Here Today... Gone To Hell!

Well, Since almost every thread in The Jungle, eventually ends up being about sex....a genius idea occoured to me.....yes, a sex thread!!
well pretty much anything goes from sex stories, to some advice, to questions.
All but pictures of kujos ass....that he can keep to himelf :peace:

I havent had sex in aggggggggges....... so I dont qualify I dont think :crying:

I'll post this sex joke i like :

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:  excellent...

good one jess...lol

Advice : Dont try to get it on in a TGIF restroom during happy hours

Good, sound advice ... Im going out clubbing on Saturday night... I'll remember that advice : ok:

I really hope your not going clubbing at TGIF :nervous:

Their wine selaction sucks

Didn't Clinton get in trouble for this same thing?
(http://graphics.filecorner.com/thexdose/xd/externals/turkey.jpg)

well that bird hasn't aged in style, shit I starting it's better to die young and leave a good lookin corpse behind.

I did a silicon-titted chick, those things looked nice, but really didn't feel that cool, I thought they would've been soft.

She was 29, the next day I did 17-year old, now I'm hitting the gym again, 'cos it's only a matter of time before her ex comes after me, he's a pro-boxer, so I think I shouldn't hit him with glasses, but with a baseball bat. Oh, that ex beat her unconscious, twice.

And I sure can handle pain until it hurts, damnit.

I do believe he did!  Damn Bush seems to be enjoying that a little toooooooooo much!

ibiza. my ex bf. a stripper. some drugs. i regret every minute of it  :hihi:

actually the chicken seems to have a difficult time finding-- whatever it's looking for.

I wonder if they kept the stained feathers for evidence?

 :hihi:

Bsuh got the turkey. Clinton got PORKY the PIG!

I think Bush got the better end of it. :hihi:

Just goes to show that real is best. :smoking:

Bush should know all about that.........

 :hihi:

"They're here somewhere..."

Anyways.. back on topic.. sex stories.. uhhh.. hmm..

Has anyone masturbated for their signifigant others viewing entertainment? Kinda strange!

Haha.

(I just want sex storys in this thread damnit! Lets keep it interesting... I know Garry has some! Bring em out. Bring em out.)

I love toys!!... the little vibrators disguised at mascara   :hihi: 

Mascara size!  Fuck that... (pun intended) something a bit bigger please ...... ummmm but not Mikey sized.... Ooooo No!

Mind you I'd rather have the real thing.... I either need a new man or a new vibrator I think...... :yes:

Virgin!!
(http://pochettescd.free.fr/images/m/Madonna_-_Like_A_Virgin-front.jpg)

Got drunk one friday next day I was hook up with this ugly chick, not the finest hour  :(

at least she was human  : ok:






wasn't she?  :nervous:

When me and my XBF first got together, I was stayin' at his, and I woke up at about 5AM, and although he was still asleep, I thought I'd give him a very early morning blowjob...
He said afterwards he'd never been so happy to be woken up at 5 in the morning... :hihi:

Who swallows?

That'd be me. :hihi:

 ;D

How could you?!?   :'(









 :hihi:

a 3-some? ;D

Well she.. uummm I think she .. errr
Next question?


Easy drank Ron which I hate and got completely wasted, don't worry it meant nothing  ;)  :-*

man, i for the life of me cant get my gf to swallow....she thinks its "disgusting and only for porn"...

What!!? ::) OK whaaat!? Its not disgusting, and yea they do it in porn but it existed before porn!
No offense, but your girlfriend sounds like a prude. Especially if she won't even TRY it...

Tell her all you want for Christmas is for her to swallow :love:

At least your girl will give you head.  Mine will only give a little suck-suck every now and then, and then it's usually only a couple quick ones while we're in the shower!

Just give her a facial, she'll not know what your about to do till it's too late.

Oh my GOD!! :o ::)

I don't think I can continue reading this without my eyeballs falling out of their sockets cuz I keep rolling them so much. What the hell is wrong with suckin' dick!? Jeeeeez.... its not THAT bad!

