Here Today... Gone To Hell!

I have no idea why the news was making Star Wars jokes about the 4th.  Isn't it May the 4th be with you?  I did get having babies and getting married on 12-31-23 was the desirable date for dummies, cute, 123, 123, you're dancing.  :D

I'm all cleaned up from Christmas and stuff back in the attic.  Pretty fun pulling the roof line lights down.  I just stand on the driveway and give them a jank.  This year I brought everything inside to warm up before I put them back n the box.  They fit so much better that way.  The moose is outside off the patio.  My daughter was not at all surprised by that.  I had a light up peacock there for a few years.  I was kind of hoping he would scare away the squires from my pots but they pay him no attention along with the cattail chimes.

January is the month I do all my finances.  Fill out forms and sign my name.  I got rid of the last thing with my ex husband's name on it.  Geez, it's been 30 years.  Seems like a lifetime ago.  I never did get remarried.  It's expected you will if that ever happens to you.  It's hard when you're a single parent with a demanding job.  You have no time or the energy.  My goal during those years was to get a nap.  :hihi:  I had a good time though, my kid rocked.

Normally I've lined up my taxes by now.  Haven't felt like doing the math.  No rush, plenty of the month left and I could just wait for the forms to come in.  I do not have to file on the first day although you get your refund back faster.  I also haven't sat down and gone over the household budget.  So unlike me.   :hihi:

My SIL is feeling well enough to work a little.  He's taking a job at the place that sells pot growing supplies one day a week.  I'll be babysitting.  I suggested that to him last year and he got all bent out of shape.  He planned to make a fortune with the pot plantation.  That's not happening.  This is a good move.  Gets him into the business and networking.  It's a Monday, the day I reserve for my personal business.  I don't have that much and the kid can go with me.  He's a good stay at home dad and I hope this doesn't turn into a full time manger position.  He says they are having a couple of more kids.  My daughter has no idea how great it is to have a housewife.   :hihi:

Missed the big announcement of who's coming in concert.  I assume it's not GNR, probably the Stones.  I am not having another shitty seat to see GNR.  This year I'll actually be able to see them but the surgery will take all my fun money.  I'll be streaming them if they go on tour.

Update:  Billy Joel and Sting.  Odd combo for a concert.  Wouldn't think they would be a stadium act, guess they are.  Def Leppard and Journey are another stadium act.  Wouldn't think they were either.

Wait, wait, wait, my new adventure is raising kids?  I've done that.   :hihi:  I was hoping for a little great in there.  Probably just a change in pace and it's still being rolled out.  Things are happening at a steady rate.  People re entering my life.  Opportunities presenting themselves and I'm taking them.  Not sure where I'm going but I'm moving.  :D

This class looks interesting:  How the Spirit of Gratitude Can Help You Live Your Best Life.  I assume they are not talking about the feeling you get after you survived yet another migraine.  It's not a religious lecture.  Tips and tricks to get your gratitude mojo back, including where to find inspiration, mentoring, energy, and maybe a daily dose of laughter.  Have that but never thought about the gratitude part.  It's at the park where I attend the raptor bird lectures.  Think I'll invite a few people to go with me.

Snow is coming in.  Ran to the store and stocked up, 2 large cans of coffee.   :hihi:

That's weird.  Bret Michaels reached out to my city to perform at the annual 4th of July celebration.  How would he even know this place exists?  Normally the celebs live down the road in Lake St Louis.  We're a drive by city.   Said he liked our values and something about vets.  Have you been here?  Does he know it's damn hot and humid here on the 4th?  You'd think he'd play the Memphis area.  Anyway, short walk from my house.  I like Poison.  Going to catch his show.

Watched the state of the city address.  They are putting in a national police training place between me and the garden.  I already sit in the middle of the county and city police departments.  When you have nothing to fear from the police it's nice having them so close.  We need to put up big signs that say police activity this way, criminals turn around.  :hihi:  Beneficial highway signs for everybody.

We have a nice community here but we are showing up on all the lists of great places to live.  Since I moved in, they developed all the farmland south of the highway.  My daughter now lives in a subdivision her husband's family owned as farmland.  The north side of the highway is the old section and they pretty much left us alone.  We don't even have a grocery store.  It's nice and quiet, easy to get around but they are running out of room in the south and now looking to develop my way.  Lots of land out here.  A little protection from the flood plain but they've been building in that too.

Music Sunday  :D

AARP has a good article on music therapy in work with dementia and alzheimer's patients.  Basically you play them music from their teen years when they were into music and they come back.  Think of it this way.  The mind is a bunch of doors.  The disease is working to seal them shut.  Once it's sealed shut, never opens again.  When you play them their music all the doors blow open.  You're opening doors that haven't been opened in years but not yet sealed.  They were lost in the darkness of the sealed doors, sitting still, and now they are bathed in the light of the open doors.  They start to move about and interact with the world.  Only lasts for 15 to 30 minutes after the music stops but it doesn't stop the door sealing, slows it down.

They can see the brain activity light up all over the place when the patient's music is played.  Read the story here if you're interested.  https://www.aarp.org/health/brain-health/info-2023/how-music-affects-the-brain.html

The takeaway is your playlist is your fountain of youth.  Not that it makes you act like your teenage self but your brain is firing on all available cylinders.  Ever notice when you listen to music you're more energized and you get to thinking all kinds of stuff?  At first, it feels so good you keep turning up the sound.  But later you're so energized, you start to turn it down so you can focus in.  Too many doors open.  You have to start closing some of them.  Eventually the music goes off and you're off doing stuff.  How long that brain activity is triggered depends on you.

I write a little bit for lots of reasons.  Music always gets me started.  When I don't know where the story is I go to a room in my mind.  It's always a comforting light in there.  All I have to do is stick my head out a window to see where the story is.  Look out there and I'm transported to the story.  I have some issues with the room probably what people call writer's block.  Sometimes I can't get there.  When it appears, such a relief, I'm on the outside, in the light looking at it from a distance.  I like the view from there too.  I just need to walk to it and open the door and go in.  The just part is the problem.  And once inside, it's nice in there, which window and am I ready to look out it?  Sometimes I stall out and leave but it's always a comfort, I'll be back, my room is still there for me.  "Get confused, listen to the music play."

Ladies High Tea!   :D  I got an invite.

Don't google that, it's all porn.   :hihi:

I need a hat and gloves for this event.  Yeah who would suspect I'm a lady from looking at me?   :hihi:  Sharon knows it.  Don't let the name or the dress fool you.  Don't think you've ran into something you can walk all over and control.  Hard to define a lady but you'll know one when she steps up and takes charge.  You'll always see me address Beta as "Hey Lady".  I recognized her long before she gave Axl the ultimatum.

Anyway, I accepted an afternoon of sipping tea and eating finger foods with "the ladies".  Yeah, you might want to run.  :hihi:

Did a little observation with the grandbaby.  I let him watch Miss Rachael for 45 minutes.  Kids show with lots of music.  When she is on, he gives his full attention to it.  After I turned it off, I put him down with his toys and just watched.  He was more active and talking with his toys, like a lot more active.  He was still going at it after 20 minutes when I had to put him down for his nap.  We read books for a while and he gave his full attention to it even asking for more books.  He's one.  He wasn't that alert all morning.

I told my daughter to save me some laundry to do and I asked my SIL if it was okay if I brought in the Christmas inflatables.  Got the thumbs up.  Never have me to your home all day with nothing to do.   :hihi:  They come home, the table is full of folded laundry, the dishes are done, the stove is scrubbed and every outside Christmas decoration is packed up in the garage and ready for storage.  The grandbaby says hi to them but wants to continue to hang with grandma.  Yeah what just happened.   :hihi:

That does kind of work.  Feel like I'm fighting off a cold and just kind of vegging around the house waiting for the snow to come in.  Went out on the streets with Bruce for a couple of songs before I got thunderstruck.  Music got louder at that point.  Call it an ear infection.   :hihi:  At least feel like screwing around on the net.  No pinball to tonight but who made who.   :D  Heading off to get on the cover of the rolling stone.

Okay, about an hour of listening and I feel energized.  Not motivated though to do the things on my to do list.   :hihi:

Oh hey, if you ever wonder who I am, that's me in the front on the left with glasses and what I do.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=624409026389607&set=pb.100064615452884.-2207520000&type=3

No idea why that wouldn't show up as a pic.  I don't do computers.  :hihi:

My native language is not English and I like to read your posts as a way to practice reading, I think I will continue imagining the writer because the URL did not work for me.  :hihi:

Thank god for spell check.   :hihi:  Fair warning, I overuse the words "that" and "just" as expressions.  "That" means not really important and "just" is something you have to deal with.  I don't inject those words in speech because you can hear it in my voice.  The phrases, "you know" and "of course" are also expressions I use you want to avoid in real conversation or formal writing.  I'm being lazy and screwing around here.  I'm pretty good at grammar and using the various forms of there and your.

Good luck with English.  I admire people who can speak more than one language.

And my pet peeve in grammar, it is, Guns and Roses "is" a rock band.  Not "are" a rock band.  The s at the end of the name makes you think it's plural but it's not, a band name is a singular thing.  Same thing with The Rolling Stones.

Flash Freeze, that's a weather term that will get your attention.  We have storms coming in with an arctic cold front.  I kept wondering why they weren't giving snow predictions.  It's ice.  We occasionally get these wicked ice storms.  Takes down tree limbs, power outages and shuts everything down.  Fortunately I had all my trees trimmed up this year.  And a very large brush pile I can burn if I get cold.

The coleus cuttings were starting to rot in the water.  Took cuttings off of those and threw away the roots.  The begonias were getting long and lanky.  Hair cut for them and started rooting them in water.  My kitchen window is flowering with the begonias and geraniums.  The demo garden seedlings are starting to pop up.  I'm reluctant to pull some of the soil off the top of the rosemary in case seedlings are coming up but I'm going to do it.  It's a Marsha suggestion, maybe we will get more germination out of them.  They had the same problem with the pansies.  They were planted too deep.

Demo garden bugs and plants will be fine if we get ice.  We have a good layer of leaf mulch over the ground.  We do community planting and left the plants up.  They will clump together.  Trees and bushes have been pruned.  The ice will slide right off the plastic on the greenhouse and hoop house.  Passive solar heating keeps those houses above freezing even in the coldest weather.  Not much to worry about out there.

Oh good, they took the ice out of the forcast.  Left the bitter cold.  I have three meetings I'll have to go out to get to.  One offers carrot cake and the other fettuccine alfredo.  The third has no incentive for attending and if they don't switch it to zoom, I'm staying in bed.   :hihi:

We got up to 50 today.  The neighbor has a dumpster sitting in his driveway, thus his Challenger sitting in my driveway.  And a bunch of stuff from my kids sitting in his dumpster.  Liked how that worked out.   :D  Plus when I go over to babysit on Monday, I can park in their garage.  :D

Now it's damn cold.  We're stuck in this pattern until Wednesday.  A lot warmer in the house when I busy myself with spring cleaning.  Not going through all my shit or taking stuff out of the cabinets.  Might if this cold keeps up.  I'm on eat down so I can clean the refrigerator.  Looking pretty sparse in there.  Better get on that soon.   :hihi:

Diverted our meeting today to zoom so nobody had to run out in the cold.  I got a mason bee house out of it.  We were going over the plants we have to grow from seed for three garden bed renovations.  Three hour meeting and I got homework out of it.

The house has mostly shifted back into place with the moisture in the ground.  All the doors are working properly again.  All my doors need painting.  They were on my to do list when the guys replace my baseboards this spring but we may have to put that on hold with the cataract surgery.  That's a lot of furniture moving.  I'm not suppose to life or bend at the waist.  Sondra wants all my reading glasses when I'm done with them.  :hihi:  Your day will come.

Speaking of Sondra, they have cleared her for plastic surgery where the cancer was removed from her face.  I took her over lunch for her birthday.  She doesn't like to be seen in public with her face like that.  Doesn't look that bad to me but then I'm use to it.  Anyway, during this time she has cleaned out her house and painted the whole thing.  Looks great!  Women, and were still playing in our doll house.   :D

It just fucks with my head and I can't do it!  I'm trying to imagine a clock on the ceiling.  In the winter you're supposed to have your ceiling fan blades moving clockwise.  Had to look it up, look at a picture and if I had to say, I would say it's counter clockwise!  :hihi:  Maybe I'm just standing on the wrong side of the fan.  Is that possible?  Maybe I should get stoned and lay on the floor and study it.   :hihi:

We broke the high temperature with a low number.  I don't think we broke our low temperature.  It is so cold if I leave my lighter in the garage it won't work.  My daughter had ice on the inside of her windows.  She has new windows coming on the 29th.  The day I babysit.  I hope it warms up and they are quick!

I'm entertaining the cats with a dozen of balls.  They are really good at playing ball, occasionally fall off the couch.  They wear out quickly.

I'm moving right along with spring cleaning.  Clean refrigerator and all the lights where you can remove the light bulb and not the cover have had their covers cleans.  I have a little more dusting and scrubbing to do before I get to cleaning carpets.  Won't take that much longer if I get on it.

It is quiet.  Nothing moving outside and people aren't blowing my cell phone up.  My feral cat did show up to eat and actually came inside for a minute.  Something spoked him and he wanted back out.  When he does come in, he never leaves the door area.  He would have made somebody a nice cat.

I pulled the trigger on the quit smoking meds.  I ordered it last year but didn't pick it up.  Quitting is kind of like taking away my will to live.  I like to smoke.  The best way to quit any addiction is to get a new life.  Leave all those old behaviors behind and get a new routine.  Away from all those triggers.  That's not possible for most folks.  So we'll see how this goes.  The pharmacy called me about the eye drops for the cataract surgery.  I'm assuming somebody from there will call me and tell me when to start using these.  So unlike me not to have that information.  They didn't tell me but I figure no reason to bug them this far in advance.  Give them a chance to do their job.  They seem to be on it and have called in the Rx.  A little early if you ask me but, you know, let the people do their job.

We get a break in the bitter cold tomorrow.  I was out yesterday, just long enough to drive over and babysit and come back home.  We had a light dusting of snow that made the roads slick.  I was poorly dressed.   :hihi:  Froze my ass off driving over there and back.  Seems a waste to get dressed for outdoors when you're going to be in the house most of the time.  "There is no bad weather, just poor gear."  Ain't that the truth?  I'm sure there is clothing for these conditions but we don't have weather like this that often to know what that clothing is or to spend money on it.  I dress in layers when I'm out in this.  I only do that when I'm shoveling the driveway and then I'm usually removing layers while I'm out there because the exercise heats me up.

I'm waiting for the sun to hit the kitchen.  My targeted room for spring cleaning today.  And the onions need trimmed back.  The cats are all hanging with me.  They are bored.  Simone has been out twice only to want back in a few minutes later.  I'm anticipating a few paws of interference when I do get off my ass and get started.

I am wrong about how you talk about migraines.  "There's been a sea change as to how we speak about migraine--someone doesn't "have migraines," they experience "migraine," an important distinction that speaks to the disruptive and disabling nature of this disease."  Okay I don't get the distinction in the change of terms.  And I've never heard the term "sea change".   :hihi:

Anyway, the article says when your older migraine changes.  "As people, particularly females, get older and hormones change after menopause, they may drop the headache altogether and their migraines may be aura-only."  That's interesting!  I outgrew my migraines, probably about the time menopause finished.  But I have times when my vision is more blurred and eventually clears up.  I'm still really light sensitive.

Whatever they call it, it's nice they recognize it's real.  When I first sought treatment for my headaches, they called it depression.  Then they called it drug seeking when the pills they prescribed didn't touch the pain.  Then I didn't seek help for 20 years and that was only because I got caught out on the road and couldn't drive.  I didn't follow up though.  Something you suffer through and thankful you lived.

We had a few days respite from the bitter cold.  We're getting a couple of more bitter cold days and then slightly above average.  Got all my errands ran and am prepared to be in the house for a few days.  Picked up the carpet cleaner from my daughter so I have options on what to do.  Nobody is responding on these two stray cats that have been hanging around and they run when they see me.

AARP is pursuing music therapy with another story.  "An 1850's observation that musical ability was often preserved in people who'd had a stroke and could not speak.  Yet they could sing."

Looked up "sea change" means a profound change and came from a Shakespeare play.  But when used in the case of the migraine comment, where there was nothing profound about that change in term, it's a buzzword in current culture.  Yes, I'm a little touchy when scientists think they know shit about migraines.   :hihi:  What does she mean disease?  I would think ailment or disorder but not in the disease class.  Then again she's the doctor, should know her medical terms.

So I texted my sister to see what she thought of the migraine article.  She's not a member of AARP.  What?!  The biggest and probably only advocate for seniors and she doesn't belong.  And she's from a union family.  I know people like to ignore old folks but AARP is a pretty powerful group.  Old people have all the money and all the time to bitch a fit and they vote.  And there's a lot of them!  AARP has made themselves the recognized authority on what seniors need and they get shit done.

I have not added one thing to my list on what brought me joy in 2024.  I had several things on there this time last year.  Not that I'm unhappy.  On that level plane or muddling through.

That is so like me.  Excited by getting one of my tax forms in the mail.  Every year, my country goes through the paperwork of evening up who owes who taxes.  I have the pleasure of easy paperwork and getting some money back.  Other folks have a nightmare and have to hire professional help to do it.  I usually have all my paperwork done and waiting in the que for the government to open electronic submissions.  Everybody who has to send you a form for your paperwork is suppose to have it to you by Jan 31 and you're suppose to have all your paperwork in by April 15.  I'll play around with mine tonight.  See what I'm getting back but not turn it in until I get all the forms.  With online information I can pretty much tell what the forms coming to me will say.  No big rush but this is a fun Friday evening for me.  :D

Do other women do that?  I've never asked.  Catch your diamond in the light and throw little prisms on the wall.  I wonder if my grandmother did that.  This is her diamond.  It's fun having a big sparkly on your hand.

They aren't kidding when they say take the quit smoking med with food and a full glass of water.  I don't usually eat first thing in the morning but I'll never do that again.

The Challenger is back in the driveway.  Yes, I am rather fond of that car.  It's a little young for me as I prefer an older model but who doesn't like a bad ass car on the driveway?   :hihi:  Mike is getting a new HVAC system tomorrow.  $17,000, are you fucking shitting me?  Maybe if he had a big, two story house but we're two bedroom duplexes.  I got mine for $3600 and labor was included in the work I was having done.  Granted I got a great deal but I got an outside estimate for $8,000.  Then again that was right as covid was hitting and prices hadn't went up.  It's already a done deal so no point in me making him feel bad about his purchase.  Probably should have had that car parked at my place when they came over to give him the bid.

We are getting a morning icing.  I don't have to be anywhere until 9:30.  If it's still bad by then I'll cancel, I don't drive on ice and neither should anybody else.

We got slick this morning.  https://x.com/brianmmunoz/status/1749454885781700635?s=42&t=z6WIsYLm_T9i51ESjed9XQ  That's pretty scary, so close to taking out both those houses.  I think he clipped that blue car in the driveway, first boom.

I had my grandson all night so we didn't have to shuffle him around this morning.  The kids were over here with him within an hour of my suggesting it, dumped him and left.  :hihi:  Guess they needed a break.  The daddy was back to get him as soon as the weather cleared.  We had fun but he went to bed two hours late because the cat would not shut up.  Lily did not care for a little stranger in her room.  The other two just ran and hid.  They didn't care for something bigger than them crawling around on the floor.  He thought they were cool.

Texted my SIL to say it was lonely without my grandson here.  Trying to let him know I'm a good babysitter but he took it as they are bringing him over more often.   :hihi:  Yes they are at that stage in life where your only goal is to get some sleep.  It's damn tiring raising an infant.  Not only do they need lots of attention, they get sick and teeth.  I'm not ashamed to say I let the TV do a little babysitting.   :D  He likes it and I learn a bunch of new earworms.  :hihi:  I was trying to think of when that might be but I'm busy.  Good luck finding a day where we can do that.

My task for the day was to clean carpets.  I'm thinking I'm way too ahead of myself.  We've gone warmer and rain.  I have dirty cat paw prints everywhere.  I would be cleaning only to have to do it again.  And the vent hood on the stove is out so it wouldn't be able to help get the moisture out.  Darn cleaning carpets is one of the funner household chores for me.

I can open all the window blinds again although we are overcast and foggy.  We're going above normal next week and my mind has turned to the wood pile the parks has.  I want to get back out there so bad.  But we are a muddy mess.

I knew the curtains were closed in the bedroom yesterday.  I'm walking around naked getting dressed.  I hear the workers out back starting to work on my neighbor's HVAC which is to the left of my window.  I look over and Lily has parted the curtains to look out at them.   :hihi:  The workers had to access his HVAC through my yard because he has a fence around his yard and his AC is attached to my side of the duplex.  My Ring camera was going off all day long!

I guess I could run the recycling over.  I haven't started the car in days.  Lucky I got a new battery last summer.  It's been running really rough lately.  I'm just waiting for something to break.  My calendar is completely open today.  I could fill it up with busy work but the coffee hasn't kicked in so I'm just letting the day slip away.  Everyday doesn't have to be packed full.

I just wanted a Coke.  Straight up noon so I thought I would run by the gas station.  The place was packed with construction guys getting lunch.  Decided to run to the other gas station.  Samething, not one parking spot.  I did not realize how many guys ate a gas station lunch.  Ended up at Walgreens.  They have those coolers you can't see into.  Stand in front of them and a picture pops up and shows you what is behind the door.  Why would you waste money on that?  If you left the clear glass, I could see what was in there.

Anyway, I'm looking for Coke in a can.  Something is wrong with the taste when it comes in a plastic container.  And they give you way too much.  So I find my can.  It's not that squat, little, fat can any more.  It's tall and narrow like the energy drinks but it does say original taste.  Remember New Coke?   :rant:  Normally, I pair this up with beef jerky when I'm eating the gas station lunch but pass on that today.  I just want my Coke.

There's something about a Coke that just sets my body right.  I don't stock it at home.  It only takes one can and I go along time in between cans.  Like, how long ago did they change the can? 

That's cool.  My tax return has already processed and my refund is scheduled.  :D

I'm not as happy with the post office.  I mailed a sensitive document a few weeks ago and it hasn't shown up yet.  They say they are short staffed.  Postal Worker use to be a good job.  Wonder what happen?

We've been through the 10 darkest weeks of the season.  :D

Tax return in the bank.   :D  This is the date places have to have their tax forms to you so you can do your taxes.  Stuff online has really sped up the tax process.  Again, if I do my taxes online, why can't I vote online?

Getting my shit together for cataract surgery.  Not complaining but holy shit!  I have 4 drops I have to take 4 times a day, five minutes apart.  One only for a week, 2 for 4 weeks and the 4th for 3 months.  And the eyes are done 2 weeks apart.  Try to put all that on a calendar.  Eventually I'll put it in my phone for alerts.  Probably when I can see better.  :hihi:

I got better at taking meds with the phone alerts but I still have those days when I'm deeply involved in something.  I'll get on autopilot and when I come out of it, I don't remember if I did routine tasks, taking meds being one of them.  Or which cat did I let out and who has come in.   :hihi:

Well, January is done.  People are already predicting an early spring.  Wishful thinking, they say that every year.  February has 29 days this year.  Those of us who were salary consider it the unpaid day.  Along with all that overtime they didn't pay.  I would assume if you're born on the 29th, you're officially not the next age until March 1 in non leap years, so no free drinkings for you on your 21st birthday because that is not divisible by 4, the day doesn't exist.  No, you weren't too drunk to remember.  :hihi:

I think I figured it out.   Normally you crack an egg in the middle and use two hands to finish up.  The youtube videos I've seen where they are only using one hand, they get egg on their hand.  I hate that.  This time I cracked it 2/3 up to the short end and was able to pull off the top with my two fingers.  No egg on me and I think less egg shell pieces.  None of that clear stuff dripping down the side of the bowl.  I was on my 5th egg when I discovered that.  Worked on the 6th egg and then I was done with eggs.  I'll have to practice that.  I may have acquired a new skill.  :D

So my foster son didn't stay in contact after Christmas.  I figured it's hard for him to come back so I texted.  He did respond.  Wished him luck at his new job interview which he got.  He won't be able to take off and come visit this month which I figured wasn't happening anyway.  But he is with a big national chain and he can transfer back here in the fall.  It's an option, could be a good thing.  I'll take the ride and see where it goes.

