Here Today... Gone To Hell!

how life goes by an you don't realize how you are killing yourself to live.
i spent the day at a meeting and am on my way to another tonight.
im really more serious then ever about saven my life.
any thoughts ?

Good luck! is my only thought.

Good for you, horsey!!!  : ok:

Going with the right attitude of wanting to do it for yourself is the best way to go.

I know it's not easy but know that there's a lot of us pulling for you!!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!! :headbanger:
 

   

You can do it horsey, I know we have all the faith in you here! : ok:

thank you very much for the support.the guy with the sobrioty i was fooling with,he was there tonight too.
i felt more comfortable knowing that.it's a start and i hope to keep it up.no not him lol yeah him too in such a way lol.
but really i feel great right now.

The alcohol isn't worth it.  Let the special someone inside of you emerge.  Life is too short to fuck it up!  It's never too late to get it right.  Good luck Horsey.   :peace:

I'm going for a beer myself. I've just finished making a song with a bandmate  : ok:

As of Sunday, I will have been clean and sober for 18 years.  If I can do it, so can you!! I'm stubborn.  People told me "you won't be able to do it" or that I'd end up going back to it.  My reaction to that has always been "Fuck you, watch me" I won't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me fail ;)

So yeah, go to meetings, share your story and keep your mind open ;D

kool thanks i will.

well it' it ' ah shit i got drunk all weekend oopppzz '
now that's gonna hurt lol.
hey man i gave my time well but it's just a friggin soap opera in AA anyhow.
so i gave them some shit to stir anyway.....

What about this?

This quote will look great on your tombstone!!!  : ok:

I had a few durnig the weekend, too.

No biggie, had a good time.

Horsey, you've got a wicked demon, it's hunger never fades, you need to pull the triggar and blow those beers away FOREVER!!!!

On a more serious note, read this: http://health.yahoo.com/news/ap/us_med_bad_habits_survival.html ;)

Go u!!!! U can do it!  : ok:

my therapist from rehap is calling me and i have to return her call in a few mins.
she the best i ever had too right to the point.
\knows me real well too.

Horsey I really respect what your doing. That stuff is hell when your addicted like about anything else.
I hope you beat the fuck out of your problem!!!!!

After therapy though is the hell of it.




Joe

yes my deamons never go away.
though i talked with my AA dude and let him know,that im ok.
after this weekend im doing more thinking then ever about life an death '

Thats great Horsey but dont think about it to much you got to look at it that you just keep on living dont let that or any fucking problem get in your way.
At least thats what I think about it.


Joe

you know i haven't drank but not really cause i don't wanna.
really it's antibiotics keeping me from it.
so i feel kinna good right now.

 :nervous:


but ......

things are subject ta change if a mood swing occurs lol.

Oh please don't go mixing those antibiotics with any alcohol! :confused:

You can do it girl, don't forget you have all our support in here! ;) ;) ;)

ggeegg i hate when alcohol mixx's with pills lol.

yeah it seems as though in rehab i learned a bit.
that the physical part is the hard part,it's the mental part that's easy.
if you don't crave something it seems easier to deal with.
so i did learn that i can get past the craveings now somemore.
it will be a bit better in time an realize that it takes less now to catch a buzz so not as quick to drink now.
i feel like a lightwieght lol.

I am so drunk right now! wine ain't so bad after all

a friend told me that strawberries are good in wine.

you know what goes great together, cheap wine, and cheap women, add a little cheap jon and it's the best night you've ever had

Makes me think of the movie "Pretty Women".  Richard Gere had stawberries and wine sent to his room the night he propositioned her to stay with him for a week.  Remember that anyone?

Maybe you had to much Night Train, topped with a little sprinkle of Rocket Queen tonight, and  the best is yet to come, tomorrow mornings big fat hangover topped with a headache and a why did I drink that shitty wine lol... 

not even close, not even the slightest headache ;D can't wait to go to germany next week and buy a summer supply of that cheap wine!

Well I must say you are lucky, one drink of wine for me spells instant headache :P. 

I hate it when every addiction is about fighting demons and how everyone is the victim of his own luggage.

Here's a thought, maybe you're addicted to something just 'cause you like it. And shitty childhood is just scapegoat?