I know! the girls I know LOVE to suck dick!.... Maybe English girls like it more eh? :smoking:

You could try pineapple juice... I can recommend this actually.  About 1/2 hour before any nookie, have a glass or two of pineapple juice, makes you WANT to swallow....... sweet ;)

i had sex on a picnic table, with some girl.

she rode me crappy like wow, i fucked her doggy blah blah i just wasnt into it, sure it helped her but yeah i faked it.

i heard the pineapple crap is a myth and it doesnt make your cum sweet for a girl.

Does it make it sweet for a guy?

Actually I beg to differ.... considering I conducted an indepth experiment on this theory and yes....... it really does taste sweet.... remember 1/2 and hour before..... yummy!

Waiting on D for the answer......         :hihi:

You are obviously a stock holder in Dole. Please stop your blatant self promoting agenda.


Did I sound like anybody there?

The Dirt.... you are bad!!!!!!!! :rofl:

Kujo .... oh let me see....... now you come to mention it!!!!!!

Does Jon Bon Jovi know about the pineapple trick?

I dont know but Tommy Lee does!

That might shut D up for a few minutes

Never tried that   8)

Oh you should..... read that one in Tommyland.... it actually works....  ;)  The celery thing doesnt though.... dont ask!

Yes it does.

If you pour lemon juice on celery a half hour before eating, it will taste just like lemons.

i wanna be your friend

Oooh!!  I haven't read Tommyland!  To the bookstore!  :D

i hope that is something someone has told you and not something youve found out for yourself :hihi:

You'd have to be alittle more than that, I'm afraid...   ;)

you can be my gf if you want. got no problem with that

I'll let you use my discount card at the bookstore.

I'll let you know as soon as I'm single... heh.




On second thought, how old are you?   8)

i have had sex... plenty of times.... its true!


if you want story, well, you got it!

once me and my GF where camping with her family and got horny.... well... one does NOT do it in the parents' camping wagon, so we went to find a rest room...

and we did... in a museum/resturant thing. we did our thing. (the sink there were VERY VERY clean my GF told me) and got out.

but when we got out the manager and some guy stood there waiting so he could close the shack......

THAT was funny as hell!



another thing:
if you have annoying people living next door that complain about you making noise, have they EVER made complains about load sex? no! never happend to me anyway... kinda funny that.

Done deal! ? : ok:

3, soon 4 years older than you, honey

Damn... 

I already won due, back off

And how old are you, sweetpea!?   :D

The celery reference requires no lemons :no:   

no it'll be great. you can cook for me and do lapdances and suck my penis every now and then ;)
we will be great friends..

Well I sure as hell am not going to say 3 or 4 years older than you.

What age do you want me to be?

Well maybe your way. Open your mind.

Under 18... ? ;D

Or over 30, heh...

*cough*

My dream come true...

yea you like that, do you? *spankstheass*

One time i became intimate with my hand.

Best 30 seconds of my life.

No spankings, bitch. ?I have a goddamn bruise... ?heh

What happened to the Canadian girls here?

I want some Canadian girls sex stories!

/ jimmer

Once? ? ;D

Hey, nothing wrong with a good spankin, bruise or no bruise.......

was it a one night hand?

His back was bothering him that day and he couldn't bend over far enough

We have met occasionaly since, but now this left hand has began to make moves on me, what shall I do?

I love spankings! ?But I'm not into the whole beat your ass till you're crying and begging and can't walk. ?And I don't really mind a bruise, if it actually heals. ?I've had this same bruise for almost a weak, and it's hardly even faded..

Give in babe......... give in

A part of me says i shall stay faithful to right, but an adventerous part of me wants to be exotic and met with the left...
I am so confused.

... so lie down ? ;D

Well tell him to lighten up with the whip next time babe.... man those things sting ;) ?Also, leave your ass looking like spagetti junction, fucking lines going everywhere! :hihi:

i really need to get laid the 1st week of school. hopefully by some girl in my class. like wow working all summer and having sex once on a picnic table and faking it really sucks!

Looks like it's permanent.

then make her suck.

The little shit thinks it's cute...  Not too fond of his black eye though   :hihi:

See how this works is, ..................... Nevermind. Still to much strain on the back, or so I've been told. :-[

Personally, I prefer hands or belts. ?Some sadistic shit out there though... spaghetti junction ? :hihi:

I had sex in a bathroom while on magic mushrooms once.? That was the best - the best!  :yes:

Hmmmm.... Ill try that, thanks :yes:

When my XBF and I used to meet up at the cinema before I went to his... we used to fool around plenty in the car in the parking lot (thank you tinted windows!!) ... there wasn't enough room in his car for a proper fuck though... so before the movie started we sometimes used to go to the disabled restroom if we couldn't wait til we got back to his... :hihi:

And if the movie was shitty and there weren't too many people there, I'd suck him off...