In the meantime, nothing joy wise to write down.  Nothing bad but nothing with mad joy either.  Not even digging around in the wood pile, wtf?

I was unfamiliar with most of the names at the grammy's last night.  Of the new acts, if I did know their name, I didn't know their music.  I did find myself on a new satellite radio station today.  A kid's station and liked the song about water, laughed at the song about mommy tooting.   :hihi:

Toby Keith, that's a big loss.   Loved Red Solo Cup.  :D

Can't get news about LA because they are too busy covering the Super Bowl, Taylor Swift and Trump!   :rant:

I might be developing a skill.  The first egg I hit closer to the center but still only used one hand.  The second was dead on.  Still, I saw one tiny piece of egg shell.  You flunk if you get egg shell in it.  Nothing on my hand but I did have a little drip down the side.  It takes a certain amount of courage to crack an egg.  ;)

Not a skill yet.   :hihi:  That was just a mess.

Wow, only 8 cigarettes yesterday.  That doesn't mean I didn't think about it a million times though.  I'm practicing do something else when I do think about it and delay.  I know I'm stringing it out.  Cold turkey I can get through but eventually, after a few months, I always go back.  Instead of denying myself, I'm working on do you really want to?  It would be nice though if people would quit waking me up.  Drag my ass out of bed before I'm ready and I need a smoke.

Got the Maple Bacon Grilled Chicken.  Two grilled chicken breasts topped with maple glaze, drizzle of sweet n' smoky sauce, bacon, melted cheese and diced green onions at Cracker Barrel tonight.  That is some good stuff

Was at a conservation center.  They had jars of stuff you could smell.  Spring beaver, phew!  Fall stink bug, surprisingly, almost a nice flora scent.  Decaying forest, my scent, love that earthy smell.  They had a live, two headed snake which I always find unsettling.  Poor snake.  Different animal pelts.  Fox and Otter are really soft, mink and racoon not so much.  And a turtle that had got caught up in plastic and had a deformed shell.  You only have to see that once to remind yourself for life to cut up your plastic that holds the soda cans together.

I wasn't all that impressed with the gratitude lecture.  Nothing to really report from there.  Wasn't uplifted.   :hihi:  If I was looking for humor, maybe I should have went to the Funny Bone.

Susan and I did talk about the Green Day concert.  We'd both would mind seeing it but fuck the ticket prices.  And it is outdoors in August, in St Louis.  Maybe we'll change our minds, see how we feel about it when the time comes.

Did you know Pamela Anderson had her own TV show?  Pamela's Garden of Eden.  I'm not sure what it's about.  I figured gardening by the title and there is some of that.  She talked about renovation of her grandparents' old place and you get to see the outside of those renovations.  And renovating a place her kids just bought in LA although that's more redecorating.  It's really kind of strange.  She presents herself as having it all together yet she seems really lost and at times pretty fragile.  Keeps herself busy but it's like she's trying to not stop.  Keeps saying we're all alone in this whether it's remodeling the kid's house or gardening at the grandparents property.

Her boys seem pretty normal.  They buy this house together.  Pam walks in and immediately falls to pieces.  She's laughing nervously and can't seem to figure out what to do with a bouquet of flowers.  Tripping all over herself.  I get it, ran right into your kids are moving out and she couldn't hide it.  Her kids see it and accuse her of drinking too much coffee.  No, her heart just broke, empty nest syndrome.

She decides she has to take care of her parents.  Speeds them through the process of selling their house and moving onto her property.  She sure doesn't treat them like they need taking care of when with them but somehow feels like making decisions for them is her job now.

I kept watching thinking, lady you're a mess.  Midlife crisis in front of my eyes.  She has this thing for white, dresses in white, paints everything white.  Flurry of activity and then she can't do that, starts but quits.  When she sits still, she's at a loss for words and talks to her hands.  I'll have to keep watching to see if she finds herself.  She seems to have chosen a direction, of course I like it but, I don't think it's her.  She's very much fashion conscious and as you can see, making a TV show.  Not the simple life she lays out.

Apparently Pam wasn't happy with season one.  Felt exploited.  I kind of see her as the Marilyn Monroe of the 80's.  I don't think she planned on being a sex symbol and got shoved into that roll.  When do you give that up?  It's a young person's roll.  Aging beauty queen is just kind of a sad roll to play.

Hey, joy tried to spark in me twice recently.  I could feel it but it died quickly.  For a second, it was just below the surface.  Going to look at it as I still have it, not gone for good, it will come back.  I read one time, if you don't like your life, realize it won't be this way in 5 years.  I found that very helpful working with people.  Nobody stands still.  Granted it could be more shitty.   :hihi:  But it changes.  If you can focus your attention on where you want to go or get away from, it gets you out of the now and moving forward.

Not to say I don't like my life, I do.  I'm just looking to add something I'm not sure what it is yet.

More people out just having a good time and gunned down at a parade.  I fully support people's right to bear arms but you folks have got to do something about keeping them out of the hands of crazies and criminals.  You can't keep putting it on me as you're defending your right.  I'm for you but you've got to protect all of us too.

And people leaving a Drake concert were mowed down by a speeding car last night in my town.  How do you even get a car up to any kind of speed in a mass exit from a concert is unclear to me but he did.  Lost control, hit other cars and killed people in the crosswalk.  People coming out to see who's breaking into their cars, shot coming out the door.

The solution can't be stop watching the news.   :hihi:  Although I've got to say there didn't seem to be as much outrage about any of these incidences like there has been.  You fault the news for sensationalizing this stuff, but lately it's been like this kind of activity is old news, just another day on the planet.  That's not a good place to be.  Shocked and outraged, not acceptance.

This is a weird ass letter.  The company incorrectly filled out one of my tax forms.  "Research shows that you should have received an amount"  in the box showing taxable income.  What do they mean research?  They are the expertise in this area and know damn well, it's taxable.  They fucked up and filled out the form wrong, there's no research to the issue.  "These corrections will be reported to the IRS soon."  Makes it sound like I did something wrong and they are giving me time to cover my ass.  :hihi:  Admit it, you filled out the form wrong and you could have caused me to fill out my forms wrong.  It's all your fault.

So about the form, I didn't read it so I didn't notice they did it wrong.  I knew what it was suppose to say and did my forms correctly.  But one would think with computers, that would have all matched up.  The IRS should have had their form on file so when my forms came in it all crossed referenced.  Can't the company's computer directly send it to the IRS computer?  Stuff shouldn't have matched up but yet I already have my tax return back.  Eventually, the computers do talk to each other but after years of government work, I can tell you it takes months, if not years.  They are pretty damn quick to mark you as dead though.

Anyway, somebody is probably going to mark my taxes for audit.  Not my fault, I'm clean.

The GNR race car at Dayton was one of the things on my joy list last year.  I still don't have anything on my joy list for this year!  It's bugging me.  I think I had like 5 things on the list by this time last year.  I don't want to force it, might not come and that would be frightening.  I do have a couple of things weighing me down so maybe once those pass. 

I'm thinking I should do something when I get my vision back to celebrate.  Any suggestions?  I've been seeing a lot of things through a blur.  A movie might be simple enough but it would have to be one with scenery.  Any movies like that coming up?

Realy, I was thinking I wanted a do over of the Christmas lights at the zoo.  "At the moment of commitment, the entire universe conspires to assist you."  Something Barbra Streisand talks about in her book.  Have to say it's mostly been like that in my life too.  Today my daughter points out the zoo is doing Animals Aglow, March through May!  A nightly light display at the zoo.  That's my celebration.  :D

I finally called the eye doctor and went in.  She removed a splinter from my eye.  Said it was in there kind of deep so it would probably hurt for a few days when the numbing stuff wore off.  Been a little while and it doesn't hurt.  The dermatologist said the spot on my nose is nothing to worry about. 

Just can't shake this feeling something is wrong.  My sister texted last night.  She is not going to be able to help mom get in and out of the bathtub any more.  My mother is a bath person and will miss that.  Susan's mom is wanting to go to a nursing home instead of having Susan care for her and she's in a lot of pain.  And then there's Marsha.

I feel like I need something to pull out of this.  The negative keeps adding up.  I need a big positive.  But for right now, a nap seems good.

Here's the link to Animal's Aglow.  Looks pretty cool.  https://stlzoo.org/events/animals-aglow (https://stlzoo.org/events/animals-aglow)

My grandson is a sweetie.  My daughter says he always wakes up for them crying.  I let him slowly wake up.  Stretch a little, rub his back, talk to him.  He wants to go back to sleep but grandma keeps reminding him it's wake up time.  He gives me a little wave and smile, he's still waking up.  Until he reaches for me, I have the time to let him wake up slow.  Mom and Dad need to get a move on.

Took him to a kid's music class.  Set him down and he's ready to crawl right into the other kids and start making friends.  :D

I can't stop thinking about a similar baby I saw on the news over in the Gaza Strip.  I don't know what side he was on.  He looked like a happy baby, like my grandson, but he and his family went missing.   :'(  And that 13 year old boy trying to take care of his 6 siblings, all younger than him, one an infant.

Before when I worked in child abuse, I could see these things in the news and they didn't stick with me.  It still hurt but I knew I was working my ass off in the field and doing everything I could plus more.  Now I see them and evaluate them for did my agency miss something?  Could we have been better?  Still hurts though when the answer is no.  And when it gets to children in war, far out of our reach but are they?  Why isn't there an international child protection agency that can take these kids in?  Funnel them into the foster care system in other countries?  We've got enough gay couples looking to adopt.  We have places for the orphans.

I still struggle with I walked away from that.  It wasn't something I wanted to do but the kids needed helped.  I can say I did my time, more than most, but that doesn't ease my guilt.  And I'm still able too.  You know a nun doesn't quit being a nun.

The goal is 5,000 Christmas cards for active military people to go in their care packages.  I wrote, "know that you are thought of and appreciated.  All the best to you, smiley face, my name, city and state.  For an hour and a half!  And I brought home more cards to work on.  Sometimes I would fuck up and put my zip code.   :hihi:  It's an automatic.  When any of the cards I was signing had a cardinal, I wrote Go Cards!  For our baseball team.  Fun activity but my wrist gave out.

The two ladies I work in the greenhouse with, one is like me and the other was an animal control officer.  It's kind of taboo to talk in depth about stuff but it was nice to bring things up with them.  They have the same issues, see it too.  They do the same thing I do, when it gets to be too much, stop watching the news.  They say I put in more time than most.  We did, yeah.  Still think about it too I see.  But we'll see if the horrible images stop after talking with them.  I know I was being vague there.  It's to complicated to explain and why put horrible thoughts in someone else's head?

One more week in glasses.  What do you do for the two weeks in between before they do the other eye?  Pop the lense out of the glasses on the eye they fixed?

Some guy on the news is hoping the kids over there die rather than put up with the horrors of war any more.  Biden says he hopes to have some kind of deal next week to provide aid.  Fuck that shit, get thoses leaders on the phone.  Tell them we're coming for the kids and they need to turn them over.  Get those cargo planes in the air, hospital ships in port.  We're not taking no for an answer.  I want little heads in US beds by Thursday night.

Yeah I don't have the authority to make that happen but somebody does.  And it can happen just that quickly.  Did they even talk about how to get the children to safety and what is humane treatment fair for them when they tried to civilize war at that Geneva Convention?  I'd say those rules need revisiting but is anybody playing by them?

Thinking about that, how inadequate is our own emergency preparedness?  Locally it's been addressed for local disasters.  Something is in place at the Federal level when they took custody of all those unaccompanied minors in Texas and housed them in summer camps.  Whatever happen to those kids?

Maybe that's it.  I'm coming up on my six year break.   :hihi:  The first time I left the child abuse field, I was gone for 6 years.  I had the shit beat out of me.  I remember somewhere along the line one of our trainers talking about the first time she left.  She got completely out of the field and even left the country.  Totally get that.  The only time in that job I ever felt I had time off is when I left the country and went to Denmark.  The job couldn't get to me and I couldn't get to it, nothing around me triggered a memory.

Anyway, when I retired, I put the job behind me.  Kept busy doing other stuff.  Stopped thinking about it.  My friend, also retired after many years, says she never thinks about it.  If the topic comes up, she shuts it down real quick with a "I never think about it".  That was a survival skill in the job.  The taboo topic, don't think about it, just keep working.  My friend who's still working can only talk about the job but it's all how to get the work done.

I went back after that 6 year break because I needed the pay raise.  Also the reason I took the job the first time.  I'm not particularly fond of children.  :hihi:  Children's issues are not something I gravitate to.  I'm their protector and caretaker of their emotional needs.  Money would never get me back in the field.  Pissed off would.  :hihi:  The job didn't pay worth a shit but did give me a lot of fuel for the fire that kept me there so long.  As bad as some things are, it just pisses me off, doesn't take me out, activates me.  So I'll see what crosses my path and where that takes me.  I guess if it can still reach me and piss me off, it's a sign I need to come back.

WTF, I get a call from the eye surgery center, they want another $200 for a copay.  I was just there yesterday paying.  Why wasn't that brought up?  I can understand a copay but I don't understand why my follow up visits to my eye doctor have to be paid out of pocket and not ran through my insurance.  Nobody can seem to explain that one.  Something about the upgraded lense.  Why should that matter unless that's their share of the profit on the lense.  I should have called around and got pricing before just going with my eye doctor.  I know, it's only money and my vision is priceless but we're now at $8200.  My sister only paid $5000.  Wait, that's $200 per surgery so $8400.

You know, I'm kind of excited about doing something for kids again.  I don't have to be a front line worker although that's my preferred spot.  I can do policy and paperwork but that's always just been to keep my mind of other things and develop plans.  Is there something I could do with kids and plants?  That would be the ideal spot.

Aw, poor baby.  He's teething and miserable.  He can't sleep and just cries on your shoulder when the pain meds wear off.  And on top of that his tummy isn't doing great.  At least grandma came over and is going to let you be distracted by TV you're not supposed to be watching and rub your tummy.   :hihi:  Growing up isn't easy.

I was beginning to think that pony I ordered him was a scam but I checked this morning and it has shipped.  Yes, it's coming from China so no ETA.

Finally, something to put on my joy list for the year.  I ordered a birthday gift for my friend.  I'd tell you what it was but she drops by here once in a while.  I hope she'll like it.  It's just so unexpected.  :D  It's next week so if she likes it, I'll post a picture.  If not, we'll never speak of it again.   :hihi:  She's going to like it though.

Last day in glasses.  I hope.  I keep trying to find out the down side besides the rare side effects. Nobody seems to have any complaints.  My focus is beyond the surgery.  Busy today and setting tasks that have to be done afterwards so I'm not freaking out about it.  The first task afterwards is to get home and have a cup of coffee.  :hihi:  And because I'm so tense, may be a nap.  :hihi:

That didn't work out as expected.  Everybody else told me they walked out of cataract surgery and could see.  I feel like I'm looking through a glob of vaseline.  They say that's normal and it will clear up within a couple of days.  I got a clear plastic eye patch so I don't even look like a pirate.   :hihi:  There's some other shit I can't do, basically I'm on down time, the couch, for a week.  We'll see in a few days if it's a miracle.  In the meantime I have my other bad eye and the glasses which don't fit right with the patch on.  Surgery is no big deal.  I even stayed in my street clothes the whole time.  It's kind of like watching things in outer space and only takes about 10 minutes.

My investment guy called to respond to one of my questions.  He jumps right on, that investment is doing really good.  You mean the one I've had forever I told you I wasn't going to get rid of to buy something from you because it's been a great little performer?   :hihi:  I'll admit I don't know shit about investments but it's easy to see performance.

And a black eye.  I can't bend over and have my head below my heart.  I'm supposed to squat down.  My knees hate that and I'm pretty sure I would fall over if I didn't have something to hold onto to get back up.  :hihi:  And I'm not going to remember I can't bend over and pet the cats.

This is kind of weird.  The new eye sees my couch pillow as white.  The old eye beige.  The new eye is still dilated some but I don't remember that happening when I did acid.  Then again you're so overwhelmed with color on acid who would look at white vs beige.  I'm pretty sure that pillow is beige but then again I had started getting cataracts when I got that pillow.  I'm going to laugh if that pillow is really white.

So I sent some people the pillow test.  Younger people see it as white and the older folks beige.  I'll keep an eye on it,  :hihi:, and let you know what I think after my eyes have heeled.

The eye doctor says it's white.  As you age your birth lense yellows.

My vision is getting better.  I'm playing this eye or that eye, what can you see?  I have to stop that, over exercising the operated on eye.  I could actually read the eye chart, almost the last line but it was blurry.  With the lense I got, she says I will need both eyes to focus for the best vision.  I have to give it a few more days for the eye to heal for the blurriness to go away.

Did settle what the extra $600 to the eye doctor is.  It's their cut of the profit on the lense.  I did make the doctor squirm when she admitted that.  The eye doctor does nothing to deserve a profit on that.  It's the same eye exam any other person gets.  And they don't run that by the insurance company.  I don't have a copay on the office visit and I'm thinking they don't get the insurance asking questions about that charge.  Won't surprise me if there isn't a class action suit against that someday.

This morning I can read the internet on the computer and my phone at arm's length.  It's not clear and it's giving me a headache trying to focus both eyes.  But I can see more.

I did rediscover how much I like bagels with all of this.  I put the cream cheese on the bagel and then bake them until they are warm.  Goes really well with a coke.   :D  Haven't had this combo since college.  You know, you grow up and you just don't have the time any more.

Second on my joy list, the Hairy Woodpecker.  I can see birds well enough to get their markings!  I could not do that before cataract surgery.

Wait might have been a Downy Woodpecker.

"Hairy Woodpeckers are larger than Downy Woodpeckers with a longer bill. The outer tail feathers on Hairy Woodpeckers are unmarked, but they are spotted on Downy Woodpeckers."

I'll get better at this.  Birds are pretty cool and I haven't seen them in so long.

t's good to know that your vision has improved considerably and you enjoy certain things again. I felt that joy when I recovered from the endoscopic endonasal approach, I recovered part of my peripheral vision and it was a great relief to be able to carry out daily activities with ease again. After a year I am still yet to decide whether to have the same surgery or radiotherapy with gamma rays, as long as I can afford it through medical insurance.  ::)

Normally I go with go cheap and just make do but there are things where I do pay the cost when it counts.  Somehow the money shows up to cover it.

I'm reading the Barbra Streisand book.  She needed to make a decision between two things and was looking for a sign.   She asked a guy named Brugh Joy (see the word joy there) what she should do.  He told her to ask for the answer in a dream.  She did and got a sign that helped her make a decision.  Give that a try.  I did and I'll tell you more about it after you try.

I'm not a Pamela Anderson fan but I'm worried about this woman.  Ran across another article on her.  She's talking about not wearing makeup.  She showed up at Paris fashion week in September and didn't wear makeup.  Says she's not trying to make a statement just be more simple and natural.  She's glad all the press about it said something positive for women.  I'm pretty sure that is not how the press presented it.  And if I'm hearing about it, she has to be talking a lot about it.  And she's doing fashions shoots this way.  She does not look happy, looks like she is in pain.  Girl what is going on with you, you seem so lost.

I'm looking at pictures of my grandson.  He wakes up everyday excited to be here.  When do you lose that and your day just becomes something to get through?  You hope for some good times but most of it is just determination to do something that doesn't really make you happy.  Striving for something more, taking the joy out of today.

PINBALL!  :D  Brian is starting league again.  Oh thank god, I so miss that.  Think I will be any better with my new eyes?  I miss those people too and I miss the bar.  I know the owner was remodeling the place.  I hope not.  It was such a nice little corner bar.  Didn't make any money though.

WTF?  Marsha is kind of manic and being sharp and short with people.  DJ for some reason is insisting I'm in denial for not accepting the fact Marsha is going to die.  "She's stage 4 and the doctor just won't tell her."   ???  And then Susan is setting up hospice for her mother.  I'm sorry girls but if you haven't noticed I'm barely present.   Probably a good thing they haven't noticed.   :hihi:  The first two just want somebody to get a rise out of and I'm probably just disappointing them but, then again, they have themselves so worked up they aren't noticing I'm not playing.  Susan, here for you girl, but she's in her own world.  I'm trying to remember to check in with her.  In the meantime, stuff is needing to get done.  I'm doing it, not out ahead of it like normal.  I wanted to say something to somebody, mostly just WTF, but I suddenly realized the 3 people I tell stuff like this too, I don't want to tell.  Just throw it out there on the net and hope typing it out does the trick so, you know, WTF.

Apparently Sunday was WTF day for my daughter as well.  Fortunately I had planned on not being present for that.  So, I'm done with other people ruffling my feathers.  They are going to do it but I'm not going to mention it.   :hihi:

The eye doctor said I'm healed and have perfect vision in my new eye.  The headaches and dry eyes will go away after the second surgery.

Geez, her mother passed away basically in her arms.  She thought she had lost consciousness but she had died by the time the paramedics got there.  She was glad I came over.   Told me that last night she had a strong feeling of her dad's prescience in the house.  And right before I left she said something about her mother had been gone 5 hours now.  Axl was singing KOHD, live, how often do you here live GNR songs on the radio when I got in the car, "a little reggae".  Take your comfort where you find it is all I have to say about that.

Anyway, time I pull up and fly this bird.  I was hoping for a few more weeks.

Seriously, I got a bee sting right under my eye that gets cataract surgery next week.   :hihi:  There wasn't even any bees out and about.  I'm thinking it came out of the ground where I was weeding.

And now I can't park the car in the garage worth a shit.  Because the other eye isn't done, I'm having depth perception issues in my peripheral vision.  At night, I feel like I need my sunglasses on because the computer is so bright.  :hihi:

Tornado warning this morning and this afternoon.  We got golf ball size hail with the last one.  I probably have to get a new roof.  Fortunately the car was in the garage.  Neighbor's have crack windshields and dented hoods.  Our national radar is being serviced this week so they are picking up our area from the other side of the state.

The right side of my face was so swollen this morning I went to urgent care.  They gave me antibiotics but not steroids because of the upcoming surgery.  The swelling hasn't went down much.  I hope this clears up by Monday.

The greenhouse is fine but Marsha's car has dings.  She was there closing the windows when the hail hit.   :o

Mike is thinking they may total his car for body damage.  He's already ran it by the shop and basically it is so bad the body would have to be replaced.

It's a mess out there.  Assessors who have already been out here say roofs for everyone.  My siding is okay but several people have damage.  Had trouble driving through the neighborhood with all the insurance and contractors out making assessments.  Not that I wanted to fuck with it but I was going to be due for a new roof in a couple of years anyway.  The last time I got a roof, the insurance paid for it.

Wow life can change in a heartbeat.  Susan's mom died.  Chris' landlord just let him know she's selling out.  His wife died not too long ago and his son just moved out.  He's got to pack up and go somewhere.  Old man with health issues plus he just sold his van thinking he wouldn't need it to haul stuff any more.

I'm feeling pretty lucky with the cataract surgery and if the insurance covers the roof, I basically spend the roof money for the surgery.  I'm not heading for the hole so to speak.

But, really, I don't think we value things staying the same enough.

Susan's mom's funeral is today.  We went out to dinner Saturday night.  I noticed Susan had cleaned herself up and was even wearing makeup.  It's been a stressful couple of years for her taking care of two aging parents.  She's got a lot of work ahead of her to settle the estate but instead of worrying about it, she can work it.  She's looking forward to getting back out in the world.  Me too, lets go do some shit.  But for today, she doesn't want to be there.  Go back to bed and wake up to her mother even if it was a lot of work.

