Oh. Fuck!!

[Elrothiel]

OK, I'm really really sorry for being so negative, but I really need to say all this...

OK, recently on the phone my BF has been relatively cold to me, and a break up has been on the cards for a while, and it'll probably come to an end soon...

Anyway, he called me today, and he was crying, and telling me how much he loved me and how I'm way too good for him... and that just made me cry and tell him the same thing... and then he told me that he really really felt like shit.
He said that when he went out the other night with his friends, he kissed a girl. That was it, but he still kissed her. He said that it was because he knows us two aren't gunna be together much longer and he thought that if he did it, he somehow wouldn't have to be alone after we split... but it didn't work.
He said he felt absolutely no emotion in the kiss whatsoever, and went home that night (alone, he can't even remember the girl's name) thinking "What the fuck have I done? Why did I do that!?" and he's been feeling like shit ever since.
He's got such a conscience, and he feels so awful about it. The good thing is that he knows for certain that he'll never ever do anything of the kind ever again, and that he can't understand all these people who cheat on their partners and have affairs.

I still love him, and I forgive him, but I'm still upset... I have this weird physical feeling... its a bit like a deadened version of pins and needles... like pins and needles WANTS to happen, but my skin seems to have gone numb... and I'm all shaky, and my stomach hurts (although that might just be from crying)... I'm really hurt by this, and I know this is awful to say, but I feel better knowing that he feels bad for doing it...   

Another bad thing he said is that... he's coming over on Monday, but he said that... well... he said he doesn't want to because he needs time to get past this, but he's coming over anyway for me...
I hope that when he does come over I can somehow make him feel better about all this... because really I do forgive him because he told me. He told me and he was crying. His honesty really is one of his best qualities... yea it hurts to know that he did that... and I think that's giving me this horrible pins and needles type thing...

I would really appreciate it if you guys could help me out... anyone got any spare shoulders for me to cry on? 

[blaqktiger]

Hey... Sorry to hear this... but when I was with you both I got the impression your a very strong couple... He told you about this and was honest.. and you know how upset he was that he did this to you... It still must really kill for you... but you gotta look at positive things..

You two go great together and I really hope you stand by eachother for this and rebuild a stronger relationship... You guys both rock 

Dan

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

maybe he lied and he actually banged another chick !?

[anythinggoes]

maybe he lied and he actually banged another chick !?

Well youre a fucking great help aint ya


If you two are strong enough and love each other enough it will work out but if either one of you isnt happy then you are both young enough to move on especially as you havent tied yourselves down with commitments. The only way to resolve things is to talk i found this out too late myself. So talk be honest be brutal if needed and see where it takes you, best of luck   

[blaqktiger]

Let me know if you want to talk.. i'm always here 

[slashisvr]

sorry to hear this, now dont freak by what im guna say, obviously i dont know whats gone on between you 2 etc etc, but im with a girl who did exactly the same thing, things were great between us and then she did that when she was drunk, just a kiss, iv forgive her, but things have never been the same since, it just feels to me like we are together for the sake of not being alone, its a horrible state to be in..... i wish i ended it while i had the chance,

but now she is still madly in love and i am not it feels like i dont knwo her, we never recovered from that moment, if you want my advice.....break up, it is less painfull than holding out trying to make it work!

but like i said i dont know nothing about you two

hope whatever you do makes ya happy?

[Elrothiel]

Thanks guys! You're all great (except for you WAT-EVER... where do you get off!?) and your advice is very well taken!

Hey... Sorry to hear this... but when I was with you both I got the impression your a very strong couple... He told you about this and was honest.. and you know how upset he was that he did this to you... It still must really kill for you... but you gotta look at positive things..

You two go great together and I really hope you stand by eachother for this and rebuild a stronger relationship... You guys both rock

Dan

Hehe thanks a lot man, and yea I'm trying to see the positive side in all this to try and come out stronger on the other side... hopefully with him by my side! And I might have to take you up on your offer of talking some time... when it gets tough...

If you two are strong enough and love each other enough it will work out but if either one of you isnt happy then you are both young enough to move on especially as you havent tied yourselves down with commitments. The only way to resolve things is to talk i found this out too late myself. So talk be honest be brutal if needed and see where it takes you, best of luck

Well whatever happens I'm gunna try my fuckin' hardest to work this out and stay strong. We're staying together for the time being... to see how it goes, and I'm gunna do everything I can to help him as well because in all honesty I think this has been harder on him than it has on me... he's an INCREDIBLY honest person, and its the first time he's ever done anything like this... but at least he knows now that he can't do it again! I'm drumming it into his head that he's just gone through a learning experience, one that will make him stronger if he can get through it. And if I can get through it as well then I'll also be stronger.

sorry to hear this, now dont freak by what im guna say, obviously i dont know whats gone on between you 2 etc etc, but im with a girl who did exactly the same thing, things were great between us and then she did that when she was drunk, just a kiss, iv forgive her, but things have never been the same since, it just feels to me like we are together for the sake of not being alone, its a horrible state to be in..... i wish i ended it while i had the chance,

but now she is still madly in love and i am not it feels like i dont knwo her, we never recovered from that moment, if you want my advice.....break up, it is less painfull than holding out trying to make it work!

but like i said i dont know nothing about you two

hope whatever you do makes ya happy 

I'm not gunna freak out at what you said... but for the moment I'm gunna try and work through this to ease the pain... and also try to help him out too because TBH he seems more affected by this than me... he just feels really terrible for doing it in the first place... and I'm gunna help him get through it because he needs it. Without it, he'll spiral down into a world of depression. He's already depressed, and I'm not gunna make it worse for him... he's had bad experiences in the past with GFs, and I'm gunna do my darndest to make sure that IF we end up breaking up, we stay friends and that we always love each other. I know I'll always love him, and he's said to me countless times that he'll always love me... so hopefully everything will work out well.


Thankyou everyone for your advice!!! You're all brilliant! (except... like I said before... WAT-EVER (what's his problem anyway?))

[Shirell]

Hi hun, I'm gonna be honest because I believe that's the only kind of advice that's of any use okay ?Now you know I've had my own problems lately so you also know that I can honestly say I know how upset you are right now. One thing that is troubling me with what you say is that you want to make him feel better because he feels like shit. ?Well, so he should love. ?He should feel like shit and it's not a bad thing that he does. ?I dont think you should be making him feel better it should be him proving that he wont do anything like that again. ?You also said that a break up has been on the cards for a while now, maybe the relationship has just run its course. ?It may be better for you both to take a break from each other for a while and try to see how you really feel. ?It is real hard to understand your feelings for someone when you are in the relationship, sometimes a step back makes the view a whole lot clearer. ?I'm not saying you should permenantly split with him but maybe some 'time off' might help right now. ?I certainly wouldnt be doing the 'there there, never mind' routine, let him feel like shit it will do him good. ?At the end of the day you've got to do what is right for you but, from experience I know that if you tolerate any degree of cheating even once, its like a free ticket to further 'ofending' especially if you seem to come across all understanding. ?Let him see how much he has hurt you and make him understand that if he loves you and is with you then with YOU and you alone is how it must be. ?Best of luck, take care.

[slashisvr]

good luck 

[Elrothiel]

Hi hun, I'm gonna be honest because I believe that's the only kind of advice that's of any use okay  Now you know I've had my own problems lately so you also know that I can honestly say I know how upset you are right now. One thing that is troubling me with what you say is that you want to make him feel better because he feels like shit.  Well, so he should love.  He should feel like shit and it's not a bad thing that he does.  I dont think you should be making him feel better it should be him proving that he wont do anything like that again.  You also said that a break up has been on the cards for a while now, maybe the relationship has just run its course.  It may be better for you both to take a break from each other for a while and try to see how you really feel.  It is real hard to understand your feelings for someone when you are in the relationship, sometimes a step back makes the view a whole lot clearer.  I'm not saying you should permenantly split with him but maybe some 'time off' might help right now.  I certainly wouldnt be doing the 'there there, never mind' routine, let him feel like shit it will do him good.  At the end of the day you've got to do what is right for you but, from experience I know that if you tolerate any degree of cheating even once, its like a free ticket to further 'ofending' especially if you seem to come across all understanding.  Let him see how much he has hurt you and make him understand that if he loves you and is with you then with YOU and you alone is how it must be.  Best of luck, take care.

