Need help with a girl - Guys and girls opinions welcomed

[KeVoRkIaN]

Ok I have never really done this - but I really like this girl, and have since highschool - although I forgot about her for a few years.  Recently I have been friends with her sister, and myself and the girl I was dating met again at my place.  The sister got mad about us talking so much and left screaming "just exchange numbers!" So we started dating a bit, nothing serious but just when I though I liked her a lot, today she told me she'd rather be friends - last week she said she wanted to date me.  It seems that she has met another guy from her home country (not hers but her parents native land) but he lives an hour away where she works.  According to her they have been on one date and he has the identical profession as me.  Then she asked me to go to the mall with her where she tried on many outfits and one she showed me was see-through.  She said that she would wear other things under but would wear it as is around me.  Then in the same store she pinched my arm and when we left the mall and I walked her to her car she told me I was amazing and hugged me about 7 times before then kissing me on the cheek instead of the lips before I took the walk of shame.  She said she wanted to go out with me for beers after she got off work tonight at around midnight.

Opinions appreciated because in my eyes it doesn't seem like a normal breakup and I'm not sure her decision is so cut and dry as she said.  I don't want to be the "friend" but at the same time I am not quite sure she has decided to put me there yet even though I got the "can we be friends" line

[Kujo]

She is using you as a safety net in case her other relationship fails. She is doing just enough to keep you interested. Move on to someone who sees you as their number 1 priority.

[KeVoRkIaN]

I have been there before but the vibe doesn't quite seem that way this time.  Seriously man she was the one pursuing me vs. the opposite so it leaves me baffled

[Lisa]

She is using you as a safety net in case her other relationship fails. She is doing just enough to keep you interested. Move on to someone who sees you as their number 1 priority.

funny, I was going to say roughly the same thing....move on my friend, you have no need to be second best

[KeVoRkIaN]

Thanks, I already thought that...but her sister's behaviour over us dating was also a factor in this - I think her sister liked me too.  The girl I was dating cited her sister as a problem in dating me.

[Lisa]

Thanks, I already thought that...but her sister's behaviour over us dating was also a factor in this - I think her sister liked me too.? The girl I was dating cited her sister as a problem in dating me.

I think you then have your answer...with women, friends or sisters , there usually is a 'code'...don't date my ex's, cast offs,potential bf's etc....blood is thicker than water so I am assuming for her sister's sake she won't date you and you blew it already with her sister sooo....seriously, save your heart and mind and move on...imo

[Kujo]

From your story:

1. You were friends with her sister, not necessarily dating, but she was flirting with you.
2. She says she wants to date you, but........
3. One week later she just wants to be friends again, because, surprise, she has met some one else
4. She is still doing enough to keep you interested (Teasing with the outfits, the "You're amazing") although she is supposedly seeing someone else.

I still stand by my first statement but I'll add this: She sounds like a bit of a whore, sorry but thats how it comes off. So treat her like one. Have your fun but dont get emotionally attached. If shes going to play that game, play it right back at her.

Before I get blasted for that, yes I would say the same thing if it was a girl complaining about a guy she likes.

[KeVoRkIaN]

1. You were friends with her sister, not necessarily dating, but she was flirting with you.
actually her sister showed no interest in me at all till i was dating her sibling
2. She says she wants to date you, but........
yeah that's puzzling - she initiated this whole thing - and she is very cool - the coolest I ever dated
3. One week later she just wants to be friends again, because, surprise, she has met some one else
I wonder if she is giving the same line to the other guy
4. She is still doing enough to keep you interested (Teasing with the outfits, the "You're amazing") although she is supposedly seeing someone else.
well going for beers with me tonight doesn't follow suit with her dumping me this morning
Then again I am not looking to be a "purse holding" friend (eg - hold my purse i'm going to the washroom - hold my purse I'm gonna dance

[Ignatius]

....."she hugged you and kissed you on the cheek"... Enough said Kev.

I don't think the sister is really a problem. If this girl really liked (you obviously like her) you, she wouldn't give a damn about her sister. Neither would you.

She obviously wants you around, but she is not in the same page as you. It doesn't really matter is she started the whole thing, she probably got what she wanted and now she wants out. We guys do the same but the difference is we get flamed for that, girls seem to the "right" to play around and walk out whenever they please.

Move on. Call your friends and go have some beers with them instead.