Is it bad I'm looking forward to going gambling with my sister tonight?  I am not a good gambler.  :hihi:  They get all my money.  I don't give them enough so if I don't get lucky right off the bat, they take it all.  I do get a free meal out of it so I just look at it as paying for dinner.

I'm looking forward to the eye surgery on Tuesday.  Probably more for being drugged rather then the work being done.  Yeah that's bad but it gets me in there, it's legal and it's the last time until another surgery.  Surgery scares me enough I'm not going to use it for drug seeking but if you have to have surgery, there's a side benefit.  No cosmetic stuff for me. 

My grandson's pony is in Indiana!  I ordered this from China from what appeared to be too good to be true but took a shot for $30.  Took them a month to ship it, then it hung around in China, hit the US and went to the post office for delivery.  Who knows when you'll get your package from them.  This pony is way to old for my grandson.  No telling how long it's going to be hanging out at my place before he gets it.  I'm just anxious to see if what I ordered is what I'm getting.  No clue where I'm going to store it.  The pony is like Saint Bernard size.   :hihi:

My glasses no longer work.  Everything is blurry with them on.  The operated on eye is still blurry so now I can't see to read but that will clear up in a day or two.  I really wish they had given me a pirate's patch.  The world is really bright!

Very strange to be able to see without glasses.  My eyes are still swollen so it hurts to have them trying to look too long but it's amazing I have my vision back.  And I'm seeing shit I couldn't see even with glasses.  I am so going to the zoo for the lanterns!

Somehow the pony left Indiana, went through Illinois, passed by me in Missouri and is now out for delivery in the middle of nowhere in Kansas.  What happen there?

Wow, I never thought of that.  Susan text me to see if I would be her emergency contact at work.  She only has a sister in Chicago she's not that close to.  But my sister, who lives with my mother brought up she didn't no what she was going to do when mom died.  She has no husband and no kids.  I could live with her if we have to.  Not in my place though, it's too small.  I guess getting older I shouldn't live alone.  I like my place and my daughter wants it for rental property when I go so I don't want to sell it.  No way am I renting to Susan or my son.  They are both slobs.  :hihi: I could rent it to my ex if he ever moves back here.  He's my ex but he's not a slob and would keep it up.  :hihi: I guess my sister and I could buy a bigger place together if we have to.  Not an option high on my list but it would solve some problems.  Wonder if she was feeling me out to live together?

When the hail storm first happen, I talked to the guy who owns the other side of the duplex.  Agreed I would call my roofer which I did.  Told the neighbor the date and the time the roofer was coming out.  My neighbor was insistent we use the same roofer, of course, we share a roof.  Today, the neighbor tells me he had a guy come out and he's going with him.  Didn't even tell me so I could have the guy look at my side of the roof.  WTF?

The concert attack in Russia is concerning.  Hopefully that is not a thing.  Last year was my final attempt at seeing some concerts.  I'm not appreciating the cost of tickets, the crowds and the lousy seats.

Came to an understanding with Mike.  Had him send me a picture of the business card of his roofer.  Had to start the conversation by texting because I didn't want to get into a fight.  He didn't check the guy out.  My guy has no court records, his does in two counties.  They were awhile ago and nothing too concerning.  His roofer checks out okay but we are still going to have my guy come out and give an estimate.  Mike doesn't know if he has replacement value on his insurance.  He may have to pay for most of his roof so he's going to need some estimates before he can pick somebody.  I just need a guy who will take money directly from the insurance company and a check for my deductible.  I'm wondering how long it's going to take to replace the roof.  There's lots of homes needing them.

I see Russia is revving up the Ukraine and west hate with the concert attack.  I thought ISIS was old news.  When's the last time they did something?  What is their beef with Russia?  I was always under the impression it was hard to get into Russia.  Putin wouldn't be crazy enough to stage that concert attack so he could justify revving up the war with Ukraine, trying to bring it to a close before Trump gets in office?  I'm looking for that kind of activity but never dreamed he would kill his own people, that's crazy.

OMG!  Does the man even listen to me?  Calls me up and says since I checked his guy out, let's check my guy out.  Third time I've told you this!  And before I called him, I checked him out!  That's what you are suppose to do, not open the door and go with the salesman in front of your face.  And do your own damn research instead going by what I say.  :hihi:  He's getting screwed on the hail damage for his car, he just doesn't know it yet.  Talks to me like I haven't done this before.  It was 23 years ago but I've been through this. 

Oh god damn it.   :hihi:  Somebody told DJ I was cutting back my smoking.  Must have been Marsha because that's what I told her.  I told Susan not to tell DJ anything.  DJ is like a dog with a bone about smoking.  When she quit years back, the boss told me she was such a bitch he wanted her to start smoking again.  She's one of those I quit so everybody else has too.  And because she knows you smoke, she's always trying to control when you smoke.  But now she will take every opportunity to offer her support only to find out how I'm doing and lecture me.  I don't want her in on my quit.  I want all my energy for myself and not somebody else, she takes a lot of it.   :hihi:  She badgered her husband until he quit yet I know he sneaks off to enjoy the occasional cigar.  Maybe does other things but I don't want to know about that and I know he doesn't want his wife to know either.  :hihi:

Had to jump in and cover for another friend who had to have an emergency meeting with the hospice nurse about her mother.  I guess I'm at that age.  DJ's mother is starting to have issues.  She's also 90.  Pretty soon we're all going to be the old one.  You don't think about that when your mother is alive.

I'm holding pretty steady at 5 cigarettes a day.  If I stay busy, I don't think about it and can go quite a while without thinking about it.  I like not having them in my purse and not spending money on them.  I'm not ready for another step.  I'm just working on stabilizing.  I'm comfortable with it.

In the ongoing choose a roofer saga, my daughter tells me, he's got a billboard out on Hwy 70.  Like that tells you if a company is any good.  All that tells me is he has overhead expenses he has to pay for out of what he charges me.   :hihi:  Go look at who sued him and for what.

You ever wonder what birds do in high winds.  We had them today.  I watched this one robin latch onto the fence and face the oncoming winds.  His little feathers getting all ruffled.  He disappeared after a while but might have got blown off.  What do they do?  Can't take cover in the trees, they were dancing in the winds today.  Imagine that would be like a bird roller coaster ride.  I did see a robin when the rain started coming down under the picnic table but bird on the ground is in the danger zone and he flew out of there.  Freedom of flight comes with its own issues.

My roofer says my roof is totaled.  No surprise there.  Mike decided to go with my roofer.  He will give us the updated shingles at no extra charge, waive my deductible for the Mike referral and be able to do it within 30 days of the insurance paying part of their payment.  Mike went with my guy.  Filed my claim and now it's deal with the insurance.  The few times I've used them in the past they are pretty easy to deal with.

The roofer, Brian, thinks he won't be able to match Mike's siding and the insurance will pay to reside his house.  This may mean my insurance may reside my house so the unit matches.  I don't care if the unit matches but if they want to give me new siding on my side, I'll take it.  The whole area got hit.  My insurance is going up whether I make a claim or not.

Brian told me they usually do two roofs in a day once they get going.  How many people does he have on his crew?  Usually it takes two days to do one roof.  Tear off on day one and roof on two.  He's taking us down to the deck so he has to get a dumpster in here.  Fully expect I'll be finding shingle pieces in my yard for the next 5 years.   :hihi:  But yea!

The roof makes me happy.  Not badass, radical joy but I'm going to put it on my joy list for the year.  I'm going to lower my standard for joy and go with happy.  I put milkweed and cataract surgery on there too.  Maybe happy can turn into joy over time?  Maybe you only get so much badass, radical joy and you should remember what simply makes you happy.  Don't know but it was damn depressing looking at only two things on my list and it was March!   :hihi:

Called it, 2 cracked motor mounts.  When you are waiting at the stop light and your engine is running rough but you slip it into neutral and it's purring, probably a motor mount.  You can hear it at lower speeds if you turn the radio down.  Might need to do some of the transmission mounts to.  I just had them check it out while the car was on the rack for an oil change.  Knew she wasn't herself.

The first one, a little bit of egg snot on the side of the bowl.  The second, fucking perfect!  :D

Update on the Pony I ordered.  The last thing I heard on the pony was it was delivered by the post office to some place in Kansas.  I flagged down my postal carrier to see if the post office could track the package with only the international tracking number.  They can but she goes "maybe this is what you are looking for".  Small envelope with something in it.  That can't be right, the pony is a riding toy.  I open it and it's a ring, star with a skull and roses on the sides.  Did not order that.  It's from Kyrgyzstan, formerly Russian territory, south of Russia.  Cleared customs valued at $14, you've got to be kidding.  No weird charges on my credit cards, probably a brushing scam.  No company name on it. 

Okay, I want the pony but I'm done.  I had emailed the company I needed to hear from them on this, no response for the third time so I filed a claim with my credit card for charge reversal.  I have no idea how to save a copy of my emails to my computer and upload it to the claim form.  Nothing I was doing was working.  Hope I get my money back someday but I'd rather have the pony.

If you check your mailbox on a web portal, you can probably print to a PDF file and then attach the file to a new message or to the claim form.

I couldn't even think about it before going to sleep. However, I leaned towards the option of radiotherapy, I am trying through the public health system and I obtained a surrogate evaluation in a private hospital, 25 sessions of conventional radiotherapy, to be honest I am afraid of the side effects that could cause me in the short term. , or, in the long term, that is why I declined that offer and will continue searching for radiosurgery, which I understand is only one or two sessions with greater focus on the tumor area.

Two sounds better than 25.  Can you do both?  Try the surgery and if that doesn't help then the therapy?

Wow, that bridge went down in seconds.  You don't realize how big those cargo ships are when you see pictures of them on the ocean.  Feel sorry for those poor workers, no time to run.  That could have been so much worse if it happen during the middle of the day.

That one doesn't count.  I was protecting my food from the cat and she bumped my hand, hard.  Hit the egg on the side and it almost flew across the bowl to the other side.  Eggshells in the bowl and egg snot on my hand.  Basically a disaster.  The one before that wasn't perfect but good.  I still need practice on one handed egg cracking.

That was quick.  Driving out this morning, they are already replacing roofs.  Passed a couple of trucks coming in with shingles.  The familiar popping of the nail guns.

The company that sold me the pony is all over it now that I told them I turned it over to the credit card company.  They are now checking with the "shipping problem".  Yeah, I think you are a lier.  :hihi:  Until that pony is sitting at my door, you aren't getting that money.

Speaking of money, I'm pleasantly surprised I paid the majority of the cataract surgery and still have money for burial.  My mother is giving me shit about hanging on too tightly to my money.  I'm the only one of your children that doesn't ask you for money and doesn't take it when it's offered.  You need to stop giving away my inheritance to my siblings!   :hihi:  I didn't say anything to her.  It's her money to do with as she pleases but you know what I'm thinking.

Gave my grandson pizza for lunch.  I look over and he's giggling and shoving pieces in his mouth.  The baby likes pizza.   :hihi:

So the cat walks by me and whacks me in the eye with her tail!   :hihi:

Noticed the neighbor behind me has singles piled up on his roof.  Before the sun even came up this morning they were out there working on it.  This will be the third roof he has had since he moved in a few years ago.  I think this one was two years old.  My insurance denied me all those other times.  Anyway go out there a little before 8 and they are loudly playing lively, hispanic music and rocking through that roof.  Seemed to be having a good time.   :hihi:

Was watching a show, You Live Where?  Someone turned Howard Hughes Boeing airplane into a houseboat.

(https://www.ilovewwiiplanes.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/62/2020/10/plane_boat_cosmic_muffin_7.jpg)


https://www.ilovewwiiplanes.com/2020/10/02/plane-boat/

Woke up to such severe light sensitivity I couldn't even turn the lights on in the house.  Had a lengthwise pain through my right eye and the sun hadn't even came up yet!  Ended up wearing my sunglasses in the house just so the daylight wouldn't hurt me.  I thought I had really fucked up.  I had spent some time last night in the plant room.  It's really bright in there with the grow lights.  Turns out I'm suffering from inflammation.  Have to use a drop every two hours for a week.  She said this sometimes happens when you stop the meds.  I had stopped them on Monday.  Thought I had way over did something.

Monday night I was trying to read in also with my sunglasses on.   :hihi:  The bedside light was too dark and the overhead light was too bright.  I had Sondra look at my overhead last night.  Not just me, she was blinded.  Ended up unscrewing two of the bulbs.  They are the right wattage but a white/blue light that makes it too bright.

My eyes feel better.  Don't have to wear the sunglasses inside.  Not sure what the trainees thought when I showed up for class this morning.  I was thinking the doc might finally give me a pirate patch but no to that.  I have had all these reasons to wear a pirate patch and I don't have one!   :hihi:

Sondra stopped by and installed my oven hood.  She was over last night, lots of nervous energy, fixing shit around my house.  She has a scan for cancer coming up Thursday.  When I don't feel good, I just want to be left alone and have some peace and quiet.  I wasn't feeling good. :hihi:  I'm trying to hide from folks but it's not working.  And for different reasons I've been having to get up at 7 everyday.  I think I finally get to sleep till I wake up next Tuesday.  Naps are totally out of the question.  What has happen to my life?  :hihi:

Oh god damn it mom.  Too long of a story to go into but people keep bailing him out and he continues to be a fuck up.  I totally lost my shit with the whole family the last time she did this.  Not that they didn't agree with me but I freaked them out.   :hihi:  So I again tell mom she is not helping him and only encouraging his poor choices.  He's 27, time to man up.  Anyway mom goes to the restroom.  My sister tells me she was surprised mom told me.  I'm thinking you were there for the phone call, you wrote out the check for her and drove her to the post office to mail it!  You're both enablers.   :hihi: 

Anyway, the new family safety word so you don't get ripped off by scam artists is, not another fucking dime Will!

I made them repeat it.   :hihi:

Wow, earthquake in NY.  I didn't even know they had those.  And a big one in Taiwan.  It can all change in a few seconds.

The insurance adjuster said I get a new roof and gutters.  Two sections of my siding got hit but I don't have "color match" on the insurance so they wouldn't do the whole house.  Small holes so I could just caulk them but it's going to depend on what Mike does.  Not sure if I could afford to pay what the insurance doesn't on residing the house.  The siding is in good shape but the trim has faded and a change in color wouldn't be a bad thing.

Sondra had a good suggestion, just replace the trim.  Kind of like that idea.

The insurance company already settled up.  The roof is 9500.  23 years ago it cost them 2900.  They are still way ahead with 28 years of premiums.  My adjuster told me if I add on color match be sure to not let them convert it into a new policy as I have a premium policy they don't write any more.  I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing.  As long as my roofer doesn't fall off somebody else's roof after he's got the money, it will be okay.

This is so weird.  I'm watching a show on selling the Lake of the Ozarks.  It's a resort area I'm familiar with.  My family use to vacation there and I married a local.  His parents owned a resort there.  I keep waiting for his parents' house to show up or some other house I know.  Strange how they talk about the area.  It's Missouri, we're not up and coming.  No where anybody, who's somebody lives and we like it that way.

We only had 95% on the eclipse, more like dusk.

I wonder if they can use the siding they are replacing at Mike's house to repair mine and then use the money saved to change out my trim to white.  My trim is really faded.

I don't get my blood pressure.  It's high on the one side and normal on the other which puts me in hypertension.  But my pulse rate is excellent, drop 5 points which I probably do during the gardening season I would be athletic.  I haven't completely quit smoking but that's greatly reduced.  Still live on coffee so I can say my diet isn't any good.  And because I do like eat, I packed on extra pounds over the winter.  I've sentenced myself to 4 hours of gardening each day.

There should be a rule as to how many ladders one can pile on top of a van.  I swear he had 7 one the one stack.  Yeah, I'm passing you and staying well ahead of that fly off waiting to happen.  He had room on the other stack he could have put some of those.   :nervous:

The plowed down another section of trees by me.  New something going up.  Love my place but it's starting to get crowded.  I had a corn field in my backyard when I moved here.  I'm getting close to being in the middle of suburbia.  You wouldn't think they would build in a flood plain but they do.  And they have more plans for this area.  We'll keep my place, it's perfect rental property but I'm starting to wonder where else I might want to go.    Right now this is perfect but it's getting fucked with.

My son's here.  He looks good and he's sober.  He's pretty shaky after all that's happen with him and having to see everybody for the first time.  The kids were very excited to see him and his ex wife took off work early to be there.  That's interesting.  My son is a good guy when he's not diving for the edge.  Lets not get ahead of ourselves with that, one step at a time.  There's some problems, not a smooth sailing ship but he's taking ownership.

My son had a great time with the kids.  He's been making amends to everybody but nobody is really upset with him, just glad he's on his way back.  The ex wife gave him back $200 of his child support money to help with his bills.  Okay the kid is looking good but lets not be making it easy on him.  He needs to do this on his own.  She didn't let him spend the night so she didn't completely fall.  And he won't admit it but there's more to that relationship with his female roommate then roommates.  You share a bedroom I assume you share a bed.   :hihi:  Anyway he's feeling better about being here.  One should never be afraid to come home after you've fucked up.  You're still one of us and we want the best for you.

It's weird for me having somebody else in the house for the night.  Experienced it with my sister too.  I'd also have to say it's weird having them here when I'm awake too.  I noticed when I do have somebody stop by I never sit and I'm always nudging them towards the door.  It's probably a space thing.  My house is pretty small.

Over all my son's visit went well.  He's feeling really guilty about what he's done.  Hopefully that pain will keep him on the right path.  He wants to come back some time this summer.  So hard for him to leave but he can't stay just yet.  He did feel out rooming with a friend when he moves back so not with me.  :D  It was good to see him and after 3 nights I made the adjustment to somebody being here.   :hihi:  He tried but I'm still picking up after him.

Why are all these people out on the highway at 6 in the morning!  The world starts way too early for me.

Seriously people you are starting to interfere with my gardening.   :hihi:  Long list of appointments to make inbetween the last two weeks before plant sale.  It all happens at once.

Pinball, we're back baby.  Interested to see how the corner bar has been turned into a high class bistro but yet has a pinball room.  Will I play any better with new eyes?  I'm still light sensitive and wondering how all those flashing lights are going to effect me.

We have strong storms this afternoon.  Not that I want it but if it's going to take out my siding, today would be good.  The roofer comes Friday to get it all started.  He thinks he can repair my siding with pieces he's replacing from my neighbor and then we can change out the trim for white.  I think we can too and he's going to not get all my insurance money.   :hihi:  Not that I'm looking to make a profit off of this but if there's extra money, I owe him for a freebie last year and I can put the extra money into other parts of the house.

Damn it mom!  I just reprimanded her for sending my nephew money.  He got pissed and quit his job and thus can't make his car payment.  What do you need a car for if you don't have gas money?   :hihi:  He's 27 and blows off his adult responsibilities all the time.  Fine by me how you live your life but your grandmother is not paying for it!  I just can't seem to get through to my mother her actions are enabling behaviors she doesn't approve of nor do they help him become a responsible adult.  He called again for more money and she's sending it.  I could raise a stink with the whole family and they could all bitch at her but I don't want to make her feel bad.  I could block his numbers so he can't call, mom has no idea how to undo that, but why deprive her of hearing from her grandson?  And, not my kid, his parents problem.  Mom expects me to have a fit about this.  You know what old woman, you need to grow some balls and tell the kid no instead of saying your aunt says I can't.   :hihi:

Oh no, the kid never asks for a loan.  She's been bailing him out since he was 16 and he's never got it.  Yeah my son fucked up but I didn't bail him out.  He's fighting to get back.  I hope he sees the value of the reward and doesn't give up but I can't keep him sober.

I asked my sister how she did gambling on her birthday trip.  "So many $100 bills, I can't close my wallet."  Guess there's no need to say something about her gambling habit.  It's not a problem until you lose right?  I took care of my responsibilities.  Mom is still alive after she was gone a few days.   :hihi:

My yes are still fucked up.  They feel puffy and dry all the time.  I can see but I kind of feel like I have a cold.

Damn, Dickey Betts died.   :'(

I knew this was coming but my insurance is raising my deductible and doubled it if it's a hail or wind event when I renew it.  Blamed it on the number of claims in the state for these kinds of events.  They actually did it to all renewing policies a few months back.

Tornado sirens all over the place as the storms came through.  I just got a little rain.  We drop back to normal temps.  I was kind of missing spring.

Why in the world would you set yourself on fire on purpose?  Some guy did that outside of the Trump trial with pamphlets saying something about evil billionaires.  Haunted Carnival Edition is kind of a cool name but to kill yourself by fire, you have to be pretty crazy.

Leslie says I'm in a fog and tired because of all the sugar I eat.  Maybe but I cut that out a few weeks ago.  I still think it has to do with my puffy eyes but she says the sugar causes inflammation.  Retired nutritionist so she should know something.  I also think it's lack of nicotine, took away my will to live.  I've been creeping back up on the cigs when I'm stressed.  Stressed may not be the right word, maybe strained.  And of course it's allergy season.

The roofer got us confused with another client and missed his appointment today.  Nothing I hate more than waiting around for someone who scheduled with me and doesn't show.  And those folks who decide they can schedule over you and blow you off.  Had that today too.  I understand emergencies and fucking up your booked schedule but deciding you'd rather do something else than keep your commitment to me tells me a lot.  This person I've stopped inviting to things because she cancels a lot, shows up late or has to leave early.  She still sets things up with me but I don't count on her.  I've turned down doing things with her unless I'm going to be doing them any way.

Pinball tournament tonight.  I would rather stay home and sleep but I said I'd be there.   :hihi:  I'm wondering if this woman will be there.  She made a point last time of saying she didn't know I smoked and was all excited we had something in common.  I didn't get it.  First time I was in a group with her, never really met her or talked to her.  I'm not gay but was that a pass?  :hihi:

I just wanted to come home.  Four and half hours of pinball, I knock out 21 other players for third place.  Marsha calls as they are trying to take our pictures.  It's quarter to 12.  Needs me to go by and see if we locked the building and shed at the gardens.  On my way home, so okay.  The shed was left open.  Go over to show the neighbor my trophy and the $30 I won, he been gambling and won twenty thousand.  Now I just want to go to bed.   :hihi:

Pinball tournament is probably how I caught a cold!  I thought the lantern festival ended May 15th but it's the 5th.  Not sure how this will go since I'm still seeing circles and trails from the surgery.  It looks like Wednesday is our best choice since we are approaching a rainy period.

Annual physical with the doctor.  His nurse practitioner does a better job.  He just orders tests and then we talk later.  My grandson came along with me.  Perked up the waiting room and tried to borrow a lady's walker.  :hihi: 

Got back my mother's childhood rocking chair.  She did a good job repairing it.  She used seagrass.  Guess that makes sense since it came from California.  

The roofer came by for his check.  It will take about 3 weeks before they come out.  He's going to argue with the adjuster about paying to reside the house.  I don't care either which way but I will take new siding if he can get it.  I let the neighbor pick the roof color.  Looks like what two of the other neighbors have.  Is that a problem if your roof looks like the neighbors?  We've all got a box as it is.  At one time, they all had the same siding color but over the years people have replaced it with different color siding.  Went a little out of the box when we dropped the HOA.   :hihi:  The roofer did offer to roof and side Mike's house in exchange for the 66 Camaro he restoring in his garage.   :hihi:

I don't know if I can function without cigarettes.  I have brain fog really bad.  Can't tell you the number of things I've forgot or confused or just can't think.   :hihi:

Got an emergency call to care for my grandson.  He can hang with me all day but he's not coming back till six.  So he took his nap in the car, got his first McDonald's chicken nugget meal and got so dirty I had to buy him new clothes and give him a bath.   :hihi:  He likes hanging with grandma.  I had a pretty good time too.

I would like to hang on the couch all weekend and binge watch Star Wars.

