Becoming a man (or woman, if you like)

[Danny Top Hat]

Hey homies, how's it going?

...Great to hear it! ? Anyway, I turned 20 earlier this year and this has been something that's been playing on my mind a bit lately.? Don't worry, i'm not gonna go all Rocksteady on you all, I just was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on what 'being a man' is actually about, and why I still don't feel like i'm there yet.?

I know one thing - facial hair alone won't do the trick.? Hell, i'm hairy just about everywhere and still get called 'kid' from time to time.? Is it about attitude?? Height?? Life experience? ? I'm irritatingly middle-class and have had a lot of things handed to me on a plate which has left me quite naive at times.? My last girlfriend mothered me way too much without me really noticing so I didn't grow up at all in the three years I was with her.? I was all "I like my childlike heart, I never wanna lose it" and that's still true - but a 20 year old who still wants to be a kid is never gonna make anything of his life (except maybe Michael Jackson, but I don't wanna be like him).

So anyways, i'm trying to use this summer break to sort myself out and get organised.? I've already started by giving up on weed (except at parties, and even then i'm keeping it minimal) and i've got a job interview on tuesday that i'm praying i'm gonna get.? The next step after that is to stock up on a few new clothes I think (not boring adult clothes, but something different that maybe I wouldn't usually think of wearing).? I also wanna start teaching guitar to beginners and i'm gonna use this summer to get that started if I can.? I don't wanna waste my time playing video games like i've done before - I wanna feel like an adult for a change.

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If anyone has any tips on what to do next they'd be much appreciated, but this thread isn't supposed to just be about me.? Did anyone else start thinking like this when they turned 20 and if so what did you do?? Do girls have the same issues or is there less pressure when becoming a woman?


Edit: 'Cause I know somebody is gonna tell me I just need to get laid again, and they'll probably be right as well.? Don't worry, that's part of the plan too.? www.fastseduction.com - nice one andypa1

[Origen]

Becoming a man (or woman, if you like)

I thought this was going to be about Transexuals when I read the title.

[Markus Asraelius]

I think saying: "I'm a man (or woman.)" is more about where your attitude stands than anything.

[anythinggoes]

well at age 20 i was working full time 8-6 as a supervisor getting paid ?16 had moved into my own house paying a mortgage i had been with my partner (now ex) and she was and still is my only sexual partner (for now) for around 3 years at that point i owned my own car and was doing well for myself although like you i had been brought up middle upper class so never really wanted for too much although still had to work hard and long hours.

But still then i didnt feel like a man and now at 27 i still dont, i dont want to grow up i still want to have good times and working with motor mechanics most of them are the same so we get along great adults acting kids

sorry i was no help

[Danny Top Hat]

Don't get me wrong, I don't just wanna become a boring adult who's forgotten how to have a good time.? I really enjoy life and still know how to party (Wayne's World - sorry ).? The thing is - adults acting like kids are still treated like adults, whereas if I follow the path I was going before i'd just be a kid with a beard who's way out of his depth in the world and that sucks.

Sorry if this thread's too self-indulgent.? Like I said, it doesn't just have to be about me.

[Axls Locomotive]

www.fastseduction.com - nice one andypa1

you know, after asking about what is being a man about, and then you post that....it's so lame...why dont you look inside yourself instead of using other people's gimmicks...and no being laid doesnt make you a man...thats just the crap printed inside men's magazines

[Jim]

I'll be twenty later this year, and I'll miss being nineteen. Not that it's been a great year, it's probably been the worst of my latter teens, I just like the number. Not that it's been a bad year, either. Ugh, so many commas. As far as being a man goes, I guess that I'll sort that out after I finish university.

Seriously though, I did think that this was a sex change thread.

[axl_rose_700]

I'll be twenty later this year, and I'll miss being nineteen. Not that it's been a great year, it's probably been the worst of my latter teens, I just like the number. Not that it's been a bad year, either. Ugh, so many commas. As far as being a man goes, I guess that I'll sort that out after I finish university.

Seriously though, I did think that this was a sex change thread.

I'm in exactly the same boat as you Jim, although mine has been a shite year so far lol.

I thought this was a sex change thread too

[Danny Top Hat]

you know, after asking about what is being a man about, and then you post that....it's so lame...why dont you look inside yourself instead of using other people's gimmicks...and no being laid doesnt make you a man...thats just the crap printed inside men's magazines

Nonononononononononononono!

