Weird news stories....

[SLCPUNK]

Cats & dogs living together, and... horny judges:

Here Comes The Judge

State: Bounce Oklahoma jurist for "pumping it up" on bench

JUNE 24--While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself, state officials charged yesterday in a petition to remove the jurist. According to the below complaint filed by the Oklahoma Attorney General, Donald D. Thompson, 57, was caught in the act by a clerk, trial witnesses, and his longtime court reporter (these unsettling first-hand accounts will make you wonder what's going on under other black robes). Visitors to Thompson's Creek County courtroom reported hearing a "swooshing" sound coming from the bench, a noise the court reporter said "sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up." Thompson, the complaint charges, even pumped himself up during an August 2003 murder trial. The AG's petition quotes Thompson (pictured above) as admitting that the pump was "under the bench" during the murder case (and at other times), but he denied using the item, which was supposedly a "gag gift from a friend." (9 pages)

From: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0624041pump1.html

I guess we know now why justice is blind.

[Doc Emmett Brown]

you really need to check out http://booble.com to get your Laugh of the Day  (it's a porn parody of Google)

from: The Motley Fool

What's In a Name?
By Tom Taulli
July 8, 2004

Yesterday, Stelor Productions sent out a press release with a headline that would make a penny-stock operator proud: "Googles to Google: Stay Out of Our Space." Needless to say, the story generated instant buzz.

You see, Stelor Productions is the operator of Googles, which is the developer of alien characters known as "Googles from Goo" targeted at the kids market. The company has produced online games, stickers, CDs, toys, and even music, in a deal with Apple's (Nasdaq: AAPL) iTunes.

And what is a better way to build a brand than to bring legal action against Google, right before its highly anticipated initial public offering (IPO)? That's what happened yesterday, when Stelor Productions filed trademark proceedings with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

Interestingly enough, lawsuit-as-PR is nothing new in the IPO world. For example, in 1997, on the eve of the Amazon.com (Nasdaq: AMZN) IPO, the company was served by Barnes & Noble. The claim was over whether Amazon.com was the "world's largest bookstore."

And there was CertCo's lawsuit against PayPal -- which is now a part of eBay (Nasdaq: EBAY) -- for alleged violations of its payment technologies. The IPO had to be delayed. In fact, PayPal amended its IPO filing and called the lawsuit an attempt to "disrupt our initial public offering."

As for Googles, it will have an extremely tough fight. Google is a global brand that rivals Coca-Cola and Starbucks (Nasdaq: SBUX). The value is, well, priceless, and Google will spend the resources necessary to fight for it. For example, Google recently sued Booble.com for trademark infringement. Booble.com claims it has a First Amendment right to engage in parody.

But there is one lawsuit that Google should have some concern about. In 2002, Overture sued Google for patent infringement regarding ad placements for search engines. The suit was filed against FindWhat.com (Nasdaq: FWHT), as well.

Of course, now Overture is a part of Yahoo! (Nasdaq: YHOO), which has the resources to wage a massive legal fight. Maybe this is something Yahoo! might rattle before Google's IPO?

beta version of GMail out now.

[Doc Emmett Brown]

Woman's Dying Wish: Bush Defeated

Loved Ones Asked To Donate To Democratic Cause
July 30, 2004

MIAMI BEACH, Fla. -- A South Florida woman who died this week had an unusual last request. Instead of flower or contributions in her name to a charity, she asked those who loved her to try to make sure President George W. Bush is not re-elected.

Loved ones said that Joan Abbey was committed to her political passions, even in death.

Abbey was born in Montreal, but lived for many years in Miami Beach and Aventura. Family and friends came from as far away as Canada and California to remember Abbey at the Mount Nebo Jewish Cemetery in Miami.

Abbey, who was a lifelong Democrat, died Monday -- coincidentally on the first day of the Democratic National Convention.

Abbey was buried the day after the Democratic convention ended. Her unusual death notice in the Miami Herald said: "You can honor Joan's values by voting against George Bush and contributing to a liberal or Democratic cause."

full story at: http://www.local10.com/news/3598475/detail.html

[jarmo]

Web Addiction Gets Finnish Conscripts Out of Army


HELSINKI (Reuters) - A number of Finnish conscripts have been excused their full term of military service because they are addicted to the Internet, the Finnish Defense Forces said on Tuesday.


