Am I pathetic or what?

[Jada]

Was that really a photo of you or are you making fun of someone? Because you look just fine! I can't believe you think you're ugly.

 

[CheapJon]

u can't wait for the miracle to happen, if u want a miracle, be the fuckin miracle man

[SLCPUNK]

What happened to me in school sure didn't happen to everyone. Maybe about 4-5 people in the school got the same treatment. I missed out on everything good that's supposed to come with being a teenager, and experienced most of the horrible stuff that can come with it. And now your trying to tell me that the true bullshit is on the way   

Sure not all friends stab you in the back, I guess. But I have no friends left.  Although to me it's kinda like playing russian roulette with an empty gun, while wishing for some blanks.

And while you think it's great that I'm "only 21", to me every day that passes makes me think that I'm wasting my youth. And it's all the harder when I see most of my schoolmates being succesful. There was hope for me once but now it's probably gone if some miracle doesn't happen. In school they burn down your soul and take away your pride and self esteem. The fact that I'm still standing is mostly cause I'm leaning on sedatives and anti-depressants.

You aren't listening.

[Rocksteady]

Was that really a photo of you or are you making fun of someone? Because you look just fine! I can't believe you think you're ugly.

 

That was me. I don't remember if I said that I'm ugly(it's highly probable though), I think I said I'm not good looking/below average or something to that effect. But it doesn't matter what I'm thinking it's what others think that matters, thats the point. Some years ago I had the stupid idea of putting some pictures of me on a site you know where people rate each other and socialize and stuff. Well that project went down the toilet, that was why I wasn't too keen to post my pic here at first. Besides ugly wouldn't be that much of a problem if I wouldn't be so short. Sorry to bring that up again.

[D]

What happened to me in school sure didn't happen to everyone. Maybe about 4-5 people in the school got the same treatment. I missed out on everything good that's supposed to come with being a teenager, and experienced most of the horrible stuff that can come with it. And now your trying to tell me that the true bullshit is on the way   

Sure not all friends stab you in the back, I guess. But I have no friends left.  Although to me it's kinda like playing russian roulette with an empty gun, while wishing for some blanks.

And while you think it's great that I'm "only 21", to me every day that passes makes me think that I'm wasting my youth. And it's all the harder when I see most of my schoolmates being succesful. There was hope for me once but now it's probably gone if some miracle doesn't happen. In school they burn down your soul and take away your pride and self esteem. The fact that I'm still standing is mostly cause I'm leaning on sedatives and anti-depressants.

Youth is extremely overrated.

I am a late bloomer and I must say, I would be pissed now almost into my 30's if I had "PEAKED" in my teenage/early 20's.

There's tons of great stuff to come your way but u have to realize that everything isn't gonna be great. The sooner u realize that and get up and fight, the better, more productive life u can have.

I wasted pretty much my ENTIRE 20's being just like u are now and I am here to tell u, it doesn't get u any closer to where u want to be.

U have to take control of your life
U have to make the decision to be happy
U have to stop letting people who don't matter bring u down.

U have to ask yourself a question:

Has anything U've done up till this point made your life better?

If not, that means u need to stop making excuses, u need to stop trying things "YOUR" way or "Societies" Way and start figuring out what it will take to make U happy.

Fuck what anyone else says, thinks or feels. U gotta worry about u.

There is another old saying I will probably screw up but it says something to the affect "If you knew how little people thought about u, u wouldn't care WHAT they thought about u."

No truer words have been spoken.

We as humans dress certain ways, buy shit we don't need, act certain ways, all because of an illusion of this image we want people to see us as when in reality 99 percent of the population don't care.

so be yourself, live your life for u.

AMEN! Lets pass that damn collection plate around already.

[Rocksteady]

I think there is really only one thing that I've done that has made my life a little better. That was when i started to work out, I am not that weak anymore and don't look like I'm made of sticks.

There are a few things I have tried to do that would improve my life. Some of them have worked for sometime and then had a backlash(trying to be friends with some guys I know) others haven't worked at all.