I like shopping! :hihi:
Some people say alcoholism is related to a hidden hypoglycemia.

my saying is...
you are the landlord of your own dimise '

there 4 do as you please ,you are only hurting yourself.

So Horsey your philosophy states you are only a renter as long as the alcohol and it's demons controll you, clean and sober earns you the right to own, to be in controll of what is real, with no pain, your body is your temple, I myself do not appreciate pain in my life and or in my body, I don't really think anyone likes it.  Maybe if you were able to try to deal with the source of your pain, could it be possibe you would not use alcohol as an escape?

Msaxl is right I know that shit is hard hell I am trying to do the same kind of thing. You have to find a outlet and before you know it you will lose the need to drink.

I hope you make the right choice!!!


Joe

You are probably young and living some kind of mini rock dream, dress the dress, walk the walk, talk the talk etc..

However, there are people with serious health issues that need proper guidance, and comments like yours are not helpful.

Name an occasion when self-pity or victimising it helped?

For an example, some tragedy has happened to you which you use time after time as an excuse to give in for your addiction. This inner demon.
Way I see it, you need to stop with the excuses and realize that you got two separate problems and must deal with them as such.

Sure, it's harder to deal with these demons, when you've added bad habbits to cloud the problem but I've never heard that alcoholism is caused by traumatic events.


It's just ridiculous. Or how does it sound if I'd be defending my drug use with the "no love in childhood" and blaming all the foster homes and how I took anti-depressants and started smoking and drinking and finally started to take heroin to kick these habits. Yeah, the childhood is definetly to blame.  ::)

Seriously? Would victimising and self-pity help, or should I just get a grip and realize my addiction-problems as separate things and deal with them as such?
Is a drunk a victim when to him his wife leaving pushed him over the edge, even if the drinking was why she left the first place? He got inner demons now.

Who's to say that the inner demon isn't some made-up fantasy to justify the flaws and addictions?

People tend to have the need to blame someone or something else for their problems. There always a reason to be "found".
Do it long enough and what you've used as a reason turns to be truth for you.

There's no denying the harm of substance abuse, but there does seem to be a denial about how they help deal with psychological issues.

It's been shown that nicotine is effective as an anti-depressant and that alcohol can relieve stress and anxiety (imagine that), albeit only temporarily and with major long-term side effects.  How's that any different from prescription meds?  This is not to suggest that people don't address their issues in a healthy and productive way, but like Sin Cut said, these substance abuse addictions exist for a reason - because the relief they provide, however temporary, is very real. 

see ive been sick with ear infection's.not maken excuses or anything,was doing well.
as soon as i began to feel better after sleeping for three days.
i mean really knocked out n' shit.my family though gee how quiet it was lol.
but this morning at 5 in the morning i get the erge for a few beers.
so i get a bath and get dressed for the day lol.and proceed to drink my 12 pack of budwiesers.
only to  sleep all over again ,now it's night time.
an i''ll be dammed im not going back ta sleep lol.
so in the long run really im not sure but pain sometimes is the reason but mostly i just like to drink.not because of problems.
just to drink is that really all that wrong ?

Yes it really is all that wrong.

Here's why:  http://www.heretodaygonetohell.com/board/index.php?topic=59629.msg1249405#msg1249405

Someone defined addiction as to something you do even if it's hurting your life and the people close to you.

Atleast that's how I see it.

If you're drinking is giving you health issues, you drive drunk, fail to show to work, drink your rent money etc. I'd say you got a problem.

Its not wrong unless you do it TO MUCH if you can control yourself then there is no problem.
A glass of wine with your dinner can do wonders for your health but any more than that does not help.


Joe

A tough childhood isn't always the reason. Addiction is a symptom of what you called a separate problem. If someone is stressed, disappointed, sad, etc...then they'll want something to make them feel good. After awhile it becomes a habit. And most addictions alter serotonin levels, which is why it's hard to quit. But nothing's impossible. Everyone has the strength within to change. If it was easy it wouldn't be called a battle.

I didn't expect to see this in a thread "back in AA for me", maybe not appropriate, but it made me laugh. :hihi:

yeah well im an expensive women ,gots lots of demon's lol.