Not what it looks like - that was more a joke than anything cause I figured someone would say 'just get laid, dude'. ?Honestly, I did find it to be a pretty interesting website and a lot of it is very true, but I don't read it like the bible and i'm not looking to pick up every girl I meet. ?Also, It's not about using other people's gimmicks, it's more about how you present yourself to other people - keeping eyecontact, being confident, etc...? I know being a man isn't about getting laid all the time but after spending a year at uni watching other people get laid it does get pretty frustrating. ?I don't care whether other people judge me on that but I do care if my dick's just sitting there not being used. ?After going from constant sex with my girlfriend to no sex for a year my dick is understandably angry at me.

Jim - waiting till after Uni was my original plan but I wanna get myself ready for that time, is all. ?If I haven't grown up in two years then I will not be prepared for the real world and will fall on my knees. ?I'm trying to think ahead.

Maybe this thread was a bad idea but I figured this might be something people could relate to. ?I know i'm not the only one of my friends to worry about this kind of thing - everyone's moving on in different directions and things are changing. ?I'm not a fucking teenager anymore, so what am I if not an adult?? ?Bollocks, I didn't wanna sound like a wimp.


And it's not a sexchange thread you cocknoses.

[2NaFish]

i'm 21. went through all this when i turned 20. it's just a quarter-life crisis.

you'll be looking back on it n 6 months time and think you were just acting like an emo kid. "my life is a black abyss"

[-Jack-]

Be responcible
Be good to others
Set an example...

er... hmmm.. what eles? Overall just try to learn and be wise. Be a moral understanding person and you'll be set. All kinda basic advice really.

[Hammy]

I'm 20 and kind of stuck in the same position.

I never really had a plan i kind of just expected it to happen, maybe like during university or shortly after, although i've dropped out now, but i'll be going back in September.

I've been busy working these past few months (Door 2 Door Salesman....) and i find i get treated like a kid not like an adult (although one person the other day thought i was a copper ), the fact that i still get ID'd for stuff makes me feel young in itself especially when i'm out with my mates and they aren't. ?I kind of left a few things a bit late, i only started learning to drive 'bout 3 months or so ago and my friends all passed and got cars like 1 or 2 years since, not having a vehicle and still using public transport kind of kills the whole independance you expect to have. ?I also come from a middle class set up where i've had a lot of things handed to me, still living at home though i kind of still feel like a kid, at the moment i'm just going with the flow taking things as they come hoping things will kind of well, well actually i haven't really thought much about it, just hope my new college course goes ok and i'll weigh up how things go from there....

.....sorry not much help either and i like most was convinced this would be a sex change thread, i'm mildly disappointed

[Elrothiel]

I'm 20, and I'm a woman, and I know I can be immature at times, but seriously... I don't give a shit. I'll live my life the way I want to live it. I've been on a gap year in between my art college course things, and uh... I've done what I've wanted to do ever since I started education: Have A Really Really Long Break From It.

Gotta say though... it ain't all its cracked up to be. I'm actually SO thankful that my college holiday work has arrived! I can knuckle down and do something creative again!

Becoming "adult" is just feeling adult. It doesn't come with what you wear, it doesn't come with what you DON'T wear, and it doesn't come from time.

Seriously... some days you'll feel like a 10 year old, the next day you'll feel like a 90 year old, and some days you'll feel your actual age.

So you shouldn't fret about it. Just do what you wanna do... but don't lose track of who you really are! When you have a really long break from education and/or work... you think a LOT more about things, and you find out who you really are, what your principles are, what you think about certain things and WHY... and just a whoooole load of psychological stuff.

Be Yourself. That is how you become an adult. That is how you should just live ANYWAY regardless of age!

I get so sick of tweenagers all dressing the same and listening to the same exact music and just being sucked into every mainstream thing, and they don't even like it because they actually like it, they like it because its the "in thing" to like.

THAT is immature.

Mature is when you know what you like and you can make your OWN decisions.

And I'm going overboard... I think I'll leave it at that!