I get most of the stuff you guys are saying. But thoughts and ideas are one thing, executing them in reality is something different. Although I have been trying more or less my whole life, just sometimes I feel it's hopeless.
But I have always thought that until I feel the urge to cut myself, theres's still some hope.

I guess most of you think I'm a big whiner and truly pathetic. Since I'm talking about that kinda stuff on a messageboard, but I don't have nobody else to talk to. And I really don't care anymore.

[D]

Dude, I was you like 5 years ago or something.

The key is to get where u can depend on YOURSELF to be happy. If you are counting on other people or other things for your happiness, U will come up short every single time. U can never give any individual or individuals the power to dictate whether or not u are gonna be happy or sad.

It takes time but you need to really learn who you are, what makes u tick, what u like, what u hate and try to do things u like while staying away from shit u hate.

Killing yourself definitely isnt the answer. Hell I've had suicidal thoughts for years and then I realize that if I do that, I will miss out on all the great moments.


I think every person has a period or periods of their life where they are just tested. The period of Murphy's Law. Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Basically, that is your life experience and your learning/growing/evolving. Ok Kid, here is a huge shit storm of stuff. Now lets see u get out of it.

I think a lot of that determines our spot in the next world if u believe in that sort of thing. Everyone has their crosses to bare. No one has an easy life. The greatest looknig, rich, privileged people to us seem like they live on easy street but everyone deals with shit.

Now if u have a legit Bi Polar or other mental condition, then NO, this won't fix it. Therapy maybe medication etc.

If u don't though, all this advice in this thread is great.

[$$$$]

holy shit, this thread has gotten heavy and depressing

u sound like youve pretty much hit rock bottom from the way your talking so why not "just giver". your already at the bottom, you cant go anywhere but up.

 life is over before you know it, then who cares. thats what someone told me once, and its so true.

just do exactly what you wanna do and fuck everyone else. Ive got tons of insecurities but ive gotten 1000X better in the last few years by just shutting out what other people might think of me and just doing what i want to do.

[D]

wtf, you're a liar  that aint an ugly bro! 

that guy has intense eyes and pretty much perfect fkn eyebrows


fuck i had worse acne problems when i was like 10-15

John........ is there a closet u would like to step out of??

[D]

Dude. Ok. I'm a cougar and I would do you in a heartbeat but I have a husband and kids now. You are depressed because you don't have direction in your life and you think everyone else's direction is pointed at you.

Get your GED - truthfully unless you come from billions of dollars, it is really going to matter. Screw math - first off you can get a tutor, second, if you combine all the grades together, I don't think math will affect your overall GPA by that much in order to screw you out of graduating. You will be sooo pissed at your self if you don't do this.

Go to a trade school - explore your interests. You don't have to go into higher education at a college - there are so many other things you could do.

And screw people who judge you based on your looks - maybe they are talking about the fact that you dropped out - not that you are bad looking. The best revenge is success. You should go back and get the damn GED.

There is way more to a person than looks. I had to take super baby deforming drug Accutance because my acne was so bad, I started to get pock marks but didn't want that to happen so I took the chance of going on this drug to get rid of the acne - I had to do it twice!!!! And it took me another ten years to get lasik surgery so I wouldn't have to wear my glasses anymore but I never did mind them - I got sick of them breaking when I got drunk.

and you need to find some new friends in your area that like the kinds of things you like - everyone here is right - get out and get in. I can't believe you cannot find friends who like the same music? All the bands you named are pretty killer.

And finally, get off the prescription meds - they are a mask - you are hiding from yourself - they are downers and they are really damn dangerous - I know a friend whose daughter mixed one pain killer with alcohol and died. The friend was devastated. The truth is we really don't know how strong our bodies are really and you don't want to test the limits one day and have someone find you without a pulse. I am learning a lot about how drugs effect your body and you really don't want to mess.

Everyone here is right - don't listen to negativity - Jarmo won't allow it - and take the advice. And then please let us know how you are doing. You can't say it won't work unless you try and you can't try if you sit and complain or feel sorry for yourself.