I am not doing the coke taste test challenge.  Don't fuck with my classic coke!   :hihi:  Anybody try Coca-Cola spice?

I think the reason my stomach still hurts is I need food in there.  Why don't they have fast food pasta?  The only thing I think I can stomach right now besides another coke.  I have to rest up to make another trip to the store.  It was so weird going out.  I had sea legs.  I've only been laying on the couch for 3 days.  By the way, why does the cat have to tenderize you forever before they can just lay down on you?  And how long is a My Pillow supposed to last?  The couch brings up many questions. 

I'm getting better.  The grandbaby sailed right through it.  The parents took 3 days.  Apparently my flu shot is not for the stomach flu.  There was a kid puking at the baby's gym class so that's probably where it all began.  Kids are just germy little critters.  Cute though.  I kicked ass at pinball with my preplays to cover my absence.  The roofer is still working on trying to get me new siding.  The gardens are pretty quite with everybody tired after the plant sale and trying to get their own yards in order.  Didn't miss much this week.

Saltines and the occasional dolip of ranch dressing is tolerable.  Pasta with a white sauce or Flamingo Chicken sounds really good but they're all at sit down restaurants.  But right now I'm headed back to the couch.  The cats are outside.  :D

Aw, so close!  Mike tried to fire up the Camaro.  Thought it was going to catch on the third crank but on the sixth crank, it poofed out of the carburetor.  Smelled good.  Mike says that means the timing is off a little.  That thing is going to be a monster when it does come to life.  It's a death trap, make no mistake, but that's a muscle car.   :D  The last time it ran, you heard it all over the neighborhood.  Filled up Mike's garage with carbon monoxide so bad it smelled for days.  Poor baby but it ran.

Trying a Lidocaine patch.  These are nice!  Can they make a full size back one?  Offered one to Mike but the only drugs he does is beer and pot.  Can't believe I'm this old and trying to convince my friend to try this drug.   :hihi:

We can see the Northern lights.  I'll have to take a drive into the country tomorrow night for a better view.

I think a good nights sleep and I may be okay.  I'm getting my taste for coffee back.  Still no appetite but eating helps.  My daughter says she's not back to speed yet.

It's been gradual but I can see.  I'll never get the night vision back but I don't have to try to focus.  The world is not as bright as it was right after surgery and I'm not getting the trails off the lights at night as bad.  All in all well worth the procedure.  I've gotten over wearing glasses, so much so, I keep forgetting my sunglasses.  :hihi:

Happy Mother's Day   :D  Lets see if my daughter is going to tell me she's pregnant.  I have my suspicions.

Oh damn it to hell.  Since they changed my oil I've been smelling burnt oil.  Too long now for a spill not to have burned off.  I was hoping just a lose oil filter but now I have a transmission fluid spot on the garage floor.  Could be the dye to the oil but it's really bright pink.  On the other hand, my car is a 2013 and never had its transmission fluid changed so no way it could look that good.   :hihi:  I'm going by the dealer tomorrow so I'll stop in.

Not pregnant.  My daughter gave me a Mother's Day card she made herself.  Picture of a toilet, "sorry we got you sick".  And a gift of two passes to take Odin to open play at the gym.  Hold on, isn't this the same gym where he caught the stomach flu?   :hihi:  Today he was wearing one the new outfits I got him when I got him so dirty I had to buy him new clothes and give him a bath before I could take him home.  I'm not sure if this one is going to come clean after today.  They made me give him a bath and soak the clothes.  The child loves me though.  :hihi:

My sister came down with the stomach flu.  I feel so bad.  I thought I was over that when I went there on Saturday.  Now mom is going to get it.

$2,000 to replace my two cracked motor mounts at the dealer.  That sounds way overpriced.  I'm going to run it in to my local garage and see what they price it out at.

First time I'm not spending time with my daughter on her birthday and watching her open her gifts.  I had her all day yesterday for birthday shopping.  Her husband had something special planned for them today.  Kind of weird but kind of not.  For the 10 years I was married my husband totally blew my birthday off three times.  What I want for my daughter is someone to care as much for her as I do when I'm gone.  Look out for her and to treat her special once in a while.  He's stepping up to the plate and I need to move aside and let him do it.  I did leave her gifts to open for today.  Nobody goes without gifts to open on their birthday around me.  :D

So instead, in the rain, I cleaned out the garage.  I had to hose off some of this stuff anyway.   :hihi:  Surprisingly, I didn't throw that much stuff out, maybe because I gave the trash can it's yearly bath.  Most of what left went out in the yard or in piles waiting to go into bleach water and be returned to the greenhouse.  And the car is full of stuff to go back to the garden or recycling.  Should I open the doors and show off for the neighbors?   :hihi:

On top of the $2,000 to fix the car, the dealer has discovered a coolant leak for another $1000 and an oil leak for $2000.   :o  Stopped by the garage I to get their estimate.  He agrees the coolant leak has to get fixed but I can live with a car that leaks oil.  He'll let me know tomorrow what they will charge.  When did car repairs get so expensive?  I'm good at identifying the issue and pretty sure I could have replaced some of these parts back in the day when they gave you room to work on an engine.  You practically have to take the engine apart to get at things these days.

Damn it, mom got the stomach flu.

The garage got the price down to $400 from $1000.  But now one of the tires flashed low.  With all the roofing going on there will be nails all over the place, probably picked up one.  Quit fucking with my car!  Anyway, got the coolant repair scheduled.  The oil leak I'll live with and I'll take care of the motor mounts in a few months.

Mom's better.  She doesn't blame me either and nobody else at the party got the flu so maybe my sister did pick it up somewhere else.  

I did get two doctor letters saying I passed my lung cancer screening.  The second one was kind of a weird letter.  It said I had a small nodule but that was VERY NORMAL, yes in caps.  Okay then why mention what's normal?  And why is a second doctor sending me a letter saying normal?  Glad you guys agree but was there some reason two doctors got called in on it?  Is it capitalized because doctor number two is yelling at doctor number one that he's an idiot for not knowing that?  :hihi:  Anyway, passed all my annual exams and I'm fine.  U'll probably drop dead tomorrow.   :hihi:

I get free money, the universe conspires to take it back and then some.  All the weird car problems and now my two year old AC is not cooling.  Got $10,000 for the hail damage.  It's a long way to go but I'm on my way.   :nervous:

Small leak in the elbow joint.  Craig filled the AC up and will someday come back and replace the elbow.  I had the best sleep last night though.  The house windows were open and ceiling fans on brought in that night air.  Just the right kind for sleeping.  The birds woke me up at 5 but it was easy to roll over and go back to sleep.  I think I'll try that on those nights when I just can't fall asleep, go outside and breath in that night air.

It all happens at once.  This whole week was pretty much open but now it's packed.  A bunch of little shit but where I thought I was open, those little things I was looking forward to, are being rushed, complicated or cancelled.  I pulled the trigger on the car repairs.  They couldn't finish it today so no pinball for me tonight.  I can probably catch a ride to the garden tomorrow but I won't be able to pick up the other plants I wanted to get in.  And I have to watch the grandbaby for a few hours so I probably won't be able to run by the nursery down there on my way to a visitation and then dinner with mom.  That's if I get my car back by early afternoon.

Thursday was my morning to sleep in but now the shingles are coming.  They don't get installed until next Tuesday, yea to that though!

Friday, I volunteered to help at another garden but an hour later, the SIL needs me right before that so he can run and get a pain shot.

I guess it's okay.  Nobody is checking to see if I'm exactly on time.  Maybe if I stop fulfilling my obligations and commitments, I will stop making so many of them.   :hihi:

$685 and I have to deal with a small oil leak as opposed to over $5,000 at the car dealer.

Somedays it all just clicks right on times.  I was on point all day getting a shitload accomplished, driving all over town once I got the car back.  Not to say I wasn't a little jumpy hitting my time frames but it all worked out.

Woohoo!  Packs of shingles all across the roof line.  One guy came by and put all the supplies on the driveway and a truck came by with a hoist and put it all on the roof.  Beats those days of hauling it all up the ladder.  Little more interesting to watch then watching paint dry.  :hihi:

Still following up on the siding.

It will all come together.  In the meantime, we have a holiday weekend ahead of us.

New Mad Max movie.  It got poor reviews but something to look forward to as a TV movie.   :D

We have another tornado watch.  Should be the last one for a while.  Southern Illinois will get the worst of it.  Been a wild spring.

Memorial Day, thanks for your service, never forgotten.

My mother gave me one of those reusable totes with veteran stuff on it for my SIL.  She's turning him into a glorified bag lady!   :hihi:

When the guy dropped off the dumpster yesterday, he said the roofers would start at 7, maybe 6:40.  They were here at 5:40.   :hihi:  Can't blame them it's hot on those roofs.  A Mexican crew, of course, they get all the grunt work.  Four guys in a two seater van.  They're on it.  My cat has already checked out the van.

Sorry, they shoved 3 guys in the back of the van sitting on tarps with rest of the equipment.  Barely speak english, just like the guys digging the optic wires.  You have to wonder if they are being taken advantage of.  When I worked with the Cambodian refugees, they were victimized by everybody including other refugees who could speak english.  They feared the government so we didn't know what was happening as everything was said through interpreters.  They'd smile at you all the time but behind those smiles you knew they were scared.

Almost 10 and they are still here cleaning up and they have to come back tomorrow to finish.  The neighbor is pissed there is roofing material all over the place.  He made the owner come out who told him it was a construction site and would be all clean before they leave.  Then added $2000 to his bill to replace some decking Mike knew had to be done, would cost him out of pocket because it wasn't connected to the hail storm.  Mike tried to get me all upset by pointing out they put sheets of wood on my grass and it was killing it.  Er, that's shit grass and it's not going to kill it in this short of time.  You know he's still pissed they don't have his car done.   :hihi:  We do this again, he's picking the fucking contractor.

On a good note, playing 3 people who are better at me in pinball and I took 3 second places and one third.  Did not get my ass kick there.  :D  Bitched at at little bit.   :hihi:

Roofs are done.  The neighbor is happy with the work and complaining about the small pieces left behind.   :hihi:  I left early this morning and went and gardened all day.  It was all over by the time I got home.

Proud of my honest and hard-working countrymen who do everything possible to achieve a better standard of living, even with hard jobs, I know that irregular migration is a very complex issue today from different perspectives, but many are committed to leaving their homes to achieve the famous "American dream", some succeed and others suffer the consequences. I'm glad they have completed the adjustments to your roof.

In this area of ​​the Gulf of Mexico (south of Veracruz) we are experiencing one of the worst heat waves, there is still time to fix the leaks in the roofs  :hihi:, the rainy season usually begins in mid-May but this year it seems there will not be even light drizzles  :-[.

I'm not sure if it's politically correct to say but I always hope the Mexican guys come to do the labor jobs.  They work their asses off and the job is always good.  I text the company this morning to say besure to tell the crew the neighbor is very happy with their work.  I called them grumpy old men but my friend says bitchy white guys.  :hihi:

My eyes still feel like I've been swimming in the pool with my eyes open.  Guess I better go back to the eye doctor next week.  And get that roofing nail out of my tire.  I've been putting off both.

My daughter is on vacation next week.  She worked a 12 hour day to get caught up and still brought home work to do.  No way to enjoy a vacation.  I use to not take them because it would take me six weeks to get caught back up if I did.  I watched the baby today and cleaned her house, did the laundry.  Taking a day here and there works better when you're in one of those jobs.  Leaving the country so they can't get to you for two weeks is a real vacation.  Too far away for you to do anything about it and nothing to trigger you.

Who knew the SIL knew how to plug a tire.  I'm taking it over there tomorrow.  Solves one problem.

The grandbaby took 5 steps to me.  Would have been more but the dog wanted attention.  Can't wait for him to walk.

Imagery is returning.  I use a lot of imagery when I'm storytelling.  Writing is a great adventure for me.  Knew I was due for one and it's happening.  :D

I got a clue yesterday when I was feeling lines from a song, Terrapin Station, "inspiration, move me brightly", "statements just seem vain at last" and my sig, "but the train's put it's brakes on and the whistle is screaming, terrapin".  Thank god, writers' block is such a bitch and kind of lonely.

But back to imagery.  I see it with my second eye.  It's not a hallucination; it's not that real.  But I do see parts of the scene and can feel some of it.  My second eye is more like a daydream but I didn't start it or control where it's going.  Today, driving along, I was just thinking how all the things I had going on have been completed.  Some people see that as juggling balls in the air.  I see it as ropes hanging in the air to be tied down.  Some you can just grab, others you really have to latch onto and struggle to get to the ground.  Todays were as easy to pull on as if they had been attached to a balloon, gather them up and make a pretty balloon bouquet and let them go.  How easy was that?  Unlike those ones I really have to struggle with and now my forearms feel the strain of that thought.  Might have gripped the steering wheel a little too hard when I saw that.   :hihi:

No story in mind but it will come.  My novel characters might come for me.  They left me as a caretaker in a graveyard and cut out.  The birds have been presenting themselves.  They are great as a short story or important cameo appearance.  And I've got a grandbaby now.  My daughter always use to ask me to tell her my stories rather than read her a book.  Must have been good at it as they never put her to sleep.  :hihi:

The eye doctor said I have an infection and inflammation in the left eye.  Nothing to do with the surgery.

I have a birthday coming up, my friends want to know what I want to do.  I really don't know.  What I really want is an evening from long ago, cool summer night at home with my college roommates.  Drink a few beers, smoke some pot, spin our music and just hang around the house all night.  No worries about tomorrow, no responsibilities, no obligations.   :D

We just missed each other.  The Turkey Vulture was diving for road kill just I was coming up on it.  I slammed on the brakes and he veered.  Close enough I could see his face.  Those are pretty big birds.

Got my ass kicked at pinball this week.   :hihi:  I was playing 3 of the A list people.  No business playing them.  Held my own on Toy Story but two 4th places, one third and one second.  There is a new Elton John game Brian hopes to get.  A New Jersey Jack game.  Same makers of the GNR game.  I'm looking forward to playing it.

I thought that was pretty sweet.  He's 100 and she's 96 and they got married.   Both of them looked in real good shape.  Nobody asked if they were going to consummate the marriage.   :hihi:

I can't get use to the faces of the Amazon electric, delivery vans.  The headlights are round.  They look so foreign.  Watching the fleet roll out for daily deliveries would be a good commercial to promote electric cars.  Those vans are on the road all day.  Longer than most domestic users.

Speaking of gas hogs, Mike got the Super Bee back.  It's been in the shop having the hail damaged repaired.  Think they had it 6 weeks and replaced most of the body parts.  He's a happy camper.

Elton John pinball machine is in.  Knew he would cave and get it.  :hihi:  I got my ass kicked so bad I'm now second to last in the league.  Three more sessions to get my ass back in the playoffs.  He didn't say what machine he took out.  Please let it be Godzilla.  Can never get my ball up that back ramp!  Hopefully not Toy Story, not that I'm really great on it but a lot of people really suck.   :hihi:  I almost always get the Buzz Lightyear multiball.

First time that has ever happen.  Cracked the egg and the white was a bright green.  Google says could be a harmful bacteria, pseudomonas.  Suggested I smell it.  Hell no, it's green!   :hihi:  Anything it came in contact with got bleach water including the sink and countertop, dishwasher running right away.  Paper towels in trash and out the door.   :hihi:

So my disabled brother and his wife are both in the hospital.  They have covid, my brother is very weak and his wife may have had a small stroke.  Possibly had it when she was taking my other brother's truck back to him and clipped a parked car in his subdivision.  My mother and sister learned about this when the other brother stopped by their house, coughing and hacking, to tell them what was going on.  He's probably the one who gave my brother and wife covid and has exposed my mother and sister to covid.  Who are now on the phone to me wanting me to be the family social worker and straighten this all out.

Okay I know what to do.  You need to calm the fuck down.  I need you to go to their house tomorrow and feed the cats.  We are waiting until the hospital makes their assessment and tells us what needs to be done for them, then we'll discuss the options.  We don't need to rush to any decisions.  It's going to take some time.  No I don't need to come down there tomorrow.

Thing is less then a month ago, I suggested these two needed help and we needed to have a family meeting.  Mostly, for right now, I don't want to turn my brother's inheritance over to him when the time comes.  It's easier and less costly for my mother to act on some kind of conservatorship of those funds while she's still alive then us having to take it to court afterwards.  This might be the opportunity for the rest of the family to convince mom we need to stop putting bandaids on the situation and get set up to be sure he's taken care of.

Happy Father's Day   :D

And my sister calls me with my mother on speaker phone!  I hate when people do that especially when they don't tell you.  I'm trying to tell her I think my brother's wife is neglecting him to the point his physical health is in danger but I don't want to give my mother any more to worry about.  My sister is reporting she can understand him better.  Yeah because he's not taking pills every few hours!  He's too weak to stand but is that the covid or neglect?  I'm half expecting the doctor to hotline her for neglecting him.  There's a lot more to my concerns then I want to go into but it's possible the wife has had more little strokes or is drinking again.  Anyway I sent my sister an email.  She's likely to tell my mother so it was carefully worded.  If I texted her she would read it outloud to my mom.  As it is she keeps saying I don't think the wife is concerned about him.  Stop saying those things around mom, she's a worrier. 

Anyway both are still in the hospital and the wife is getting back use of her hand.  She'll probably go home tomorrow.

The car is losing it's little electronic mind.  From a cold start, the engine light comes on and the overheating light starts to blink and ding.  Code says my coolant temperature sensor is bad.  The shop reset it and said to see if it comes back.  After the car has set 2 hours, same problem from a cold start but now a light comes on I've never seen before and the AC won't blow.  That light generally means something wrong with the throttle but it also means the car's computer system is malfunctioning and not communicating correctly.  Shop says I can drive it until I can take it in on Thursday.  They reset it again, AC started working.  I'm expecting more weird shit.   :hihi:

Today is my birthday and it has not been about me.   :hihi:  It took me two hours to be able to sit down get a piece of carrot cake and a cup of coffee.  Not the enjoyable time I was planning but I did buy myself a whole cake.   :hihi:  For the moment I've caught up with all the calls, messages and crises.  Messages are still coming in but I put the phone on silence and am going to ignore it for a while.

It ended on a high note.   :hihi:  Basically Sandy texted about coming over and I was like, get over here please.  She brought pizza and we worked on the concert ticket puzzle Amy sent me for my birthday.  I put my phone on the charged for the second time today.  To make it short, my brother went to rehab and his wife was discharged.  We are having spaghetti and meatballs at the family party on Saturday.  I will be handling my brother's paperwork and any future family meals.  I don't want to be the one in charge but you folks are making me crazy.  Easier to handle it.

I got one of those chainsaws on a pole to trim trees.  I'm trying to be brave here but chainsaws scare the hell out of me.  Do they give training on that?  I have a feeling this isn't as easy as it looks and I probably would have been better off with a real chainsaw.

And tonight when I took the car out, no warning lights on the dash.  I have a feeling the shop is going to tell me there is nothing to fix until it goes off again.  Probably on my way to the family party on Saturday.   :hihi:

Good night, I'm going to bed and hope the universe is done fucking with me.  I enjoyed being reduced to hysterical laughter.  You know now that I can laugh about it.   :hihi:

Happy birthday, better late than never  ;D, I hope you enjoy your family reunion next Saturday  :peace:

Thanks it was interesting.  No enjoying the family get together.  We need to have a family discussion about looking after my brother and his wife.  But it will be okay, maybe a relief that a plan is in place.

Aw, Donald Sutherland died.

I have quit, quitting smoking.  It's nice to be back to myself.  I was dragging myself through a spell of depression.  Not sure if it was the meds I was on, lack of nicotine or just the occasional round of that.  I could have reached out for some help but I don't take care of myself very well especially when there are so many people reaching out to me for help.  Yeah, I could let those calls go unanswered but I don't and I wouldn't be happy with myself if I did.  Let me tell you, when I reduce the nicotine, I am a total space case.  As bad as when I smoked pot everyday, all day long.  Not to say I don't enjoy that but my world gives me a lot of shit for that and I can't get away with it.   :hihi:  Anyway, I'm back, let's get to it.

No!   :hihi:  Sandy text me a picture of a pink yard flamingo.  

At one time a flock of pink yard flamingos came my way.  It was fun for a while running around at night and putting the flock out in people's yards.  But little did I know that was going to come back to me in a bad way.  People got the impression I liked flamingos.  And flamingos began to flood in, in large quantities of various shapes and sizes.  I don't want those.  Took me a while, didn't want to hurt anybody's feeling but this has got to stop!  A few people still haven't got the message.  It's okay, I'm over not hurting their feelings.  I politely decline and offer them up the remaining flock I have in the attic, you know if they want to have fun with it, don't give it back!

Oh wait, that's an idea.  We have a new neighbor moving in.  I could flock her and not go back for them.   :hihi:  The other neighbors might rat me out though.

At the family birthday party, I got light up flamingos and another collapsible gardening stool.   :hihi:

The family seems to be okay with me jumping to the lead on my disabled brother's situation.  My siblings seem relieved.  There is a lot going on I was unaware of.  My brother thinks the house is unsellable.  He's kind of a drama queen.  It can't be that far gone.  Apparently my SIL sleeps all the time.  Not sure if that's a physical problem, depression or something else.  She is to set us up an appointment with my disable brother's hospital social worker for later in the week.  I want her involved and teach her the things she needs to do but if she doesn't, I'll do it.  The general plan is to get them stabilized, get a special needs trust set up along with all the other legal paperwork that needs to be in place.  Then were going to sell that house and get them one that is handicapped accessible and reduces their cost of living.  I know, good fucking luck with that.   :hihi:

Mom is worrying herself sick.  She looked pretty thin and frail yesterday.

I'm starting to wonder how much of my independence I'm going to lose.  My sister advises me to move them close for convenience.  They live 45 minutes from me so it's and wear and tear on my car but then again that would be moving them further away from the other part of the family and putting the burden on my daughter when I can't do it anymore.    I guess there will be other options to choose from when it comes to that.  My SIL did tell me the reason she sleeps so much is she's depressed.  Yeah, your life has turned into taking care of your husband.  No amount of anti depression pills is going to change that.  We did talk over some things that might make that a little better.  I can give her one day a week.  My brother needs a life too.  He has some interests he might be able to continue.  I'm winging this.

I'm not going to say this out loud because that would just make me a cranky, old lady.  But would you get your fucking golf cart off the road and back on the course!   :hihi:  This is not a retirement community in Florida.  Bicycles go faster.  I don't care if your kid can drive it, they have no clue about the rules on the road.  And they've loaded it up with their friends, out for a good time.  I hope this is a passing fad like those scooters.  No way to look cool on either of those you wannabees.   :hihi:

Oops forgot the positive.  Life is good watching your grandson in the baby pool and your feet in the cold water.

Woohoo, I got connected.  I went into the hospital Patient Benefit office to see if they had the forms I needed to sign my brother and his wife up for public assistance with their medical bills.  The woman turned around to help me and we immediately recognized each other.  I got the biggest smile on my face.  In the red tape mess that government paperwork can be she and I at one time were the best you could get to get you through it.  It was 20 years ago but she has kept up with it working at the hospital.  And if it couldn't get any better, she is assigned to my brother and SIL.  And she still has contacts in state office, good for when it gets all fucked up and you have to talk to a real person.  Before I could even get home the ball was rolling.

It's not all a free ride but I can get the medical bills down to something they can handle.  Can't get them the services that comes with the free ride.  It's a paperwork nightmare.

I'll be back.  I did get into the playoffs at pinball.  He took the top 4.  I just made it.  Not sure if he fixed the two broken machines but we will have 5 machines.  The Elton John machine and I get along pretty well although last week I kept missing the crocodile shot!  Get it in there 3 times and it's a multiball.  We'll see how I do.  Food and drinks are on the league and all games are free play.  I'm coming home late.  :D

No, I wasn't in the playoffs.  I got to pig out on chicken wings, fried pickles and steak on a stick!   :D Got that crocodile to give up two multiballs and learned a new trick on Toy Story.  My wrists hurt and my hand is cramped.   :hihi:  Next week is also free play to get preplays in case you can't make it one night.

