Advice really needed...and appreciated

[Captain Obvious]

Edit: Thanks to whoever replied, i think this topic should be over.

Im glad i started this thread because it allowed me to see what a wuss I have been acting like for the past two weeks about everthing. Maybe just tired. I think everything is back to normal.

[Surfrider]

C)

You will get over her.  Just wait till another comes along.

[Tied-Up]

Fuck, I never thought I would start one of these. Ever.

I know its no big deal and it does sound like another oh-so-in-love-crap-thread, but surely someone must have had some experience in this.

What do you do when you truly, deeply like a person who is married. You are freinds with this person and will have to see them almost every day for the next few years. Seeing how you find it more and more difficult to continue this, never being able to get it off your mind and yet, forever being trapped in a helpless position, do you

A) break up the friendship, telling the truth, putting a stain on the friendship and alienating other friends (word travels quickly). At least you make a final impression.

B) break up the friendship step by step, gradually drifting apart, not telling the truth and becoming one of those people who say hi to each other once in 3 months.? You fade away from the person's life and will probably never be remembered.

C) stick it out, become a good actor, and ignore anything you might feel. Perhaps just appreciate the friendship. Everytime you feel a bitter taste in your mouth, ignore it like it isn't there. I have been doing this until now but don't think I can keep losing hairs and hours of sleep like this.? Maybe this is the honourable thing to do, but doesn't feel natural.

I can't think of any other options. If you're going to say something like "become gay" or "tell her you have a 14inch wang", don't bother, but I can't blame you, I would probably say something like that myself.

I'm not going to give you any of these options, because they're too black and white. 

I would need to know more about your past before I could give you any decent advice.  For example... have you been hurt before, how often, how badly?

the reason I ask is this:  It is a classic pattern for someone to fall in to ... if they've been hurt badly... to fall for someone they can't have.  It's a sort of protective mechanism.  Ultimately though, you wind up hurting yourself worse, because you start limiting your options unconsciously.

I don't think you should break the friendship off... friendship is a treasure, even with someone we may have desires for/had desires for at one time.  Don't destroy that.  But I do think you should open yourself up to more options so that you don't feel like you're yearning for the one you can't have. 

[Jessica]

Most important question:

Is she happy with him ?

If she isn't, you have nothing to lose.

[Genesis]

Is she happy with him ?
If she isn't, you have nothing to lose.

That isn't an excuse to walk all over someone else's marriage. There are other fish in the sea. Or else, wait.

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

Most important question:

Is she happy with him ?

If she isn't, you have nothing to lose.

you're such a slut !!!
i kid ! I KID !!!!!



tell the girl " gurl, you could totally do waaaayyy better than him ! "

[Jessica]

Is she happy with him ?
If she isn't, you have nothing to lose.

That isn't an excuse to walk all over someone else's marriage. There are other fish in the sea. Or else, wait.

Well, when i didn't have the strengh to leave, i wish someone had had the guts to walk all over us, then, i'd be free ...

I am sure some people know deep down they have what it takes to make that person happy, why should they stop from trying ?

Just because someone else is with the person, obviously, not caring as they should if they really loved them and being what ? not in love, just " possessive" about them ?

That's not good enough

[Genesis]

Well, when i didn't have the strengh to leave, i wish someone had had the guts to walk all over us, then, i'd be free ...

1) Not all marriages are like that.

I am sure some people know deep down they have what it takes to make that person happy, why should they stop from trying ?

2) Bcoz, she's already married, for fuck's sake. (Correct me, but that should mean something)

Just because someone else is with the person, obviously, not caring as they should if they really loved them and being what ? not in love, just " possessive" about them ?

3) Nothing like that is mentioned in his post and u shouldn't assume that her marriage isn't working just bcoz he likes her a lot.

[journey]

It's not a good idea to get involved with someone who's married, especially if there's children involved.  Breaking up a marriage and home is serious. You need to think beyond yourself when making your choice. 

[Sterlingdog]

I'm married, and my best friend is a single man, actually he's an ex-boyfriend from about 10 years ago.  Your post made me think what I would want if he was feeling the way you are.  The truth is, I'd be devastated to lose my friend.  The selfish part of me would want him just to stick it out so I didn't lose someone so important to me.  But as a real friend, I also wouldn't want him to be miserable. 

I think if you choose just to stick it out and not say anything, eventually the feelings will be less intense, even if they don't go away completely.   Don't plan on the relationship changing, just imagine in 6 months from now if nothing has changed, can you deal with that? I guess you have to decide if keeping the friendship is worth the current amount of pain.  I'd be willing to endure alot of pain to keep my friendship with the person I mentioned because he means so much to me.  But I wouldn't ask him to go through that for me. 

[Sterlingdog]

What will you do if say, in a week or two, she asks you what's wrong?  Most women are pretty perceptive about stuff like that.  What will you tell her?

[Sterlingdog]

I wish I could think of some better advice for you.  But it just looks like a no win situation right now.  Part of me just feels really sorry for her, since I can totally empathize with her position.

Do you think it wouldn't hurt so much if you just gave it a little bit of distance, but didn't cut her off completely?  Then at least the option would be there to regain the friendship if your feelings changed.

[journey]

It's very hard to give up a friendship, but sometimes certain situations make it inevitable. It'll obviously be harder for you, because you see her everyday. You might need to change your work schedule, or switch to a different department in order for that to work.

[shades]

Shes married, get a life.

Dont mean to make that sound harsh, but Christ man, the women is married.
If you cant control your feelings around her, then dont go around her.
I can think of a few married women I would like to get with, but self control is a part of life dude.