HTGTH posters GN'R outrageous story (fun topic)

[TIPSY]

they apologize for freaking the shit out of Beta and they bring Slash and Scott Weiland to Axl so Axl can.................

[Mattman]

decapitate Scott Weiland and force Slash to his knees to declare that Axl was right all along to try to turn Guns N' Roses into Nine Inch Nails.  D and SLC agree, and are blindfolded and tossed into a car.  The car drives for 10 minutes, stops, and D and SLC are tossed out by an L.A. studio where Velvet Revolver is filming its next video.  Axl orders the two to bring Slash and Scott Weiland to him, and brandishes a sniper rifle which he will point at them the whole time to ensure they do not deviate from the plan.  D and SLC arrive at the gate, and the security guard demands to know what they are doing there.  SLC replies...

[badapple81]

"let me in, or i'll force you into listening to St Anger.. over and over and over again until you do.."

Meanwhile Gunner Down Under and Izzy stay back at Axl's place listening to Chinese Democracy.. Halfway through, Gunner turns it off, because Aston Villa are giving Liverpool a whipping on TV 

[TIPSY]

Izzy says, "Why in the fuck did you just turn off CD?  I have waited way too long for this and you just ruined it."

Izzy turns back on CD and realizes that he needs to level with Axl because there is a problem with the way the guitar sounds in the 5th song, 2nd verse of the 1st album.

Izzy calls Axl on his cell phone and Axl says, "What do you want Izzy?  This better be fucking important because right now, I am assuming my mafia role"

Izzy replies...............

[Doc Emmett Brown]

'Axl, bring back Izzy Stradlin'. 

Meanwhile, D & SLC have cornered Slash & Weiland.  SLC tries to grab Scott, but Scott is so skinny that he snaps in half. Slash yells at them for killing his frontman.  D & SLC put Slash in a bag and meet Axl at the gate...

[D]

axl says bring him to me now!!!!!!! but slc and D tell axl "no way dude" u give us an advanced copy of CD and u can have him, axl agrees and we hand over slash in the bag, axl kills slash and cuts off his hands, axl takes the hands to yoda to get them examined, yoda tells axl that if he gets his hands cut off and gets slash's hands put on instead of his, he will have the guitar ability of slash, axl goes to plastic surgeon with slashs hands in ice when...................

[SLCPUNK]

Chewbacca appears out of nowhere and eats them for lunch! Pan fried, finished off in the oven with a wonderful white wine butter sauce.

D begins to panic and instantly goes into therapy mode, telling us all he dresses like his mother on the weekends. Axl laughs hysterically, and then asks the huge wookie to join the band as the third keyboard player.

Chewbacca laughs and says.....

[D]

that slc dude is hot id like to get me some of that! SLC instantly goes to the trunk and pulls out a sheep costume and hands to chewbacca, Chewbacca puts on the costume and leads slc to axl's guest bedroom


Axl takes D to his studio and lets D put guitar fills over some songs, and makes D a 4th guitarist! axl says hey D want to come live with me for awhile, since u kicked the shit out of earl i need a new bodyguard, so D says sure axl, axl leads D to the guest room when they open the door they see SLC tied to the bed and chewbacca doing some hot doggy action on SLC.

Axl and D think of helpin SLC when all of a sudden...........

[SLCPUNK]

Night train shows up and wants to talk politics. This instantly pulls SLC (talking about myself in the third person now-I know...so strange) out of his sheep-shagging frenzy and into a heated debate over Saddam and 9-11. They are about to come to blows when....

[RichardNixon]

RichardNixon (the poster) and the Richard Nixon (brought back from the past with a time machine) come in with 15 Fred Durst clones and tie everyone up. Nixon and Nixon burn all the mastertapes of Chinese Democracy and untie Axl. A new version GN'R is created:

W. Axl Rose- Lead Vocals
SLCPUNK- Lead Guitar
D- Rythem Guitar
Gunner Down Under- Sax
Richard Nixon (Pres)- Triangle
Fred Durst clone #1- Drums
Fred Durst clone #2- Bass
Fred Durst clone #3- Harp
Fred Durst clone #4- Piano
Fred Durst clone #5- Keyboards
Fred Durst clone #6 Saprono back up singer (nuts are ripped off)
Fred Durst clone #7 flute
Fred Durst clone #8 Recorder
Fred Durst clone #9 farter
Fred Durst clone #10 back up singer #2
Fred Durst clone #11 Yodler
Fred Durst clone #12 Hummer
Fred Durst clone #13 tounge clicker
Fred Durst clone #14 second bass player
Fred Durst clone #15 second hummer

The new and improved Guns N Roses record a new album in 15 minutes, and it is on the road, to be sent to the wigs at the label, but a problem arises when....