 :crying:
i would say at this point pain would be a real factor.
my arm-pit is so sore right now,im like assed up.
ive been trying to remain pretty calm though but it still more pain meds away from tonight's sleep.
please let me get some regular sleep,not drunk sleep.
im trying to not drink but it really makes me forget the pain.
muscle relaxers just make me rubbery lol.
last  night i was singing the rubber ducky song before i feel asleep.

That's what Cheapjon said...  :rofl:

yes i know,thank you.

 :nervous:

omg seemed to fallen off the friggin boat again,im drowning in my sorrows '

Is it helping any?

it's birthday week,mine is tommorow.
sorta celebraten.

So your saying your birthday is celebrated for the whole week, it is only one day you were born on Horsey, celebration starts tomorrow silly :hihi:.

me an some friends made up birthday week,coz a friends birthday is tommorow.
so we would party all week it became a tradition lol.
in between work and stuff in the begining now not much of the same party as life goes on.
more like now just rememberin them daze.

I want a birthday week.

Seven days of presents  : ok:

At my age birthdays are great, but it is not about the presents anymore, for me it is about another year of Love, Life, Health and Happiness, and making sure I get on my treadmill religiously, cuz if you don't use it you loose it :P. 

or you gain a few pounds an dun care lol.

aa....hmm...nah
people who are addicted to something because of emotional issues, i can understand it's useful.
to me, i just like having some alcohol or weed and getting more relaxed and being able to enjoy the evening more (tho i enjoy alcohol more).
but i don't believe i have an addiction, since i can go weeks without anything, and then i get into the groove and i have a bit every night for weeks. but i never get wasted on anything, just a slice for the feel of it.
my real problem is that my dayrhythm is fucked up, it's 5am now! gonna go to bed.

i feel as though AA works for some people.
if you finnaly had enough and turn your life over to it.but other then that ,you have to commit to this.an commitment i can't do.

It is not that you can not commit it is that you won't :no:

I suppose that is easy to say, when you are not the one facing the addiction.  Sorry Horsey  :-X.

im at will not to choose right now.if it grows to a worse problem i will turn my life over to it then.
i haven't been drinking quit as much now,in fact hardly at all.and im doing so without AA.
sometimes sitting in the meetings makes me want to have a drink afterwards.so im doing well without the drama of AA  meetings.

Just wondering, how often ARE you drinking?

not much at all really.i bought a case of beer at the begining of the month an haven't bought anymore since.
they are gone now ,figure i need a break anyway.i could buy more but really haven't wanted too.

Don't worry to much about what Sin Cut says Horsey he busts my balls a lot to.




Joe

well really it's not a sore subject though.im doing well in fact,alot better then most off alcohol.

I am glad that you are over comeing ones own personal demons for most people is a constant strugle for there entire life.
Most people I think then begin to hate themselfs from having those demons and the end result is never happy but never give up.




Joe

That doesn't sound that much to me. Why exactly are you calling this a drinking problem? Because you've ran out of beer?

no because i went from drinking EVERYDAY too not drinking quite as much.

f?licitation mon amie

I thought this was an English speaking board zihuatenajo, yet it is nice of you to congratulate your friend Horsey :-\.

you thought right : my bad

It's all good, but I don't speak it and so I have to go on a mission to figure out what you are saying lol...  Oh well at least I have managed anyhow :)

That's good keep it up horsey!!!


Joe

looks like another try at this sobrioty thingy.as far as today i realised something i cannot do this to myself another min.
i took a long walk to the park in the heat 96 % and found myself.sat by the water it was beautiful.i took it all in an reflected on my life.i spent my whole life on drugs an drinking.but today i dunno what happened.maybe being sick an tierd of being indoors ,yes too.cabin fever in the summer crazy right.
but im so glad i feel a lift over me.may also start friday going to a meeting.i just can't live another minute for a stupid buzz that goes away anyway.
wish me luck cause it's really gonna be hard without family support.they just dunn get it being addicts themselves.

called a friend in AA tonight an he said.he was going to have someone call tomorrow to take me to a meeting.
he was very excited about me  coming back.feels great not pulling back and smokeing weed today.held strong being offered all day.didn't do it stayed to myself.

no call and today waited for bus in the rain.it never came so no meeting yet today.stressen so bad about bills and family shit.i just don't know.