Seriously, dude, at your age now, I bet you are sizzin

Pics or thats a work.

[ben9785]

Rocksteady I came into this thread late, but wanted to offer you my support.

I know exactly what you are going through man. I went through all sorts of shit in high school.

My so called "friends" were all a bunch of fuckwits who wanted to be with the "popular" and "cool guys". Because I was such a "good friend", I became the foundation of a number of rumours they circulated to "cause controversy" and "get in with the popular guys". I personally didn't give a shit about being popular with anyone, and I still don't to this day.

Because of these rumours, and otherwise being a "loner" (but only because I didn't want to hang around any of these idiots), no girls would take me seriously, except for one easygoing girl who in the last few months of school I found out liked alot of the same bands I did (but I never got into a relationship or anything with her).

As a result of that I don't have any big group of "friends" who I'm still with after leaving school. I only just have a small number of friends now I made at concerts, at work etc.

But I don't give a fuck. I just pass my days going to work, listening to music, playing guitar, watching films, and going to see friends. I don't even go to bars or clubs much, not necessarily because I'm ugly and I can't dance for shit, but the truth is the whole womanizing shit bores me. I'd rather just meet with friends sometimes.

What about female companionship? Yeah I meet them. At concerts. At stores near where I work. In the library. See if I give a shit what anyone thinks about that.

Anyway Rocksteady man, don't let the world get you down. But at the same time, don't make yourself down. Find some interests. Join forums. Make friends from Myspace if you have to, who cares where you meet the people, its the quality of the person that matters. Even better if you meet new people based on a shared interest and go out and share the interest, whether it is gaming, or sports, or jamming in a band, whatever.


Take care.

Ben.

[CheapJon]

wtf, you're a liar  that aint an ugly bro! 

that guy has intense eyes and pretty much perfect fkn eyebrows


fuck i had worse acne problems when i was like 10-15

John........ is there a closet u would like to step out of??

oh, Donald, Donald, Donald  .. My name is Jon u know

and yeah i'm sorry that you had to find out this way but.. uhm yeah.. it's exactly what u suspected all along.. everytime you're getting home early i'm hiding in your gf's closet..

come say hello right now

[CheapJon]

btw man, i like how this works.. i'm getting her all heated up, u come home and do your minute-and-a-half-magic then falls asleep like a baby and i'll continue

[Layne Staley's Sunglasses]

Rocksteady, the proof is in the pudding man.

If you wanted to do something to yourself, you would have already done it.

It doesn't matter where you seek help from.  On a deep, subconscious level, you wanna find solutions and live a great life!

Don't be embarrassed, and for the love of Axl, stop apologizing!  There's nothing to be sorry for!

You're gonna be alright. 

[Sin Cut]

Great thing is Rocksteady, is u are only 21.

U are just getting into the thick of life and the bullshit that comes with it.

Soon u will learn to discard all of those people who make u feel this way and only associate with the ones who make u feel good.

Hey, I dont have many friends but the ones I do, don't stab u in the back, make fun of u, try to hurt u or bring u down.

Just remember everything u are going through, happens to everyone and u have to learn to handle it and change what u don't like.

Take me for instance.

I was fat, geeky etc

So what did i do?

I changed it. I worked out, lost a shit load of weight and was no longer fat, still somewhat geeky but its cool now.

A guy who use to talk to me a lot on here told me something very profound once.

He said basically and Im totally fucking this great piece of wisdom up

but something like, u decide how u feel, how u let someone make u feel and how u react to something.

So, if someone bullies u? Dont give them the satisfaction.


U may think I am crazy but there are two things that can solve your ills.

1. Learn to play a musical instrument

2. Start running

both have a way of ridding that anxiety and panic.

U are good at something, its just if u give up and have no confidence u will never find out.  not everyone is great at school, u just have to think about what u are interested in and give that a shot.

how gay is running?

now go train in boxing, now you get to feel good AND beat the shit of people if need be.

I know you don't believe that exercise will do any good. It will, but you got to make it a habbit so maybe it won't be the easiest step.

