mother-in-law, grow some balls

[Sin Cut]

My gf went to her folks yesterday.
We've been dating for about 5 months now.

There her mother started to demand to know where and how she had spent her money. So she paid around 150e of the rent (450e total) and she has been giving me sometimes money for fuel and bought some food. I didn't ask her rent for this month, I just got a house loan, it's not like I'm short of cash. I also paid the majority of any expences

Her mother starts accusing what a bad man I am, for her it would be fair if my gf would only be paying for her own food and half of the water bill and the electricity. She also said that she must wonder when a guy doing two jobs is low of cash.

She also said: "Why should you pay any rent when you ain't even living together for real, it's not like you're going to get married or anything"

The best for the last: "You need to pay rent so he could get drunk again, I hate to think if there would be a small baby involved."

Needless to say I'm furious, my fathers and alcoholic and I've done everything I could not to become him.

I'm calling her later this evening when I'm cooled down. I'll tell her that I heard that she maybe has something to tell me, since she don't have the balls to come to my face, or call me, but is doing everything behind my back. It's sad since after I've done that my gf and her ain't in speaking terms.

I won't explode on her, I'll just listen it through, and if she denies everything I'll tell her what she's been talking about me and that she might be my gf mother, but this is the last time we two speak and that I won't have her step in my house.

Her telling my gf, her daughter, that nothing good will come of me just goes too far. Her telling my gf to break up with me just goes a damn step too far!

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

how do you know what the mommy said ?

[Sin Cut]

how do you know what the mommy said ?

My gf told me

She also said "it's not like she really meant it"

So maybe there's something wrong with her head then, talking trash about her daughters bf and not meaning it.

And even is she "really didn't mean it" it doesn't make it any more right.

[SLCPUNK]

This situation sucks. My mother in law is condescending, rude, talks down to me, forces her religious and political views on me. All the while, overruling me when I discipline the kids....ug...I true pain in the ass. She has no idea how annoying, rude and obnoxious she is. I have sat at her dinner table many nights wanting to just unload on her. But the bottom line is that it would NOT change anything. It would "show her the light" and she would "realize her ways". She would just get angry and run off in a huff.

That being said I have also gotten into fights with my wife because she doesn't tell her Mom to cut it out. If that were my Mom coming down on her, I'd step in and ask her to respect my wife more. She doesn't want to stand up to her Mom because she also feels it won't do any good. Although I see this, it still angers me.

In the long run, I have just decided to do the best I can do. Her mom is an idiot and I can only work hard and be the best guy I can be. I try to avoid her Mom at all costs and will NOT hang out with her. It's that simple. She's gotten all pissy because I won't come over for family events, but she does not understand that I want nothing to do with her.

Ask your girl if she'd stand up to her Mom a bit and not let her talk about you like that. And just work hard, and prove her wrong. That is all you can do. Use her negative views (probably she is just scared to see her daughter with a man)  of you (don't take it personal too, she'd be like that about any guy probably) and use it to motivate you.

[journey]

You shouldn't take what her mother says too personally. Some mothers are very protective of their daughters, and they'll try to find anything about their boyfriend/husband to complain about.

I'm sure your girlfriend appreciates you working two jobs. And when you live together or are married, you become a financial team, as in sharing each others money. Somtimes it isn't possible to split money straight down the middle, because one of you may make more than the other.

Don't worry about what her mother thinks of you, because she doesn't know you, and therefore can't appreciate who you really are. As long as you and your girlfriend are happy with how things are, that's all that matters. ?

[Sin Cut]

This situation sucks. My mother in law is condescending, rude, talks down to me, forces her religious and political views on me. All the while, overruling me when I discipline the kids....ug...I true pain in the ass. She has no idea how annoying, rude and obnoxious she is. I have sat at her dinner table many nights wanting to just unload on her. But the bottom line is that it would NOT change anything. It would "show her the light" and she would "realize her ways". She would just get angry and run off in a huff.

That being said I have also gotten into fights with my wife because she doesn't tell her Mom to cut it out. If that were my Mom coming down on her, I'd step in and ask her to respect my wife more. She doesn't want to stand up to her Mom because she also feels it won't do any good. Although I see this, it still angers me.

In the long run, I have just decided to do the best I can do. Her mom is an idiot and I can only work hard and be the best guy I can be. I try to avoid her Mom at all costs and will NOT hang out with her. It's that simple. She's gotten all pissy because I won't come over for family events, but she does not understand that I want nothing to do with her.

