I feel....

[D]

u are special chris, SLC doesnt mean anything to me, u are the only one i call poodle



on a sadder note, i got home today and this girl that i have known since i was a little kid died of a drug overdose, i just dont understand why people do hard drugs, i dont guess i ever will.

RIP

[Tj]

Sucks, eh  I think the problem is that some people don't understand the potential consequences. Either that, or they weigh up the possible advantages (acceptance in certain social groups etc.) and disadvantages, and just make the wrong decision. I would never do it. I feel like shit at the moment, and have done for a while now, but I couldn't ever be desperate enough to venture into the world of drugs, n' all that crap.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

[SLCPUNK]

Sorry about your loss.

There are certainly examples all around us of why we should not do drugs.

[D]

she dated my best friend for a few years and after they broke up, which was about 4 years ago she just never recovered for whatever reasons, she started doin pills and i guess just got hooked.

i hadnt talked to her for a long time but when i use to see her out id talk to her and try and give her advice etc but u cant help people who dont wanna be helped.

she had broke her ankle and went to the doctor and they gave her two shots of demerol, she went home and took some methadone and the mixture of upper and downer made her heart stop.

the wake was tonight from 6-9 and i went to it which was weird cause i hate those types of things her family thanked me for bein her friend and for tryin to help her, ive already ran down one of my friends named Jason who recently started back doin stuff and i gave him the stiffest,sternest, heartfelt lecture i could.

people on this board who have just experimented with lighter drugs and are curious, please dont ever do hard drugs, they arent cool, they dont make u cool, they destroy your life and kill u.

u end up dead or in jail, so if u havent started and have been thinking about, please dont, all the popularity or coolness in the world just isnt worth it.

so please look around at those who u know are on the stuff and look how shitty their lives are and please reconsider if u are thinkin about doin em.

think of your loved ones and dont put them through that.

[Tj]

I feel really bad still 

Friday night, I got very upset. Swore at my mother for the first time in my life, made my 20 year old sister cry, made myself cry (my eyes and nose didn't recover until the next day ), rang a friend to ask if I could go live with him for a while (he didn't answer), and eventually ended up writing a 4 page letter to my mum - because I can't bring myself to talk to her about my deepest feelings - explaining how torn up my heart is about stuff, mainly my break-up in October, and my ongoing religious indecision, or "running from faith", as I called it in the letter. I wrote about how I'm going to finally just commit, and become a Christian. She cried when she read it (Every member of my family, bar one, is a Christian, so I guess the tears were joyful), and I cried more whilst I sat there in the room with her. I haven't once, since then, felt the sort of joy I was always told you feel when you become a Christian, because I'm finding it so hard to stop thinking about my ex. I'm still as much in love with her as I always was, and I still want her back...and now it seems like I'm losing/I've lost her friendship as well  And it's completely tearing me apart. Thurday night, we agreed not to be in contact until January, so we could have some time away from it all, and start our friendship afresh in the new year, but she just...didn't seem to care. She's seemed so distant recently, and said she doesn't feel comfy talking to me anymore. Although I didn't experience much joy on Friday night, I did feel like I had finally managed to stop living in the past, and fearing the future, but now I'm not so sure, and I really don't know what to do  It hurt so much, the way she walked away from it all, when things had been so perfect for a while, and it hurts that she doesn't seem to care about me anymore. Or at least, she doesn't show it. I guess maybe she finds it hard when all I ever do is bring up issues she doesn't want to discuss anymore. She seems to be getting on with her life, whereas I feel kinda paralysed. I guess maybe what I'm upset about now is simply the thought of how I might lose her friendship, and I'm going to have to wait a few weeks until I find out if I truly am ready to start our friendship afresh, without bringing up details of our break-up half the time. Maybe all this happened for a reason, maybe God brought me to such despair so that I would finally turn to him, but it sure ain't easy, and I wish things were different  The night we agreed to wait until January to talk again, she said "and if you dont wanna get in touch again....ok", and I just don't know why she said that. It's killing me to think that maybe she doesn't want me to talk to her again, but on the other hand maybe she said it purely for my sake, because I know she's still in love with me, and she suggested a few weeks ago we stop talking because she didnt see me moving on otherwise. But I can't even begin to think about living my life without her friendship, and I just...dunno.