No offence but either do AA or don't.  You either have an issue with alcohol or you dont.  You either want to give up or you dont.  And yes from reading your posts it really is as simple as that.

yeah you maybe right an also it's not a social event.
sometimes want to think so.
i may not just be the type to advertise my problems to other outside people.
ya see my life is very complacated and am very private because of it.

Yet you advertise your life to a GNR board that for the most part have no experience with alcohol misuse?

Look, I wish you well but there are too many inconsistencies in what you are saying

well maybe that's for me to figure out.
the most part i have put alcohol under control for now.
if it seem's to become a problem and i need to make a meeting.
at least i know i have a choice in the matter.
i have given you all the info not for insults but as friends who have advice.
and possibly be going through the same thing.that's what im more comfortable doing for now.
kinna  ::)an feeling like this right now  :P but life is better sober im sure.

also people on the boards know me sorta and understand a bit more , then strangers in meetings.
who knows maybe i would trust more in people but been hurt too many times.

why dont you edit your post instead of double posting?

too lazy and in a hurry, on my way somewere right now.

What do you want to do with your life? Do you have any goals? If you do not, go and do some charity work. Do something of value for society, go and help someone else instead of wallowing on here. You want attention from people, and you are looking in the wrong place for it.

Posting on here is probably as bad as drinking, for you anyway. Leave the internet for a few months and go and find a life outside away from here, and alcohol. You are worth more than that, and you can only prove that by staying sober and going out there to help, meet and communicate with real people where you live.

completely agree

It is easy to offer a solution to people, when it is not you or I who are feeling the pain.  Who are we to tell someone how to seek help for their problems, unless we specialize in such a profession.  Who we all really should be is at least a kind heart, an ear to listen and try not to judge when someone needs anybody at all, weather it be here nor there ;).

I am also not judging what anyone here has previously said, these are just my own thoughts on the situation.  I guess it may not be the right place to discuss such an issue, but it might be good for Horsey to vent here, and just maybe we can be kind enough to listen or just not look at said subject at all if it isn't of interest.

ok lets just say i let you in my life regardless.then get shit on,...
but really i do have people in my life and do socialize truely speaking.im not found of the bad thoughts and replies,thank you though.

Don't listen to that bull shit horsey your out there trying to get help that means you at least got through the first part of this process and you have proven that.

I wish you the best with you struggle!!!



Joe

Aye. Good luck with the 'struggle'  ::)

All I am saying is, the internet is a good place to find information and can be good first step for many people with problems. But only for so long. Anxiety sufferers often become agoraphobic by spending too long on the internet. You have been 'openng up' here for a long time now, and to be fair, you are opening up to the wrong people, people who are not trained in dealing with the issues you may have.

Come here to speak about Guns, but if you are wanting real help, look outside of your front door. I have been where you are at, and have come out the other side  : ok:

^Nicely explained Mysteron :).

Well it is a strugle (maybe you joked because I spelled it wrong??).


Joe

you know the grass an do mean grass isn't allways greener lol.specialy when ya ain't smoking none ha ha '
yeah let it be weed for now on,none alcohol for a awhile yeah was i stutterin.just spent sometime pretty much drunk everyday but praying just to smoke.
put myself right out of the pan INTO  the fires of drunk people.
well lesson learned again.
fuck im beat '

sure as the shit i was smoken i feel great !

better late then never lol.

bring on da tour !

Still goin throught that one case of beer?

God, I hate these amateurs.

oh please it's now vodka and many cases of beer.
just stop im no fake,real deal hollyfield lol.
all or nothing,can count on that sin cut youngin.
im lucky after 10 days of none stop drinking.
that i can still see right lol.
 :drool:
 ::)
oh did i roll my eyes or somethin else lol.
keep on my toes sin cut maybe you can hang with the big dawgs also lol.

Sin Cut I think you just got owned!!!


Joe

^nah, not really. I work in a bar son I've seen what 10 days to few months/years of drinking does.

