How Axl saved Christmas

How Axl saved Christmas

Although many may not believe what I have to say
Tis a true story of what happened on Christmas 14 years ago today? ? ?
Santa was drinking coffee cup after cup
As you could imagine he was pretty tied up
The elves had to lift equipment as heavy as stones
At times they worked ?till they were nothing but dust n? bones
Santa and the elves would often feel queasy
And they would never say of life that it?s so easy
Although Santa loved Christmas and Mrs. Clause his lovely wife
His job was draining, it was a reckless life
?I need an apprentice, a partner, an heir, for you see
I feel as though death were out ta get me
Ever since I got my stoma
I feel as though this work is going to put me in a coma
I need to train a successor, or else Christmas will take a dive
And my apprentice can?t be no double talkin? jive? ?
A man who can control the elves by throwing a little fitty
Someone to make the North Pole a true paradise city?
As Santa pondered sitting on the floor
He heard a knock knock knockin? on heavens door? ?
Upon the threshold, there stood a man ?I heard your having a year that blows
?Well I?m here to tell you my name is Axl and anything goes?
Santa didn?t want all the children to go boo
And Said ?Axl, I?ll think about you.?
Axl was persistent and said he wouldn?t charge a fee
But added ?Please Santa, don?t damn me.?
Santa let out a loud laughing burst
?Axl my friend, many want to be my helper, you ain?t the first.?
Axl was angered and went into a stitch
?Hey fat man, back off bitch?
Estranged, and in great pain
Santa was also sick from the cold November rain
Axl looked at Santa and said ?for my service I wont charge a dime
?Please dear Santa, you could be mine.?
Santa didn?t want to hurt Axl and offered him some pie
?Axl? said Santa, ?you can be my helper, so please don?t cry?
Axl asked ?Santa, where?s your locomotive, or sled??
?Surely by now all the children are in bed.?
Santa, Axl, and the elves loaded the sled, first they would bring presents to the poor
Down in South America, where there was a civil war
Then Santa proclaimed:
?The nice boys
Get the best toys
The Sweet Child O? Mine
Will be treated so fine
But the children that are the bad apples and those who stole
Will get nothing this year but coal!?
All night long Santa and Axl flew the sky, giving presents by the billions
?Axl? Santa said ?You?ve saved Christmas, Your one in a million.?
After giving presents in parts of the world that were pretty
Santa said it was time to move to the city
Axl looked at the list and said ?Santa, little Sue Anne, for her we have a fur?
But Santa shook his head and proclaimed, ?She?s now bad, but I used to love her?
?You can say call me slow, your crazy
But that girl is lazy?
Axl, filled with Christmas spirit said ?Let?s give her a little something to make her sing
A piece of jewelry so big she could fit inside and get in the ring?
But the peaceful night came to a halt; Axl and Santa blew a fuse
When they went on top of a house and were greeted with shotgun blues? ?
Santa and Axl shouted with a frown
?What are you trying to do? Give us a breakdown??
A woman, named Michelle, shouted back ?get ready to rumble
?You?re in my world now, welcome to the jungle.
I am Mrs. Mean, otherwise known as the rocket queen
I hate Christmas and think fast you?re crazy
Bringing presents to children that all fat and lazy?
As they all stood in the garden, Axl had this to say:
?My Michelle, don?t make all the children of the world pay
We all go through times that are a bad spell
And sometimes life can seem as though it were right next door to hell
Life isn?t a pie in the sky
We all have to live and let die
If you watch the news or have a paper that you are readin?
You know very well that life ain?t no Garden of Eden
Some families don?t have a dime
Politicians always seem to get away with the perfect crime
The inner cities have a corrupt police force
I could go on and on, but that would be beating a dead horse
Focusing on humanities faults is a bad obsession and crime sometimes pays
But we must move on, have faith in the future and forget about yesterdays?
Michelle said she would have patience, repent at shooting, which was a sin
And that when she was done she would call her mamma kin
?I have found the true meaning of Christmas? Michelle said?
And just then decided to give up Mr. Brownstone, lest she wind up dead
To have saved a soul, Santa was quite pleased, and threw out his Paxil
?From now on, you are my successor, to be known by all as Santa Axl?
But their bodies were tired, ached and pained
So they sat there that Christmas, and shared a bottle of Nightrain.

And that is the Story of how Axl saved Christmas