Doctors have found the young men miss their computers too much to cope with their compulsory six months in the forces.


"For people who play (Internet) games all night and don't have any friends, don't have any hobbies, to come into the army is a very big shock," said Commander-Captain Jyrki Kivela at the military conscription unit.


"Some of (the conscripts) go to the doctor and say they can't stay. Sometimes, the doctors have said they have an Internet addiction," Kivela said.


There are no official figures for the Internet addict dropout rate.


"They get sent home for three years and after that they have to come back and we ask if they are OK ... they will have had time to grow up," Kivela said.


Finland called up 26,500 men in 2003, nine percent of whom were relieved of duty for medical reasons.


However, the Internet drop-outs have not dented national pride in "sisu," a Finnish quality of being tough and resilient.


"We are very proud of our Finnish men. Eight-two percent of all Finnish men manage their whole military service," Kivela said.

---




/jarmo

[gypsy eyes]

Web Addiction Gets Finnish Conscripts Out of Army


HELSINKI (Reuters) - A number of Finnish conscripts have been excused their full term of military service because they are addicted to the Internet, the Finnish Defense Forces said on Tuesday.


Doctors have found the young men miss their <A TITLE="Click for more information about computers" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||computers|AA1VDw">computers</A> too much to cope with their compulsory six months in the forces.


"For people who play (Internet) games all night and don't have any friends, don't have any hobbies, to come into the army is a very big shock," said Commander-Captain Jyrki Kivela at the military conscription unit.


"Some of (the conscripts) go to the doctor and say they can't stay. Sometimes, the doctors have said they have an Internet addiction," Kivela said.


There are no official figures for the Internet addict dropout rate.


"They get sent home for three years and after that they have to come back and we ask if they are OK ... they will have had time to grow up," Kivela said.


Finland called up 26,500 men in 2003, nine percent of whom were relieved of duty for medical reasons.


However, the Internet drop-outs have not dented national pride in "sisu," a Finnish quality of being tough and resilient.


"We are very proud of our Finnish men. Eight-two percent of all Finnish men manage their whole military service," Kivela said.

---




/jarmo

only in finland!

[Doc Emmett Brown]

HELSINKI (Reuters) - A number of Finnish conscripts have been excused their full term of military service because they are addicted to the Internet, the Finnish Defense Forces said on Tuesday.

Doctors have found the young men miss their computers too much to cope with their compulsory six months in the forces.

 

If Bush (or Kerry) have to re-instate the draft, now there is a good excuse.... I am addicted to HTGTH and the internet so I cant fight 

I remember another weird news story about the British military where the army paid for one of its female soldiers to have breast implants because it made her feel better about herself.

[jarmo]

I remember another weird news story about the British military where the army paid for one of its female soldiers to have breast implants because it made her feel better about herself.

Bigger Breasts for Free: Join the Army

Thu Jul 22, 9:15 AM ET  Add Oddly Enough - Reuters to My Yahoo!
 


NEW YORK (Reuters) - The U.S. Army has long lured recruits with the slogan "Be All You Can Be," but now soldiers and their families can receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers' dime.

   

The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free -- something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills.


"Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Dr. Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off.


Between 2000 and 2003, military doctors performed 496 breast enlargements and 1,361 liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents, the magazine said.


The magazine quoted an Army spokeswoman as saying, "the surgeons have to have someone to practice on."

---



/jarmo

[Doc Emmett Brown]

I remember another weird news story about the British military where the army paid for one of its female soldiers to have breast implants because it made her feel better about herself.

The magazine quoted an Army spokeswoman as saying, "the surgeons have to have someone to practice on."

Thanks for finding the story       But I do rememeber one about the UK army as well, unless my memory has become really bad.