It's sad when an old timer is on a drinkin' streak and comes to the bar around three and have pissed on himself.

They're not bad people, but usually lonely, there isn't anything to do at home and all the friends are other drunks drinkin from three-to-eleven pm.

There's a difference in partying for a few days than to just drink, forget to eat and have a seizure after taking a few to cure that hangover.

They've lost all hope to find some girl and who would go for a unclean, unshaved stuttering drunk?

I guess the alcohol is the only remedy that brings a moments happiness to a empty life.

yeah let me slit my wrists even faster lol.
sorry you got me all  wrong young dude.see my problem is that.my mother doesn't see what a real scumbag is and it's my sister ok.why i keep leavening and liven with drunks and what not.is because they use my mental state as an excuse.my sister gives my addicted to pot mother pot.to keep her under control.and never really lets her know the truth about her.my mother has the whool around her eyes.and continues to put me down time an time again.it's getting old.i just her to die really so i can live my life right.sorry sin cut you have a great story an all but step back ok.you walk in my shoes and then talk.so again it's just a financial thing helping my mother with bills.i can respect that but also i need respect that i never get around my house.my sister scams everyday for drugs and my mother doesn't see it.and prolly never will.when i was gone yet another scam by my sister made me leave.they just said we need your money no are you ok or anything.my family is self centered not me.im a good person stuck in family dramma at every given moment.and my mother just thinks im crazy for sheding light on things all the time.for real soon as i can find something more stable im out again !

honestly im getting old for drug lies an bullshit about alcohol '
ever since i was in rehab now that's another excuse they use agaist me.omg really it's crazy is that i feel fine a few beers and a smoke of weed but people just dun get it.i don't use it as a scapegoat just to relax.and never can relax ever in this house.i think women are nuts and men are perverts but hey that's another issue lol.don't worry ,it's all good.

Sorry horsey, I didn't mean to that you were like those drunks, but this is a AA-thread, so I was just pointing out some things I've seen.

But I don't panic when a person loses consiousness, I guess you get used to almost anything.

thank -you sin cut for respect.

now i have to take a great big loss here.my clothes that i love dearly are at these peoples house i was at.and they seem to think im an idiot lol.and don't know how to replace important cards such as bank account an other things.so i am indeed given up on all of my clothes that mean nothing to them.mostly sentimental clothes really.but hey not like i can't get new clothes with new memories.so i hope the fat pig that won't fit in my clothes enjoys them now.ive been through so much in one month i could scream bloody murder ok lol.

also sweetie i never panic anymore.i just tred a bit more carefully now.so don't think im all screwed in the head,im good still.

Write letters to your Mum and to your sister, separately, pointing out your worries and how everything is affecting you and everyone else. The good thing about doing this is that people cannot argue with a letter. Take your time doing it, and do not make it too long. Be clear and precise about your thoughts and feelings. If they feel the need to respond, tell them to write letters back to you, and communicate this way in the short term. Tell them it is healthy because it means that you do not argue. Be sure to point out that deep down you do value them as people, but you do not value the people they have become.

In the meantime, try to minimise your exposure to both your mum and your sister, and avoid any contact with people plying you with drugs and alcohol. Start regimenting your mornings, have a shower/bath and a healthy breakfast. Then, when possible, go for a walk and think about five small goals you want to achieve in the short term and five long term goals you want to achieve. Take your time doing this.

I would also recommend finding a group of friends outside of your current circle. Whether this means joining a club or going to a church, just do it. I am not religious myself, but they do serve a purpose.

The good thing about being down is the only way is up. Nothing you do will make anything worse, so why not try to make life, at least, a little better for yourself.

i couldn't have said it better myself.my exact plans to the t-bone.
my sister was saying just last night about the letter thing also.so you were right on target with that.
so  I DO THANK U '

plus had a few issues still from the past ive been juggling with.
but im back on point again thank god or whoem it is.but i sure hope he is handsome anyway lol.

Your dead right women are nuts and men are perverts.
Welcome to reality would you like the one day pass and then concider staying  :hihi:




Joe

Here's my t-bone

(http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f181/bluecut/30637_1424658649010_1009053550_31260231_1260683_n.jpg)

very good,it's well done huh .
 : ok: