Here Today... Gone To Hell!

Ah another year goes by before my eyes and still I just didn't get the feeling like I did anything meaningfull.
Just about a month before I am 18 and shit hasn't gone my way huh next year I get to deal with taxes firsthand and the other shit. I guess the worst part is I have zero idea what to expect after I graduate high school. That just makes me fear like I am just going to go through life doing the same things and never finding quite what it is I want. Hell I get the shivers thinking about it.

All this time I spent just feels waisted at least I still got a bottle of vodka and 2 bags of weed.




Joe


Joe

Well that's your problem right there, the booze and the weed, no wonder!!!  And don't give any lame as excuses as to why you need it to cope, that is just an excuse to enable yourself.  Maybe you spend your time more efficiently and you might learn to be the young man that 18 represents jdog.  It is possible maybe then you might find your way.  If you don't listen to your heart telling you to do whats right, your road is going to be severely bumpy, and your heart left forever unfulfilled.

Lol it's not like I do it all the time shit I honestly party like that once or twice a year. In all honesty that has nothing to do with why I feel like shit actually I can't even risk moving the stuff unless both my parents are gone and that's a rare event.






Joe

None the less I aprecate your concern msaxl your a good person.
Just no matter which path I pick it feels like there is always some huge event or something that would prevent good progress like for example if I became a soldger I would worry because my mom in particular would worry like hell.
Or if I became a teacher the student loans would burry me before I would even realize it.

It simply feels like I am stuck in an elaberate trap. Hell but that's life for ya.






Joe

I am stuck doing this from my I touch and editing is like hell to do that's why I am posting so much.
The situation just is basicly the exact raw emotion that I was letting out when I was writing Caged Bird.

Perhaps if they were the exact emotions it would sound vary heavy.





Joe

well you are just 18, its to early to come to a conclution that you havent done anything meaningfull. am 27 and sometimes i feel the same  :hihi:

the other day i was watching the movie Milk and the main character was having the same problem, he was turning 40 and he felt that he hadnt done anything meaningfull, so he tried to do something, and he changed his life from age 40 to 48. 

so you really have no expiration date to do something great with your life, and by great i dont mean that you have to change the world, maybe just to realize what makes you happy and then go for it.

yeah dude u are 18! trust me, if u didn't feel that way something would be wrong with u. Trust me, life has an interesting way of unfolding itself and placing u where u are suppose to be.

u will have many ups and downs and will go through the ringer and feel like u are near death etc but shit happens and u get through it.

life is a constant test and struggle. Go to college, study, find something u love to do and pursue it to the fullest.

Sit down, think about what you really like and try and make a career out of it. College is next, obviously. Lay off the booze and weed, it's not going to do you any good. Ever.
At 18, don't bother too much with the mysteries of life. ;)

Dude, you are 18, and believe me, the stuff that is worrying you now is so unimportant in the big grand scheme of things.
Go out and have fun before you commit to things like a full time job, mortgage debt, marriage and kids.

Trust me, you are in the prime years of your life, and they should not be spent worrying like you are.

Yep, go with the flow bro

waiting for Sin Cut

that man will tell u how to do it son and listen and pay attention!

I already know what he'll say: Get laid and then beat up some guys. :hihi:

Meh, I don't think any of us have done much of note by that age, unless you're like, Miley Cyrus or something.

Give it time yo.

Sorry if I misunderstood you jdog, but can you blame me.  I am a mother times 2, not what I would want for my kids, it is just instinct when you here booze and weed.  I only lectured you because I felt concerned those two downers can't be good for positive thoughts.

Everyone is right!!  Don't be so hard on yourself, you are going to find your way one step at a time, we all do, and it is said, it can never be to late at any age to make change.
 
As far as worring your mom, well she is going to worry every breathing second and probably has since she's been a mom.  She will be ok and will adjust.  Just because you are 18 doesn't mean parents are finished doing there job jdog, I am sure they are always going to be there to guide you.

My girls are around your age, or close anyway.  My oldest girl, she has many dreams and sometimes she is just not sure.  She wanted to go to medical school.  We spent thousands sending her to Berkley and other places on internships while still in high school, then she decided she might like to practice law, but thought that would take longer than she wanted, then maybe she would take business at the community college and go from there.  Having a business degree  is what she is doing as we speak and working a full time job.  She also wanted to live away from home with here boyfriend of 4 years, and so those are her choices.  She is still hear daily, because she still depends on good ol mom and dad for all the love and support she still needs and lets not forget the home cooked meals she gets from that good ol place called home.  Get what I'm saying jgog?  It will happen, just relax and enjoy all your about to experience, your gonna make it, and it will all work out ;).

i feel like shit as well, i'm having sinusitis and it's the worst heatwave in sweden since 1994.



the mention of bag of weed and vodka has nothing to do with him feeling like shit, he just mentions it so we'll think that he really is rock n roll joe and not emo joe

Sorry for your sinus issues, I understand that can be pretty uncomfortable, and I am sure the heat doesn't make things any easier.  I hope you are able to cool down somehow, no one likes to be to hot and especially with another ailment to go with it, that just sucks!!

Rock n Roll Joe/Emo Joe, he will figure it out, right jdog?

Graduating high school is meaningful.  Being able to drink a bottle of vodka and smoke a bag of weed is a great achievement at your age.  :hihi:
Your music is meaningful.  (to you).

Give yourself a break.  its tough making the transition from boy to man.

Just steer clear of the heavier drugs.  They can lead to bad things  :hihi:

18 life to go! :hihi:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
That's what I thought to!!!


Joe

Ha not much of a emo even I got better things to do then cut myself!  :)

I kinda know what your going through with the heat CheapJon living in the mid west is fucked up!!!
Dam global warming if you ask me who knew one degree could cause so much shit :(

Hum I only mentioned the vodca and weed because well I don't even know why I mentioned it?
Please no cops here!!!
 :hihi:




Joe

Yep just a part of life it makes me wish I had just a few more years to get it all in order.
But that's long gone and concidering how much it pisses my parents off if I am not prepared I better be ready or I would be kicked out...

At least when my older bro was kicked out he could just sleep in his car no such luck for me :(

It really does come all to quick jdog.  One day you are a kid and then the next day your working for a living and then you get married and start a family, raise kids, become Aunts, Uncles and grandparents.  Lifes process at its best :beer:.  You will be fine though no matter what you end up doing, I am sure it is something you will enjoy doing and your  parents will be proud of you.  Your a good kid, I can tell, just leave the stupid maryjane in its baggie and the booze in the bottle.  When you get it all in order, I give you approval to have a drink once in a while ;).

If it makes you feel any better Jdog , you aint the only 18 year old on here whos worried about the futurei dont want to get right fuckin deep in to debt either .. the way the worlds goin now man .. we got another thing comin lol thank god for Guns N' Roses and Mary Jane :hihi:

I know it wasn't meant to help me , but thanks to all you fellow GN'R lovers who posted advice for our amigo jdog , cuz it's helped me as well  :)

^Your welcome amigo zihuatenajo ;)

dude i wasted my teens and up to my mid 20's worried about shit.

my advice if i were 18 again, I'd play my music loud and fuck who didn't like it, I'd party and sleep with as many chicks as possible.. i'd make some amazing memories so when i got older I"d have fond shit to look back on and no regrets.


Trust me i am 31 now, and i missed out on so much shit cause i worried about everything.




u are 18 son,enjoy that shit.

Never more wise words have been spoken. : ok:

I think it would be good for you to find someone to love you know. Fall in love with a little woman. Life is project. Or so they say... (I Dont really know who "they" are actually but its a good advice imo)  :hihi:

Take care.

You mean like, a midget? I'm about 6'3", I'm not sure that'll work for me....

Also, I don't like hearing the words 'emo Joe'. It doesn't feel right....

So did you get laid yet?

I got three dates this week for me, trust me I ain't feeling like shit :D

take my advice and score son.

But you're out there stealing all the women. Leave some for the rest of us. >:( :P

falling in love is a great thing don't get me wrong... but don't fall in love with the first woman that plays with ur dick.That is a horrible, worst thing u can do cause u are young, and naive and dont know any better, so u just end up in a bad situation, pussy whipped with ur girl making demands on u and controlling u.


I use to always tell my main man Sin Cut on MSN........ dude u getting a different girl everynight.. why the fuck would u want to have a girlfriend?

Girlfriends are awesome, don't get me wrong and i highly recommend it later on.. but while u are capable, experience all the shit u can before u get responsibilities etc that no longer allow u to do these things.

thank you all for the advice! I saw iron maiden last night was a great show but I still feel like shit.
Haha I am sure you guys that have been here longer than me are getting fed up with me talking about my problems and shit.

I simply feel like basicly all I have been doing is waiting for something to happen. I feel like most of the time now like I am living but not truly alive like I am just going through the motions of living like I am stuck in a empty shell of a person that honestly I don't completely know.

I wish I could figure it all out I always figure things out that people usualy think I have no chance at doing but I simply have no idea about anything right now.




