The Joke Thread

[Sakib]

A man walked into a bar with a bit of concrete in his hands. He asked the bartender, "Hi. I'd like a couple of beers please. One for me and one for the road."

There were to atoms walking down a street. One atom said, "i think i've lost an electron" the other atom replied, "Are you positive?" NOTE; ATOMS THAT LOSE ELECTRONS BECOME POSITIVE IONS.

[Sakib]

British and French were arguing who had the best cats. so, 2 get this debate settled, a french had to get their best cat 2 swim across the english channel as did the british. British cats name was one-two-three and the french un-deux-trois. who won?



British. Why? becuz un-deux-trois-quatr-cinq. (helpful if u can pronounce and count in french)

[Mr. Dick Purple]

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
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There was a boy scout, G. bush, a doctor and a priest in an airplain. suddenly, the plain falls down and there are only 3 parachutes. So, the doctor takes one and says: "people needs me", and jumps. bush takes another one and says: "I'm too important". then , the priest tells to the boy socut: "please, take the last parachute and save yourself". the boy scout answers him: "there are 2 parachutes, Bush took my backpack"

[SwedeChildO'Mine]

I guess many of you've already heard this one, I believe it's from a movie but can't recall which..

 anyway..

An american, an afro-american and a mexican found a bottle where a genie lived.
The genie  were thankful for letting him out and gave them one wish each.
The afroamerican wished all his afroamerican brothers and sisters could live a happy and wealthy life back in Africa, *poof* it happened.
The mexican wished all his mexican brothers and sisters could live a happy and wealthy life back in Mexico, *poof* it happened.

The american asked the genie; "All afroamericans and all mexicans moved back to their native countries?"  "Yes, they have", the genie answered.

"Well, I wish I could have a coke then"

[Genesis]

An american, an afro-american and a mexican found a bottle where a genie lived.
The genie  were thankful for letting him out and gave them one wish each.
The afroamerican wished all his afroamerican brothers and sisters could live a happy and wealthy life back in Africa, *poof* it happened.
The mexican wished all his mexican brothers and sisters could live a happy and wealthy life back in Mexico, *poof* it happened.

The american asked the genie; "All afroamericans and all mexicans moved back to their native countries?"  "Yes, they have", the genie answered.

"Well, I wish I could have a coke then"

Ah, nothing like a nice xenophobic racist joke to get the day started...

[Mr. Dick Purple]

This videos is very funny
The punch line in english is "Everyone is good in xmas we are always good" 

Merry Xmas

[Sakib]

Joke 1: There's a church up in Newcastle thats winning the Nobel Prize. Do you know why??











Because it has no bell

Joke 2: There were two fish that were feeling hungry and were discussing where they can eat and hang out. One fish said, "Lets go to the fish and chip shop." the other fish replied, "I dont wanta. the last time i went there i got battered."

Joke 3: What do you call a dog that owns a zoo with no animals on it?


A shitzu! 

[Goldie]

This penguin was having car problems. He takes his car to the mechanic. While he was waiting he went across the street for an ice cream. (Penguins love that stuff!) When he returned the mechanic told the penguin, "I think you blew a seal." The penguin replied, "No, that's just ice cream on my beak."

Is that not the funniest corniest joke?? (I saw it on the web being told by monkeys so that makes it even more funny!)

[Sakib]

This penguin was having car problems. He takes his car to the mechanic. While he was waiting he went across the street for an ice cream. (Penguins love that stuff!) When he returned the mechanic told the penguin, "I think you blew a seal." The penguin replied, "No, that's just ice cream on my beak."

Is that not the funniest corniest joke?? (I saw it on the web being told by monkeys so that makes it even more funny!)

my jokes are funnier and theyre bad

[MR W,AXL ROSE]

i met a girl the other day.she had a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh.it was cool coz if you put your ear on it,you couldnt hear the seaside but you could smell it 

[Markus Asraelius]

What is it with all the members here and they're lousy jokes?

[Megaguns]

i met a girl the other day.she had a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh.it was cool coz if you put your ear on it,you couldnt hear the seaside but you could smell it?

hahahahaha, dirty dirt stuff...... lol 

[Megaguns]

i met a girl last week, she is a magician, we went for a drive and she turned into a motel.

[makane]

I managed to get this top secret clip of GN'R's 3rd guitarist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVHtfL3Wf-w&search=randomshreds
I definitely can see him playing stuff like NR and TWAT 

[Gunner80]

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth." Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

 

[D]

Your so ugly YO Momma had to feed u with a slingshot!

[Markus Asraelius]

Yo Momma so fat that you have to roll over twice to get off of her. 

[supaplex]

a drunk man walks out of a bar with a bottle of whisky in his hand. he puts the bottle in his chest pocket.
he walks down the street, he trips and falls down. with his eyes closed he takes his hand to his chest and feels something liquid. he then says to himself: "i hope it's blood"

[kaasupoltin]

Knock Knock.....

Who da fuck is there?

  Izzy?

Axl holding a Chinese Democracy CD.

Ahhahhahahahahhaha! The best joke ever  Maybe I'm just too sleepy..

[makane]