Some say you have to put your mind to it and you have it. Actually that's not true, you can think you want a keg of beer you can think of it all you want, but you actually have to go and buy it from the store. You can try running if you like D's gayway with pink spandex, or you can hog some from a teenager if you're mean enough.

But for the record there ain't one thing that comes in mind that I haven't had after I put my mind to it.

The girl I'm seeing now, when I laid my eyes on her I told my mate I'll have her (even tho it's easier to have than keep).
We went on a date a week from that. She weren't easy.

We're moving together soon.

Even tho we're going through a roughspot now and I can't help.
Her brother committed suicide a few months ago and and the days she feels from bad to worse and there ain't any miracles to pull.

And what about when I have a bad day and there's no one to turn to.

[lynn1961]

Rocksteady - I haven't replied, before, but this whole thing, here, makes me wonder.  Bottom line is - either you are for real or you are a bullshit poster. 

If you are for real, then I think you need some serious help - major counseling and therapy.  Hopefully you have been doing that.  If you're not getting help and answers, there, then find someone else.   

Again, if this is for real - you obviously have very low self esteem, and there is some underlying reason for that. 

At one point, you talked about "past nightmares".  What "past nightmares"? 

I'm thinking that there may be more about yourself that you need to figure out or what you have revealed, here.  And whatever that might be - it's going to be ok.       

[GNRreunioneventually]

wtf, you're a liar  that aint an ugly bro! 

that guy has intense eyes and pretty much perfect fkn eyebrows


fuck i had worse acne problems when i was like 10-15

John........ is there a closet u would like to step out of??

oh, Donald, Donald, Donald  .. My name is Jon u know

and yeah i'm sorry that you had to find out this way but.. uhm yeah.. it's exactly what u suspected all along.. everytime you're getting home early i'm hiding in your gf's closet..

come say hello right now

ZING, one for jon

[crazycheryl]

Dude. Ok. I'm a cougar and I would do you in a heartbeat but I have a husband and kids now. You are depressed because you don't have direction in your life and you think everyone else's direction is pointed at you.

Get your GED - truthfully unless you come from billions of dollars, it is really going to matter. Screw math - first off you can get a tutor, second, if you combine all the grades together, I don't think math will affect your overall GPA by that much in order to screw you out of graduating. You will be sooo pissed at your self if you don't do this.

Go to a trade school - explore your interests. You don't have to go into higher education at a college - there are so many other things you could do.

And screw people who judge you based on your looks - maybe they are talking about the fact that you dropped out - not that you are bad looking. The best revenge is success. You should go back and get the damn GED.

There is way more to a person than looks. I had to take super baby deforming drug Accutance because my acne was so bad, I started to get pock marks but didn't want that to happen so I took the chance of going on this drug to get rid of the acne - I had to do it twice!!!! And it took me another ten years to get lasik surgery so I wouldn't have to wear my glasses anymore but I never did mind them - I got sick of them breaking when I got drunk.

and you need to find some new friends in your area that like the kinds of things you like - everyone here is right - get out and get in. I can't believe you cannot find friends who like the same music? All the bands you named are pretty killer.

And finally, get off the prescription meds - they are a mask - you are hiding from yourself - they are downers and they are really damn dangerous - I know a friend whose daughter mixed one pain killer with alcohol and died. The friend was devastated. The truth is we really don't know how strong our bodies are really and you don't want to test the limits one day and have someone find you without a pulse. I am learning a lot about how drugs effect your body and you really don't want to mess.

Everyone here is right - don't listen to negativity - Jarmo won't allow it - and take the advice. And then please let us know how you are doing. You can't say it won't work unless you try and you can't try if you sit and complain or feel sorry for yourself.

Seriously, dude, at your age now, I bet you are sizzin

Pics or thats a work.

Huh? Sorry I just saw this. I know I know I have to get a pic. I keep forgetting to send myself one at work cause that's the only time I have time to post here. And I like to browse the subjects dude. But I promise I will soon.

[judaskennedy]

yup, u r

[D]

Pics or work means, If u don't show pics, it means u are fibbing and aren't really a cougar.