Goddammit breakups fucking suck ass!!! No more fuckin' in the disabled restrooms... no more blowjobs in the cinema... no more foolin' around in his car... Grrrr...

hopefully your current bf won't read this

I don't have a current BF...

then what are we two pretties waiting for?

If I was in the Uk both of those ladies would be my girlfriends right now and my penis would be definately sore but happy. :beer:

Both of us eh? Bit greedy aren't ya! :hihi:

I had sex on the hood of my car in the middle of a football field.
And I've had a bj in a crowded bus filled with seniors (not by a senior tho  :hihi:)

 I've had bj's and sex in a nightclub, once from a fuckbuddy of a guy I know, she wanted us to have a secret. I think we're going to have a few more.

I've had two-some in a storeroom when my boss walked in.

And I've had two-some and 'cos of the chicks comments the other guy left the room.

I've nailed a chick with silicon boobs and I've also helped some women in need since their man won't give em' some. And Mr. DP I've never done an monstergirl either.

I've been videoed a few times. Once by three people when I got a bj at this party, it's good one used my camera.

I've told my secretary I got a meeting and gone doing some sex instead.

Nothing beats going back to work to that. (was it a good meeting? You could sure say so)
But hey.


I'm single again.

show off

I had a BJ while chating with you on MSN, beat that  :P  :hihi:

Kidding, the best thing was when I was 22 my ex told me she was a virgin but oh surprise the first thing she did was a BJ  :hihi:
I told her "ok i believe you (sarcasticaly)"

Probably because all those incidents you listed weren't with your girlfriend at the time :hihi:



You must be very flexible.

 :hihi: nop it was a labtop  ;)

Ive done it in an empty office at work.

In the bathroom at work and been walked in on by a co-worker.

In an empty night club with the owner.

I fooled around once with a guy in middle school computer class and instead of stopping us the teacher sat down beside us.

In an empty field behind the school.

At a concert in the empty nose bleed section I rode a guy in a seat while type o negative played Christian Woman. This one was realy cool because I was naked and I could look down and see the hundreds of people and the huge cloud of pot smoke. This was at Ozz fest.

Theres plenty more but that is all I care to share right now ;D

when i saw your signature after reading the post, i expected something else :)

ILoveGnR is cool. : ok:

So you've ................ you know..............done it?
(http://www.pythonsite.de/bbc/nudge.jpg)

(http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f79/05guera05/wwife.gif)

(http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f79/05guera05/myspace-graphic-funny009.jpg)

^... wiv a laydee?
Man: Yes. Why?
Eric Idle: Wot's it like?

:rofl: Gotta love Monty Python!

And yea, ILoveGnR... you are cool! Hehe I woulda done those things though... but my XBF ain't really into public sex... unlike me. I'll do it anywhere... inside, outside, kitchen table, dressing table, my brother's bed when he ain't there, my mom's bed when she ain't there, the stairs, shower, car...

Actually there was this one time when my BF was driving along and I was suckin' his dick as he drove... and then when we got to the toll booth I had to stop and he had to yank up his pants... then after the toll booth he yanked em down again and I resumed... :hihi:

Your mom's bed?!...   :-\

heh...

The worst thing is when it's the door locked and your mother is wanting to get in, so you have to hide the girl,  :rofl:
Now that's hilarious  : ok:

I remember... hiding under your mom's bed.





   :hihi:

The worst part was she had to be quite so mom wouldn't wake up.

hopefully he didnt miss the right hole in the darkness

 :hihi:   it was a great night isn't it?  ;D    :nervous: right?

Until your mom came in... yes.





 :hihi:

I am going out tonight - hopefully Ive have some sex story to post here tommorrow....  :yes:

Yea... three times I think. :hihi:

Don't see what the fuss is... its just a bed! :P And a bloody nice bed it is too!!

wow why cant there be sexually enlightened canadian girls here like honestly?

two hot uk girls that i would definately want in my room but no they are uk argh!