Just when I get a handle on my brother's situation, the wife wrecks the car and is back in the ER.

"When the shit hit the fan, it was all I could stand."   :hihi:  Not there yet but it's piling up.

Let me give you the short update.  The van is totaled and she's okay.  The accident was her fault and two other cars are damaged.  She has insurance but not for her car, only liability.  It's totaled, undrivable and has been junked.  We had a very productive day, took care of the car and all the forms for the medical bills help.  Took fuckng forever but I had a good time with my SIL and using my former employment skills.  As I left my brother's hospital room, stopped by the nurses station, he beeped them saying he needed a pain pill.  I told them no he doesn't and he is drug seeking, he was, believe me.  They told me by state law if he asks for them, they have to give it to him.  I requested they inform the doctor what I said and that his wife standing right next to me was in agreement.  We'll address that later.

I did get in their house, it's fine.  We need to do a little cleaning.  My family has no idea what a filthy, unsellable house is.  My friend Susan is dealing with that.  Brother number one caught up to us there.  Again, the short story.  His son is in jail for trafficking.  I'm not sure what kind.  I assume drugs.  He's going to prison.  The bond is unreachable and the bail bondsman told my brother don't do it.  My nephew has been a hot mess for years.  Little different approach with my brother this time.  Reassured him he was a good parent.  None of this is his fault.  My nephew has been going full speed down this road and nothing anyone could do could stop him.  I gave him permission to do nothing.  Leave him there and let the public defender have it.  He knows his child is safe and not putting anyone else in danger.  We'll know where he is and he can't get into any more trouble.  You know, except the prison kind.   :hihi:  This brother also has some health issues going on.  Told him I needed him to take care of himself first before he tries to take of anyone else.  I sent him home with nothing to do.  I'm on it.  I could see the relief on his face.

And to end my evening, my daughter texted the baby was puking. 

I'm already kicking down the door to heaven and demanding some answers on my way in.  Add punching somebody for my friend Marsha.  I wouldn't take me now.  I'm still pissed.  I wouldn't keep adding to it.   :hihi:

Actually, I'm glad this shit is finally coming to a head in my family.  Lets get it out there and deal with it.  I can take care of it all at once.

Sometimes this  :hihi: means hysterical laughter.   :hihi:

My brother is such a drama queen.  My nephew got caught with 40 pain pills in his pocket while sitting in his car.  They charged him as a dealer.  Flip that around to he's an addict and those charges all change.  If the kid didn't tell on himself or they have more evidence, this is workable.  The real truth?  My guess is half for him and half to sell.  He's too much of a user to make this a business.  He's got a lot of a criminal history to support the addict defense that will come in handy.

I'm trying to get through to my brother if he makes this easy for him, he's not going to turn his life around and become a model citizen.  I remind him of our participation on the wrong side of the law and what it took to turn us around and for us to leave that behind.  I'm okay with him participating in getting the charges reduced but he plans to bail him out if it gets low enough.  My question for him is, to do what?  What is he going to do when he's out?  With pending charges, who is going to hire him?  What is he going to do with his day?  Have you heard anything out of him that says he's learned his lesson?  Any reason for my brother to believe he won't be right back here for similar reasons next year or maybe even a day later?  I've been trying to make this point with my brother for years and so far no success.

Okay, were not shooting for model citizen but you follow my drift.   :hihi:

I also found out my sister-in-law has Huntington's Disease.  It will eventually take away her ability to care for herself, let alone my brother.  My sister was shocked.  Why didn't we know?  Does my sister in law know?  Of course she does, she told me, but it takes a long time to kill you.  Explains some of the things we've seen or why we thought she was brain damaged.  Doesn't really change my long term plans to help them just adds to what we need to do.  My sister is on board to help but she's taking care of my mother.  Brother number one is more calm today and pitching in.  We're going to bring in the SIL sister if she wants to be involved.  See who we can get from her side of the family to help although I don't think there are many people. 

My next step is getting all the accounts set up online so I can access things such as medical records, income sources, public assistance accounts.  And getting all those legal things so somebody can take action if they are unable to.

So the Republican next door asked if I watched the presidential debate.  I just said no.   :hihi: "Oh you have to."  No, I just have to figure out a way out of this conversation NOW!   :hihi:

The car is losing it's little computer mind again.  I've noticed when the car sits in the sun is when the warning lights come on.  As I drive it, the lights start to go off.  The one is a sensor problem but the other one is telling me the car computer is not working right.  That could be expensive to fix.  I may have to go to the dealer on this one.

Holy fuck, my brother listen to me.  He has a doctor appointment on the 12th.  I forgot about that big sister power I have over him.  It's been so long since I used it.   :hihi:

My friend has finally called for a dumpster to clean out her parent's hording house.  She thinks it's going to take a week just to do the top floor.  Oh sister you have no idea how quickly I can throw shit out.  She thinks we're leaving the second floor and the garage to be hired out.  By the end of the week, barring family shit, it's going to be done.  Hang with me, keep the temps down and the coffee flowing, 3 days, it's out of here.  Thankfully she has realized there's nothing in there worth saving or anybody else wants.  I did rescue a cat statue that was her mother's from the front yard clean up.  I think she'll change her mind when it's all said and done and take it back.  She's a cat person and it's only right it be on her front porch.

Another whole day spent on my brother.  I'm multitasking when I go down there.  I'm starting to get push back from the family on the speed at which I want to do things.  I just put it out there this is a lot on my plate and I want it off there so I can go back to my life.  Once I gather all the information I'm looking for, I'll settle on a course of action and I'll move on it.  I appreciate everybody helping me with this.  This is all new to me and if you have better ideas I am all ears.  Lets get a plan together.  I fully expect my brother and his wife will shut all this down at some point.  It's a lot and I will turn my back and walk away until the next crisis but it's only going to get worse and I'm only getting old.  What I can do now, I may not be able to do next time or we won't have the same options.

I confronted my brother on his abuse of pain pills.  I can't blame them for drugging themselves up.  It's a miserable life they are living but I told him the drug use is making it worse.  He tried to bargain with me to keep his morning buzz as he called it.   :hihi:  We're not arguing here.  You're an invalid and you can't do shit about it but bitch.  I can walk away from you and you can't come after me.  I just have to get your wife to stop making them available to you.  And if he thinks he can get around me, he doesn't know what just happen.  I asked him as I was leaving if he was going to busy the nurse and ask for a pain pill.  No, he can't have another one until, every 6 hours is the most he can have them.  If you remember I told the nurse the last time I was there he was drug seeking.  Apparently they cut him off of "as needed".   :hihi:  Wait till your niece gets a look at your medications.  He may end up on aspirin for pain.  The wife already told him she is stopping seeing the doctor who prescribes her pain meds.  He freaked because that's where he's been getting them when his pills run out for the month.  She didn't tell me about that so maybe she is more committed to not letting him have those.  It's certainly easier on her if he's drugged up and stuck in his bed.  I think though he loses bowel control when he does that and she doesn't want to deal with that.

When I told my daughter what I said, she was surprised I talked to him like that.  Oh yeah I did.  I didn't yell at him or be mean but he's interfering with my life.  I'm offering my help and my time to improve his situation.  We're dealing with all of it.  Kick me out of your problems and I'll happily go back to my life but I am not here to help him continue this shit.  He can do that on his own.

Forgot the something good today.  One of my characters showed up.  When it time for me to write, one of characters comes looking for me.  I'm not crazy, it's my way of my brain dealing with stress.  I could explain more but just go with it.  I write a little bit.

The character is Elderon.  He's like a father figure, wise man, he makes me get myself through any problem.  Anyway there he was!  I glance over at a motorcycle group taking a break at a gas station.  Immediately saw him in the crowd and he was looking right at me as I whizzed by.  Relaxed stance, dressed as I would have described him.  I hadn't even been thinking about the story but apparently my brain is trying to go there.  I hear the call to write.  The Dead channel has been playing a song, Terrapin Station.  It's my reminder song to be creative and write.  I mean they have been playing it a lot.  I take that personally, my brain is reminding me what helps me.  It's right there, sit your ass down and write and you'll work it out.  The call to write has been around for a few months now.  Seeing Elderon is always the last step before the story starts running in my head and I can't turn it off.  Oh thank god because I could use a little help here.   :hihi:

Can a grandma assemble a child's toy while watching an 18 month old out in the backyard?  I got as far as the axel on the wheel, step two.   :hihi:  While he napped I did get it together.  The right way with no extra parts.   :D  And he totally ignored it when he got up.   :hihi:

The neighbor won another $20,000.  Second time this year.  He was paying $25 a spin.  Not something I would ever do.  I play 50 cents a spin with a max $20 loss.   :hihi:

Whew I'm home.   :hihi:  It's getting better with some fuck ups.  I did one today, doubled booked.  Brother #1 is better.  He can't help his kid and I imagine after all the shit it's a relief to have it over.  The kid is going to prison for a long time.  The hospital social worker failed to submit the welfare medical application.  My friend told me to do it.  No problem I would rather have done it in the first place.  I know how these things go and what happen here is usually what happens.  It doesn't trip us up any.

Good news is my brother will be coming home probably in the next 10 days and I can stop all this running around.  Still an overwhelming amount of work to be done but at least I won't be interrupted trying to put out another fire.  And my siblings are jumping in.  They like my plans and see away out some where down the line.  I gave them permission to think of themselves first.  Something I'm not very good at.  :hihi:

Geez it's the 4th already.  I'm going to join the party for a while.

Little update.  I went in to fill out their applications for medical help and the computer told me they were active.  Don't know if that means they already have it or the application is already in.  Step in the right direction.  I'll call Monday and see if I can get somebody to tell me what is going on.

Oh yeah, brother number one has the older sibling superpower too!  Told brother number 2 to get his ass out of bed and come into the livingroom and he did.  I have not used sibling power in years.  Totally forgot about it.  Usually we're just screwing with each other trying to shift mom's focus off ourselves and onto the other sibling.  It's true were just doing childhood in reverse.  I wonder when we peaked?  It's fast to go downhill then up.  We're headed for losing our ability to walk and soiling ourselves, oh joy.  :hihi:  I guess I'll tell mom isn't going to work.  Now it's I'll tell your kids.

Blew off the parties.  I had plenty of offers but it's hard to hide what's showing on my face and I have another day of acting tomorrow.  To say I'm freaked out is understatement.  This is absolutely not the great adventure I saw coming my way.  Sometimes the old jazz of managing a bunch of shit kicks in but there's nothing jazzy about your best friend on death's bed.  I try to get some alone time, take care of me and regroup.  Fuck it, I just have to admit to people I have so much going on I have a case of the spacies.  You just keep asking questions and double check everything when this happens.  This is a great fucked up adventure!   :hihi:

So anyway, if you find yourself in a similar situation, here's what I did today.

Checked with a friend who's an accountant for some guidance on how to get the money out of their house while were switching houses.  There's the home equity loan.  My SIL thought that was free money and she could use it to stay in the house.  No it's like a credit card, you have to make payments on what you take out.  Then there's the reverse mortgage.  My SIL also thought this was a way to stay in the house.  No, it won't cover major household repairs, just add to your monthly income and eventually you have no equity left.

I need to explore those senior living situations where they go from indepent living all the way through to the nursing home.  I don't think that's an option but it will be when they can no longer live in the new house.

If they won't budge out of this house now, I'm done and can go back to my life.  I'm just going to present them with all the options.  I'll deal with it the next time a crisis comes up.

Good news for the day.  My dieing friend called.  The fireworks were beautiful.  My daughter and her family had a fun day.

Walmart delivery, duh.  What do I know about living life without a car?  Solves the problem of how they get groceries.  Got that idea from a friend.

The meeting with the social worker was kind of a waste.  To represent all his therapies they sent the speech therapist who was reading notes.  No idea when he's getting released but I assume it's coming up since they called the meeting.  The social worker only knew to refer us to nursing home programs.  Nothing about services at home except the therapy services he would get.  Asked me if I read the brochure she gave me.  Yes it was a directory for alternative living programs that paid to be in the brochure.  You handed me junk mail.   :hihi:

The wife got a little annoyed with us when we started throwing up our boundaries.  Things like we are not at your beck and call.  I phrase it nice like saying you have to be as independent as possible but my sister is pretty clear she isn't going for that shit.  The wife says things like he can't come unless he can do stuff but then thinks the therapy coming in makes it all okay.  And she's indicating she doesn't want to sell the house.  When we got her home, the kid was there repairing their stairs so my brother can get in the house.

I was telling my sister I feel like I'm developing brain problems.  She was listing all the households and things I was trying to help out.  Yeah it's a lot.  Then she said the only thing I don't have to do is the garden.  Hold on sister, that's what I want to do.  I'll cut back but I'm not giving up what I like to do in this mess.  What I don't have to do is deal with this messes caused by somebody else.  I've got myself in a real comfy rut and getting thrown out of it has thrown me for a loop.  I remind myself this happens everytime there is a major change in life.  Probably not losing my mind but it sure feels like it.

I'm fucking with the neighbor.  He was complaining he forgot to set out his recycling bin yesterday and it was full.  He pretty much fills it up every week with water bottles and beer cans.  It's a big deal for him.  This morning I'm getting ready to leave and I see the recycling truck coming down the street.  They are a day behind because of the holiday, makes sense.  I take the bin out to the street for him and take it back when it's empty.  He didn't see me, the father didn't see me, so now they have a little mystery to figure out, what happen to the recycling?   :hihi:  His dad just washed out the bin so it looks like a new bin too.

 :hihi:  He lifted the lid, threw something in, closed, looked puzzled and lifted the lid again, yep it's empty.  I had to start laughing at this point and told on myself.  His father still thinks they missed the recycling guy so he's going to have some fun with him.

I contacted A Place for Mom.  It's a service that connects you up to senior housing that goes from independent living, through levels of care, all the way to nursing home care.  I went to their site looking for information but you can't get it without giving them a name and number.  They have an automated call system that called me 7 times today starting at 8:05.  I finally had a minute to call them back and they are emailing me the information I was looking for on pricing.

The first call from them, I was already in the car and on my way.  The goal for today was to take the main living spaces in my brother's house from filthy to needs a spring clean.  Everybody took a room, took three hours but we got there.  We still have 3 rooms left, the basement and a garage.  The bedroom is the only essential room we need to get at.  We only took out 4 bags of trash.  It's not a hoarder house.  At one time, she was a good housekeeper and the organization is still there but at some point she gave up trying to keep up with it.  It's hard for me to tell if this is a progression of her disease, drug abuse or depression, probably all three.

They do have WiFi in the home and an iPad.  Let my daughter get that all hooked up.  The SIL knows basically how to use it but somewhere along the lines she forgot they had WiFi.  Again, hard for me to tell why.

When we finished there, we had to go over and have my nurse daughter screen mom for a stroke.  Last night mom was having trouble with her left leg and a pain in her left arm.  She passed the screening but my daughter did notice a couple of minor things.  Her speech is a little off and when she asked mom if she felt equal pressure on her arms when she touched her, she hesitated but then agreed.  This is my daughter's area of experience.  Mom will call the doctor tomorrow.  She's feeling fine but her leg still hurts and she's limping.  She has agreed to start physical therapy, finally, because she is losing her ability to walk.  She's been declining for two years.  She'll be 91 this month.  I need some Sees candy.  :hihi:  I'll get that ordered.

I did take my daughter out for a late lunch and had time to catch up with her life.  I came home beat.  I couldn't get to sleep last night until 4 with my mind unable to turn off my brother's situation and I got up at 7.  It's getting hard to get my first cup of coffee down before I'm out the door.   :hihi:

So I don't have to run down there again until Thursday but we're thinking the insurance runs out and he will be discharged Wednesday.  We'll find out tomorrow.  I don't have to think on my feet any more tonight.  I did have a passing thought.  I could be that person on the phone at A Place for Mom.  I have the credentials, work from the phone job.  I talk to them a little bit about it.  Works kind of like Uber I imagine.

Can't decide if A Place for Mom is worth the emails and phone calls but they were on it.  When I told them we decided not to pursue that type of housing option, the calls stopped.  The only option for my brother and his wife right now is to continue in their current home or move to a new one.  Really helps in this situation to talk it up.  Other people know a lot of shit that might be able to help you.  Tomorrow I start calling to see what there is to help them in the home.

My mother and sister are also cleaning out.  I got 3 books from the 40's I'm going to see if they are worth anything.  One is a huge Webster Dictionary, has those cut in tabs for each alphabet section.  One is a Girl Scout Handbook and last one is interesting.  A book by A A Milne.  The Winnie the Pooh author, When We Were Very Young.  That could be the really rare book.  It's other children's stories he wrote.  Not so much interested in what they sell for but getting them into the hands of a collector.  Someone who treasures what they've got.  I don't have any friends who collect rare books, they don't have that kind of class.  :hihi:  Update, $13 on ebay, fuck the internet nothing is hard to find any more.

How many people with a problem need to talk to me before I get my first cup of coffee?   The answer was 7 this morning.   :hihi:

My brother gets discharged Friday morning at 11.  Hotel rehab.   :hihi:  Actually fits in well with all my prep work.  I was going to see him Thursday anyway.  Run by mom's and pick up her vehicle so therapy can do a practice session with him getting in the car.  It's the only car we have now that he might be able to get in.  If he can't, we have back up medical transport to get him home.  My other brother is off on Friday.  Not that he's much physical help but he's tall and it's always helpful to have a tall person when you're short.  :hihi:  I can pretty much dump my brother at home and go.  The other brother can sit around and chat.  He's a lawyer turned truck drive, he can bullshit forever.  He can drive home the point they need to down size. 

I'm home today.  The SIL tried to grab it but I'm not pushing aside me.  I need to regroup.  I hit the go button tomorrow and am booked through next Wednesday afternoon.

Who is this pill pushing doctor my family is all seeing?  My brother has a problem with pain pill abuse and my mother's walking problem may be her sleeping pills that she decided to start taking a double dose.  What is she even doing on sleeping pills?  Turns out my SIL was diagnosis just this May with Huntington's.  This is a genetic disorder and nobody in her family has had it.  Who made that diagnosis and what tests have been ran?

The pressure is off to get through the crisis and get my brother back home.  I can stop doing for a minute and dig in a little deeper into what is really going on.  My brother was doing better before the covid.  Did something happen like another stroke or is he just taking longer to bounce back from covid?  What help do they need going forward?  For the moment I feel more in control of my participation.   :hihi:

I did find out the insurance will pay with no copays for in home services, all the therapies and someone to help him bath.  For medical transport he gets 12 Uber type transports per year.  Not that bus stuff where they pick up everyone on the way, dropping people off and doing the reverse in return that takes your whole day.  And they send him 14 free meals when he's discharged.  He can use all that stuff.  It helps.

My friend Susan finally made the decision to dump her parent's house.  She finds it interesting that everyone she has told this to has said they think that's best.  Er, we've all been telling you this all along.  You just didn't want to hear us.  She had to hear it from professionals and wear herself out enough before she could make the decision.  Totally get that, same way here.

So if you want to skip all that, I do have a fun story coming up in the next post.  :D

The neighbor won $1250 on the slot machine.  They come to cash him out, get his id and information, walk away to do the paperwork.  They come back, hand him his id which he puts in his pocket, hand him paperwork and $1900.  He questions that, thinks maybe he made a mistake in what he thought he won.  He's in the middle of a spinning so just sticks everything in his pocket.

A little later, it's bugging him so he looks at the tax paperwork and it has somebody else's name on it and the higher payout.  Sits there a little while waiting for them to realize their mistake and come back.  They don't so he heads over to them stopping by the restroom on his way.  Everybody crosses paths at this point but eventually they are all together and the pay people know they fucked up.  They take the cash, tax form and id again and disappear into their room.  The guy comes back out with all the shit.  This time my neighbor looks at it.  Paperwork still has the other guy's name on it.  Turns out the id is the other guys!  But where is my neighbor's id?

They did straighten this whole fiasco out eventually.  No way he was going to get away with the extra cash so good thing he straighten it out while he was still there.  But this would have been a fine time to ask for some free play!  They fucked up big time.

I may have to name my goat.  I'm trying to figure out a Kendal.   :hihi:

I'll explain that joke if you didn't get it.  "Don't let them get your goat meaning:  to upset or irritate someone. The way she's always correcting other people really gets my goat!"

That was funny right? 

My goat's name is Sally.   :hihi:  First we had to set it back to it's factory settings and whip away my sister's information.  We did that last night.  Tonight we figured out it needed up dates so maybe it would run faster.  We're using a phone as a hotspot so maybe that's why it's running slow but after the updates, it ran faster on somethings.  But when we search the library catalog it slows way down.  Enough for tonight, I'm taking Sally home.   :hihi:

My brother did very well practicing getting in and out of my mother's car.  He comes home tomorrow.  Once again I was down there for the whole day.  His wife put the medications downstairs so he can't get to them.  We talked about she needs to have a talk with him, no argument, I can't live like we were any more.  It slows her down too, not easy for her to get up and down those stairs either.  So tomorrow we are going to offer to help them make some changes.  If they are willing to discuss some stuff we'll do it at another time soon.  If not, what can we help you with or are we done here?  If we're done for now I'm still open to trying again.

My new motto is "don't set yourself on fire trying to keep someone else warm".  I'm real bad at setting myself on fire.  :hihi:

My brother did come home on Friday.  Monday I take her to the stroke doctor to see what's to be done there.  Everything else going forward is on hold for a minute until we address her stroke.

Really helpful when you have somebody who knows how a Kindle works.  Mine is set up.  I'm still working on the one for my brother.  My SIL couldn't remember her Amazon password.  I will get that set up in the end.

My friend Susan is moving forward with her parents hoarder house.  She's going for a clean break and selling it to the flippers.  On TV they buy those house with all the shit left in there but she is going to haul it away.  Has her sights set on being in her new home and settled by Christmas.

I'm kind of lost for the moment.  Radical badass joy seems out of reach but only for the moment.  I will find it.

Good news there, my SIL does not need her arteries cleaned out.  But where did that blood clot come from?

They kind of just want us to go away.   :hihi:  Don't want to downsize the house or look into the trust.  It's a lot to tackle at one time.  My brother fell again at home.  He may still be headed to a nursing home.  Whole new picture if that happens.  I'm willing to let the chips fall where they may until the situation stabilizes.  There's still some stuff I'm working on.  And that was the short, wrap up of all the shit I've been doing.

Worried about my mom.  She's been looking fragile the last couple of months.  Extreme heat is not good for really old people.  I am sending her Sees Candy all the way from California for her birthday.   :D

Working at the horder house tomorrow.  All these dirty houses full of stuff makes me crazy!  No wonder I'm feeling overwhelmed.  The hoarder house, not my problem but she asked me to help on the final push before she calls the junk people.  I can tell you I'm getting traumatize by that house.  Not so much by the condition of the house but that I can't clean it to my satisfaction.  Just get the fuck out of my way.   :hihi:

Sadly, we start work on my friend's Life Celebration Friday.  I'm not ready for that but I guess it's better to get on with it.

Good news, I did get the Kindle working.  Easy stuff once somebody who has one showed me how to do it.  Should have started there but I venture off on my own with someone who didn't know what she was doing either.   :hihi:

Took us 6 hours to fill up the dumpster and clean out the first level of that home.  I did grab a car full of stuff for the garden.  And two sewing machines.  I met a woman a while back who takes the machines and fixes them up to send to women in poorer countries.  She was happy when I called to tell her what I scored.  Tomorrow we work on the lower level just to look through it before she has the junk people come to haul it out.  Get that shit out of there, the house is not in that bad of shape.