Joe

Go volunteer at a Nursing Home or maybe a Veterans Hospital or maybe a Homeless Shelter or Soup Kitchen!!!

AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!!!

Go get checked for depression or bipolar disorder


u sound like me at that age and i never seeked help  and have been fighting the same fight for the past decade and a half. so u may want to think about it.

You can't wait for it to fall in your lap though jdog, you have to go find it :yes:.

I think it would be depresion more than bipolar. But hell I don't know much about bipolar syndrome.
It's always a thought but like many other people I think my pride would get in the way from getting help.





Joe

Don't get me wrong I am fortunate for what I have in this world but I am guessing you simply didn't have a similar problem as me so it would be hard to explain.



Joe

True progress can't be made with only the wanting to do something there needs to be action.
Problem always seems to be which path would I take and if the result would matter.
Fighting for something that matters fuck my mom has been through hell these last few years and I worry for her every day with all her injurys like her spine problems and some problems with her hands that apparently required some radiation shot of some kind that she got yesterday morning if I made my way down a path where she would worry at all I would feel  even worse.

That's a key reason why I haven't made progress with much trying to be there for her in the end I feel responsable for how she ended up the way she is now.

Back 4 years ago when we were on our way to a band camp thing for me we were running late because of also me that bastard ramed our car going about 60mph I was sitting behind her my little brother right next to me. Both me and my brother were fine but my mom ended up with problems she has to face till the end of her life.

I haven't told anyone that I feel guilty about it till now I don't even think my mom remembers how I am to blame. It was bothering me for years. If I ended up making a decision where it would worry her at all I couldn't take it.





Joe

Your pride? If nothing I've been starting to count on seeing another about you and depression (have anyone counted how many of these threads we've had?).

I don't know if therapy helps, but hell, it's worth a shot and forsure it's better than not doing nothing but complaining about it. Also, it would help to talk to a professional about how you feel about the accident, since as far as the car accidents go, accidents happen and there's no point on blaming yourself (unless you were drunk-driving, which I doubt.)

First, i hate when people say cheer up, it could be worse, u could have cancer or muscular dystrophy or whatever.

everyone has their own crosses to bare and i think its ridiculous saying someone should cheer up just cause others are less fortunate. pain is pain.. maybe there are different varying degrees of pain but i think its fucked up to find comfort in others' misery.


"My best friend died" oh go visit a burn unit, then u will be thankful...

maybe it isn't meant that way but its like using someone's even worse situation to feel better about ur own.. i don't like that.

I had a nervous breakdown and was an alcoholic by age 14 so maybe if you use small words you'll be able to explain it to me.  ::)

This from the guy who blames his shortcomings on not being diagnosed with depression or bi-polar disorder.  :hihi:


Here's a clue for the two of you
(http://gypsysoul.lunarpages.com/bluelogo.jpg)

Volunteering is NOT about making yourself feel better by seeing other people who you think are worse off than you!!!  IMO, 90% of people who find themselves in "those circumstances" have a better appreciation of what life is truly about.

VOLUNTEERING IS ALL ABOUT MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE BY SHARING OUR GIFTS WITH ONE ANOTHER WITH NO OTHER MOTIVE THAN SHARING!!!


And as far as that whole 'psychological disorder' thing goes, Dr. Leary and I have a special message for the two of you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAVoQfoU0dQ

^
While seeing other people with greater suffering certainly makes one empathise with them.

Self loathing never goes away.

That's exactly the point I was trying to make with GypsySoul although it does seem she posts a lot in these threads to simply bust my balls  :hihi:

Just joking GypsySoul I greatly respect volentering and helping our fellow man.
I guess I am being selfish even by saying it but I am trying to figure out more about myself and my nature.
I never had any intention to make it sound like you never knew pain it's that it's hard for even myself to explain these things.





Joe

Short comings? I am a college graduate and i work in Nursing Homes helping people everyday... if someone in my family dies or i have a shitty day, trust me, that doesn't cheer u up.

just sayin u sound ridiculous, bipolar, manic depression, ADHD are REAL medical problems. U can't just say cheer up to someone with BiPolar. Or hey u, concentrate harder.. if u have a chemical deficiency in the brain, that can't be overcome by thinking of someone worse off than u. u have a shitty way of oversimplifying people's problems.

Now D I can relate when your talking about stuff like ADHD because I have that shit and missed out on a lot because of it but also learned a lot because of it.

Just another fight we have to go through throughout our lives. And where I learned to control it mostly on my own through a lot of sheer will power I don't really concider it much of a problem for me anymore thanks to everything my parents did to help me. That's also why I don't want to dissipoint them much like it is with many parent child relationships.