[gypsy eyes]

in our countyr they're voting on a law to make plastic surgery (aspecially fake boobs) free fr models, the model association: "well everyone's looking at us on posters and all so if we have bigger boobs we'll look better and people will enjoy that too"

don't know if that story's somewhere online too but the last article made me think of that

[GnRNightrain]

MANILA, Philippines (AP) -- Four members of a family have been arrested and charged with murder for allegedly killing and eating a relative during a wedding reception -- and serving his flesh to unwitting party guests, police have said.

At the July 17 wedding of his daughter, Eladio Baule got angry with his cousin Benjie Ganay who tripped and accidentally touched the bride's bottom, said Senior Police Inspector Perla Bacuel, at Narra town in Palawan province, southwest of Manila.

A few hours later, Baule, his son Gerald, another cousin Junnie Buyot and a nephew, Sabtuari Pique, allegedly confronted Ganay, then drove him to a secluded place where they stabbed him to death, Bacuel said.

Buyot, who surrendered to police and is acting as a witness, told police they then roasted Ganay's body using coconut leaves and kerosene, Bacuel said.

Baule senior later forced Buyot to take a bite of Ganay's flesh, which he claims he threw up but was then forced at knifepoint to swallow, Bacuel said.

Buyot told police that the group returned to the party and served some of Ganay's cooked remains to guests who were still celebrating the wedding, Bacuel said.

"It was perhaps due to their drunkenness. They probably didn't know what they were eating," he said.

Buyot reported the incident several days later to a local village leader who took him to police. Pique also surrendered, and Baule and his son were arrested.

Superintendent Rey Lanada, Palawan provincial police chief, said cannibalism would be treated as an aggravating circumstance in the crime.

[AxlsMainMan]

I was expecting the family's name to be Lecter

[Chris Misfit]

ATHLONE, IRELAND: The O'Connoll family, a farming family, from Athlone, have been awarded this years Irish Inventors Of The Year Award.

The Irish family of 4, created a new means of scaring off crows, that have plauged farmers for centuries. It is said to be the most affective method know to farmers in Ireland, and word has spread through Ireland since the O'Connoll family made their discovery in May of this year.

They won the award, at this years ceremony after being chosen from 60 different participints that night, and over 1200 entries in total.

The awards held at Trinity College, Dublin, on August 4th is seen as the most prestigious ceremony in Europe. They have been awarded a cheque for 18000 Irish Euros, donated by the Irish Lotto Foundation.

Mr Jim O'Connoll said after the ceremony "Aye. I be gracious te fuck. I thank the lot o' ye, but bless mary herself, yer not gettin' a punt, ye greasy pig fucker."

[loretian]

http://www.wftv.com/news/3643877/detail.html

So sad....

600-Pound Woman Dies After Being Surgically Removed From Couch
A dramatic rescue ended tragically in Stuart, Florida, a rescue so difficult firefighters say they have never seen anything like it.
 
It happened late Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning at the home of a 600-pound woman who was having trouble breathing. Rescuers went in not knowing how difficult it would be to get her out. 40-year-old Gail Grinds was literally stuck to her couch and had to be removed surgically at the hospital.

Authorities estimate she had been on the couch anywhere from two to five years.

Martin County Fire amd Rescue crews faced what seemed to be an impossible mission. Everyone going inside had to wear protective gear. The stench was so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.

They tried to cut out the front door, but at four-and-a-half feet wide, it wouldn't work. They had to cut plywood since a normal stretcher wouldn't do.

An ambulance was too small, so they brought in a trailer to get her out. While rescue crews came up with a back-door rescue plan, detectives secured what had become a crime scene, questioning family members about how it got so bad.

Using planks, they loaded the woman on to the trailer, still attached to the couch. Removing her would be too painful, since her body is grafted to the fabric. After years of staying put, her skin has literally become one with the sofa and it must be surgically removed.

Detectives are investigating whether they have a case of neglect, or if it is simply a very sad story.

Grinds was taken to the Martin Memorial hospital where doctors removed her from the couch, but she died in spite of all the attempts to save her life.

[Cornell]

http://www.wftv.com/news/3643877/detail.html

So sad....

600-Pound Woman Dies After Being Surgically Removed From Couch
A dramatic rescue ended tragically in Stuart, Florida, a rescue so difficult firefighters say they have never seen anything like it.
 