I am done working at the hoarder house.  And if I wasn't traumatized enough by all these dirty, jam packed houses, my sister casually says, I told mom we should sell this house and move to a smaller place.   :hihi:  God, where did all this shit come from?  Some of it is 2 or 3 generations back.  And it's not even used, just sits there collecting dust or in a box.  I didn't have a new couch or kitchen table until I was 40 because of all the family hand me downs.  On a brighter note, Susan is holding onto dumping the hoarder house and buying herself a new place.  We are going to open houses this weekend.

I gave up quitting smoking.  I could not make it through the brain fog and depression.  It's nice to have my brain back.  I miss not smoking so I may try again at another time.

I did hit up Amazon prime day.  Have a couple of birthdays coming up.  I'm giving shit to other people.   :rofl:

Oh that's cool.  I have a friend who works in the park system in St Louis.  She is sending a picture I sent her of some really old toys to the curator of their 1800's historic homes to see if they are from that time period and if they would want them.  Could be late 1800 but I'm thinking more in the 1920's and 30's.  If they don't want them, maybe they can connect me up to another place that takes historic stuff.

I know somewhere in that hoarder garage is a collection of steam engine toys.  I really want to get my hands on those.  I think they are cool.  Love little shit that does something.   :hihi:  But that garage is packed and I would have to be standing there as they are trying to pitch those boxes and hope the box was labeled.  This guy collected all kinds of shit and I think she throwing away the most valuable stuff in that house by not going threw it.  She's afraid of bugs and doesn't want to touch it.  I will tell you, the only thing my friend see having any value is the tubs all this shit was stored in.  They have stacks and stacks of tubs.  My friend keeps trying to give me tubs.  Wants to empty them and give away the tubs.   :hihi:

Update:  These are (tin) penny toys made in Germany 1885 -1914.

Woohoo!   :D  The parks department is gitty about getting the penny toys.  Ever in St Louis, they will be at the park with the Butterfly House back in the historical homes.  I also have a couple of mechanical type toys I couldn't identify.  Weird but cool.  Asking them if they want those too.  Bet they take them.  The sewing machines are on their way.  The one was pretty much your standard machine but the other does tricks for crafting.  She was pretty happy too.  Junk to some and a treasure to others.  To me it's still good stuff, I just need to find it a home and get it off my hands.

Update:  The parks department wants the mechanical toys.  So glad they are going to an institution and not into private hands.

Susan was selling some of the old gold and silver and it turns out the guy buys hoarder houses with everything in it.  He will go through all the boxes in the garage.  He's coming to take a look next week and hopefully make her an offer next week.  She could just be picking up her cat and walking out.   :D

I missed the whole Microsoft world wide outage.  The blue screen of death.  So that's what it looks like at the end of the internet.

Weird shit happens when I write stories on the computer.  I need to write about where I'm at in the story.  I'm in an unattended graveyard.  I need to get my ass out of there or maybe stay and deal with it.  I have no control over the story.  It comes out when I type.  Tonight I wanted to see what was going on.  The place where I have it online has been fucking up.  I was going to copy it and work on it elsewhere but when I got there, the site froze up with a message saying wait or exit.  I hit the wait button several times hoping it would work.  Finally decided the message is wait.  Not the time to pick up the story. 

But I want to!  I look at the story and hear a man telling me I look like a woman who needs to dance.  I so need to!  Who is that talking?  I thought I was alone and going to stay in the graveyard, fix it up.  Is somebody going to take me out of there or just talk me through it?

I can sometimes pick up the story when I garden but my Saturday is packed.  Leaves it until Sunday when I can do that, maybe.  But the message is wait.  Probably shouldn't try to force it.  Who is that talking to me from the woods?  I'm intrigued.  And as I end this, Shake It Up, randomly comes on youtube.  Told ya, weird shit.   :hihi:

Susan is looking at a house close to me.  It's perfect.  She could be selling tonight and buying tomorrow.  Fingers crossed, this woman so needs a break.

Update:  He's interested but wants to come back and look in the garage.

My ass is dragging, still!  One of those days I just need a greasy, soft taco.  Hit Taco Bell, ordered 10 of them.  :hihi:  Figured Sandy need some too and invited her over.  She's all jumpy waiting on her blood work to see if the cancer came back.  And of course the results pop up while she's here.  Whew, it was all good.  She doesn't know how to feel.  Another test in 6 months.  Says celebrate today but it's still a waiting game.

The seat belt clamp broke in Susan's car today.   :hihi:  I swear the universe just loves annoying the crap out of that girl.  Her car is a 2002.  She needs a new car along with a new house and furniture.  It's going to be a whole new world for her this coming year.  The flipper is coming back tonight.  He must really be interested and jumping on it.  There goes the steam powered steam engines I wanted.  Not really upset about that.  I'm still traumatized from all those filthy, jammed packed houses I have been in lately.   :hihi:  I may never get over it!

Such a peacock.  Motorcycle passes me.  No helmet, wearing shorts and a sleeveless, really white t-shirt.  Yeah he dressed to ride and show off.  Cuts over 3 lanes to make his exit.  Amateur. 

I'm thinking so not one of my characters.  In the past it was but he had just jumped on that motorcycle because he needed to get somewhere quick.  First available ride.  But as I think it could have been one of my characters, there they are in my rear view, keeping pace with me.  Two sleek, distance bikes.  Helmets on and fully clothed, already in their lane and heading west, about their business.  They'll make Oklahoma by the time I come back through.  The other guy is getting off the highway in a couple of exits, probably to be seen some where.  :hihi:

Always a surprise when my characters intrude on my thoughts.  I was headed to mom's for her birthday.  91 today.  Took her by physical therapy.  First time I've been in one of those places.  It's like a modified gym.  Equipment I've all used before.  Not sure what I was expecting but that wasn't it.  Did get the urge to get on those machines and take those out.  I can so be part of the machinery.   :D

I think tacos are probably your perfect meal.  You've got your veggies, proteins, grains and milk group.

Took mom to Outback for her birthday.  Alice Springs chicken  : ok:  Man is she in a mood.  Tired of living, just wants to sit at home.  Worried she can't sleep at night and that she is going to fall.  Wasn't really a great time.

I'm going to attempt to take two cats to the vet at one time on Tuesday.  This is going to be interesting not to mention quit a feat.  :hihi:

Susan put in an offer on a condo.  The perfect place wasn't for her.  The place she is getting isn't for me but it suits her.  She likes to be snug as a bug in her environment.  I've got to have windows.  Freaks me out to park in underground garages.  The guy is coming Monday to give her an offer on the hoarder house.

It was my singer talking to me.  He's the only one who lives in the woods, quietly doing his thing.  The rest of us live in the open areas.  Except the god, he's a busy guy.  I had every intention of staying in the overgrown graveyard, cleaning it up, revealing the names of my dead friends.  Be the caretaker of the place, off on my own.  I've been stuck there for a while now in my writing not wanting to put it to type.  But we hear a train whistle in the distance.  He throws me one of the packs he is carrying.  We're going to have to run for the train, downhill, through a large field.  No waiting, that fucking train isn't going to stop this time.  We're going to have to jump on board.   :hihi:  One last look at the dead laying amongst the wildflowers from the train.  The singer is taking the pack off my back.  I'm winded and he looks like he just had a nice walk in the park.  I'm just going to lay here on the floor of the train for a while and let it take me away.   :hihi:

It hasn't been a totally sucky year, maybe just my attitude.   :hihi:  It all happens at once and looks like my September is going that way.  Susan moving, Marsha's life celebration and 2 weeks of taking care of mom are all lining up at the same time.  Not to mention all the fall projects set for the garden.

She did it!  Susan signed off on the counter offer for the condo and sold the hoarder house with all the shit left in it, all within the same hour.  I think she made some pretty good deals but I tell people this all the time, some times leaving money on the table is worth taking your life and going.  I know I did when I retired at 60.  I've had 6 years where I made a really good friend and had a great time leading the gardens.  Better time seeing my daughter get married and my grandbaby arrive.  Never regretted leaving that money behind.  It has been time well spent.  :D

Er, yeah, I buy lottery tickets but that's only because I want to fund a pot plantation.   :hihi:

Look, I have a stash of whiskey in this house.  A few of these people just need to come raid it and have their asses out of here by the time I get back.   :hihi: 

It's fucking hot.  One of those lime, wine coolers Smirnoff makes is sounding real good.

It's no ruffle my feathers day.  Sally is out to pasture, good luck finding her.  I did not stress myself out about getting two cats to the vet at one time and it went pretty smoothly, from my point of view.  There was lots of screaming in the car.   :hihi:  I've got just enough of a headache that the fight is drained out of me.  I'll be a terror at pinball tonight if this keeps up.  Just put that ball where it needs to go and take care of business. 

I've got the garden in the morning and then I'm hiding from the world until Saturday.  Susan wants to go to the church garage sale.  Really, after all this stuff traumatizing, I'm going to a garage sale of junk other people don't want?  I may have a meltdown right then and there.   :hihi:

Oh damn it, the coolant reservoir in the car was almost dry.  I just had that worked on.  Almost pulled the same shit as I did with the lawn mower, knew I needed to look at it but kept putting it off.  Not rebuilding a car engine.  It looks like fun but not in this lifetime.

She's coming to get Marsha's sewing machine today.  Had no idea I'd be the middleman in so many sewing machines.  Or that there was such a need.

Susan just looked at her new HOA rules, only one pet.  She was all set to get another cat.  Thought about cancelling the contract.  My solution, just ignore that.  DJ insists you have to follow the rules, ignore her too.  :hihi:  HOA's should be banned.

Oh cool, the parks department also wants those books from 1940.  Didn't realize there was also a 1920's girl scout book.  I'm throwing in a couple of depression glass juicers too.  Hate to give up that dictionary, it's pretty cool.

Car goes into the shop on Monday.  Had to add more coolant, not sure if that was a leak or because the car was turned off the first time.  I just made a trip so I'll check it in a bit.  Forgot I have a small oil leak too.  Went out to get oil.  I got the big jug.  :hihi:  It's just a little bit low but the jug will remind me to check it.

I did not leave the store without ice cream and cheesecake.   ;D  And a big can of coffee because, you know, a girl's gotta eat.  Sandy's coming over later.  I do share.  :D

My SIL calls and asks if I'm busy this afternoon.  I can tell by his voice he's scare and something is going on.  He's so dizzy he can't stand up, he's on the floor.  "I'm getting in the car now."  We almost lost him two years ago due to a heart condition.  He's feeling better now but the doctor is checking his pacemaker read out.  They think it sounds like a blood pressure issue.  My daughter, the nurse, is with him.

I cancelled on the church garage sale.  Too far for me to drive with the car leaking coolant.  I told her to look for an oompa loompa for me.   :hihi: Susan is going to pick me up afterwards for lunch.  I have to ride in the backseat because her driver's side seatbelt won't snap in and she has to use the passenger one.   :hihi:

I have one of those smart thermostats and have given over control to the electric company so they can adjust it for peak times.  Last night they had the house up to 78.  Excuse me, that can not be a peak time!  It should be reading 74 so I call them this morning.  They can't determine if that was right or if something is wrong.  No offer to check with somebody but suggest I reset it.  When I signed up for this they could only adjust it 3 times.  They now tell me 20.  And they were only suppose to adjust it by 2 or 3 degrees.  They don't comment on that.  I get a $25/year rebate for participating in the program.  Worth it  ???

Commercial comes on for a men's razor.  Electric shaver with 3 heads.  Looks pretty nice.  The guy picks it up to show you how to use it and starts shaving his head.   :hihi:  I was not expecting him to go there.

August 3rd, the date I made the worst decision of my life.  Still I wouldn't go back and undo it.  It put a lot of things in motion that eventually are some of the best things in my life.  Still feel bad about it, apologies never seemed like enough.  I've been forgiven but can't seem to let myself off the hook.  I take ownership for what I did and address it when it comes up.  Don't know what else I can do.  Yeah that happen.

Lunch with Susan, she's all stressed out.  Remind her she can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's getting brighter everyday.  Her brain is loaded with everything that still needs to be done.  Settle down woman, you've got this.

Talked with Mike next door.  He's trying to decide if he's going back to work on Monday or retiring.  Hold on, you haven't even got the paperwork yet on what your pension and medical insurance would be.  He can't move without hurting himself.  The solution to that problem can't be I'm going to sit at home and smoke pot.  Really I mean shouldn't be.  The man can do what he wants.

The doctor thinks my SIL just had a case of vertigo.  That seems to come up more often among my friends.  Is it just something the doctors say when they don't know what happen or is it becoming a more popular problem?  The source of which nobody has figured out yet.

Aw, Aerosmith is calling it done.

Got it!  The SIL has a birthday coming up and he has no clue what he wants.  Even my daughter doesn't know what to get him.  But wait a minute, I do know this guy.  He's a family man and he takes pride in his appearance.  He liked the family outfits I got them for Father's day.  They like to swim and there are matching family swimsuits.  And I'm going to send him to the men's spa, including hot towel to the face and get those nails done, fingers and toes.  I do have this.

I'm kind of liking the symbolism of the train in my story.  I do feel like I climbed onto a fast moving train with all these people dying or trying to die around me.  It's been going on since May, also the last time I wrote anything that brought me joy on my joy list.  I'm out of breath, laying on the floor of the train.  There's a fire sizzle sound, I look up to the face of the god.  All I can do is groan, turn my head and wait to hear what he has to say.  Now that's interesting.  Back to where this whole story began.  I'm exhausted from helping people and the god has come to put me on break and answer my questions, renew my strength.

But you know, I never know where the story is going until it rolls off my finger tips.  And I'm still a little scared to see what comes next.  I shut it out but eventually it finds a way.

August 4th, my grandmother's birthday.

Geez, stop with the deaths.  You don't need to hear about it but Sandy is taking it hard.  Been a year of people dying all around me.

$560 later and I hope the coolant issue and the motor mount are fixed.  I can stand an end to car issues too.

Sandy had to get fighting drunk last night to deal with it.  Fortunately, I think it was all verbal.  Too close to what she experienced as a young mother and she is friends with the family.  Unfortunately, I had to be the one to tell her.  And my daughter told me which is too close for her too.  Her husband just had an episode.  Single parenthood sucks but you can do it girls.  You've got several good examples of how it was done plus you're the child in that scenario so you can address the needs of your children better having been there yourself.

Mike did go to work yesterday.   :hihi:  Says he hasn't gotten the paperwork yet.  I'm thinking, yeah do it but make some better plans before you do.  It took me a couple of months to let go of the fear of quitting work.  I kept looking over the financing.  The only thing keeping me there.  Never mind I was too young to quit working and leaving all that money on the table.  Lots of money was never my goal because you know, you only buy more shit.   :hihi:  Freedom was the goal.

So I expercised that freedom this morning.   :D  Didn't get out of bed until 10.  I'm putting off what I could do today  to tomorrow.  I'm screwing off all day.  I'm getting my ass kicked at pinball tonight.  I play Mark and Dean tonight.  They are both excellent players.  It's okay, I like hanging out in the pub and it's pinball, take all money. 

Sandy just finished her CT scan and texted me this
“Some days, I feel everything at once. Other days, I feel nothing at all. I don’t know what’s worse: Drowning beneath the waves Or dying from the thirst.”

I replied, giving into either.

Ponder that for a while.  I know she's scared but don't give in, get pissed off and fight.  She's just the woman to do it too.  Hope she likes that.  Hope it helped.

Update:  Good results on Sandy's CT scan.  Too bad I ate all the cheese cake.

Oh wait, the second report shows a cyst on her kidney.  Google says that's normal for her age but then again, she did have cancer.

Thank god the political ads/spam are over with for the moment.  The three people running who used guns or a flame thrower  :hihi: did not get elected and the reporters even commented on how inappropriate that was.  I don't vote on primary candidates and I had no opinion on the two measures so I didn't vote this time.

Susan is trying to move up her closing dates.  Said then I could help her move.  I would have been able to squeeze it in.  How long does it take to empty a storage locker?  I'm not unpacking that shit.  That's on her.   :hihi:

Terrorist attack thwarted at a Taylor Swift concert.  I shouldn't be surprised but that's scary.

Mike reports our siding is scheduled for the first two weeks in September.  You mean when Susan is moving, Marsha's life celebration and my mother are all booked into my schedule?   :hihi:  You watch, the garden is going to need me to schedule a garden leads meeting during that time.  It all happens at once.  I'm pretty sure pinball playoffs are in there too.  Positive spin, we'll just take care of everything.

Oh no, the Annotated Grateful Dead lyrics site is not responding.  Hope they didn't take that down.  That's some history.  Good thing I have the book.

Tomorrow Jerry Garcia dies, been 29 years.  That really hurt.

Still got Axl and Keith Richards.   :D  And Willie Nelson.  How can you not love that guy?  :D

So in the story the god drops down from the train car ceiling as a snake which has me on my feet real quick.  I'm waiting for him to speak.  He has this smirk on his face.  He's waiting for me to go off on him.  Learned my lesson the hard way.  The last time I did that he threw me into an ice cold lake to cool off.  I don't have the energy for it anyway.  He motions for me to sit and we just sit at the open door looking out at the world go by.  I quietly cry.

Susan!  She's been shopping for "small things".   :hihi:  DJ had a vision of the three of us living together someday like the Golden Girls.  Not happening girls.  :hihi:

I got Mike last night.  His famous last words, Miller High Life will fix anything.  Oh yeah, you've been throwing your back out for years and now want to retire because of body pains.  Doesn't look to me like that theory holds water, just beer.  :hihi:  And as it turns out, what his dad told me about the siding is not true.  Mike told him yesterday he hadn't heard from the siders.  He's convinced his dad is losing his mind.  I'm still thinking it will happen in September, everything happens at once and I'm clear after September.

I did get good news today.  The girl we had stay with us the last two years of high school got engaged today.  A little out of order, they brought the house and had two kids before this.  Covid kind of fucked up a lot of people's plans.  I'm happy for her.  She was the first to graduate high school in her family, did some college and got a good job.  They've been together for years, good guy and his family is great.  She wants a real wedding.  Lord knows I need a celebration.

My energy came back.  Maybe it's the drop in temperatures or the rise in my nicotine level.  Both of those I still want to address.  Or it could be my allergies have backed off, also on my list of I'm done putting up with this.  Yesterday I addressed the outside of my house including a clean up on the car.  Today is the inside.  Those windows are bugging me.  I've put them off waiting on the siding guys and now it's raining but I have tilt in windows so I can get most of them from the inside.

I was thinking about the story.  I'm going to leave that chapter unwritten maybe refer to it in flashbacks.  It was titled Go Your Own Way.  It did take on a life of its own, not the way I thought it would go but in the direction life went.  You know people die, you can't stay and take care of them.  Take comfort in your belief there is a god and go on with your life.  Follow the music, catch a fast moving train and live.

Shit!  I smell burning plastic and I'm running the dishwasher.  This is how I lost my favorite knief.  Open it up and one of my measuring cups has fallen down on the heating element.  It's not just melting, it has burned all the way through the handle and is black.  Febreze doesn't even get that smell out of the house.  Good excuse not to bake though, no measuring cup.  :D 

Does this happen to other people?  I've been running a dishwasher for over 50 years and it wasn't until recently I've been burning stuff on the heating element.  Common occurrence?  It's a google topic, must be.  I have yet to find a topic that google doesn't cover.   :hihi:  Google and spell check some of the best inventions of my lifetime.  Duct tape and WD40 can fix anything.

Yeah, the dishwasher still stinks.  :hihi:

Woohoo, Brandon wants my old 35mm, manual camera.  Apparently there's a group of people being snobby about going back to film.  Pictures are clearer.  Vinyl, film, they've seen their day but I do agree, they were better.  It's hard stuff to let go of but I know when I'm dead, it would have all gone to the dumpster.  There was a time when that camera was always around my neck.  It has been everywhere.  There's a 200mm lense I treated myself to when I broke up with Michael.  Okay, the guy was not that well endowed but you get the connection, right?   :hihi:  The lense last a lot longer than the guy.

I think it was overwhelming stuff that got me to stop taking pictures.  There was a time when you got your film developed that they gave you double prints.  I had mountains of photos.  But the real reason was, I couldn't look through the lense anymore.  I had started taking pictures for foster children.  We had their life books.  When you spend time in foster care, moving around, you have nothing from those days for memories so we tried to collect pictures for them and other stuff and put it in a book.  The expressions I caught, places they were taken and the meaning behind that or the reason I was taking the picture just killed my desire to take pictures.  I'm better now, I can look at pictures but please don't print them out or give me a disk.  It's a one time look.

I must have picked up another roofing nail.  That's two.  This time I'm going to do the plug instead of watch.  I have a feeling there are more roofing nails in my future.   :hihi:

People in the neighborhood are starting to get their siding from the hail storm.  I noticed one of them got a green color.  How cool.  The neighborhood, lacks color.  We're all beiges, greys and whites.  I really like the dark blue but Mike wants to stick with a color that won't fade in the sun overtime.  "Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose.  Won't you let me go down in my dreams."

Er, that reminds me of a cowboy I had for a minute but I didn't see him again.  There's a picture in my head of a beat up ranch just at the edge of the Big Horn mountains in Wyoming.  I thought this is where I belong someday.  I ended up staying here and never got back that way again.  But the picture is still in my head.

Pile on in September.  My son has decided to come visit for a week the first week.  Everything is not copasetic in Ohio.   I'm okay with that but I wish he would talk himself through it before he calls me.   :hihi:  Mike's all giddy, his insurance is going to pay to reside his whole house.  He thinks mine will follow suit.  He saw the green siding going up on the house down the street and wants to look at color options.  Cool, just shoot for September.  I'm trying to see just how much I can pack into one month.   :hihi:

It occurs to me I can not get out of my own world.  I wanted to step away from that this year.  Do some different shit, find a new interest, new experiences, change of pace.  Epic failure there.  :hihi:  Seems busier that ever.  Maybe I'm just laying the groundwork.

Well, who knew?  Went shopping with Susan for a couch and dining set.  She didn't think she was a mid-century modern girl but that's what she liked.  Not my style either but it looks nice and seems sort of like her.  Only the washer and dryer left to buy for her new place until she gets moved in.  I get home thinking about her style and think wait a minute, where have I seen this style before?  In the hoarder house!  OMG, the house is from the 60's and so is all that furniture.  The hoarder house got to her.   :hihi:

I can not get to the eye doctor fast enough.  Wake up and my eyes are all crusty, by the afternoon they are swollen and bloodshot.  Allergies or an infection.

And now my college roommate is coming to visit in September.   :hihi:

My SIL asked if I could take the grandbaby for 3 days while he puts in new flooring at their house.  Only if your wife comes with him.   :hihi:

Mike picked out a green color for our siding.  So excited, I need some color in my life.  We can only do it if my insurance agrees to reside my house.  The guy already told me he wasn't going to pay for it but now Mike's insurance is paying for his whole house.  We're staying with beige if they don't.

The eye doctor says inflammation and allergies.  I have to do 5 drops a day plus regular eye drops.  Good thing I don't wear mascara.  :hihi:  My eyes are getting better.  I did not have this problem before the cataract surgery but then again, mold has been really high around here.

Forget my college roommate.  Same shit she always pulls.  Makes plans with you only to keep you waiting and is likely to blow you off after you've already got to the meeting place.  I'm thinking my other college roommate who was in on it probably saw my email and thanked god because she saw the set up too.   :hihi:

Woke up this morning to no cat food and 4 hungry cats.  Thought for sure I had just brought a bag.  Looked for it everywhere and no luck.  Totally changed my plans for the day.   :hihi:  I keep telling people I am losing my mind and they keep telling me I'm just over loaded.  I think they are the ones in denial.   :hihi:  I mean you don't just wake up one morning to your mind gone.  There has to be some before indicators!

Today was the grandbaby's first haircut.  My daughter sends me pictures and says that was traumatic.  I'm thinking for who, you or the kid?   :hihi:  Poor kid, his hair was so long it was always in his eyes.  The SIL didn't want to cut it because one of his friends told him the hair would lose it's baby softnest.  Never heard of that but get it out of his eyes!  Even told them the trick to get him to sit still.  He loves his toddler music videos.  Totally tunes out the world and focuses in on those.  Yes, grandma lets him watch TV, educational and musical.