Oh yeah, I forgot a good one.

I was sitting at the beach about a month or two back and having some beer and started talking to this chick I've seen around a few times, so she didn't have anything special for the night so I took her to this underground party, it was like on the top floor of a building with a night club and a pub and my friend had arranged some dj stuff and a smoke machines and some lights and fancy shit.

So anyway she asked me two show her to the ladies room and I could take the hint, so I got a bj there and when we came out there's were some of my friends cheering.

So the night went as planned we hit some night club and I followed her to her place and the next morning after we had another session I was getting ready to hit shower with her and I heard a key put in the lock. So her bf, ex-bf like she told me, who actually wasn't ex, came in. So I'm looking at him, he's looking shocked back at me and I tell him "Well good morning there!" and he replies looking confused or some shit. So I say; Hey, it looks like I'm done here, so I'll leave you two to talk. Then I tell the chick I'll see her around.

So I was walking down the street, hung over, to my parrents house to see my sister, who off course wasn't home and there I notice I still have the girl's key, so I walk back to her place, ring the bell, she and her bf (who looks like and owl btw) come to the door, I hand her the key and tell her she I don't think I'd be needing it anymore.

Later it turned out the owl-guy worked at the same place as one of my friend does and he was telling this story how shocked he was to find her gf with another man and my friend had to really strugle not to laugh and after the work was over he called me and asked "It was you, wasnt it?" lol.

Lucky fucker, wow!

That guy was pretty nice about it too, good to know that people don't kick another dudes ass for fucking there girlfriend.

Actually I think he just didn't dare.  8)

*cough*whatever*cough*

But seriously.  Your penis will fall off soon.  Sucker.

Just got tested, I'm clean.  8)

Of absolutely eeeeverything?

The results from the edzachary disease test haven't come back yet :nervous:

Yeah, I wasn't pregnant, phew.

Phew!  ;D

He needs to kick hes Gilfriend ex - Gilrfriends ass, not the guy..

Yes they have, didn't he said everything?  ;)  :hihi:

Aww what a shame! I can imagine you as a mommy... :hihi:

Vagina.


HHEheHEhenhHEeheouEhAEhehe

Good one. :hihi:

 :hihi:  Best so far

Is my idea or you and Skynyrd are refreshing the story time thread? both of you have spent like 12 min there  :o

"No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid! "

Ahhh, yes. Greek Pie. A classic.

Oh yes... Classic movie.

Jessica: If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it's been three girls it's more like one or none.
Vicky: None?
Jessica: The rule of three. It's an exact science. Consistent as gravity.

^ Too bad they don't give oscars to the REAL movies...  ;)

I'm kind of ashamed.

Two days ago, I had sex with my ex-best friend's mom...his parents are gettinga  divorce, and she hasn't lived with my ex-best friend and his dad for a year now.  It was incredible!  I love older women!

But here's the hard part...my ex-best friend and I have started talking and we hung out together....

What should I do?  ???

Had girl come up to my place last week. She was kind of overweight so i asked her to wear a skirt and heels to make it more interesting Anyways were kissing for awhile and shes using her hand on me and then she pulls her stockings down and lays on top of me, and i just mostly wanted a hand job and not sex but i let her lay on top of me for awhile. I finally told her to just start rubbing me again and she used her hand but i didnt get off. Just wasnt attracted to her enough i guess. But anyways we'll probably talk again, im curious what i should do besides wear a condom? Should i ask her to dress sexier next time? Because she used her hand and i didnt get off like i have with other girls.

just ask her to give you a bj, close your eyes and imagine it is brittany murphy

Garry.... enjoy yourself babe!!!!!! ;)

Jabba2 ...... go to the naughty corner until you can be a grateful boy! :(

ditch her and ask for a refund.


Anyway, I got a new one from last night.

I was hitting a nightclub with some special some male stripper-show.

Before you guys shoot me down, I had a good logic in this; there will be lot's of girls, watching half naked guys and the bar will have very few guys for them, so I was, in fact, there to help  :hihi:

The chick I have a little secret with called me and I told her to get to the club but when she came there, there was some guy who tried to hit on her.