[kira]

i feel happy i'm feeling better and i kept watching my wonderful loving husband sleep so cute.

[D]

I feel really bad still?

Friday night, I got very upset. Swore at my mother for the first time in my life, made my 20 year old sister cry, made myself cry (my eyes and nose didn't recover until the next day ), rang a friend to ask if I could go live with him for a while (he didn't answer), and eventually ended up writing a 4 page letter to my mum - because I can't bring myself to talk to her about my deepest feelings - explaining how torn up my heart is about stuff, mainly my break-up in October, and my ongoing religious indecision, or "running from faith", as I called it in the letter. I wrote about how I'm going to finally just commit, and become a Christian. She cried when she read it (Every member of my family, bar one, is a Christian, so I guess the tears were joyful), and I cried more whilst I sat there in the room with her. I haven't once, since then, felt the sort of joy I was always told you feel when you become a Christian, because I'm finding it so hard to stop thinking about my ex. I'm still as much in love with her as I always was, and I still want her back...and now it seems like I'm losing/I've lost her friendship as well? And it's completely tearing me apart. Thurday night, we agreed not to be in contact until January, so we could have some time away from it all, and start our friendship afresh in the new year, but she just...didn't seem to care. She's seemed so distant recently, and said she doesn't feel comfy talking to me anymore. Although I didn't experience much joy on Friday night, I did feel like I had finally managed to stop living in the past, and fearing the future, but now I'm not so sure, and I really don't know what to do? It hurt so much, the way she walked away from it all, when things had been so perfect for a while, and it hurts that she doesn't seem to care about me anymore. Or at least, she doesn't show it. I guess maybe she finds it hard when all I ever do is bring up issues she doesn't want to discuss anymore. She seems to be getting on with her life, whereas I feel kinda paralysed. I guess maybe what I'm upset about now is simply the thought of how I might lose her friendship, and I'm going to have to wait a few weeks until I find out if I truly am ready to start our friendship afresh, without bringing up details of our break-up half the time. Maybe all this happened for a reason, maybe God brought me to such despair so that I would finally turn to him, but it sure ain't easy, and I wish things were different? The night we agreed to wait until January to talk again, she said "and if you dont wanna get in touch again....ok", and I just don't know why she said that. It's killing me to think that maybe she doesn't want me to talk to her again, but on the other hand maybe she said it purely for my sake, because I know she's still in love with me, and she suggested a few weeks ago we stop talking because she didnt see me moving on otherwise. But I can't even begin to think about living my life without her friendship, and I just...dunno.

dude ive been there let me tell u.

i know how u feel right now, and i know how hard it is to sit there in that prison u are in with your brain constantly thinking and not shutting off. its hard, very very hard, one of the hardest things u will ever have to go through. but u can do it.

God does have a plan for you and he has one for everybody.

i remember being in the exact place as u are right now and i started goin to church cause nothin else worked, i lasted about a month and slowly failed but i never lost faith in God and i never stopped praying that he would send me "the one"

that was in 1998 and it took God 6 years to finally send me the one and im so thankful now i have who i have now, i never thought i would ever or could ever feel stronger for someone as i did that girl at the time but let me tell u dude, comparing my girl now to that girl then is like comparing a ferrari to a ford escort.

U just have to realize that we all have trials and tribulations, tests we all go through in life, its all how u handle it and what u make of it.

u can make great,postitive things come out of this horrible pain, or u can make bad, negative things happen its your choice

just remember that life wont always be this way, it wont hurt forever and happiness will find u again.

the wise words of SLCPunk reign so true, for every door that shuts another one opens and its the same as this.

If she wasnt the one u will find someone that is if u allow yourself and u will love her even more than the girl u never dreamt u could live without.

pain and tragedy are the times when u grow as a person, its the times u discover things and build up strengths and life lessons u can always look back upon if u are ever in another bad way.


its ok to hurt, its ok to cry but turn this into a positive, make something good come out of this.

good luck man, i know how hard it is and how much it hurts but hang in there, keep the faith and be positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Aava]

I feel like i can?t feel my legs..
I?m too drunk.

Where?s Hippiechick by the way?

