Sportsnet.ca Blog Review

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« on: November 17, 2006, 04:05:30 PM »

This is from Sportsnet.Ca (canadian sports network), one of the writers on the site went to a concert and gave it a terrible review:

"It's not how you start, it's how you finish.

We're not even close to the NHL finish line yet, but it's fair to define the first 16 games of the season as the "start", so lets just say teams like the Oilers and Senators are looking forward to validating the above statement. Which is where last night's Guns n' Roses show comes in.

The security line outside was delayed by a mulleted man in his early 40's wearing white high tops and sweat pants to match. Think Deaner from the movie Fubar. In fact, damn... come to think of it... it WAS Deaner. Anyway, he's pleading with a security guard to let him back in the building. His explanation? "my buddy got kicked out cause he's drunk, but he puked and he's in the back of the limo now, and I need to get back in before the show, man". Hope dude didn't pay for the damage deposit.

Four beer and 56 bucks later we're on our way to our seats for the first opening act. Now, I know what you're thinking: Why in Paradise City were you there for the first opening act Bigdude? Because it was 9:30, and we figured that was late enough to parachute in after the warm-ups. But given GNR's track record, we should have known better - Axl didn't stumble out until 11:30. But fortunately, the two hours leading up to GNR was worth the price of admission. Well, maybe not the price of admission, but definitely the 56 dollar beers.

We slowly pushed our way through a sea of freshly trimmed mullets, and eventually to our seats, where "Suicide Girls" was midway through their set. They had no musical instruments. Didn't need 'em. They're strippers. They strip to 'metal. Many of them at once. I had been a fan of the Suicide Girls for exactly four minutes, but four minutes into the show, I didn't care if Axl Rose EVER went onstage.

When the Suicide Girls finished "performing" - to the loudest ovation of the night - they were followed by Sebastian Bach (with his new band). Sebastian is the half-brother of former Phoenix Coyote goaltender Zach Bierk. And to be honest, I'm not sure who wears more leather on game nights. Bach's band was not Skid Row, but they did every Skid Row classic, and did both of them very well. Bach played the roll of arrogant, aging, self-absorbed rock star to a tee, right down to the white, ankle-high, zippered cowboy boots slightly hidden under black leather chaps. Bach's chatter between songs was littered with so much profanity that it was hard to decipher. "every &*%$* time we play this &*%$*# town we #$@* rock the mother #$@* house mother #$@*, so &*%$*#- sing this *&%$ with us &*%$*# suckers!!!" So we did. "You're crime is time and it's EIGHTEEN AND LIFE TO GOOOOOOOO".

But that's when it all ground to a halt. Guns n' Roses was terrible. There's no other way to describe it. Not only is Axl trying to sell us on his new character with dreadlocks, but he was under the misguided notion that we came to see him play the piano. If I wanted to see someone perform on a piano, I'd have arrived earlier for the Suicide Girls. Axl was terrible, his new band was terrible, and the sound was terrible. So when Mrs. Dude told me 45 minutes into the set that she had to go to the ladies room, I didn't flinch, and for the first time, I left a show early.

My point here is that it's not how you start, it's how you finish. And although we got full value for the first half of the show, when someone asks me how the show was, I tell them it was terrible because that's how it finished.

Are the Oilers and Senators off to terrible starts? Ottawa is little more troubled than Edmonton right now, but by all accounts, yes. But it's not how you start, it's how you finish, just ask the Suicide Girls."


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