An actual Cybersex session -- YOU PEOPLE MUST READ, THIS IS HILARIOUS!

[Dizzy]

This is a transcript of an actual cyber sex session.

As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage
in cyber-sex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to
be instantly transmitted over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless
fantasies become fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following
transcript of an actual on-line cyber -sex session. Either this guy is
clueless or has the greatest sense of humor known to mankind...


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather
mini skirt and high-heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I work out
everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of
blue sweat pants I just bought at Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing an old
T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells k kind
of funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo
and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling.
My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge
swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides
off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and
pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your
blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft
breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do
you have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back
and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts,
my nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the
clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue
all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.
They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of
my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in
the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard
tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in
and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup.
Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And
now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is
the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against
each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?

Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the
nightstand.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the
toilet and lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I just realized I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking
back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's
thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm
having a little problem here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another
second. Slide it in! Screw me!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my
face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy.
I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.

Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my
underwear and my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the
dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your
candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on
the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked
look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!

[Doc Emmett Brown]

Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humor known to mankind...

I'm going with great sense of humor - hilarious pretense of cluelessness.

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!

active imagination nurtured from one too many MUDs no doubt 

[Mattman]

AHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Pure comedy genius at its finest (I assume). 

[Mr Cowbell ?]

Its funny, but its very funny to be because I know some of the creeps out there. Girls have im'ed me before telling me they are a hot 36-24-36, and all hot and horny, and any real girl like that can get anyman they like. I would always say something like. Lets do it in the alley behind this bar I know, theres this urine stained mattress we can use, or soemthing stupid like that to get them to leave me alone. I just dont understand cyber sex

[matt88]

Lol..pretty funny.

[joy_division]

Here's more:

http://www.sreality.org/bloodcyber.html


This must be the funniest:

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

[O'Reily]

haha that is a great one I've seen some funny ones before but that's gotta be the best

[Jim]

Am I the only person that dosn't find this that funny? 

It has it's moments but...

And believe me, I did bear with it.

And I'm not saying that I'm above that sort of humour (because I really am not), it's just it dosn't make me laugh.

Oh, and surely that guy is trying to be humourous?

[Hammy]

  I haven't laughed this much in ages pure comedy.? I'd like to think the guy was totally clueless that would make it even funnier, what's really funny is how long the woman put up with it ? I'm guessing the guy is just really funny though.? As for the second one short but still amusing good to see people going round taking the piss out of the sad bastards who use these things

[Cornell]

Its funny, but its very funny to be because I know some of the creeps out there. Girls have im'ed me before telling me they are a hot 36-24-36, and all hot and horny, and any real girl like that can get anyman they like. I would always say something like. Lets do it in the alley behind this bar I know, theres this urine stained mattress we can use, or soemthing stupid like that to get them to leave me alone. I just dont understand cyber sex

Don't you actually know the people that IM you?  Just curious cuz some stranger wouldn't just IM me...

How could this girl let it go that far?  Didn't she get it?

[axls_locomotive]

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.
They're neat!

Theyre neat hahahaha...aw man im cracking up...hahaha

[2NaFish]

fake and pretty unfunny. meh.

[Mr Cowbell ?]

Its funny, but its very funny to be because I know some of the creeps out there. Girls have im'ed me before telling me they are a hot 36-24-36, and all hot and horny, and any real girl like that can get anyman they like. I would always say something like. Lets do it in the alley behind this bar I know, theres this urine stained mattress we can use, or soemthing stupid like that to get them to leave me alone. I just dont understand cyber sex

Don't you actually know the people that IM you?? Just curious cuz some stranger wouldn't just IM me...

How could this girl let it go that far?? Didn't she get it?

I'm on Aol, havn't gotten Cable yet and I get probalby 10-25 people IMing me a day, some trying to sell things, some trying to sell those stupid XXX pages, and other sicko's. Anyone else have problems with AOL?

[Eazy E]

Am I the only person that dosn't find this that funny??

It has it's moments but...

And believe me, I did bear with it.

And I'm not saying that I'm above that sort of humour (because I really am not), it's just it dosn't make me laugh.

Oh, and surely that guy is trying to be humourous?

I agree... I didn't get much out of it. 

[Wheres Izzy]

I thought they were both pretty good. I got a laugh out of em. Thanks dizzy.

[Chris Misfit]

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody 
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

[Ignatius]

Nothing better than a good laugh before going to bed...

The first one was hillarious!!

[Mr Cowbell ?]

That was ok not as good as the first ones.

[youngerformofaxl]

Either this Bloodninja guy is gay or he's just trying to be funny. Of course, I'm talking about the pirate one.

[usedtoloverher]

This is the worst thread I've ever read in my life.?