HTGTH posters GN'R outrageous story (fun topic)

[D]

ohhhhhhhh what a feeling will be dancing on the ceiling all night long, all night

suddenly a missle from Evil Axl Bot's rocket launcher impales Lionel just as he is breaking into brick house.

Tied up sensing defeat takes her shoes off, thrusts her feet forward and the smell knocks out D and Evil Axl bot's army
she shouts

Episode 2 attack of the toes and they quickly retreat and replan a strategy as D and Axl bot's army regroups.

she picks up her cell phone now realizing how powerful the D Axl bot army is and she places the most important phone call of her life.

meanwhile bleeding hearts like Journey and SLC are standing on the sidelines picketing the war speaking out on the ridiculousness of lost lives over a horrible cause.

just then a huge boulder rolls off a mountain and squashes the bleeding hearts.

with the bleeding heart war protesters between a rock and a hard place, the war continues.

just as evil axl bot goes to finish off the tied up attack of the toes army, An enormous bus pulls up and out walks..................

[Jamie]

........Vanilla Ice. He looks upset and says to the evil Axl bots. "I'm feelin down, I'm tryin to be real hardcore and get my career back on the road. But noone likes me cos I made Ice, Ice Baby, and generally suck major ass. Can you help me?" The Axl bots look at Vanilla Ice for a while trying to come to a desicion........

[D]

Axl calls Ice over and says, listen, we can use you as a decoy.

U go to Tied Up's army and pretend to wanna enlist yourself for their cause. I will give u this ultra sensitive poison powder that is undetectable by human senses.

U slip this in the pyscho beast Tied up's water when she isnt looking and u kill the vicious,evil,maniacal witch that she is once and for all and u come back and The bot army and D will make u a success.

Ice says word to ya mother?

Axl says sure whatever u just said.

vanilla says "thats mackadocious, I shall report back to your head cribbage quarters in a couple hours with my report. remember, ice melts in your mouth not in your hand, and peace to all my fans.

D looks at evil axl bot and says "we have to kill his poser ass" Axl smiles


Vanilla reports to the attack of the toes camp and gives his proposition to Tied up. Tied up is actually a closet MC hammer fan so she isnt to interested in Ice but she is a psychotic,vicious,brutal,savage beast of an evil woman, so she accepts his offer as long as he dont rap.

just as Ice is about to slip the poison into her drink, an unbelievable bright flash blinds Vanilla Ice and to everyone's amazement................

[Tied-Up]

The bright light sears a hole in Vanilla's face, which drips away to reveal Jon Bon Jovi.  "Yes," Jon admits, "when my career started to slump after Axl Rose let me suck his dick, everything went downhill, so I donned this disguise and became a rap star." 

Tied Up... not at all sympathetic to the horrible excuse for a musician, decides that it is time to get out her Limited Edition, Signature Series Lorena Bobbitt knife and give Jon Bon Jovi the bobbitt treatment.  But, as she unzips his pants, she is amazed to find that Jon is actually a woman. 

"Well, at least this means D isn't gay," Tied Up muses to herself with a smirk.  "But, now what to do with her?" 

Tied Up decides that as a feminist, she couldn't harm a woman, so instead, she decides to reprogram "Joni Vanilla" and send her out to deal with D, who is in serious need of a bitchslapping. 

Since she still looks like Jon Bon Jovi, D was fooled by Joni's charms and D bent over and grabbed his ankles.  Just then, from out of the shadows......

[Jim]

...used illusions walks out and says ''you're all fucking idiots and this thread is locked.''

''I'm joking!'', he says, and everybody laughs.

He goes home, and then from out of the shadows...

[N.I.B]

Michael Jackson is seen molesting a little girl. He then pushes her away and pulls out a machine gun and starts to shoot everyone in sight untill...

[D]

The bright light sears a hole in Vanilla's face, which drips away to reveal Jon Bon Jovi.? "Yes," Jon admits, "when my career started to slump after Axl Rose let me suck his dick, everything went downhill, so I donned this disguise and became a rap star."?

Tied Up... not at all sympathetic to the horrible excuse for a musician, decides that it is time to get out her Limited Edition, Signature Series Lorena Bobbitt knife and give Jon Bon Jovi the bobbitt treatment.? But, as she unzips his pants, she is amazed to find that Jon is actually a woman.?