[Prometheus]

my advice.... if you want to keep her as a friend follow the above line.....if not.... tonight the only thing you can do is lay it on the line and go for it....... show the balls you have make her know what you want... and its her.... then if shes doing a test on you you will know.. lol

[Sterlingdog]

Usually people's motivations are easy for me to figure out, but this one has me a little confused. 

She is obviously trying to manipulate you into something, but what?  When you were seeing each other, prior to the "be friends" line, what was your relationship like?  Would you call it serious?  Serious enough that you called each other boyfriend/girlfriend?  I'm wondering if she was trying to get you make the relationship "official". 

Or it could be like someone else said, you are a backup plan, or she's regretting her decision.  I'm sure its not really anything to do with the sister.  People are very rarely so noble.  Sadly, they are far more likely to screw each other over, especially girls when they are fighting for a guy.

In any case, there is no danger in meeting her for drinks.  If you are feeling  brave, you could just tell her that you know she wants you to do something, but you don't know what it is, and it would be much easier if she would just tell you.  That's what I would do.  Sometimes you get direct answers from direct questions.

[D]

Ask yourself this question

How much do u care for her?

Is she worth the trouble?

If u care for her immensely and she is worth the trouble, U have to turn shit around on her

I personally dont play games, if I am not a girl's number 1 priority I dont stick around, u end up getting your ass kicked and your heart destroyed in the end most of the time

but if u insist on doing this U gotta beat her at her own game

First off, Play hard to get

Dont fall all over her like she is the princess of the universe. Dont jump at her beckon call.

next ask another girl out

If this chick sees u with someone else, she will flip the fuck out.

I agree with Kujo and the safety net explanation he had.

Ive known tons of girls like this;
They will have a great,nice wonderful SAFE guy they know they can always run too but they cant get away from the unappreciative BAD BOY type bastards that a lot of girls dig.

So when he breaks her heart she runs to you for comfort and a pick me up but when that guys comes back around, she is gone again.

Its hard and painful but I have a philosophy i stick by and that is:

Love shouldnt be that hard

I believe if u are meant to be with someone, things fall into place and u dont have to climb MT Everest to get it.

The best thing u can do to turn the tables on her, is to not answer that call when she needs u, show her that your life doesnt revolve around her and if she asks, be honest truthful,straightforward and tell her exactly how u feel.

I personally would never ever ever ever fuck with any chick that played the least bit of games. U are just asking for many miserable evenings if u do that.

[Tied-Up]

OK... here are my thoughts on this...

I used to play a game like this once upon a time, before I got married.

It's not really about a safety net... it's about an ego boost.? She's probably been hurt recently, something that was kind of a devastating blow to her ego more than to her heart...?

She's? probably taking the other guy on a similar ride, and getting the ego boost from all angles.?

Here is my advice... if you don't want to be used like a welcome mat, you should let it go immediately and move on.? It's up to you and how much you like her, and how much you like yourself....? ?

 On the other hand.... if you don't mind? being used... stay with her and let her get her ego boosted.? She may eventually heal from her hurt and then you might actually? be able to get somewhere with her on an emotional level.?

[Sin Cut]

I agree with D's post, hang out with some other girl and she won't take you for granted anymore.

I doubt being a pawn in her game would get you anywhere.

I hate mindgames.

[Sin Cut]

I personally would never ever ever ever fuck with any chick that played the least bit of games. U are just asking for many miserable evenings if u do that.

I would. No feelings involved, though, no strings attached.

[noonespecial]

I agree with BC...if you can deal with  the "fuck buddy" thing...just in it for a good time...no strings, just some mutual comings and goings...so to speak...

[D]

Its obvious he wants more than a piece of ass.

I never thought the Fuck Buddy thing worked. Great in theory but never works, one or the other will fall for the other in my opinion.

I am telling u, girls like that love attention, if u take your attention away and put it on some other female, she will be eating out of your fuckin hand. No one likes the tables to be turned on them.

It is tough to do and u have to be strong, but its a great way to get someone back for fuckin with your emotions.

[KeVoRkIaN]

D - thanks for everything - that's my opinion so far

[SLCPUNK]

I personally dont play games............

D is straight to the point, always has been with the ladies.

Even when he was a little kid, he didn't beat around the bush.

[D]

I personally dont play games............

D is straight to the point, always has been with the ladies.

Even when he was a little kid, he didn't beat around the bush.

first Kujo now You, I am slipping in myold age, thats two knockouts in a row Ive suffered


Wanna see a pick Of SLC on vacation?

I promised Id never let anyone see this, but he showed my kid picture so its fair game.