I crashed last night.  Got a full 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Not sure how that happen but I'll take it.  :D

Er, should mention toddler music videos and what it does to an adult.  You end up walking around with those songs stuck in your head.  And since this is my second round, I'm also having flashbacks to those Barney shows from the 90's.   :hihi:

Geez, the neighbor's mother died.  They were 9 hours away checking up on his father when she had to drive to Chicago with the key to her mother's house.  If the father doesn't go to a nursing home they are moving down there to take care of him.  So I go into the house to my stack of sympathy cards, one left.  I had a bunch of those not to long ago.

I'm going back to the hoarder house.  Susan moved a piece of furniture only to find an envelope taped to it loaded with collectable coins.  Where going to do one last search of the house.  What is with people who do this and don't tell anybody?  When my grandfather died they dug up $10,000 worth of silver coins.  He use to bury jars of change all over his property.  Who knows how many they didn't find.  These are now in a lock box at the bank.  Takes two people to lift that fucker but we all know where they are.  :hihi:

The neighbor wouldn't let the police kick the door down.  Good call, the mother had been dead two days but still who keeps the spare key to the house 5 hours away to begin with?  I have one of those code locks.  I think almost everybody has the code to my house.  I made them put it in their phone. 

Back to the hoarder house.  We cut up the couch looking for two rings she lost in it.  Never found those but I did find 2 antique rings in a little piano ring box.  The one coin she found was worth $800 and she found a sheet of uncut dollar bills.  Apparently you can buy those from the mint.  I thought maybe he was printing up money there for a minute.  :hihi:  And I left with a car load of shit for the gardens, more antique toys for the parks and a saint statue for the Salvation Army garden.  That little piano ring box too.

We stopped by and looked in the windows of the condo.  I think she'll be happy there.  It feels like home to her already.  Hopefully, we are moving her in next weekend.  :D

I don't know if I got the cold going on at my daughter's house or it was working in the hoarder house yesterday but my sinuses are fucked.  I don't know how Susan has lived there all this time.  I noticed the cat's coat is looking bad and he's a big fluffy cat.  Hope she closes Thursday.

Susan is locked in for Thursday!  Got all her connections and deliveries scheduled.  Went back and bought a few more pieces of furniture.  Looks like we're moving her this weekend.  Tomorrow she'll lock in the sale of the hoarder house.  We'll go back when they get it flipped.  The woman is amazing, excited, terrified and sad.  But first, we have to go to my old boss's retirement party.  September is starting early.

Daughter got sent home from work sick.  Sent her to bed.  Had the baby down for a nap and the house cleaned.  SIL called and needed me to hand a client some product.  Is that legal?   :hihi:  Plus he had chocolate chip cookies I couldn't touch!

Wait, wait, wait.  Susan texts me this morning and wants to know when I'm done mom sitting.  She wants to take some time off at the end of September or beginning of October and do fun stuff.  I'm jam packed in September and the overflow is being moved to October.  I do need a new best friend after losing Marsha.  Susan's a good candidate except she's adverse to anything outdoors.  And I did want to start doing more with my life than gardening.  But, geez this is a lot of incoming stuff to juggle and its not at all relaxing.   :hihi:

I was looking through some tubs at the hoarder house and at the bottom of one was a book about joy.  I've been looking for that.  I passed it by because who needs more shit.  Now I'm wondering if I should have taken it.  I'm toying with should I go back to the hoarder house to get it? 

Oh damn it.   :hihi:  When it's put in your path, pick it up.  I'm going back to the hoarder house.  This better be a good book.

Woohoo, Susan is on her way to pick up the keys.  She and Benny the cat will be sleeping in their new home tonight.  It will be on a blow up mattress.  :hihi:  She says all things considered, it wasn't that bad.  Sign off on the hoarder house next week and it's all over.

Sandy and I are working on our Golden Girls gather around the kitchen table and talk it out.  We like the coffee and cheesecake but last night was, hey coffee is on and she just made brownies.  We had the suicided of a neighbor kid to remember and Sandy's brush with death.  And that Star Buck's mild, breakfast blend of coffee sucks.  She made a poor on sale decision and was really in need of a good cup at my place.  My coffee is nothing special.  Probably more of an indicator we have been doing this a lot lately.   :)

Wow, somebody on the block over got the dark blue siding.  Looks really good.  Makes me smile that we have color in the neighborhood.

Yeah, I don't know what's going on.  My foster son is coming in tonight for a week and we're moving Susan.  Nobody seems to have any concrete plans so I'm just going with the flow.   :hihi:

Did attend the retirement party for my old boss.  DJ was kind of freaking.  It's the first time she's been back since she retired.  Pulling into the lot she's saying this is activating my PTSD.  Look we're just going in, visiting, having something to eat and leaving.  We're not going back into the working area.  I get it, my first time back was a little freaky and I haven't been in the building.  We walk into the party and get a warm reception.  I can see the young faces I don't know going who are these people?  The faces I do know, it takes me a minute, they've aged.  I had a nice time.  This was home for many years for me and these people were family.  The building looks much the same just more worn out.  Nobody is talking work.  We did have a pretty lively discussion on how well you get treated when working in the private sector compared to working there.   :hihi:  We left, didn't really talk about it, go back to the lives we have now.  DJ did ask when she was going to see me again.  You know, someday soon, we have stuff coming up.  We're okay and you're not alone in this.

Kind of a freaky day.

I was at the garden waiting on my crew, only one other person there.  A Marsha look alike car pulls in.  For a flash I'm thinking why is Marsha parking there.  Catherine even mentioned it gave her a chill when she pulled in.

Susan's doctor wants to see her as soon as possible.  Her test results haven't posted to her online chart.  She's been feeling very tired lately and a shaky incident.  Today she was really tired and sweating.  We didn't really do that much.  She thinks it's the false indicator of blood cancer she tests positive for.  She put off the doctor until next week.

I did pick up the joy book.  We got most of what Susan wants out of the hoarder house.  I go back Monday to pick up a couple of things I'm taking.  Hopefully Susan feels up to cleaning out the storage locker tomorrow.  She didn't feel like it today.  She was going back to grab the cat and spend the first night in her new condo on the bed she had delivered today.

Wait, the title of the joy book is Creating Moments of Joy:  Along the Alzheimer's Journey.  Can I take that back to the hoarder house?   :hihi:

Susan cancelled cleaning out the storage locker today.  It's coming crashing down on her.  I call it the hoarder house but it's her family home.  She grew up there and spent the last 4 years there watching her parents die.  The only physical things she has left that are familiar to her are the cat, her car and the office.  Did I mention they are remodeling the office here soon?  We've been through that mess before.   :hihi:  Says she is having some physical and mental health issues today.  Thinking I need to hang close for a while.  There isn't even furniture in the new place yet.

You know I would have had that storage locker cleaned out yesterday and the kitchen setup.  My motto, keep going because your exercise yesterday is going to catch up to you today.   :hihi:  My back will recover.  My right knee is telling me to knock it off, you know I don't have much time left.

Haven't heard from my son.  He's in town and hanging with the kids.  He'll come around at some point.

Oh good, Susan accepted my invite to do dinner later.  It's September, jam packed September.  I've got this, walk in the park.  Starting it off with a Dead concert, some coffee and a hot shower.

I hit treasure at the hoarder house.  Grabbed a bag of jewelry that was headed for Good Will.  Rings, pins from the Navy and fraternal organizations.  Real metals like gold and silver.  Couple of pieces of ivory.  The parks is going to shit when I hand them this bag.  I picked up cement Jesus for the nuns.  Got to weigh 50 pounds!  And he kept falling over in the car so I had to have my hand on his head.   :hihi:  That may be my last trip to the hoarder house.  There's a WWII Navy uniform the parks may want.  It's going to stink!

I ask my son if the woman at lunch was totally using the grandbaby to hit on my SIL.  Oh yeah and the SIL had no clue.  She cut out real quick when the baby puked up his entire lunch.   :hihi:  Good job baby chase that woman off.

I'm the cool grandma.  Got my 14 year old granddaughter a mini fridge for her room and some cool cash for her birthday.

Susan got the furniture yesterday, the washer and dryer today plus the stove.  HVac serviced today.  I'd like to say she is all in but we still have the storage locker to go and she's getting new windows.  Benny was sent to the cat spa to get the smell of the hoarder house out of his fur.  The parks doesn't want the Navy uniform so I may not have to go there again!

My son is leaving tonight.  The visit was good.  I'm ready for him to come home but he's still working out things in Ohio.

Another school shooting, damn.

Decided the treasure wasn't really what the parks collects and cashed it in.  $439.10.  Susan freaked, I freaked.  Told her I was keeping the dime.   :hihi:  Had no idea it was worth that much but I am good at spotting real jewelry.

The goal today is to clean out Susan's storage locker and then she will be all in that condo.  She skipped church this morning, says she's real tired.  Yeah, when is that doctor appointment?  How it all started with Marsha too, really tired.  Or, maybe it's just me, I work harder than most people.  I'm use to it but Susan is freaking me out a little bit.  If anybody deserves cancer, it's me.  There use to be a time when I deserved one of those sex diseases but you have fun getting that.   :hihi:  Shhh, don't repeat that.  I still maintain I'm a virgin or close enough.  Never want to tell a guy anything more than that.  Yeah, time to lie your ass off.

Update:  We had to stop by and check the hoarder house.  Was that the last time for me?  The buyer is delaying closing as his title person has been sick so some where towards the end of September.  Decided our new favorite restaurant, Billy G's, we've probably hit up too much and it's time to check out the other places.  Susan sees the doctor tomorrow.  1:00, she promised to text me.

Susan's okay, they just wanted to change her Rx.  Could have did that over the phone, right?  You let your friends tell you what they want to tell you.

David Grohl made a statement about having a baby with a woman not his wife.  Wonder what prompted that?  Something for people to talk about I guess but did anybody congratulate him?  So many deaths, I'm not going to put down a birth.  What's her name?

I'm on mom sitting.  My sister left last night.  Mom's looking forward to coming up.  We'll go between the two houses.  We have a few things planned but she doesn't last long.  She wants me to do some yard work for her when I'm there but wants a few days on her own.  My sister is okay with that, we'll see how it goes.  My biggest worry is we have to use mom's car to transport her so my car will be at her house.  My car is my purse.   :hihi:  I have everything in there.  I have a feeling I'm going to turn into a bag lady transferring everything between cars.

I guess my house is staying beige or yellow depending on where you look at it from.  My insurance won't pay to reside the whole thing only the damaged sections even though there isn't a match for my siding.  I asked the sider to give me a bid on the whole thing but I think I will just use pieces from the neighbor's to fix mine.  I was liking changing our color to green.

Look mom, no acting out because my sister's out of town.  First she wants to spend some days on her own and now she wants to drive herself to therapy.  She hasn't driven in 6 months.  Does this sound like teenage behavior when the folks go out of town?  Stay home alone, drive the family car?  If she comes up here and asks my SIL if she can try some of his medical marijuana I'm going to call my sister and tell her she has to come home, now!   :hihi:

I knocked one of my bottles full of burning oil off the mantel.  I caught it before it hit the ground but it poured out and splashed everywhere.  No idea how you even clean that up.  I grabbed the bottle of Dawn with the little duck they cleaned up from the oil spill and used that.  I'm not sure if I got it cleaned up.  I guess whatever is left will collect dust and that will soak it up.  It may take years to clean that up.   :hihi:  Good catch though.  It was heading for my brick hearth.

Mom said she had a good time.  She can't deal with a change in her routine.  Being at my place was very unsettling for her.  She's going to stay home next week and I'm going to go down and check on her.  My sister is going to be really pissed when she gets back.  My niece is selling her home and moving her family in with my brother and can't do Thanksgiving and she's pregnant.  My mother immediately offers to do Thanksgiving at her house.   :hihi:  My sister hates hosting the family functions.  Caleb offered to do it but it's too far for everybody to drive according to mom.  And she wanted me to break the news to my sister.  Hell no old woman, you made that mess.  Family, what can you say besides I'm glad I live a good distance away from them.   :hihi:

I got an offer to leave town for a day.  Oh god yes!  I don't think I've left the area in 5 or 6 years.  Not even a run to Columbia for a hoagie. 

Kohl's has shopping carts that lock up if you try to take them outside.  It's so people can't load them up and run out the door with freebies.  Susan tells me they are in other stores too.  News to me.  Apparently I haven't been shopping in a while either.   :hihi:  Kohl's might be going out of business.  They set up self check out and have very few employees running around.  Not many customers in the store either.  Looked like a store in decline.

I'm getting new siding for the house.  The insurance refused to pay for it so it's on me.  I feel like I'm making a mistake, my siding guy assures me I'm not, you know the guy who's making a profit off of me.  I probably wouldn't feel this way if it wasn't going to take out my bank account right before Christmas and taxes being due.  But it's going to be Catus color, green/grey, with white trim.  There's a lot that went into this decision but the guy attached to me got his insurance to pay for his so I'm kind of stuck if we want the whole unit to match.  It will be nice having a color on the house.  I was tried of living in a colorless world.  Now if we can just get it scheduled and done.

It was supposed to be a teaching moment, open the door and let the grandbaby feel the rain.  He loves the outside and the water.  Gentle rain, no lightening, I just let him have at it.  Totally soaked and the biggest smile on his face.   :D

The pot plantation is moving forward.  Seems like everybody with money to invest wants in on this.  My SIL is pretty stoked.  He's estimating to be operational within a year.

The bathtub spout wasn't working because of all the hard water deposits.  I soaked it in CLR, supposed to be the best stuff for that.  Didn't do shit.  Soaked it in vinegar and water, works just fine.  Smells like vinegar though.  :hihi:

Think I finally hit rock bottom over the death of my friend and am on my way back up.  Something happen with my mother unrelated on Friday.  I ended up leaving her house in tears over something I normally just blow off.  This other lady started giving me shit on Sunday.  Oh lady, I told my friend I didn't want her and it would be up to my friend to manage her but now it's on me.  Oh yeah, I can deal with a bitch like her!  I am not taking her shit.  :hihi:

So the chapter I was writing ended with me on a train and I haven't moved on.  I did see what might be a side character.  I don't like him.  He passed me in a truck and was looking directly at me in his side view.  Didn't have a happy look on his face either.  He might be one of the cooks but I have no idea why he's give me a look like that.  I remind myself I can write him out of the story.   :hihi:  But there seems to be a Black-Throated Wind theme going on and the Dead channel has been playing it a lot.  Black-throated wind simply means people talking shit about you, at least to me.  The song sings "I left St Louis, city of the blues, in the midst of a storm I'd rather forget".  I always relate to that.  I may work with that theme for a bit.  Not really the happy place I was wanting to head for.  Might be the chapter title.

Imagine my surprise when the black shoes I got in the store, the material turned a royal blue purple.  I had to have somebody at pinball come out and look at them to be sure I wasn't seeing things.    :hihi:   I placed 3rd last night in the playoffs, no trophy to dust for me.

Susan says I have functional freeze.  Beka says I have long term covid.  My sister says I'm just overloaded.  You can't accuse me of not reaching out.   :hihi:  I guess it's not that bad, nobody has referred me to a pro.  Or expects any less from me.  :hihi:  I guess it doesn't show.  :-\

The guy is coming tomorrow to have us pick out the color choice for the siding.  He didn't say to have a check ready.  I'm just hoping he gives and ETA on getting it done.

My last day on mom watch.  She has a tooth that hurts her when she eats but didn't want to call the dentist.  She has an upcoming appointment.  Other than that I returned her no worse than when I got her.  She said she had a good time.

Cluster fuck with the siding but we took a little step foreword.  It's going to come down to if I can afford it and we can't get the color the neighbor wanted.  The strangest thing is this morning a corner piece of siding was leaning up against my trellis.  Matches my stuff perfectly yet neight the siding guy or I can see where it came off my house.  I thought it might have been some drunken adventure from the neighbor but he claims to not know anything about it.  We've had winds but there is no other house with that color siding by us. 

 :hihi:  Sandy called this morning laughing her ass off.  She tried using and oral thermometer to take her temperature.  Her mouth is all fucked up from the cancer so she couldn't get the thermometer to stay in her mouth.  Normally that's not funny considering the circumstances but there's just a point where you either hysterically laugh or let it crush you.  It was good to hear her laughing again.

I'm cool with my sister.  Apparently a two week vacation was enough for her not to come home and be pissed about having the family Thanksgiving dinner.   :hihi:  The place they stayed out for the motorcycle rally in Texas was a dump.  One of those resorts that is barely hanging on since all the water dried up.  And it was hot!  She did go to Waco to see all the stuff from the TV show with Magnolia Farms.  Learned Chip and Joanna put their hand prints in the stuff they built so they had a good time finding those.  She had the best time when they finally got back to the 5 star casino places the Indians run.  Can home a little bit up on the gambling.  Hadn't heard from mom since she came back.  :hihi:  I am not the favorite child.

Today is National Coffee Day and International on Tuesday.  I'm in!  Maggie gave me some Crio Bru--Brewed Cacao to go along with our chocolate garden theme.  Going to give that a try.  Don't think I'm going to like it.  I'm prepared, I made a pot of regular I'm going to set to the side.  Wouldn't want to ruin the celebration.  I may take some over to Sandy.  It's football night.  She's not leaving the TV.   :hihi:

Another long text from Susan on all the things going wrong and what she's doing today.  I comment, add stop by the church and exorcise whatever demon is fucking with you.   :hihi:  That flipped condo she got was lipstick on a pig.  And her car is long overdue to be replaced.  We're checking out Friday and leaving.  The car is at the shop and if we get back in time to get it, fine but otherwise it can stay there till Saturday.

I have so much shit going on I can only focus on today and tomorrow.  Not really think about what day it is or the date.  I get in the car, yeah there's an electrical problem going on but I'm ignoring it, and remind myself there is Grateful Dead music in the world and I can make all that go away.   :D  I'm staying up all night because I enjoy the peace and quiet!   :hihi:  I have hoped onto a fast moving train with a black throat wind when you open the door.

The coffee was good for the first cup while it was hot.  Something between a tea and coffee.  Second cup was, I've had enough of this flavor.

The story is moving. 

I'm awake in the boxcar now.  I can hear the voices from a few cars up.  The wind is blowing in with it's words of a life where nothing is new. I shut the door, strike a match and light the lantern.  It's night now.  Eldron shows up with some food for me and the guys.  They are grabbing crates and setting up for a card game.  I sit down in the back of the car with my back against the wall.  Penny a point ain't no one keeping score.  The only narrative is when the bag that holds the bottle is passed to me, I say, sure, why not?  I'm not really thinking anything about the easy banter of the guys, just enjoying what I'm seeing before me.  We're riding on the City of New Orleans.

Little shell shocked.   :hihi:  Coming back from our road trip and I get a flat.  Turns out I need two new tires.  Was by mom's house when it happen so I borrowed her car for the night.  Sounds easy but it took 3 hours and I have to go back to get my car out of the shop.  Came home to deal with food poisoning.  Long story short, I have to clean the carpet from the couch to the sink.

Two people screaming at me this week, car problems and sick. I'm grounding myself to tomorrow.  Nope, can't talk to my friends or leave the house, I'm grounded.

Good thing I left my phone on.  My friend's mother died this morning.  She said there was something special about seeing her take her last breath.  I always thought it would be better if my daughter didn't see that but now that she said that, I think she's right.  I need to hang on until my daughter gets to be there.

It's been a sucky year in my corner of the world.  Heat is accumulative, I can tell you sucky is too.  Big dark cloud has come down on me.  I keep waiting for it to pass but it keeps coming.  If 2015 was my most recent best year, 2024 is going down as the most recent sucky.  The thing about sucky, it's like childbirth, you forget after a while when you see what came after it.

Cleaning your car or maybe having a clean car is supposed to give you an instant happy.  Kind of does because who doesn't like a clean car and all that shiney glass.  I put that last on my list today but while I was doing it, I noticed I was still in my nightshirt.   :hihi:  I got side tracked in the middle of getting dressed this morning.

I feel better.  The house, the car and the yard are in order.  Got my paperwork and appointments all scheduled.  I have my shit together.   :hihi:

My brother did finally break the news to my mother of all the trouble his son is in.  Didn't come completely clean but that would have given mom more to stew over.  Blamed a 52 year old man for getting him into this and is sending him $100 a week to spend in jail.   ::)  Mom took that rather well.  You know it was something every 6 months with that kid for years.  That's over.  Kind of a relief.

Next year is looking up.  My niece is having a baby boy.  And if you haven't heard from my mother, my daughter is having unprotected sex.   :hihi:  When she tells everybody that she at least adds it's with her husband.  Can't just say my daughter and her husband are trying again too.  Heads up, you ever meet my mother expect an inquiry into your sex practices.  Doesn't care about STD's, it's the getting pregnant part and expect a lecture even if you practice birth control.

Amazon prime day!  I think I just clicked off over half my Christmas list.   :hihi:  That was easy.
The baby gave me his cold.  What can you do when he's sick and crying but pick him up and get it yourself.

Yeah no, I'm going with having my siding repaired on the house and changing out the trim color.  Way out of my price range to do the whole house.

Susan is buying new flooring for her house.  Wants to know if I will come over and help her move stuff to get ready for it.  Didn't I just move all that stuff in?  :hihi:

Day two of cold.  I don't think I've had one of these since I left work.  The kids can stay home with their own sick baby from now on.  They gave me covid for Mother's Day watching the sick baby.  Of course they were too sick to care for him so that was a have too.  And whenever he's sick I do wish I could be there for him so I guess that watch your own kid isn't going to work out.   :hihi:

Day three of cold and I think Zicam really helps.  Feeling much better than yesterday.

Medicare capped out of pocket cost for Rx's at $2,000 so my advantage plan cut the over the counter benifit in half,  no more $200 a quarter towards extra doctor visits and no free rides to the doctor.  None of the changes really affect me.  I'm sure the cap on medication costs help out some folks.  Little changes all the time but all in all I'm happy with the medicare program.

The guy forgot the gutters in his quote, just made the price go up on the siding.  Really not doing that, give me the price on plan B.  The neighbor has decided to go with grey.  Not going to match my beige side and that's still no color.  If it looks funky, park in the garage and close the door.  :hihi:  I'm a backyard person most the time anyway. 

3 days without me and I think my world survived.  They all forgot I was going to be busy.  The texts and phone calls were pretty heavy the first day.  I responded late to all of it but a picture of a mountain size pile of rock slowed them down on day two.   :hihi:  Day three and I have half of them getting the message.  Shhh, I finished up early and am screwing off.   :D

Eldron, the man cracks me up.  He can't ride a motorcycle worth a shit.  He was turning into my subdivision.  I saw his foot go down and he was rocking the handlebars after making the turn.   :hihi:  He has no confidence when he rides but jumps on one when he needs to.  Made me smile.  Love when the characters just show up when I'm not thinking about the story.

Susan gave me an air fryer, no manual with it.  Have never used one but I'm going to give it a try.  Chicken breasts with a buffalo chicken rub.  I'll see how this comes out

The air fryer was not what I expected.  I don't make fried foods so I was surprised when my chicken came out crispy.  Slightly over cooked too.  Don't think this is the machine for me.

George Foreman Grill   :D

I just realized these guys keep dicking around with the siding I may not get Christmas lights up this year.  As it is I went all summer without the patio lights.

Amazon is running ahead of schedule.  Then again I did order within the first 10 hours of prime day.  I need to open up all these boxes, sort and see where I'm at.

