jealousy in a relationship

[Rain]

does "being free" = being allowed to fuck anyone you want .... or let me put it less crudely - an "open relationship" ?

No, being free means more than this. Being free to see my friends when i want without having to give a report as to where i was, who with and where and when, being free to leave home for a few days just because i want to, being free to ask someone to leave home for a few days because i don't want company then, being free to change career directions and income linked to it without feeling i have to justify myself all the time and feel guilty about having less money, and being free to be me, as weird as i am,. This means being free to be medium as well as a " normal" person, being free to talk to things some people can't understand. Not being judged.

Also being free to be openly bisexual, without having man asking me if he can share a bit or not, or totally ruling part of my sexuality out because he thinks it's being " unfaithful".

I was never unfaithful. Ever. It was against my morals. And it happened. Nearly 8 months ago now.

I hadn't been touched by the man i'd been living with for a few years. Untouched for 2 years. Platonic kind of love.

I met some guy, and the worst happened. I couldn't even choose between the two. How could this mean freedom ?

Nah, having a secret like this is not freedom, it's a cage, it's suffocating, lying is suffocating.

The only liberating thing was that going totally against my morals matured me. I discovered who i was.

But it happened with a lot of hurt.

As for open relationships ? Well, i am not against it, but my little " i want to be a unique worshipped loved princess" fantasy would have to then fade away, wouldn't it ?

You just described the perfection relationship !!! 

[Lisa]

I have had bouts of jealousy in past relationships, nothing too serious...I just believe that if you are with someone you love, you have to have mutual respect as well as communication...these things took awhile to learn for me personally...this is the first relationship in my life that I haven't (so far)unconciously set out to destroy because of my inability to accept and realize that I am worthy of love...sounds bent, I know but that is what therapy is for

[D]

I have had bouts of jealousy in past relationships, nothing too serious...I just believe that if you are with someone you love, you have to have mutual respect as well as communication...these things took awhile to learn for me personally...this is the first relationship in my life that I haven't (so far)unconciously set out to destroy because of my inability to accept and realize that I am worthy of love...sounds bent, I know but that is what therapy is for

i totally relate to that

i fall victim to the "its not possible for me to be this happy" syndrome
I dont feel worthy of the girl i have and things are so great its like you brace for something bad to happen

im not jealous anymore and its an unbelievable feeling
first time in my life i havent been jealous of a girl

i always said the person i was gonna marry was the one that i didnt worry bout when i was gone, and someone i could give space to and trust.

the girl i have fits the entire bill and i feel so fortunate,blessed and honored to have found her.


i always believed that the person who was truly "the one" wouldnt make me feel that jealousy and all that other stuff ive always felt in relationships.

i felt it in the beginning but i realized it wasnt her, it was me and she never had gave me a reason to doubt or not trust her and this is why i believe i have found "the one"

i think a lot of people settle for good enough instead of searching broad and deep for their true other half

when u are with the wrong person your life is filled with chaos and misery and all of the bad things in life

love is a happy adjective, it isnt classified in a negative light

so if the person u are with makes u feel lonely,miserable,sad,angry,jealous etc etc, chances are they might not be the one.

love i think is suppose to be great and wonderful, its suppose to lift u up higher and make your life better and more enjoyable. it is that feeling that makes getting up everyday have a meaning and purpose.
it helps u stay young and vibrant and allows u to fully reach your potential as a human

i know my life has turned around 1080 degrees since ive found the girl im with.

so its all about making choices and not wasting time.
life is short u must enjoy and not waste it

if the guy or girl u are with makes u unhappy and miserable, dump em, start over, go at it alone
be choosy, dont settle for something u can live with, find something u cant live without then u will be truly emotionally,physically and spiritually complete and balanced


lots of times over the last couple years i could have settled for some girls that i know wouldve did me bad but i was able to see the warning signs early and i was able to get rid of them before i let them mess me up,some people are so dead set on a particular male or female they will screw their lives up and cause themselves great pain tryin to shape or mold that person into what they want them to be but u cant do that. u have to accept they arent how u want them to be and move on.

remember u can try and try but a circle will not fit into a square, if it isnt meant to be u cant make it be, u cant force it. no matter how much u care for someone u have to step away from the illusion of what u want that person to be, and u have to start seeing the reality of what they really are.



in the words of tyler durden "when you've lost everything, u are free to do anything"

use that, get away from the bad, negative, people who bring u down.


remember its your life, u can make of it anything u choose!

find enlightenment, its there waiting for you.