[using my illusions]

i feel like doing a shit load of drugs, and picking up my guitar and playing till my heart explodes

[using my illusions]

Alright, the drugs are about to take hold, I got the axe?here we go?rock on

Hey you know what gunners, the most frustrating thing for me about waiting for the new album?this whole waiting to hear something, waiting to listen to something, and then the rumors, the anticipation, and then nothing?is that, I feel I bought an illusion from him, and I put it on the wall, I let it feel my head with dreams, and I want to hear that mother fucking CD Axl!

?continue to rock
Using My Illusions 

[Chris Misfit]

^ I bet he's really at the library reading: Watermelons! What a curious fruit!

[using my illusions]

i love watermelons

[Chris Misfit]

But aren't you curious.........?

[Jagged Little Pill]

crappy..i'm tired..my head hurts..and i feel unimportant and so on and so on..nothing new

[AxlsMainMan]

Really upset and fucking pissed off. After only a month and a half me and my girlfriend called it quits. I dont know if I want to go cry under the covers or go punch someones fucking face in, I really dont. And I thought Christmas time is a happy time..

[SLCPUNK]

6 weeks ain't that long bro. You'll find another one soon, that's the best way to get over the first one. 

I'm tired, but happy as shit.

Got tomorrow off and I'm going to eat food and watch movies.

[Sin Cut]

Merry x-mas everyone.

I got first complain about my dogs since I wasn't home at night and they did cry after me. No night-shifts for me anymore. This morning there was complains about dog hair in the laundry-room because I had had my dogs with me, fuckers, what do they expect when I wash my clothes, off course there's gonna be dog-hair. One more and I have to move, and when they've taken me as target off course there's gonna be more complains.

Then I really did care about a girl with I got together at our companys x-mas party. I mean I did know it wouldn't work, but time went by and it did seem possible, she talked about leaving her bf, but a kid makes it harder. So I usually keep my guard up but she found a way to my heart. My mistake. But I'm not going to cry after anyone, so I did hit the bar, picked a girl for comfort, I just got her suicide sms. I won't even call her, I'm sick and tired about my best friend talking about comitting suicide every day to get some pity.

I mean if I'd be in that bad shape you'd just read about it in the death-notifications at the paper and I'd leave no explanations or anything.

Add to that I'm broke since my second job "forgot" to pay me.

Oh, and my ex did call me and tell me how bad a person I am. She should try for a few weeks to work 13 hours a day just to pay the dues and take care of two dogs to top that. Off course I'm not enough with them but I just have to do what I have to do and just try to live the best I can.

Yeah.. merry x-mas everyone.

[Tj]

Shit, you wanna hug or something?!!  Sounds like you've been having a rough time  My ex pretty much told me how bad I was too, last night. Well she told someone else, and I had the conversation passed on to me. She said about how much I annoyed her when we were together, blah blah blah...it really fucking hurt. I at least thought she cherished the moments we shared, but it would seem not. She's messed up though, she doesn't know what she wants or what she really feels, but she denies it all and thinks she's fine. The one good thing about finding out some of the things she said about how she couldn't stand being so close to someone etc., is that it's had an immediate effect in forcing me to take another step towards letting go.

[MCT]

I feel like flicking my bag. Hard.

[Sin Cut]

Shit, you wanna hug or something?!!? Sounds like you've been having a rough time? My ex pretty much told me how bad I was too, last night. Well she told someone else, and I had the conversation passed on to me. She said about how much I annoyed her when we were together, blah blah blah...it really fucking hurt. I at least thought she cherished the moments we shared, but it would seem not. She's messed up though, she doesn't know what she wants or what she really feels, but she denies it all and thinks she's fine. The one good thing about finding out some of the things she said about how she couldn't stand being so close to someone etc., is that it's had an immediate effect in forcing me to take another step towards letting go.

Yeah, let's all have a nice fuzzy group hug to lift the x-mas spirit Thanks Tj

But something good happens too, I talked with my boss, and he told me he's gonna put in a good word for me when my company is opening a new office, so I'd be the boss there, my pays gonna rise maybe a 1000 euros. I just wish I'd get it. I'll know for sure in two months.

Off course I'll have to move, some of my friends at work told me they'll come to work for me too, so I won't have to start blank.

Wait phone.. sms from the suicide girl.. "Hi, I'm in a really bad mood, what would you do to make me feel better? Answer me!" For fucks sake is she waiting me to get her speed or just needing me to fuck her?! Anyway my helping line's out of order. It's enough to keep myself from sliding.