of all the message boards on the internet, this is one...
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
October 05, 2024, 08:24:06 PM
1 Hour
1 Day
1 Week
1 Month
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Search:
Advanced search
1228551
Posts in
43274
Topics by
9264
Members
Latest Member:
EllaGNR
Here Today... Gone To Hell!
Off Topic
The Jungle
funny as hell
0 Members and 3 Guests are viewing this topic.
« previous
next »
Pages:
[
1
]
Author
Topic: funny as hell (Read 2328 times)
dave-gnfnr2k
I left this board for good once
Banned
Legend
Karma: 0
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 7603
When all I've got is precious time
funny as hell
«
on:
May 09, 2006, 11:10:49 PM »
this is funny as hell must read
Body: I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Logged
This is for BabyGorilla and the people like him.
Before all my posts about subjective matters there should be an IMO before the post. I took this sig down but of course it has to go back up.
journey
Moondancer
Legend
Karma: 0
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 2454
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #1 on:
May 09, 2006, 11:37:13 PM »
Cruel but funny. I can see that relationship ending badly.
Logged
godiva
Guest
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #2 on:
May 10, 2006, 01:19:23 AM »
And you're still together? Little hint, this is a Dutch saying: if you want to stay King of your Castle, don't mess with the wife!
Good luck!
Logged
Eazy E
Backstreet's back
Legend
Karma: 0
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 4416
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #3 on:
May 10, 2006, 01:34:29 AM »
That's a good one... but I find it easier to relate to this one:
Just goes to show how differently men and women look at things...
HER DIARY
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant
and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today the Leafs lost. At least I got laid.
Logged
Sin Cut
Lovegun
Legend
Karma: 0
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 2497
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #4 on:
May 10, 2006, 02:26:49 AM »
Now Dave, this was funny as hell!
Actually this gave me an idea for a new thread
Logged
"The real reason a man hits on a girl - is to fight masturbation."
Evolution
Guest
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #5 on:
May 10, 2006, 06:21:37 AM »
Loved both stories
Nothing beats a good tables turning story.
Logged
Danny Top Hat
Guest
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #6 on:
May 10, 2006, 07:09:21 AM »
Was the first story about Blue Cut?
Logged
Queen of Everything
Slash is Orgasmic (This title has been bumped by the poster)
Legend
Karma: 0
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 1803
Slash Can Ride....... Me!
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #7 on:
May 10, 2006, 07:18:22 AM »
Quote from: Danny Top Hat on May 10, 2006, 07:09:21 AM
Was the first story about Blue Cut?
Would it suprise you?
But, I must admit, He is very loyal to this current one!!!
Logged
Formerly "Drama_qween"... but still as cool.
www.myspace.com/jessheartsmusic
Sin Cut
Lovegun
Legend
Karma: 0
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 2497
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #8 on:
May 10, 2006, 08:05:37 AM »
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
Actually this part gave me the shiwers, had old Dave been watching me last night?
lol
Logged
"The real reason a man hits on a girl - is to fight masturbation."
Elrothiel
Guest
Re: funny as hell
«
Reply #9 on:
May 10, 2006, 12:57:54 PM »
Quote from: dave-gnfnr2k on May 09, 2006, 11:10:49 PM
this is funny as hell must read
Body: I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
HA!! That'll teach her!! Selfish beeyatch! Lookin' as if she was gunna kill ya eh? Well I bet you were lookin' as if you were gunna kill her the night before!
Sorry... I just get really pissed off when I hear stories of girls not wanting to fuck! Makes me wanna grab them by the shoulders, shake them around and yell at them: "WTF!!? If you love someone, don't you want them to make you feel good!! Don't you want to make THEM feel good!!? Gaaah!!!"
Logged
Pages:
[
1
]
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Guns N' Roses
-----------------------------
=> Guns N' Roses
=> GNN - GN'R News Network
=> Dead Horse
=> GN'R On Tour!
===> 2020 - 2022 Tours
===> Not In This Lifetime 2016-2019
===> World Tour 2009-14
===> Past tours
===> Europe 2006
===> North America 2006
===> World Tour 2007
-----------------------------
The Perils Of Rock N' Roll Decadence
-----------------------------
=> Solo & side projects + Ex-members
===> Duff, Slash & Velvet Revolver
=====> Spectacle - VR on tour
-----------------------------
Wake up, it's time to play!
-----------------------------
=> Nice Boys Don't Play Rock And Roll
=> Appetite For Collection
=> BUY Product
-----------------------------
Off Topic
-----------------------------
=> The Jungle
=> Bad Obsession
=> Fun N' Games
-----------------------------
Administrative
-----------------------------
=> Administrative, Feedback & Help
Loading...