[gunsnroses393]

women are insanly jelous of each other, and say awful things about them because of it. women hate other women, esp women that are more attractive then they are. guys dont care about how another guy looks, cuz guys just do it to get laid, girls want to look good for everyone. guys freak out though if they think their dick is too small. they are afraid a bigger dick means more pleasure to a woman. and sometimes that is true, but not always i guess. i know i have jelousy problems cuz its hard for me to trust someone, as far as i know i have never been cheated on, so where that comes from i dont know.

[LeftToDecay]

i know my life has turned around 1080 degrees since ive found the girl im with.

That's  like 3 full circles.
You must feel pretty goddamned Dizzy?
Apparently she gives one hell of a ride!:)

[D]

it has nothing to do with a ride or what have you.

its a totally different thing.

i think the worst thing u can do in a relationship is have sex right away.

sometimes sex gives u an illusion of love but its really just the hormones from having sex.

ive been dating my girl for 6 months and we dont have sex but its the happiest and greatest ive ever felt in my life

i dont have to have sex to be happy cause she makes me happy in so many other ways that sex isnt important at all.

the greatest thing is knowing our love is truly genuine cause the feelings and emotions have evolved and we are also best friends

so one day when we get married and do that other stuff, when the heat of it dies down we still have our great friendship and relationship that has nothing to do with being physical.

physical relationships in my opinon dont compare to emotional and spirtual relationships, now thats just my opinion, i dont expect anyone to agree with me and im not preaching and saying im right and anyone who doesnt agree is wrong.

I just know that hanging out with her,riding around and talking blows any kind of sex or whatever ive ever had out of the water. there is truly no comparison.

ive crawled through a lot of shit,pain and hard times to finally get where i am and lookin back i wouldnt have changed a thing and i would go through all of that heartbreak,misery and crushing evil shit i went through, just to be who im with and where im at in my life now.

i hate sounding like a preacher on here cause i know its probably annoying but i know there are some young kids on here and i just want them to know that life gets better, if u are down,depressed,lonely,sad,miserable,suicidal,thinking about doing hard drugs

DONT!!!!!!!!!!

no matter how bad your life is, things wont stay bad forever unless you let them by adding more bad stuff on top of it, you have to trudge ahead and keep your head up and just deal with it, but things will get better i promise you, it just takes time!

[Sin Cut]

6 months and without sex?!  Holy shit, dude!

For me about a month is the tops of how long I'm willing to wait.

I just don't see the whole deal what's so special about if you don't have sex in a relationship.
It's fun, it makes you feel good, and it does make her feel good, too. So why don't just *DO* it?!

I do lose interest if a girl gives me right away, I love when I have to work to get her, but if she still don't give, then to me we don't date and I do have one nightstands. If we do have sex, then I have no reason to see anyone else. And If I do feel the need to do that and experience the thrill, then there's something wrong about our relationship with the girl.

[D]

the relationship is just so great and special that its not required.

Sure one day it will be amazing but thats what im saying, to have an amazing,happy relationship without doing that makes it even more special to me and i never get bored or lose any interest.

different strokes for different folks though, im not saying my way is right or how everyone should do, but it works for me.

[MadmanDan]

Mild jealousy is somewhat understandable, but that's rarely the case. 

For example, I know a girl who has me listed as "Dana" in her mobile phone agenda, so her really jealous boyfriend won't get suspicious

[Sin Cut]

My b-day went well, except that my gf did storm out and leave for no apparent reason.

So my solution was that she can do whatever she like and I don't really give a shit, and now when I'm acting like I don't care, it have gotten her on her heels and she's stopped behaving stupid.

[Cornell]

My b-day went well, except that my gf did storm out and leave for no apparent reason.

So my solution was that she can do whatever she like and I don't really give a shit, and now when I'm acting like I don't care, it have gotten her on her heels and she's stopped behaving stupid.

