HTGTH posters GN'R outrageous story (fun topic)

[RichardNixon]

After the truth is revealed about D/Tommy, Axl has announces that the album is all done and ready to go to the prints. An armored car with all the tapes is on route to the CD printing press when disaster strikes. A comment hits the earth and slams right into the armored truck, destroying "Chinese Democracy." Axl is devastated but....

[Izzy]

...news that Slash was driving the van somewhat conforted him. Axl decides to start Chinese Democracy again from scratch and brings in the greatest musicians from across time to help him, unfortunatley Axl's decision to add Madonna to the lineup backfires because....

[RichardNixon]

All the big muscle men in S&M leather outfits that Maddona brings in with her are a distraction...

[Dizzy]

A comment hits the earth

That must've been one earth-shattering comment.  I wonder what they said?

[RichardNixon]

A comment hits the earth

That must've been one earth-shattering comment.? I wonder what they said?

It was really a commet, not a comment. Comment is latin for commit?

[Izzy]

All the big muscle men in S&M leather outfits that Maddona brings in with her are a distraction...

..to Axl's new drummer Yoko Ono who promotly quits the band. On a more positive note her absence allows Axl to announce....

[youngerformofaxl]

that he will be touring underground clubs in Antartica. But, first Axl has to...

[insupportofaxl]

........get D/Tommy to post a message to all his 'fans' on the internet via HTGTH message board because gnronline is a joke.

Axl prepares his statement.  He ponders over what to say.  Finally, after rewriting it 11 times, Axl says the following:

"Dear Fans,

As you patiently wait for me to get off my duff (no pun intended) and release Chinese Democracy, I have to tell you that it's been one hell of a journey for me because..................."

[MCT]

...I've spent most of my time on the toilet, battling severe diarrhea. Consequently, many of the songs on CD reflect the pain of my abdominal cramps. However...

[Dizzy]

....all bowel problems aside, I hope to announce a release date after the next few commode visits, and then we plan on....

[Izzy]

...cloning each member of the band so as to prevent any concievable delay - no matter who quits or goes to jail we will have ten other Chris Pittman's to fill the void, I have already cloned myself 18 times this week so i can perform throughout the world at the same time. Regretably several of them have decided to sue me for ownership of the band but i have a fool proof plan to sort this out, you see i plan to....

[Mattman]

...kill 'em all and replace them with clones that are genetically engineered to be more docile and obedient to the whims of their master - I, UberAxl."

However, problems arise when audiences at various concerts notice that the Axl clones seem a little too reserved.  Indeed, the performances in concert of the Axl clones are fairly restrained, and because of their docile nature, they offer no criticism of punks in the press.  An Internet rumour starts that fans paid to watch cloned band members and not the real thing.  Dave-Gnfnr-2k argues that this is what Axl did on the 2002 tour anyway, so it really doesn't matter.

The long-suffering fans at HTGTH can take no more.  They all journey to Los Angeles and meet up there.  They arm themselves to the teeth and form the HERE TODAY MILITIA, dedicated to "Chinese Democracy, here TODAY!"  Together they launch a masterplan to reunite the original Guns N' Roses once and for all.  Crack squads of GN'R fans break into the homes of Slash, Duff, Izzy, and Steven Adler, and bring them back to their headquarters - the Whiskey A-Go-Go club, which they have converted into a heavily patrolled base.  Gaining control of all network television stations (making extra sure that the New York Knicks basketball game is preempted by this announcement), Jarmo declares to Axl that he must release Chinese Democracy now, or face the consequences.  The camera pulls back to reveal the four ex-Gunners, tied, gagged, and with guns pointed to their heads.  Placing the hopes of GN'R fans everywhere in faith in Axl's remaining attachment to his original band, Jarmo states clearly, "Only you can prevent the deaths of your old friends.  Chinese Democracy starts now!"

Watching from his mansion, Axl is torn.  He thinks for a long, long time, and finally makes his decision...

[youngerformofaxl]

"Ok, I'll release Chinese Democracy if you get Bon Jovi to suck my dick." After some thinking Jarmo decides to...

[Dizzy]

...call Bon Jovi.  But they are a little too willing to orally perform on Axl, so Axl begins singing "One in a Million" to keep them at bay.  Meanwhile...

[insupportofaxl]

Axl's cell phone rings and Axl is astonished  to find Heather Locklear on the receiving end.

Heather starts to go off on Axl because she can't believe that her husband, Richie Sambora is a swinger/bisexual and now is planning on doing Axl.

Axl calms Heather down and decides to really piss off Bon Jovi by meeting Heather Locklear at the Rainbow..........a few blocks down from Whiskey-a go go.

Axl is sitting at a booth at the Rainbow.....the same booth NR was filmed and in walks Heather.

She sits next to Axl and they.............................

[Dizzy]

...make a porn video just like Locklear's ex husband Tommy Lee did with Pamela Anderson.  It surpasses the Pam/Tommy video as the biggest selling video of all time, and Axl decides to call his new album Chinese Pornography instead.  Because of this....

[liquidvirus]

the only thing available on the album are kinky sounds.
prostitute is the lead single and my world bceomes the most requsedted song ever....after seeing the shame they have been put thru GNR fans...

[Dizzy]

...continue to support Axl and predictably claim his porno album is better than Appetite for Destruction.  The world at large, however....

[MCT]

...thinks Axl should use a penis pump before doing his next video, as it just couldn't compare to D's jungle snake....

[Mr Cowbell ?]

Because of all the gay men chasing Axl he decides to hire himself a new bodyguard. He employs the services of Dustin Diamond (AKA Screech) and macks a pack to never leave each others side and they go off in a Bullet Proof Limo to meet up with LA Reed for mastering the New Album when...