Ask your girl if she'd stand up to her Mom a bit and not let her talk about you like that. And just work hard, and prove her wrong. That is all you can do. Use her negative views (probably she is just scared to see her daughter with a man)? of you (don't take it personal too, she'd be like that about any guy probably) and use it to motivate you.

Yeah, it would be a good idea just to let it be. I think it would be the easiest way out, if I don't count the fact that I have to see her again. But then, next time my gf goes over and the same shit hits the fan. And again. And again. Her mother hit the nerve saying I drink my gf's money and would be the father from hell. And do I, do we, really need her advice, her negative comments?

SLC, is there really any positive spin of having the mother-in-law around?

Yes, I know her mother won't change, but calling her, listening what she have to say, making her confront me and grow a set of, well.. and not taking any part of the calling names amd then telling her that it is the best if we don't see each other, and that she is not welcome. Then maybe she would understand I have my dignity, and it's time for her to learn some respect.

[Sterlingdog]

Everytime someone posts a relationship question on here, there are several people who say get out now, you don't need that, etc.  And I always think that's not really realistic.  Most people aren't going to leave a relationship no matter how unheathly it is.  But...

I'm a little unclear if you are engaged?  Thinking about it?

In any case, let me caution you about getting married in this situation.  I know what its like to have a horrible mother in law.  I thought it didn't matter when I got married, that I loved my husband enough to deal with any of my mother in law's nonsense.  But honestly, if I had any real understanding of what life would be like with this woman's behavior, I would not have gotten married.  And it only gets worse once you have kids.

And you are in a worse situation than me, because you are dealing with a mother and daughter.  You won't win here, you can't get between them no matter what your girlfriend says.  You will always be second in your girlfriend's life, she will answer to her mother first. 

Just picture the situation you have now, times 10 when you get married. 

[journey]

Everytime someone posts a relationship question on here, there are several people who say get out now, you don't need that, etc.? And I always think that's not really realistic.? Most people aren't going to leave a relationship no matter how unheathly it is.? But...



In any case, let me caution you about getting married in this situation.? I know what its like to have a horrible mother in law.? I thought it didn't matter when I got married, that I loved my husband enough to deal with any of my mother in law's nonsense.? But honestly, if I had any real understanding of what life would be like with this woman's behavior, I would not have gotten married.?
 

What would you have done? Let his mom dictate the direction of your life?

Out of a hundred great things about your marriage, you dwell on one negative aspect. If he had married someone else, his mother would find something wrong with her, and she'd meddle in their business. Some people are just nosy and have nothing better to do than complain about others.

A lot of parents are scared for their children, even after they're grown and married. They want them to make the right decisions, and to be happy. But sometimes they turn that fear into control and push their children away.

[Sterlingdog]

Everytime someone posts a relationship question on here, there are several people who say get out now, you don't need that, etc.? And I always think that's not really realistic.? Most people aren't going to leave a relationship no matter how unheathly it is.? But...



In any case, let me caution you about getting married in this situation.? I know what its like to have a horrible mother in law.? I thought it didn't matter when I got married, that I loved my husband enough to deal with any of my mother in law's nonsense.? But honestly, if I had any real understanding of what life would be like with this woman's behavior, I would not have gotten married.?
 

What would you have done? Let his mom dictate the direction of your life?

Out of a hundred great things about your marriage, you dwell on one negative aspect. If he had married someone else, his mother would find something wrong with her, and she'd meddle in their business. Some people are just nosy and have nothing better to do than complain about others.

A lot of parents are scared for their children, even after they're grown and married. They want them to make the right decisions, and to be happy. But sometimes they turn that fear into control and push their children away.

Its not about letting someone dictate the direction of your life, its about making choices.  If I could, I would not choose to have that woman in my life.  Now I'm stuck with her. Its not about her being scared for her child, she is a bad person.  Stupid, vicious, and cruel.  But the only way I can have her out of my life is to get divorced.   

You don't know if there are 100 great things about my marriage, or 1000.  This thread isn't about my marriage, we are discussing mother in laws. And my point is that having a mother in law who doesn't know how to stay out of your life and keep her mouth shut will directly impact your happiness. 

Love is not enough in a marriage.  All things have to be taken into account.  Love is hard to maintain when you have a vicious nag involved in your life at every turn.   

[D]

Sterling u do make a great point, its all about your partner though and he should have the balls to tell her to butt out but u are right, In Laws can be monstrous but hey she cant live forever.

[Sterlingdog]

Sterling u do make a great point, its all about your partner though and he should have the balls to tell her to butt out but u are right, In Laws can be monstrous but hey she cant live forever.

That's funny, I was going to say I was just waiting for her to die, but I thought it sounded too mean.  But its true. 