Susan closes on the hoarder house tomorrow.   :D  Little bit sad too.  It was here family home for over 45 years.  I have to say I thought it was interesting.  Still traumatised.   :hihi:

Ouch, ouch, ouch, Jesus!  Went for my annual skin cancer screening.  The woman just started freezing spots on my nose.  Then she moved to my hands and did some more.  Decided she wanted to biopsy a spot on each hand so 3 shots a piece.  Then told the assistant she would need the name of the surgeon in my town.   :o  Not worried about those.  They were puncture wounds from earlier this spring.  The left one probably could have used a stitch or two. And I can't get my hands wet for 24 hours.  Pretty much rules out everything I had planned for the day, including peeing?   :hihi:  She moved me up to checks every 6 months.  Guess I should slip over to Amazon and order next year's calendar.

I deserve skin cancer.  I've had fun in the sun my whole life.  Can't tell Sandy about this.  She'll worry for me and she has that PTSD going on.

Hoarder house is gone!  :D  Was there anything I left behind I could have used?  No, don't think I wanted any of that and if I did, I can buy it.   :hihi:  Easy to let that go.

9th shot this week!  I still have the dentist next week.   :hihi:

Got my estimate from the siding guy.  When it's all said and done barring anything else, I'm going to make $500.  That's if they give me all the money they are holding on what I didn't repair like the screens.  Now the delay is Mike's insurance didn't pay to redo the underlayment on his siding.  Hope that's settled pretty quick.  It takes them two weeks to order the siding and two weeks to work it into their workload.  I'm ready to wrap this up.  Christmas lights up by Thanksgiving is my goal.

Mom fell, her worst fear come true.  Nothing broken but she got a big open sore where when you're younger would have been a bruise.  She's saying my sister now has to do more because she can't.  Wait a minute, you could do that shit with me, don't use my sister as your personal servant because you're scared something might happen.  You have to be brave when you're in your nineties and go slow.

So the conversation with my disabled brother went like this.  I call his wife up to see if they are using the benefits that come with his medical insurance and the coming changes.  The next thing I know my brother is on the phone.  He doesn't know what I'm talking about and doesn't want to understand.  I offer to come over and help.  We get disconnected.  I wait a minute and call him back.  Start to talk to him and he goes, I don't want to talk about this now and hangs up.

So I discuss the call with my sister.  My other brother is upset because he's the only one going over once per week and taking care of their business.  He's a great enabler.  Remember my nephew?  Hurricane interrupted his sentencing date.  Anyway, my disabled brother and his wife are up to their old lifestyle.  Not my choice, not my problem.  I'll deal with it if and when I have to.  Love that saying.  :D

Susan and I just wanted to go out for a quiet dinner.  I get there and there are several pickup trucks with Trump flags flying.  Big group partying on the patio.   :hihi:  Fortunately they were wrapping it up.  So the only thing the guy found of real value in the hoarder house garage was the old steam engine toys I was after.  He found a collector, sold them and everybody is happy.  He does plan to rip out some walls during the remodel.  He'll let her know when it hits the market.  We can just look at the pictures online.  She's still got problems creeping in.  This time her internet connection.  Turns out that hurricane screwed with everybodies internet connection all over the country.  But they had also given her a modem that didn't work well with VPN's.  They upgraded her and it's all fine now.  We're both looking for a little bit of fun but too tired to do it.   :hihi:

The neighbor put up his haunted house.  It's like a room addition.  Still haven't put up my decorations.  Might just pass this year.  Not really feeling it.  My grandson isn't liking the blow up decorations at my daughter's house either.

Shit, the neighbor was asking when I'm putting up my Halloween decorations.

Aw, Grace the pig miscarried but Sally had 9 piglets.  Show I'm watching on farm life at an English farm.  The way they separate mates and babies from mothers reminds me of slavery.  I know, human emotions attached to animals, well then, don't tell me research shows they do have feelings and go through separation depression.  I tell my daughter her son and I are watching Cow TV.  There's a lot of cows at this farm.  She was sad for Grace too.  I have to say, that is the cleanest, well kept farm I have ever seen.  Of course the smell doesn't come across on your TV screen.

I bought the grandbaby too much shit.   :hihi:  His birthday and Christmas are pretty close together so easy to do.  The little shoes are so cute.  I think I'm going to hold some of this for holidays at the first of the year and a few for not any reason but grandma's here with a new toy.  :D

Maybe I should be worried.  The dermatologist left a message to call about my skin biopsies.  The report isn't in my chart either.

Non cancerous, just have to go in and have the spots frozen.

I tried to go by and do early voting.  The car lines just to get into the place were out onto the highway and backed up on the two service roads.  Our ballot this year is packed with shit and long amendments to read through.  I noticed the only people listed to run for state house of representative spots are Republican's.  Not one democratic running for that or judges.  I'll try again tomorrow or next week.

They're out of here!  Comes a time when you just have to throw out all those old bras.   :hihi:  I've had new bras on list for two years, maybe longer. Have 4 news ones, the boring colors black and beige.  My daughter panicked, "did you buy new onews?"  She has a bra fetish, all the colors and various designs.  
I think the funniest card I ever saw was this:

(https://www.hallmark.com/dw/image/v2/AALB_PRD/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-hallmark-master/default/dw7137df7b/images/finished-goods/products/299YYB2015/Cat-Photo-and-Dirty-Bra-Funny-Birthday-Card-for-Her_299YYB2015_01.jpg?sw=758&sh=758&sm=fit&q=80)

So true.  :hihi:

I did give Sandy the air frier.  She was thrilled.  Left here at midnight and went home and made french fries.  She was out shopping first thing this morning.   :hihi:

Phil Leah from the Dead died.   :'(

They call him the O'Fallon bum.  Homeless guy who lives in the woods around town.  Caught up with him today.  His name is Ray.  Gave him my old tent.  I haven't used it in years.  He wanted it.  He says there are three more of them staying down by the tracks.  One a pregnant lady.  Ray's been around for years.  Seemed like a normal guy.  Didn't have the chance to sit and chat.

The line to get into early voting is still extremely long.

What the living Dead guys said about Phil:

Today we lost a brother. Our hearts and love go out to Jill Lesh, Brian and Grahame. Phil Lesh was irreplaceable. In one note from the Phil Zone, you could hear and feel the world being born. His bass flowed like a river would flow. It went where the muse took it. He was an explorer of inner and outer space who just happened to play bass. He was a circumnavigator of formerly unknown musical worlds. And more.

We can count on the fingers of one hand the people we can say had as profound an influence on our development - in every sense. And there have been even less people who did so continuously over the decades and will continue to for as long as we live. What a gift he was for us. We won’t say he will be missed, as in any given moment, nothing we do will be without the lessons he taught us - and the lessons that are yet to come, as the conversations will go on.

Phil loved the Dead Heads and always kept them in his heart and mind. The thing is… Phil was so much more than a virtuoso bass player, a composer, a family man, a cultural icon...

There will be a lot of tributes, and they will all say important things. But for us, we’ve spent a lifetime making music with Phil Lesh and the music has a way of saying it all. So listen to the Grateful Dead and, in that way, we’ll all take a little bit of Phil with us, forever.

For this is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago…

- Mickey, Billy and Bobby

There's no continuous keyboard player for the Dead.  They lost several of the early keyboard players to death.  Called the curse of the keyboard player.

They can be a little cosmic, Charlie.   :hihi:  I like how they describe creation as following the muse.  Two drummers and a lead guitarist left of the original band.  I don't think the music will ever tour again under the name Grateful Dead.   :'(

The early voting was open on Saturday.  Again the lines were out on the highway.  Looking like it might be easier to go to my polling place on election day.

My son called.  He's moving back on Nov. 2nd.  He got a car, his license back and is renting a friend's basement.  Sounds like he's got his head on straight.  It's hard to step out and let somebody dive for the bottom.  Believe me they will take you down with them if you don't.  And it's important you let them fight their way back on their own.  There's lots to learn on the way back.  You win those battles with yourself, by yourself and you'll win the war.  Hope that was his last battle.

Going gambling with my sister today.  I didn't get out of bed until 10:30.   :D  Doing remarkably well for kicking my own sore ass yesterday.  Decided to skip that this morning.   :hihi:  That truck is still in Mike's driveway.  We've been through this, he doesn't need a truck.  Yeah, I could use one but not him.  It's a loaner while his dad's car is in the shopping.  His dad says the bed is too short.  Guess he's thinking new truck too.  Boys, it's going to be close if you get out of this without that truck.   :hihi:

Came home up $19 and with a piece of carrot cake, not great but way better than my usual played it all.   :hihi:  And some nice stuff from my sister's gambling booty.

Cimarron noticed when she took the bag with the bottle, all eyes were on her.  The men and their painted ladies.  Eldron stared a hole in his cards.  She took a slow, long swig and let the liquid burn it's way down her throat to her belly.  She got up, placed the bottle on the table, looking several of the men in the eye.  "Still no fun."  A couple of the men muttered shit.  Eldron chuckled.  She went for the ladder on the wall, climbed up and opened the hatch.

Eldron had turned to watch her.  "Where you going?"

"To drive the train", in a matter-of-fact tone.  She heard Eldron say, "last hand boys", before she climbed through and closed the hatch behind her.

On top of the train the wind was cool.  Cimarron unclipped her hair and let it blow back, spread her arms to stretch her wings.  Out ahead she could see the engine turning into the bend.  The horn blew a low mournful cry, like the coyote makes when calling for his lost clan.  She couldn't help but make quiet chirping sounds in response that rose to a loud screeching sound.  The reply from the train was a howl rising and falling in pitch followed by staccato yips and yaps.  No train whistle, the sounds from the conductor as he leaned out the window, looking at her sitting on top of the train in the moonlight.

Enough of my characters coming to find me.   :D  I'm going to follow them around a little while.  Writing is fun when it comes.  Wonder what they are up to?

Ah hell, someone is trying to get the court to stop early voting because there aren't poll watchers and objectors.  I'm still waiting for the lines to go down.  Think I'll just go on the regular day.

So I cheated.  I parked at the gun range and cut through the field to the voting place.  Still the line was two and a half sides around the building to get in.  Only took 45 minutes and we had a fun time chatting in line.  Kind of like going to a concert.  I don't vote on things I don't know about such as retaining judges.  And only republicans, nobody else was running for house seats.  That position was decided in the primaries.  I also don't take an I voted sticker.  I'm an adult, I don't need a sticker for doing what I'm supposed to.  I will also forget and run my shirt through the laundry with the sticker still on.   :hihi:

I did take the older grandkids to the arcade museum for lunch.  All games were on free play and they had a great time.  I'm still a cool grandma.  They were fully engaged when I pulled out a sheet of paper and started writing down their Christmas list.   :hihi:  They promised to go home and do their Amazon lists.

My daughter caught the baby's cold.  And he was miserable on Friday.  We cuddled on the couch and watched his music videos.  No way I'm not getting that cold.  I just got over the last one he gave me.  Not sure if Zicam works but I'm eating it like Halloween candy.  I gave the neighbor all my leftover Almond Joy bars.  Who likes those?  Never buy a mixed bag of chocolate bars.

First bowl of chili for the season.  I'm usually tired of chili by the end of November.   :hihi: 

First tornado warning was barely active five minutes before one was on the ground.  We're expecting another one in a half hour.  I'm right in the middle.  Unusual for this time of year but not unheard of.  Getting a nice light show out there.  Amazing how many people hit the ring app to ask if that's the tornado sirens going off.  My weather radio and phone go off before the sirens.   :hihi:  Why wouldn't you turn on the TV if you think you hear the sirens?  One person thought the sirens might be a helicopter.   ???

That was fun.  Hit the 75% off sale at Walmart on Halloween stuff.  Met the trash guy when I came home and handed him a bunch of candy and left the Amazon drive a container of candy to take back to the break area.  I'm going to be mostly done with Amazon before the Christmas holidays.  I always put out candy for the delivery people then.  Makes people's day when you give them candy.  Got my daughter a few decorations too.  I'm always buying the baby stuff which is what happen to me when I had a kid.  No more little gifts from mom.

Susan's windows are done early.  At the rate she is going, she will have the new place done before Christmas.  Hopefully my stuff will be done too.  I'm ready to start the new year on a fresh foot.

The TV pretty much has called it a Trump win.  That little weasel Josh Hawley got back in.  Abortion rights passed but only by 52 percent.  I was hoping for a lot more.

My son has moved back.  He's living in a dump and broke.  He lied about having a job interview set up or it fell through.  He's spent the last two days cleaning where he's at and unpacking.  His head is back in Ohio and all the drama he left behind.  I got a friend to sign him up for Grubhub delivery until he finds a job.  I haven't offered any money.  Had him and the kids over for dinner tonight.  He looks pretty tired and probably high.  He needs to get his head in this fight.

I lost $40 gambling, got to see a Beatles cover band and came home with a bottle of wine, a fifth of vodka and a fifth of Wild Turkey.  How was everybody else's day?

There's a commercial advertising generic viagra for a cheap price.  They want you to text CLAP to take advantage of the offer.   :hihi:  The Clap is slang for gonorrhea.

I don't drink and I don't give liquor as a gift but I will auction that shit off for charity.

The Beatles show was showing some old footage from the 60's of the crowd.  All the girls were pretty much in homemade dresses.  I had forgotten that mothers made girl's clothes pretty much up to the 70's.  You don't even have to hem clothes any more they come in so many sizes.

Engine light popped on.  Geez don't fuck me.  I'm dragging from this cold and lots to do.  The code says a small emissions leak.  Guy says it could be something simple like the gas cap not being on tight enough, human error.  I'm prone to those.   :hihi:  In any case he doesn't want to hunt for it and I don't want to pay for it.  Reset the coder, tighten the gas cap and let it go.

Not much going on on my calendar so I'm free to do my shit.  I have to redo the garage again.  Made lots of room in there and filled it up again.  Everybody pretty much has the message I have a cold, leave me alone. 

My cold broke last night and gave me a burst of energy, yay!  Got over to my daughter's to watch the baby and ended up cleaning her house.  The baby likes to play in the shower while I do the bathrooms, likes to run from the vacuum and drive the laundry basket.  My daughter wonders how I clean house and watch the kid.   :hihi:  And I gave the baby a bath.  He'll be the big two on Friday.

Wonder if my daughter and SIL noticed I organized their shoes.   :hihi:  I'm sure they are happy the house work is done but they have to cuss me everytime.  I'm stuck there for 9 hours.  I can't play with the baby for that long and I don't sit on my ass so it's nothing to me to clean.  I keep dropping hints about that garage.  I go out there to smoke.  Do a few things they probably don't notice but not much longer and it's going down!   :hihi:

It's cold and wet out.  I'm pretty well prepped for all things to come in the next two months.  It's hard not to hit the go button and work on finishing it off.  Do a little bit here and there and I'm way ahead of the game.  Resisting the urge to run up to the garden and collect my pots.  Only thing left to do while I wait for the killing frost.  I could start wrapping Christmas presents but the cats tear them up and I forget what I bought.  Too early to decorate for Christmas.

The neighbor I look at across from me is getting new siding.  She's putting on black trim.  Looks pretty cool with the gray roof.   In the gray vs grey world, both are right.  Gray is the preferred US spelling but the rest of the world uses grey.  Nice to have options.  Not sure what the siding color is going to be.  She has her father and uncle doing it.  No word on my siding yet.

Susan wanted to do something this weekend.  Nope, busy.  How about dinner Friday night.  Nope, got enough money left for grocery shopping, a carton of smokes and pinball until payday.   :hihi:

So, I'm driving the train, shoveling the coal and taking in the scenery.  Riding the breaks a little bit.

Once in awhile, I'll get triggered and I remember.  It was late in the day.  They're assigning me a new case because they think I might know it even though I'm leaving there in a month.  Sort of, it's from the county I last worked in but it wasn't my case.  Mom was picked up driving drunk, late at night with the 5 year old in the car, a county away from us.  If she's drinking again, that's not good, I'm agreeable to the decision we're keeping him.  I call my old county, the foster family who had raised him since he was two has quit fostering but their license is still active.  He's only been back with his mom for a couple of months.  I call the foster mom.  She immediately goes into why they aren't fostering.  I interrupt her and say, it's Michael.  She stops and says they'll take him tonight.  I'm to meet her at her church. 

I drive an hour to get him.  Another hour to the church.  The kid said nothing the whole time.  He's traumatised, probably over how he's been living with that strange woman we call his mom.  Did not realize church was in session.  I'm standing at the back trying to find her.  She sees us and stands up.  The kid lets go of my hand and goes running down the center aisle into her arms.  So much for confidentiality.  The whole church saw that and knows what it means.  I'm tried but it warms my heart, still have an hour to get home.  Hand her the paperwork and cut out so the kid knows he's going home with her.

Don't know what happen in that case.  I took the mother out to visit once.  She kept sipping on her soda like it had booze in it.  She was well acquainted with the foster family, liked them.  Michael was happy to be back and she could see that.  She didn't fight the protective custody order.  She was agreeable to everything she had to do but wasn't doing it.

Those memories come unbidden.  Normally and for long periods, I don't get them.  That one goes way back, 89.  But they are as clear as if they happened recently.

My daughter must have known what I was thinking.  She asked if I could come over Sunday and watch the kid while they clean the garage.   :hihi:  My son got a job offer.  He's hinting around at borrowing money.  Probably shouldn't have told me he wanted the manager job at the dispensary so he could get a discount on his pot.   :hihi:  Or that it cost him a hundred to take his kids out to dinner.  A ticket for driving without a license kept him from getting the Grubhub job. I'll give him some groceries and fill up his tank but he still owes me money from the time I bailed him out of jail for not paying a ticket.  He didn't learn from that experience but I did.   :hihi:

Geez, one mistake after another.  They seem to come in waves, don't ya think?  :hihi:

I am rather proud of myself.  My computer was saying no internet available, ethernet cable not connected.  Important to point out I did not lose my shit over computer problems.  So, not the cable and restart didn't help.  Noticed my wifi adapter, little stick thing that goes into my computer so I can be wireless, was bent.  Don't know how that happen but replaced it with no problems and I'm back online.  :D

Don't know about the rest of you but I'm tired of Christmas movies already.  They started the day after Halloween.  Polar Express is on the same channel every weekend. How many times are they going to show that movie?  Elf too.

The kids had almost finished the garage when I left.  They were surprised I got the baby to go down for his nap.  He hasn't napped the last two days.  It's his birthday weekend, little party animal.  He went down without a fuss.  They want a date day tomorrow, grandma duty.

Okay, I'll admit to one.   :hihi:

My daughter had taken the plastic bags to recycling.  I was getting ready to pick up the dog poop so the baby wouldn't when he was playing in the yard.  The only plastic bag was a blue one, so I took the box of food out of it and used it.  Later my daughter sees the food box and asks where the Boy Scout food donation bag went.  Ooops.  Later the baby and I are walking and I see the blue bag on the neighbor's door next door.  The house where they moved the old folks to the nursing home.  Thinking the bag shouldn't be left on the door because people might know the house is vacant, I took it.  My daughter informed me later, the people didn't move to the nursing home.  The kids were just over there filling up the dumpster so the mom could get around better in her wheelchair.  They still live there!   :o  Careful, I'll take your Boy Scout food donation bag.   :hihi:

I think I'm to the point of using Amazon gift wrapping.   :hihi:  I'm running out of room for all the Amazon packages.  I still have two people to go that I buy multiple gifts for plus all those one gifters.

Susan got diagnosed with diabetes and DJ had back surgery yesterday.  My niece landed in the hospital yesterday.  The child she is carrying may have a congenital heart issue.  When did so many medical issues with my friends become a thing?

Pinball night.  I've been playing better but I'm up against better players and getting beat.  Godzilla, I'm finally getting good scores.  Foo Fighters, the shot I could always make I suddenly can't hit!  Venom and that Viking one, fuck you!  Mars Attacks, replay almost every time.  I'm having fun but I need to play pissed off pinball a little more often.

First two games I had the lead and got beat on the third ball!  Took first on the third and fourth games.  Legitimately pissed off by the third game.  :hihi:

I had a moment of joy.  It was like something lifted.  So weird.  I've only had one moment since March.  Not even anything on my joy list since then.  Can't say why joy disappeared from my life, no real reason.  Don't know why I had that moment.  I was driving on a dark, isolated road.  It was there and gone just that fast.  It has a lasting effect but I couldn't get it back.  Hopefully, it comes back on it's own and soon.  I miss it.

Baby!  Twice he got to the dog poop before I did!  In the process it got on our shoes, on the sliding glass door and his clothes.  Had to wash him and his clothes before the folks got home.  Needless to say he had a wonderful time.  My daughter asked if it was his own or the dogs.  I'm quitting as the babysitter if he starts playing in his own poop.   :hihi:  We did have a pretty good time with the leaf blower.  I'd send the pile of leaves up into the air and he thought that was so cool.

My mother got him 10 Christmas presents.  Wait, I'm the grandmother here.  I get to buy too many gifts.  It gets to a point as a parent you don't even feel you can buy your kid a gift because they get way too many from other people.   :hihi:

I over bought on the food for the Boy Scouts.  I feel bad about that bag.   :hihi:  I got mostly canned beef type soup with the pull top lids.  I'm thinking homeless but in reality it's your poor folks who's money is going to pay for housing, daycare and transportation.  I got them stuff the kids can fix on their own.  Poor little Boy Scout who has to lift that box.

As weird as some of Trump's picks are, I'm kind of interested in Dr. Oz.  I'm not a fan of his but he is an advocate for mental health services.  Insurance is not that great where mental health is concerned.  Services are limited because the funding isn't there.  The best programs are Title IV- E funded but you have to be eligible for welfare, really poor, to get those programs and the number of slots the government funds every year are limited.  I'm interested to see if he can get mental health services more main streamed.

I can tell you he has a mess on his hands where medicaid is concerned.  Do more with less is bullshit.  They were already operating with not enough staff and those computer programs aren't working right.  Processing applications is way over the deadlines by months not just days.  I'm betting none of the states are hitting any of the bench marks and they are off by big numbers, not just a little.  The feds can't pull funding because that would make even a bigger mess and there's probably not enough federal staff left to monitor the states and put them on corrective action plans.  Just what I've seen and heard about Missouri and we were one of the states that had better compliance rates.  It all came crashing down during covid.  Dr. Oz is probably going to throw up his hands and walk away from this job.  Trump is not going to be willing to fund all of the programs.

What the hell mom?!   :hihi:  I swear the woman lies awake at night thinking of things for me to do at her house.  And then bitches at me that I'm doing too much in other places in my life or the "you need to come down and visit".  I'd sit down and visit with you if you didn't have a list of shit for me to do and we had to have Hallmark movies on.   :hihi:  What I'd like to do is come down and give that house a good spring clean.  There's only so much the cleaning people do.  But she would be right there in my way or go make me some coffee.  The woman thinks making a half a pot of coffee is right.  Seriously what can you accomplish on a half a pot of coffee?  It's the cocaine of the working class.  :D

At 91 I realize we don't have much time left.  I do need to make some more time for her.  I'm not that good at sitting still so may be she does know me a little better than I know myself.  Probably thinks keeping me busy is what I like and she's right there.  If we can just get on the same coffee page.   :hihi:

The problem with shopping on Amazon is once you click something off of someone's list, you don't know who that gift belongs to if you're buying for multiple people and you forget.  I'm trying to order one person's stuff all at the same time.  Black Friday sales have started.  I'm down to one person, my son, to buy for when it comes to multiple gifts.  Still a few single gifts to go.  I should be done shopping by the end of next week.

Might put up my tree tomorrow.  Either it's the weather or I twisted my left knee.  Will hobble through this.  :D  I'm already claustropic with the house plants back in the house.  Not to mention 3 cats underfoot.  You know, with my son home I could abandon ship for a while.  He hates where he's staying.  He's a slob, along with his kids but how much can they damage I can't clean up?  Oh yeah, that kind of talked me out of that idea.   :hihi:

Mom gave me three bags of books.  So far nothing very interesting.  I'm hoping somebody gets the Cher book for Christmas.  She has to have had an interesting life.  I'm slipping into my winter routine, stay up late and sleep late.  I wouldn't mind if it started snowing.