"Well, at least this means D isn't gay," Tied Up muses to herself with a smirk.? "But, now what to do with her?"?

Tied Up decides that as a feminist, she couldn't harm a woman, so instead, she decides to reprogram "Joni Vanilla" and send her out to deal with D, who is in serious need of a bitchslapping.?

Since she still looks like Jon Bon Jovi, D was fooled by Joni's charms and D bent over and grabbed his ankles.? Just then, from out of the shadows......

Tied Up who couldnt resist ran up with her 8 inch strap on dildo and tried to beat joni ice to the browneye.

D having researched jon's penis in countless photos knew his wasnt that big. turns out it wasnt a strap on, Tied up really has a penis and yes its that big.

D clinches his ass cheeks, rips off Tied up's cock, she falls to the ground screaming, blood squirting everywhere, the ambulance comes and takes her to the hospital, Tied up screams "U will pay for this D, U will pay.

the movie ends and the sequel begins.

the sequel opens with D and Evil Axl bot eating some hamburgers at an outside joint. they are bragging about their destruction of Tied Ups attack of the Toes when all of a sudden from out of the sky appears.............

[Tied-Up]

An Unidentified Flying Object, in the shape of Jon bon Jovi's penis, which D recognized immediately, having done 'extensive' hands on research on the subject.  The UFO lands right in front of where D and the Evil Axl bot are sitting, eating thier burgers (since when do bots need to eat?) and out scurries a bunch of little blue beings, singing "la la la la la" ... and the evil pair of men realize they're being surrounded by smurfs. 

The smurf-like beings capture the two evil men and carry them aboard their UFO, and begin intensive anal probes to determine the source of their evil. 

After several days of intensive probing, no source could be found, so they decided to reprogram the evil Axl bot and turn him in to a cool reclusive rock star again, and he returned to his mansion in Malibu.  They had other plans for D, however.  They decided to give him a sex change operation, and......

[D]

no matter how hard they tried to saw off evil D's dick, it just would not cut.

they tried a chainsaw, a hatchet an axe, even broke out a ginsu knife.

nothing was penetrating through that long thick piece of manly trouser snake that D so proudly displayed to the little bastard blue smurf men.

D over powered the smurfs bonging papa and lady smurf in the head with his cannon ball type testicles knockin them unconcious.

D escapes the plane and knows how to gain back control of his beloved evil axl bot.

he would have to get with his homies and go after the Chinese Democracy master tapes.

with those in possession D could rule the world.

D recruits a new army, Kujo,SLC,GunnerdownUnder and Izzy are suited up in their armor and night vision goggles.

the malibu mansion is now under attack.

they break in a side door, go down to Axl's studio, open the vault and they are blinded by the greatest sight ever

they have just uncovered...............

[Tied-Up]

Something so amazing... so long awaited... something that people had given up on... something that people never thought would see the light of day... yes... it is ... Tied-Up's short story.  Apparently Axl pilfered the story from Tied-Up's computer when he came to her house in a previous episode.

As Axl read aloud from this amazing story, D fell to the ground and began to tremble violently, as his demons were being exorcised from his body.   Axl and the others watched in amazement as little demons that distinctly resembled Jon Bon Jovi left D's soul.

All of the sudden, out from nowhere, Bill Murray arrived wearing a ghostbuster uniform, and seized the demons with his proton pack thingy, and then disappeared just as suddenly. 

Shortly thereafter, D awoke and...

[D]

felt happier and alive more than he had in years, so good in fact he was bouncing around the room like Richard fuckin simmons.

Howdy guys how r ya screamed D with enthusiasm

Damn guys what did i eat last night,fuckin ass is killin me.

oh hi Axl, new hair do, love it

tied up, hey hows it goin? I had some weird dream that u were chasing me around with your tits shooting fire out of them or some weird shit. hell i dont know, crazy crazy dream.

and why was Jon's dick chasing me and trying to screw me in a very uncomfortable place

Kujo: :"what like the back of a volkswagon" this guy knows.

anyhow D retreats to his home everything is wonderful until A knockin comes upon his door.

He answers it and its the Evil Axl bot looking for revenge. the cockless Jon Bon Jovi follows in tow and they convince D that he is brainwashed and must lead the resurgence.

so now we go to part 3

D and the Axl bot vs Tied up and uncle axl part 3 "revenge of Jon's flying Penis and the attack of the anally probed."