It happened late Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning at the home of a 600-pound woman who was having trouble breathing. Rescuers went in not knowing how difficult it would be to get her out. 40-year-old Gail Grinds was literally stuck to her couch and had to be removed surgically at the hospital.

Authorities estimate she had been on the couch anywhere from two to five years.

Martin County Fire amd Rescue crews faced what seemed to be an impossible mission. Everyone going inside had to wear protective gear. The stench was so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.

They tried to cut out the front door, but at four-and-a-half feet wide, it wouldn't work. They had to cut plywood since a normal stretcher wouldn't do.

An ambulance was too small, so they brought in a trailer to get her out. While rescue crews came up with a back-door rescue plan, detectives secured what had become a crime scene, questioning family members about how it got so bad.

Using planks, they loaded the woman on to the trailer, still attached to the couch. Removing her would be too painful, since her body is grafted to the fabric. After years of staying put, her skin has literally become one with the sofa and it must be surgically removed.

Detectives are investigating whether they have a case of neglect, or if it is simply a very sad story.

Grinds was taken to the Martin Memorial hospital where doctors removed her from the couch, but she died in spite of all the attempts to save her life.

   Damn, I didn't know that could happen!  Someone had to be feeding her and knew for a long time. 

[The New Fiona Apple]

Sexually frustrated chimp takes up smoking

Sun Aug 29, 7:47 AM ET 


BEIJING (Reuters) - Sexual frustration has turned a Chinese chimpanzee from a mild-mannered simian into a problem primate who smokes cigarettes and spits at visitors, the Xinhua news agency says.

   

Feili, a female chimp in the city of Zhengzhou in the central province of Henan, picked up her nasty habits by imitating visitors who behaved "improperly" around her, Xinhua quoted zoo director Liu Bing as saying on Sunday.


But, Liu said, the root cause of Feili's transformation from a "gentle girl" into a "shrew" lay with the inability to find her a satisfactory mate.


A male chimpanzee at the zoo has failed to live up to Feili's sexual demands, and she has snubbed other potential suitors.


Zoo officials said Feili was not addicted to nicotine, but the chimp has also demonstrated clever -- if not desperate -- behaviour to score a smoke.


"The chimp is spitting at tourists and smoking," Xinhua quoted a boy visiting the zoo. "Just now a tourist threw a cigarette butt to just outside the cage, she tried to get the butt with a stick."






Source: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=857&ncid=757&e=10&u=/nm/20040829/od_uk_nm/oukoe_odd_china_chimpanzee

[D]

PUPPY SHOOTS FLORIDA MAN



Deputies say
Dog put paw on gun's trigger as owner tried to kill him The Associated Press
Updated: 3:52 p.m. ET Sept. 9, 2004PENSACOLA, Fla. - A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver?s trigger.


 
Jerry Allen Bradford, 37, was charged with felony animal cruelty, the Escambia County Sheriff?s Office said Wednesday. He was being treated at a hospital for a gunshot wound to his wrist.

Bradford said he decided to shoot the 3-month-old shepherd-mix dogs in the head because he couldn?t find them a home, according to the sheriff?s office.

On Monday, Bradford was holding two puppies ? one in his arms and another in his left hand ? when the dog in his hand wiggled and put its paw on the trigger of the .38-caliber revolver. The gun then discharged, the sheriff?s report said.

Deputies found three of the puppies in a shallow grave outside Bradford?s home, said sheriff?s Sgt. Ted Roy.

The other four appeared to be in good health and were taken by Escambia County Animal Control, which planned to make them available for adoption.



How can people be cruel to animals? I cant understand how people can be mean to loveable animals.

[Mr Cowbell ?]

How much of a sick f*** do you have to be to think killing a puppy with a gun to its head it better then trying to donate them to a shelter. People love puppies. People like this dont deserve to raise kids, I hope they charge him with 3 counts of animal cruetly and anything else they can.

Hell nueter the guy.

[Oddy]

man thats one smart dog.

a little ironic don't you think 

[SLCPUNK]

Smart dog.

[Oddy]

Smart dog.

great contribution dianne