And you are right about my spouse, but I don't want to get in any deeper into my personal situation.  My point to Blue Cut was just that it is more difficult when you are dealing with a mother and daughter.  They tend to be closer, and therefore, even less likely for the daughter to "tell off" the mother in law. 

[D]

dogs bark, cats meow,birds chirp mother in laws nag

I think its a universal order or something.

First off your GF probably shouldnt have told u that.

How did her mother treat u before?? When u all first started dating and going out how was she?

Just relax and realize u arent dating her mother, avoid her like SLC was saying and as long as your Girl doesnt believe that or doesnt take her mom's side then everything can still be ok.

the worst kind of Mother In Laws are the ones that have their children brainwashed.

If she said certain things and your woman believed it and started turning on you, u would have problems and i would strongly recommend not getting married

but as long as your girl doesnt buy into what her mom says and is pissed off at her, then things can be great and work out.

Your GF needs to explain to her mother that u are the man she loves and the one she wants to marry. Tell her that she can be in your lives or out of it but it is her choice.

when Grandkids come she will want to be in their lives and then she will chill the fuck out hopefully.

but it is really up to your GF to tell her mom what is what. You cant do that cause that will only further make u out to be the bad guy in this situation in her eyes.

if u let her mother ruin your relationship then u let her win.

Dont let her win.

Both of u maybe sit down with her and explain things to her, tell her your future plans together and tell her that she has to accept it. show her u arent a bad guy, dont scream,yell or curse her, just be calm and rational and explain everything out for her.

If she still cant accept things, avoid her, dont live near her, have nothing to do with her.

It sucks but sometimes u gotta sacrifice for love.

[MikeB]

Why don't you tell your gf her mom is pissing you off? Do you think she's the type to tell her mom to stop it ? Would your gf get mad at you for explaining how her mom is a bitch to you ? If she got pissed at you then she's not a very good girlfriend cuz you didn't do anything bad to her or her mom.



                                          /Mike

[Jessica]

copyright jessica christophe 2002- 2007

A TEXT OF MINE...go on critics ! ( not even " translated", just badly written so you could know it was originally written in french about this very subject, by me and what iactually think of MINE)

Mothers in law.

Fascinating subject for many women, and surely less for the men who need to face their little boy?s habits. Mothers in law. How to describe them? Difficult. Some are very normal but others much more tyrannical.

Negative aspect, I only had dreadful and possessive mothers in law. But I hope that you will be able to recognize the deposited trademark ?pure bloody nuisance" in this text.

How many women fall for the childlike charm of a man? Many. Including myself. I do not escape the rule. But each time, I have this tendency to forget that behind this childish dimension also lies some woman?s child. And what woman! One who made a success in futilizing a 30 year old man!


The first time I met mine, she looked at me like a curious animal.

I don?t think she realised, but should I have been in an animal?s fair, there would have been no difference.
She idealizes her son, who succeeded better than his brothers and pairs.
What a catastrophe!!!

The little mom?s darling does what he wants and does scene after scene.

He would really love to tell her the truth about how much she always annoyed him, but he has such a loving mother that he forever glued himself to the idea of never hurting her feelings.
She has all the power over his ideas as well as over his shirts, shirts that I am
not capable to iron well according to him, this is why he irons them himself!

Did you ever have your clothes washed separately by your in law? A machine for him, a machine for you? I have !

A machine of my white separated from his white.

And oh surprise, my white came out all blue because she (inopportunely well on) slipped a very new blue tablecloth in there !

But the mother in law is such an accomplished woman. She made a success of her family, her couple, she manages her house perfectly well and holds on leash her dog as well as her husband!!

The poor ?outsider? will only be accepted into this inferno when she will possibly have given birth to two children, boys preferably, simply because her mother in law misses her little boys so much.
This way, she can cuddle babies again and return the small ones to the new mother just like her own sons, whereas you or I already had so much difficulty maturing one of her small darlings.


But don?t over worry, the mother in law is not tender with a son in law either, because she analyses him in all aspects possible, from his bank account to his IQ, with a little detour to his height and questions on his sperm?s good health!

Fantastic mother in law who will cry of admiration in front of his masculine car only to ask him fast to change it once he has become the father of her descendance !



The sentence that kills almost all her good charms is when, while he's having a Sunday diner, she asks in front of everyone ? These socks, they are white, aren?t they ??<br>
How nice of his mother in law to make everyone notice that his trousers were a bit short and that his lack of taste is too enormous to be French !

His mother in law, so happy to have a perfect son in law, but who is perfectly dumb too. She suddenly feels this urge to breastfeed him. Yes, she understood that he couldn?t help himself and that her poor daughter had one more child to care for at home.