[Lisa]

k, cover your ears...I'm forty and a woman. To me being a woman (or man) is taking resposibility for your actions
and thoughts. It took me along time to get to this point and I still don't like it much. Life moves way too fast, don't waste anytime wondering what it is that makes you a man, just be one. Be kind and understanidng of others and never judge anyone till you have walked a mile in their shoes. Give when you are able, help seniors when you can because that will be you one day and help children because they are your future. Smile often and laugh everyday. Be good to your parents. Pay your bills on time...now I am rambling.....

[jarmo]

Being an adult doesn't man you have to give up everything you're doing as a teenager/kid.

I think when you start being able to take care of yourself, then you're an adult.

I also agree with this:

To me being a woman (or man) is taking resposibility for your actions and thoughts.

Some probably think I'm not acting my age because I don't take myself or everything else so seriously. I've also never gotten to the point in my life where everything is about how much stuff you own, or how much money you make, like so many others have.

So I guess I'm not the right person to ask....   




/jarmo

[Bill 213]

I guess for me it started when I was about 14.  I went to live with my grandma and I started to become self dependant.  I didn't have a curfew or anything and I usually could do whatever I wanted.  I hung out with the bad kids and did the cool thing for a while, but after that I just got bored with all that and smoking weed and such didn't seem fun anymore.  I washed my own clothes, I cooked my own food and when I turned 16 I got a job after school and got my own car (my gram co-signed, but I made all payments and insurance).  When I was 17 I graduated and joined the army as a Correctional Officer (usually a job you can't get in civilian life until you're 21 or older).  Basic training took the last bit of kid out of me there was.  It's not the fact that they yell at you, it's just that you really have to be strong and get yourself through and other people become dependant on you.  As for my regular job in the prison in the army, I was supervising inmates that were anywhere from 18 to late 40s.  I learned that there was no dicking around and I had to present myself in a serious manner.  When I came home on leave after 2 years, people barely recognized me and I didn't get along with any of my old friends.  I did a total 180 (not brainwashing, I just became very mature in my choices).  I hung out and partied at the bars and stuff, but it didn't deter me from anything.  When I finally moved back to PA after four years to become a civilian again all my old high school friends were still partying every night and smoking tons of weed and working shitty jobs that a high schooler would work over the summer.  Some even still shoplifted.  I hated when they tried to contact me and at times I felt bad, but I just couldn't fathom being around them anymore.  One thing about "growing up" is shedding your immature surroundings and become extremely self-dependant.  I wouldn't ask my parents for 2 cents even if I was homeless and poor these days.  But yeah man.....good luck, you'll find your way in due time.  It may take a little longer, but just remember....self-dependance.

[Genesis]

Independence and Maturity, I guess. The lack of the second is more telling of the two, I think. Some of my friends still clown around as though they were in school. Weird.

[misterID]

You mean you don't start becoming a man when you get pubes??

They lied to me!

[Natasha23]

When I turned 20 I was still in college and certainly didn't feel like an adult.  After I graduated, I moved back to New York to live with my parents who supported me while I worked because I wasn't making enough to live on my own.  I absolutely didn't feel like an adult having to sponge off of my parents, especially since I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and had trouble finding anything other than entry level office jobs (despite having my degree from Stanford).  When I was 24 I was in a really serious accident that left me injured and wheelchair bound for over a year.  After my accident, not only did I not feel like an adult, I reverted back to a state of complete childlike dependence on my mom.  I couldn't even get out of bed on my own.  I mention this because you go through phases in your life where you feel more adult, more independent and empowered, and other times you feel like "adulthood" is this abstract concept so far removed you'll never get there.
I'm 27 now, I own my own business, three homes, and I answer to nobody (even with my mother living next door to me) and I don't feel any closer to being an adult than I did before.  I guess I'm not sure what being an adult really means.  I think better questions to ask are do you know who you really are?  Do you know what your values are, what you believe in?  To ask if someone has reached adulthood kind of sounds like you're trying to get to an end point.  When I become an adult, my life will be a certain way, and I'll be all grown up... but everyone is a work in progress, and will remain so until the day we die.  At least that's what I believe. 
Danny---it sounds like you're on the right track.  Don't try to strive for "adulthood."  Strive to be the best person you can be, and let everything fall into place as it should.  There's something refreshing about retaining one's childlike spirit... none of the cynicism that comes with getting older but none of the naivete of our earlier years.

[EFISH]

just jot down some goals for yourself.

thats a good place to start.



and yes, I too thought this was a sex-change thread... which is how my curiousness (is that a word?) brought me here