Soon I got a message from her telling she wants me but that guy won't leave her alone and I replied "just come over here and I'm sure the guy will take the hint".

Well he didn't and a friend was laughing is ass off for the looks that guy was giving me, really if a look could kill, I'd be dead now. So I told the guy that he got tough break, but you can't force a girl who she chooses and that there are plenty of other girls so maybe he should try one of them instead.

His reply was the best ever "I saw her first! go away!", what a fuckin' retard.
I replied asking him, does he believe in the shit he's saying, so the guy attacks me.
I wasn't really feeling like fighting so I just grabbed him by his throat after I had parried his shot and hold my own counter in check and then there was the bouncers.

They were throwing us both out, but I kinda knew the bouncer leading me out and I kinda stopped and walked back in avoiding the bouncer who had seen the "fight".

I got back to the girl and she let me feel she wasnt wearing any underwear and after we had talked a little I took her to the men's room and had sex with her in one of the booths, she came twice loud so no one didn't have to guess what we were up to :D after that she thanked me and left.

I just got a message from her if I'd see her today, she told me she's shaved for me.

Kujo, I'm not talking about shaving a beard.

Actually I saw a girl with moustache once, it was hideous.

The way I look at it, it always takes two... Situations may vary, of course.

The way I see it, it only takes me  : ok:

>:( what about that nice 17 year old??????

Unless the girl has an attractive cliterus i really dont like shaving. so i would never do mine. dont have any interest in finding out what my shaved balls look like.

Sounds like a jerkoff to me : ok:

What the hell did I do to you? :hihi:

So you're saying you prefer your women to have a beard?

Sincut.. those are some smart tactics.

By the way.. add some points to the board (FINALLY) for me!  :D

That's the thing Mel, I hadn't had sex since June 6th, I wasn't thinking!  Everytime I see my mate, I feel so guilty....I'm thinking of coming clean with him.

Dude theres no way you can go telling your best friend that you had sex with his mother... hes going to punch you in the face :-\  i mean no offense cuz were all for milf's here, but i dont think anyone would be fine with there friend telling them how that they banged there mom...

just think American Pie ;)

you're dawg!!

HAHHHHHA I agree x 1000000%  and is his mum MARRIED?  If so, that could be MORE awkard than it already is.

haha

she went back to the boyfriend who beat her unconscious.

Btw I'm beat, I just drove this blond chick home

I've done nothing today but had sex with her, like five times or more, I've lost count, my torso is filled with scratch-marks.

But damn she looked fine, nude too.

no, where you'd get a crazy idea like that?

I didn't go out with your mother, now did I?  :rofl:

Dude, she looks like 13

she's 19, it's legal here  ;)

No, she hasn't lived with them for a year, and they are in the process of getting a divorce.

Maybe, how much did you pay?

ok guys give me some sex advice for a new class this fall new students , and 1st week of school.

my friends from my other program are mainly girls but all have boyfriends. so advice dudes advice.

Whatever you do don't tell the girls that you want them to team up and then gang rape you with strap ons... :hihi:

My GF hates to swallow so just yesterday, i was fucking her mouth, and she could feel it tensing up to shoot in her mouth so she started to push me away so i shot it in her face and where did it go????

RIGHT IN HER FUCKING EYE

BINGO  : ok:

First night - drinking games - strip poker?

Then *poker* : ok:

Now thats good sound advice right there! : ok:

Especially with some of the freaks around here.

Haha, she deserved it ;)

Huh??

By some creepy dude or a hot female teacher?

That one deserves more explaining.  What did the teacher do when she sat down beside you?  (If it was a guy......nevermind)

Muhahaha!! That'll teach the beeyatch! Not swallow?! Pffft... wimp! :hihi:

When are you guys gonna listen to Uncle Tommy Lee?  He got that tip from the porn guy Fabio....... pineapple juice, yummy sweet!

I knew that...  :hihi:

Well either that or the girl in question can just quit being such a big baby and swallow it anyway!

Better than in your eye.... man that fucks up your eyeliner doesnt it............. :hihi:  Mind you... don't you think that sometimes guys just shove it down your throat... quite literally that is.... its hard to swallow when you're gagging!!! 

this board gets worse :no:










and i love it :hihi:

just today, i happened to go bavk to tgif for a friends birthday.....and seeing that last time i was here i was literally thrown out making out in the loo....so obviously i had to try again...all systems go this time, girls bathroom, 5 minutes and a lifetime of memories :D

lol, easy solution, date some small dicked guy.