Of course, when this woman finds a pair of unknown shoes in the house, she gets into a black rage, borrows a Kalashnikov from the neighbour and step by step, moves towards her son?s bedroom, surprising the lovers faulting, grasping on the poor girl?s pair of panties like a prize and throwing this one out with kicks in the butt, before excusing herself a month later, after she?d found out she was the major?s daughter, which wasn?t this bad after all ?

Okay, I will stop here on ?difficult? experiences.

There are also fantastic mothers in law, superwomen of tenderness and of pizzas to bring back home.

The one we get on so well with that we go shopping together, but without her son, who, in the meantime, is profoundly bored and watching TV alone. The same super mother in law we can tell all our sweetie?s secrets when we?d promised to keep them private. The same woman who can laugh out loud in front of a cappuccino, about friend of hers desperately needing facial works!!!
A mother in law? A problem? Or just the way to fit into someone else?s family?

It?s ever so nice to be able to cook, prepare, clean with the woman we call ?Claire? instead of ?mother? since she asked.
Not many people speak to Claire now the kids are grown ups, so she likes the attention.

It's ever so calm; people are sitting up so straight.

What a pleasure to fit in so well into a living room full of wax dolls freezed by their egos.

[journey]

In any case, let me caution you about getting married in this situation.? I know what its like to have a horrible mother in law.? I thought it didn't matter when I got married, that I loved my husband enough to deal with any of my mother in law's nonsense.? But honestly, if I had any real understanding of what life would be like with this woman's behavior, I would not have gotten married.?
 

What would you have done? Let his mom dictate the direction of your life?

Out of a hundred great things about your marriage, you dwell on one negative aspect. If he had married someone else, his mother would find something wrong with her, and she'd meddle in their business. Some people are just nosy and have nothing better to do than complain about others.

A lot of parents are scared for their children, even after they're grown and married. They want them to make the right decisions, and to be happy. But sometimes they turn that fear into control and push their children away.

You don't know if there are 100 great things about my marriage, or 1000.? This thread isn't about my marriage

I didn't mean to tread on your personal life. Sorry about that. I guess I'm getting mean in my old age.?

[SLCPUNK]

This situation sucks. My mother in law is condescending, rude, talks down to me, forces her religious and political views on me. All the while, overruling me when I discipline the kids....ug...I true pain in the ass. She has no idea how annoying, rude and obnoxious she is. I have sat at her dinner table many nights wanting to just unload on her. But the bottom line is that it would NOT change anything. It would "show her the light" and she would "realize her ways". She would just get angry and run off in a huff.

That being said I have also gotten into fights with my wife because she doesn't tell her Mom to cut it out. If that were my Mom coming down on her, I'd step in and ask her to respect my wife more. She doesn't want to stand up to her Mom because she also feels it won't do any good. Although I see this, it still angers me.

In the long run, I have just decided to do the best I can do. Her mom is an idiot and I can only work hard and be the best guy I can be. I try to avoid her Mom at all costs and will NOT hang out with her. It's that simple. She's gotten all pissy because I won't come over for family events, but she does not understand that I want nothing to do with her.

Ask your girl if she'd stand up to her Mom a bit and not let her talk about you like that. And just work hard, and prove her wrong. That is all you can do. Use her negative views (probably she is just scared to see her daughter with a man)  of you (don't take it personal too, she'd be like that about any guy probably) and use it to motivate you.

SLC, is there really any positive spin of having the mother-in-law around?

Depends on the MIL I suppose.

I dated a girl once whose Mom treated me like her own son...treated me like a million bucks. Always feeding me, asking me to come over. etc etc. She loved me. My MIL is nice, but extremely selfish, and demands time of my wife. I swear she has attachement (Or actually disattachment) issues with her daughter. She can't be away from her at all. That and she has to be in charge of everything. So it is very tough to be around. It is very trying on my patience and I have to draw a real inner strength not to tell her to go fuck herself. The biggest thing with her is that she does it all with a smile on her face. Just as nice as can be, but talks to me as if I'm a child.

So.....that being said. Sounds as if she can't stand the thought of her daughter running off with ANY GUY. Like Journey said, don't take it personal (although I know it's hard not to) and stay away from the bitch. There are great Mom's around that will treat you well. Bad thing though is that if YOU DO marry the girl, you marry her Mom too. That is how I feel. I married that entire family, and although they are nice to me, they can be a bit overwhelming at the same time, especially her Mom.

