I want to hear jokes about guitarists, drummers, GnR etc.

[Megaguns]

I want to laugh, Anyone got any good guitarist, musician jokes etc?  cmon guys i know you know some!!!

[Skeba]

Bass players can't change light bulbs because they're stupid.

[Deez Nuts]

What's the difference between God and a Guitarist?

A: God doesn't think he is a guitarist

How do you know if someone plays guitar?

A: They will tell you

How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 50, one to do it and 49 to say they could do it better

[Jessica]

.Q: What's the difference between a bass and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.

2.Q: Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
A: Even a virus has some pride.

3.Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Never mind. The piano player can do it with his left hand.

4.Q: What's the first thing a bass player says when he knocks on your door?
A: "Pizza!"

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final outpost of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. They immediately notice the ceaseless thrumming of native drums. As they venture further into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night, for weeks.

The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this, and the native's only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very BAD if drums stop."

The drumming continues, night and day, until one night, six weeks into the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent. Immediately the natives run screaming from their huts, covering their ears. The scientists grab one boy and demand "What is it? The drums have stopped!"

The terror-stricken youth replies "Yes! Drums stop! VERY BAD!"

The scientists ask "Why? Why? What will happen?"

Wild-eyed, the boy responds,

" . . . BASS SOLO!!!" -

[Jessica]

Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!


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from the Drummers Dictionary:
Accelerando, n. drum fill; solo


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What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.


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Why to bands need Roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.


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Two drummers walk into a bar...
which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.
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A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".

The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."


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Q: What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A: Farfromthinken


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To get this joke, you probably have to know about the legendary unpopularity of Buddy Rich amongst his band...
A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumour that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"

Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.

A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"

"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.

Ten minuted later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.

She recognised his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.

Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.

Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D. DEAD. Why do you keep ringing me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"

He thought for a moment, and said: "I just love hearing you say it."