard that as soon as they feel 'offended'

[babydolls]

awww - poor bloke. he probably got up some courage to join the site in the first place.  pretty rude response from that woman.  I hope this hasnt put him off.  not all us women are obsessed with pointing sexist fingers.  He has a right to choose the age of a potential partner - these sites work on that basis - no? If you've got nothing nice to say, then dont say it at all.  I feel for him.

[GeorgeSteele]

awww - poor bloke. he probably got up some courage to join the site in the first place.? pretty rude response from that woman.? I hope this hasnt put him off.? not all us women are obsessed with pointing sexist fingers.? He has a right to choose the age of a potential partner - these sites work on that basis - no? If you've got nothing nice to say, then dont say it at all.? I feel for him.

Exactly, for someone of his generation there's a stigma attached to going the "personal ad" route.  So he joins and the first thing he gets is an anti-sexist tirade.  The poor guy was mortified.

Anyway, he took the high road and decided not to bother responding to her, which shows a lot of class and restraint on his part.

[GeorgeSteele]

GeorgeSteele, imagine what reply he had got if his profile would've indicated he was looking for someone in the 18 to 25 range.?

Probably a health warning.

[TAP]

That doesn't remotely fit any dictionary definition of sexism. Possibly ageism, but not really since it's an individual preference rather than a discrimination.

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

to quote Jerry " how can i be racist if i Like her race ? "

[pilferk]

When it comes to dating preferences...there's no such thing as sexism, racism, or ageism.   You find attractive who you find attractive.

If the 'ole biddy can't understand that...perhaps it's her own bitterness or previous life experiences that she's projecting.  Sounds like SHE'S the one with the problem, not him.

[babydolls]

she's actually done a great injustice here - am sure that on this type of site, you shouldnt contact people unless you genuinely wish to meet/befriend them.  Anyone contacting someone to take the piss, insult them or berate their ad should not be allowed to do so.  I dont believe people should contact others on a dating site to chastise them for their choice of ideal partner.  She should take her major issues elsewhere and stop being such a goddamn  curtain-twitcher.


this has really got under my skin!

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

but she does have a point because we are not facing a "one single case of sexual preference"
this is obviously a global issue: older men wish to attract younger girls. so who's gonna go out with the older ladies?

[babydolls]

a point she may have indeed, but her choice of who to address it to was uncalled for.  you dont just pick on someone like that!  In some social circles dating agencies are still laughed at to some extent and I just hope that the man in question isnt put off or too embarrassed to keep his ad there - it could be his chance to find someone - it would be really shitty if that woman has spoilt that for him by denting his confidence, if he's a sensitive person.

Ashton kutcher is your answer!

[GeorgeSteele]

but she does have a point because we are not facing a "one single case of sexual preference"
this is obviously a global issue: older men wish to attract younger girls. so who's gonna go out with the older ladies?

From the tone of her email, I don't think her age is the main reason she's repelling men. ?Yes, it's true older men generally seek younger women, but women generally seek taller men. ?Should men of below-average height go around spamming women telling them how "shallow" they are? ?No, rather they focus on the women who don't care about height. ?Likewise, this woman should focus on attracting the men willing to date women her age, not projecting her bitterness at a guy who, like her, is merely looking for some companionship.