Time may calm her down, or she may just be a head case. Either way, nothing good will ever come of it, if you confront her. If she speaks down to you and can ask her not to speak to you in such a manner. But if you go off on her, you may be suprised to see your GF get pissed at you next!

Take it slow, I can't tell you much more than that.

[Tied-Up]

Am I the only person that likes her mother-in-law??

My mother in law is awesome.? I adore the woman.

I do, however, have a step-mother-in-law that I finally stood up to, because my hubby didn't feel like he had the guts to, he's always felt very intimidated by her.? I guess it's fortunate at least for me, that I am a bit... um... what's the right word here.... ummm.... *obstinate* and? I've also been told that I'm somewhat blunt in my obstiance, and I finally told her off.? It was extremely cathartic.?

However, I, nor my hubby or children have spoken to the step-mother-in-law for 3 years now, since I told the woman off.? ?(I, of course, see this as a bonus)

Fortunately, my hubby DOES support my view on the situation, and doesn't expect me to try to mend fences.? ?

So, back to Blue Cut... here is my view on this... if you continue to allow her to malign you, you will be advocating her actions by not doing anything about it.? By allowing it to continue, you are, in essence, giving her control of a certain part of you that... as time? goes on, will be harder and harder for you to regain control of.

[Sterlingdog]

Of course the other question, Blue Cut, is what does your girlfriend gain by repeating all this to you?  She's getting something out of it...control, perhaps?  Attention?  I don't know, but people don't repeat stuff like that unless they are getting something out of it.   What does she gain by upsetting you?

[Sin Cut]

Of course the other question, Blue Cut, is what does your girlfriend gain by repeating all this to you?  She's getting something out of it...control, perhaps?  Attention?  I don't know, but people don't repeat stuff like that unless they are getting something out of it.   What does she gain by upsetting you?

She wasn't about to tell fist, she just told it's been hell over there and I pressed her to just tell me. I know her mother wasn't thrilled about her moving with me and I know the no dogs-rule is just an excuse to make my visits more difficult.

She has 4 younger sister, 2 younger brothers and an older brother so what I think is that her mother is sorry to see her best house-slave go. And she's been a great help.

Here's something my gf wrote in her blog, I'll translate the best I can:
"Rude words coming from the mouth of the snake. It's not like I care about myself anymore, I'm already used to it, used to that that the night won't go down or the morning rise without me being read a lesson, read the mistakes I've made and told I'm too blue-eyed. I won't listen to one curse, one doubting sentence about the man I love and he hasn't given one reason for them. In the end my mother will deny anything, twist the words to match her own purpose, making herself being the hurt one and telling my father to call since she's it too tired to fight.

The light of my life (that's me ) took it all calmly and I admired him for that, since I got my moms temperament and I would've been furious and have her due for what she has said. Maybe he isn't perfect but for me he is all I need, miss, love and want. He is all. Mother, you once told me that my baby-girl should've have your name, but I don't want that anymore."

I called her mother last night and told that I heard that I had been under a rewiev. First she denied it all and I told her it's funny how I heard that she had told my gf that I'm the kind of man she always warned her about and I also said that I don't think it's very mature to talk like that behind my back.

I was really calm about, since I knew that would piss her up the most.

Her mother started complaining about that my gf had helped me pay the rent and given me cash when I was short and I cut her short asking does she feel it would be right if her daughter would move to some of her friend and not help paying the rent. She didn't find an reply to that.

She also told me Tiia had understood everything wrong and she had only wondered how she's using her money. I asked her how does her telling my gf to break up with me has anything to do with that. She denied saying that.

I picked my gf up from the buss-station and her mother wanted to speak with her; they had a verbal fight and after closing the phone my gf told me her mother had said to her there's no coming home. Her mother had also said that i had called her starting with a line "What the fuck have you been talking shit about me?" which was untrue.

Then her father called me and he told me her wife said that I had called her asking what the fuck have they been talkin about me and that their daughters bussiness was none but her own I told him that's it's not quite what I've said. He was trying to find a peacefull solution and told me that it's not like he expects me to pay everything but said that we should've made an agreement what the living costs were, and I told that we made "just give me some cash if you can"-kind of agreement, then he started to complaining about the rent and I told again the scenario of Tiia living with her friend. Again no real counter to that was found.

Eventually he said let's keep it civil since we're all grown adults here and I told him that's just what I wish.

I'm not too thrilled going over though, or having her mother visit us. I think I've had enough of her for the next five years.

[Where is Hassan Nasrallah ?]

off her blog ?? ? ??

people used to write that kind of things in a secret hidden journal ... now they just put it on the internet ....

well, blue cut, you know what pedro would do ? he would build a cake (or something) for the mom.