Aww thanks PTU... I definitely see where you're coming from... he knows how much he's hurt me though, that's what is hurting him... because he know's he's hurt me and he really feels terrible...
I'm not doing the "there there nevermind" thing though ... I'm doing the, "well now you know how shit you feel so you won't ever do it again" thing.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that he feels guilt! I'm glad about that! Obviously I'd rather he hadn't have done it at all, but it has happened, and he's not ever done anything like it before, and he never will.

If someone makes a mistake once, and they feel utterly shit about it, then they should be forgiven... TWICE however, extreme anger and not so quick to forgive. Three times, NO WAY!

I do still love him, and he still loves me... perhaps more now. And I really want to try and work through this.

Thankyou though! *hug*

And thankyou SlashIsVR for the luck! *hug*

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

(except for you WAT-EVER... where do you get off!?)  (except... like I said before... WAT-EVER (what's his problem anyway?))

i'm retarded

[Danny Top Hat]

*Slap*

Stop being so emo. ?Pull yourself together woman.




...Not really. ?I think you should forgive him, because I think you want to (and I think you just said that..). ?Be loving but strict - make it clear that you won't put up with this kinda thing again. ?Tell him he's gotta be the best boyfriend in the world from now on. ?Have really great make-up sex with him. ?If you still love each other there's no reason to give up.

[Elrothiel]

Aww thankyou Danny! That's what I was gunna do anyway, thankyou for reinforcing that opinion!!

[Mr. Dick Purple]

Well Im very sorry to hear this but I gotta tell you something and its gonna hurt, so be prepared. A cheater is always a cheater will never change, I remember a friend that always like to cheat to his girlfriends and always have his doubts when it comes to jelousy, Im saying that is ok for you to forgive him but never think he wont do it again, always have that in mind, dreadfully your confidence has been broken and it's unrepairable. I wish you both good luck and try to keep together 

[Elrothiel]

DP you gotta understand... he's NEVER cheated before. Ever. Not once. And he's a really really honest person and he feels absolutely terrible for just kissing that girl... and he knows now that he's not ever gunna do it again.

I am gunna get through this, and I'm not gunna let my confidence be broken. I'm not like that! It may sound stupid, but I still trust him. He's honest... and he told me, and I'm glad he told me. Yes it hurts, but its so much better than him just letting me believe that he didn't do anything and him having bottle up that guilt. That's bad.
What he DID was bad, but him telling me is good.

Thanks though!

[Mr. Dick Purple]

Yes I know that and I think is great you do that, but a person minds is very difficult to understand and once you have done something that perhaps you didnt like the first time it could end up repeating the same mistake, hope this is not the case and yes you should feel very releave that he trusted you a lot of people dont do that, we acuarians rocks jejeje 

[Elrothiel]

I understand what you're saying, but there is no way he'll ever do that again. He's come outta this feeling shit, and he won't want to feel like that again any time ever! Its like taking a bite out of a bit of cake and then getting an electric shock... he won't be takin' another bite!

And yes, you Aquarians do rock!

[horsey]

it might be worth working things out.just give it some time to see.



me im getting out of my g/f thing.after 4 years i can't feel the same.she goes with every guy she meets up with.and that bothers me about her.so im getting rid of that relasionship right now.im kinna tierd of the head games she plays all the time.it's done as far as im concerned.not that you shoud do the same.mine is totally different.

[Elrothiel]

Thanks Horsey, I will do that

I hope things work out alright for you too! *hug*

[slashisvr]

hope things goes cool skynyrdgirl you're problem has made me realise a few things about my relationship and its gone but i duno what to do!im not a heartbreaker lol