Tied up is still in the jacuzzi with uncle axl talkin over plans to have her story published when the loudest bang u ever heard comes through the front door, axl and tied up jump up and run for cover and then...........................

[Tied-Up]

We interrupt this story for this commentary:

"revenge of Jon's flying Penis and the attack of the anally probed."

   I may have found the title to my second short story!!!

NOW!!!

Back to the story...

Where were we?  Oh yes...

Tied up is still in the jacuzzi with uncle axl talkin over plans to have her story published when the loudest bang u ever heard comes through the front door, axl and tied up jump up and run for cover and then...........................

Tied-up's hubby comes through the door, very angry that Tied-up is in the jacuzzi with Axl.  Hubby threatens to kill Axl, when all of the sudden....

Tied-up deletes the last paragraph, because her hubby has no business in this thread.

D, the Axl bot, and  a penisless bon jovi aka vanilla ice aka joni vanilla, (which is what (s)he prefers to be called now) drive up in a little pinto hatchback (which caused the loud bang), and try to find Tied-Up's house.  However, Tied-Up's husband hasn't mowed the yard in ages, and the overgrowth hid the entrance of the house, allowing for a quick getaway.  They jumped in Axl's still unsold Ferrari, and sped off, as D and his army of mutants attempt to catch up in their pinto, failing miserably as the pinto reaches it's maximum speed of 32 miles per hour.

All of the sudden, the engine in the pinto exploded, and.........

[D]

Tied Up's hubby who somehow mysteriously received that paragraph via email from D *u can thank me later* pulls up in a hummer assault vehicle with machine guns and grenade launchers.

That red head son bitch done stole my wife. U would think Id be happy as hell to get rid of that sadistic ball and chain but fuck it what can I say, I love that psychotic bitch.

So D,Axlbot and Jon no penis Ice hop into the assault vehicle.

they begin to give chase while planning their strategy


Axl and Tied up ease off the accellerator upon seeing the pinto blow up and they think they are made in the shade

WHAM!!!!

they are suddenly jolted from behind by the huge hummer that Tied up gave her hubby 4 christmas*hope u see the double entendre in there*

Lookin over at Tied up Axl says "this calls for drastic measures" Axl pulls out his cell phone and dials a number

5 minutes later a helicopter is over head, a ladder falls out and to everyone's suprise...................

[Jamie]

........Slash jumps out of the helicopter. Evil Axl looks confused and dismayed. "Hahaha" says Slash in a proud and happy voice, "I have foiled your plans for world domination once again!"Evil Axl looking quite annoyed and pissed off at Slash produces an AK-47 from his back pocket, and unloads into Slash's chest. "Damn" says Evil Axl, "I wanted Dizzy to be in that helicopter, but Slash must have ambushed the helicopter and killed Dizzy" Evil Axl turns back to where all the action is, but suddenly, without anyone present being aware Slash once again opens his eyes..........

[Sin Cut]

.. only to be facing the real Jon Bon Jovi who reveals his evil plan, they will capture the real Axl, then he will steal his face (like in face/off) and they will take the "time machine" to rewrite the history where there will be these killer-ass song like "You gave love the nightrain" and "In and out of Michelle".

Jon quickly explains that the surgeons are ready to do the face removing operation. (They had done Mikael Jackson earlier, who will return as James Hetfield) And now they only need to find the real Axl...

[N.I.B]

who is currently in a local bar chugging down beers with an old friend named.....

[Tied-Up]

Gilby Clarke.  Gilby and Axl decide to jump onstage to jam on some old Rolling Stones tunes, but before they can start playing.....

[Kujo]

..... Axl insists that Gilby signs over the rights to his name or Axl wont perform. Gilby replies........

[N.I.B]

"When The Rolling Stones finally croak and die  ". Suddenly a bomb is dropped on Mick Jaggard's house where all the members of the rolling stones were staying at the time. The bomb was dropped by...

[slash4ever]

Liam Gallagher. Who was very drunk at the time, and was spotted later that day having a drink with Damon Albarn while singing Yellow Submarine. Meanwhile, while Gilby was signing over the rights to Axl, Slash arrives on his helicopter (yet again) and.....