Classic 

[D]

dude maybe u were ignoring her?

maybe your Girls "who are friends" were flirting with you or something


i think it takes a special person to be able to handle their partner having a lot of guy or girl friends

i dont honestly think i could handle it

maybe if it was a childhood friend or something or i know this sounds bad if it was some goofy geeky dude i didnt feel threatened by i could maybe do it

but i would have a very hard time handling it and im sure a lot of other people would also.

[Jagged Little Pill]

hmm last one i seen..Meet the Fockers...it was funny..before that it was White Noise..it was creepy.

[D]

hmm last one i seen..Meet the Fockers...it was funny..before that it was White Noise..it was creepy.

hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sin Cut]

dude maybe u were ignoring her?

maybe your Girls "who are friends" were flirting with you or something


i think it takes a special person to be able to handle their partner having a lot of guy or girl friends

i dont honestly think i could handle it

maybe if it was a childhood friend or something or i know this sounds bad if it was some goofy geeky dude i didnt feel threatened by i could maybe do it

but i would have a very hard time handling it and im sure a lot of other people would also.

I don't think so, since I was talking with my friends boyfriend at the time when she snapped. Maybe she didn't like those happy b-day hugs I got, but they were friendly hugs. But I think it's best I'll let this one cool down, since it seems I'll be getting a promotion and move to an another city. So it's maybe best I don't date.

[D]

u gotta look at her age also bro

she may not be mature enough to handle stuff like that.

im a pretty jealous person but i wouldnt get mad at like birthday hugs especially if the girl's boyfriend was there.

u can tell a friendly hug from someone getting fresh.

The right woman is out there
but most times we have to go through a lot of the wrong ones to find the right one
hang in there, keep at it!!! it will happen for you, trust me!

[jet]

i guess there's two ways in jealousy: or it's for good and a person can nothing do with it or she realizes it's nothing but her fears, uncertainty => it's curable

[Mr. Dick Purple]

For me jelousy it's lack of self confidence, what do I mean?, well I got this friend that he cheats to his GF and one day when his GF start to hang out with her highschool friends and stuff like that he gets jolous cause he thinks that maybe she's looking for someone else, but how the hell he got to that conclusion?, well he thinks if he can cheat, his GF can too, so he's really fucked up, I always have said that kinda thinking ruins anything cause it's like he never be able to trust anyone cause he's a cheater I can conclude that all the hard jelous guys and girls might think like that.  , any quotes?

[Sin Cut]

Someone said earlier in this thread that low self-esteem 'causes jealousy. That's not true.

I haven't been jealous? before and I don't think I'm too bad now either.

I'm sure all have some friend who's bf/gf goes haywire everytime his/her partner hit's the clubs with friends, hell, I even know some guys who won't let their gf go out with some friends if they don't come along themself. I can't understand why anyone would be in a relationship like that.

Sure, when a guy tries hit on my gf I go and tell him to fuck off if he won't leave when my gf tells him to.
And if I'd see her kissing a guy I'd be in a fight in ten seconds, believe me.

But this is the first time I am really jealous of someone when at home, sure, I don't let it show but I feel it.
My gf went to a club and walked some guy, a neighbor, home and he invited her over. And she did visit for a while.

So you know I don't think anything happened, but..

This is the first relationship in a long time I don't have an active backup-plan and it's not that I fear I'd have to bee a week without sex if something happened.

I can't see how I'm be uncofident. And I hate the feeling I'm having.

I just had to let this off my chest.

[Kaybee]

I am so not a jealous person, in the past I've been more than happy for my boyfriends to spend a few nights a week with their mates, whether they're boys or girls or whatever and nothing like that has ever bothered me.

But lately, there is this guy that I'm just absolutely crazy about, and although he's not my boyfriend (yet - fingers crossed  ), we've been spending a lot of time together lately, and if I see a girl even glance at him I get absolutely over-the-top jealous. Of course I don't tell him, I keep the thoughts to myself, but to me it's showing me how crazy I am about him. One of his friends casually mentioned his ex girlfriend (who he was with 4 years ago) and I got this feeling in my stomach that made me crazy - the thought of him being with someone else makes me sick.

Aint love grand