Joe

What's up with you and how everyone is busting your balls?  :hihi:


I agree with D, but I do find it strange how common these are. My opinnion is that things go wrong when I medicate the problem and not the cause.

I've gone through depression myself and looking back to the time I think all the meds just made me worse and the real problem was work and social life related, my boss really drained me with work, I just needed some time and what really was the start for me getting better was when I realized the meds ain't going to make me better if nothing they made me worse, I was in apathy and didn't want to do shit and the circle was ready.

Feeling bad for not getting things done, I remember being too depressed to pay my bills or to see my friends. I even disabled by doorbell and didn't answer the phone.

On my summer vacation at the time I realized that the medication is making things worse and I quit, then I made a list of what I don't like about my life and started to correct it.

Somewhere along the way I got back the old me and frankly without the summer vacation and sick leave I wouldn't have the energy to do this.

And the changes were big, for an example I quit my job which I hated.

There is a difference though Sin Cut.

like for instance, if a family member dies, that is normal depression, no one should run out and get on Paxil or Zoloft or what  have you..

Serotonin deficiency,however, is real and needs treatment. I've always found proper diet and exercise controls this problem well, but not everyone chooses that route.

If u are just stressed at work,broken hearted, mourning etc. it isn't a hormone deficiency therefore meds wouldn't help and would probably screw u up cause u would have an abundance of the hormone.

Ah I am fucking stupid even when I ask a girl out that I know is single, hot, and even does some of the same things as me  I manage to fuck it up!!!

Ah I got them summer time blues.



Joe

Did you just straight up go up and say lets go out?

Gotta have better game than that.

Ask (insert random name)TONY how he gets all the men in his life...

I tryed to break the ice with a like 2 jokes and it seemed like she was playing along when she told one (saying she hated everyone in our school) so then I asked her "Well if you don't hate this stupid stoner maybe we can hangout sometime?" she said maybe but she said it in the way that said not gonna happen.

And the bitch wonders why she is single??? Ah women are crazy.



Joe

Ok but if you say whip out her penis I dint think that will work.
 :hihi:

Dam now I laughed.


Joe

If she has a penis, you are barking up the wrong tree my friend.

hahahahahha

Haha your telling me!!! No but she does seem to get pissed off alot!!!

And basic that was the joke because she doesn't have a dick!!!
:rofl:  If I fall for a dick girl I hit rock bottom hard!!!
Joe

What should I do though I really like her and I don't want her to think I am a freak or a stalker!!!
Women sure can be crazy!!!



Joe

keep talking with her and try to hang out, but dont invite her to go out. wait for the proper time, like if she says something about a party or that she wants to see a movie or whatever, then you take the chance .

That sounds like a good plan but I tried that before and the chick thought I was stalking her and I wasn't.

And this girl lives real close by me which is one of the reasons I know her. Last thing I would want is her saying I am a freak and like my little brother hearing that.

Maybe I should wait till collage to even bother trying to get a girl friend.

Joe

I manage to fuck them.

Well that's nice for you not all of us get laid like you apparently do.



Joe

Really, it ain't hard.

Here's how it usually goes, I go with friends to a club or a pub, wait for a woman to check me out and go to talk (if she isn't fat or plain ugly). We have a few drinks, have a good time and the next morning I wake at her place or she wakes up at mine. I don't remember when was the last time I had to leave empty handed.

We usually first hit some pub and then some nightclub. After I've been on stage (karaoke) there's always girls coming to talk.

I am glad it goes so easy for you unfortunatly being under drinking age it does make it a bit harder when women are sober it's tough to catch them checking you out (unless if they are fat they always just seem to stare like it's there next meal). I might always be going after the bitches out of the bunch sometimes but who knows. They might just smell fear and I am guessing the fear turns the fat ugly ones on. :hihi:




Joe

well i just can advice you to practice, keep talking with girls and with time you will succed.
i know its difficult, but like they said in Mexico "el no ya lo tienes " (you already have the "no") which means that you dont have the girl now, so if you go and get rejected you end up in the same place, but if you try it maybe you end up going out with her.

^Good point. Or one of them will trick me into going out with there fat friend  :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
(just joking everyone)



Joe

sorry but the thing about fat chicks mian did i laugh.cause fat girls get horny too lol.

now the ugly ones just forgeeettaa bout it lol.

True just keeping my options open looking for a good catch to real in.
Doesn't stop them from stoping though (concidering the ugly chicks)!!!

 :hihi:

Joe