[SLCPUNK]

Fred Durst clone #3 insists that his other clone, # 17, be allowed to join the band and play the jug. D, now dressed as Mona Lisa, tells him "no way dude, we don't need a guy to blow into a jug in this band!" Which causes Fred Durst clone #3 to quit the band.

Seeing that his Harp player is now out of the band, Axl goes into a tailspin and he is unable to finish the album. It is begining to look as if.....

[RichardNixon]

A new Guns N Roses album will never see the light of day, and then a light bulb goes off in Axl's head. He takes all of the Fred Durst clones and puts them into a machine, which turns all of the Fred Durst into ONE BIG MASSIVE GIANT FRED DURST! This big Fred Durst can play anything.

The new GNR is thus born:

W. Axl Rose- Lead Vocals
SLCPUNK- Lead Guitar
D- Rythem Guitar
Gunner Down Under- Sax
Richard Nixon (Pres)- Triangle
Big Massive Frankenstien Durst- everything else that little Fred Durst clone 1-15 played.

And The new GNR album is recorded and sent to the label, but the suits at the label say...

[insupportofaxl]

"Axl we still need Slash's signature guitar style to make it officially sound like GN'R.? What happened to your plastic surgeron appointment?"

Axl says, "I had Slash's hands on ice in a bag and then this Chewbacca dude appeared."

Axl refused to comment any further pending the mysterious ways he lives his life in total privacy.

Back at his Malibu home, Axl thinks to himself? "should I give up GN'R name and join VR since Scott is no longer in the picture?".?

Axl decides to go to Sedona to see Yoda again for some insight.? On his trip out to Sedona, Axl stops in Vegas first and Axl runs into...............

[D]

vince neil!  vince saysmothefucker lets finish this shit once and for all! axl says u got it! out of nowhere D and SLC attack vince from behind and hold him down while axl beats the living shit out of vince, SLC pulls out his clippers he usually reserves for shearing sheep and shaves vinces hair off! Axl proceeds to grab a can of spray paint and he spray paints Axl Rules on vince's back.......


meanwhile back at axl's gunnerdown under and Beta are sittin around the pool gettin cozy, beta has fed the kangaroos and givin gunner a back massage, Izzy has now transformed himself into little mini me fortus


D,axl and slc punk get back from vegas walk into the house and catch fortus and izzy dancing to Nsync's "bye bye bye" upon seeing this Axl.................................

[Izzy]

...realises why he had Fortus in the band in the first place and scraps the entire album to makes a new one in the style of Justin Timberlake's efforts which delights the suits at Interscope but horrifies......

[D]

every single person who has ever been a GNR fan! Axl introduces the pop lock 21st century version of the snake dance attracting 12 year old girls everywhere! all of a sudden axl is gutted with a huge sword razor type weapon and realizes the Predator has came back to reclaim his braids! Just as axl is fading into death he wakes up again............. all of this was just a dream (except slc's sheep shaggin) and he realizes now what he must do, he must......................

[Doc Emmett Brown]

lose the braids and start working out again.  As he drives to his local gym, he accidentally hits a pedestrian.  Axl gets out of the car and see that it is....

[D]

a kangaroo with gunnerdownunder still in the pouch with master copies of chinese democracy! Axl reclaims his possessions says fuck it! and returns to his house, with master CD in hand! yes our good ole kangaroo pal skippydownunder fucked up CD for everyone!

Axl takes the master copies to Yoda to get them read since they were handled by foreign hands, to axl's surprise he finds out that................

[insupportofaxl]

The studio version of the blues is scratched beyond recognition and Axl realizes that D has rerecorded the second song "TWAT" guitar parts so Axl goes....................

[Rockin' Rose]

to D and says "Hey! Man, that shit you did with the guitar on "TWAT" that shit is just..."