Well thanks for that advice Sin Cut, next time I take a fancy to a guy I'll be sure to take my tape measure with me on our first date!!!!!   I can just see that..... 'here's the soup'.... 'Great.. oh by the way can I size your dick up because I dont want it gagging me when I give you a blow job'..... end of date.......... :-X

Just so I know do you judge by inches or metric?

How far my hand will wrap around it actually......... ;)

So, you're divorced or just a single mother?

What no small talk?  Straight to the point eh.... I respect that.... actually Im getting divorced from a bastard.... thanks for asking........ :yes:

It was you that started some thread about that, eh?

You called yourself something else...

Yes, well sort of... out with the old and all that........ too confusing

Hey be respectful. She is a classy English girl. You have to buy her a danish and coffee before starting to talk like that >:(

Sorry.

Sorry, I'm 29.

Good to know Christos... Im 26!

How old is your son? If you don't feel like answering, don't.

I'm 35. Dont ask. Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong story

Now that would qualify as a weird sex story...

My son is 9 1/2 years old........ and yes.... I was not quite 16 when I got pregnant......... yes I know that was really stupid.... I know that is a terrible age to have a child......... yes the father is the man Im now divorcing.......... question answered?

Well, at least something good came out of that "bastard"... right?

And I'm not accusing you of anything, I think you got this the wrong way...

To make up for it, I have some good news.

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!  : ok:

 ???

Something's wrong here but noone except you can see it?

busted......... :o

and that fits together how?

My name is NOT Shirell babe....... this wasnt my post.

Yeah, I knew that.

I always encourage people to question everything so credit to George Steele for that, but if he would have looked at one of the first threads of her new profile he would see that this was explained already. :peace:

I'm being serious Skynyrd Girl, when I say, that I am thrilled to hear the passion by which you speak in regards to sucking dick and swallowing the loads.   :beer:

She's a martyr to the cause.......... :rofl: 

Has anyone else seen that film Monster's Ball......... that is one hot scene between those two..... if you've seen it I dont need to explain this........ :o

seen it.

But I've seen hotter scenes, too :)

which are?....

Debbie Does Dallas
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/00/Debbiedoesdallas.jpg/200px-Debbiedoesdallas.jpg)

D told me to give his two cents and a vote for "Anal cry for pain" it's adult entertainment, his vaforite piece. He told me it's it's a lovely stroy about wild animals and a man all alone on a mountain.

It's a movie about a friendship that knows no borders. A movie made of lust. And...

Hidden desires.

Double the action
(Lay down, lay down again!)

then.. tripple the penetration.

Oh, and D stands for "Downforced"

Any scene from Golden Girls where Estelle Getty is walking around in her nighty :drool:

Oh yeah......... spank me!!!!

Time and place?

Dude you should see Splatman is a superhero that, uum lets say give some ass to their victimis  :hihi:

Both sound such interesting and um......... educational films..... the call of the wild....  the freedom of nature........ ahh yes! :hihi:

:rofl: Thanks!
I just really don't see why girls complain about it... its just a cock, and its not like cum tastes bad!! I like it! I have no sympathy for girls who won't suck cock, or if they do, girls who won't swallow. Jeeez if you don't like it that much, just hold your breath, deepthroat and just let him go off down your throat!

And the winner of the best post of the year goes to ...


 :hihi:

Skelly you are a classic!   :rofl:

Who said romance was dead?

I like your attitude SG  : ok:  :hihi:

I had sex with my hand 5 minutes ago.

Right or Left?

Was it good for you?

Right and it was terrific!

Really?

I prefer your left hand : ok:

Well, Garry has ways of pleasing them all.  :)

that sums it up perfectly....your attitude is commendable

I try.  :D

Hoochie Mumma, am I jelous or what!!!!!

Why dont use both hands and have a threesome  ;)

someday, i will do my gf to the song rocket queen.

hallelujah!
 :peace:

Bahaha why not today??  Ok this is your challenge.  Do her to rocket queen by the end of the week.  :)

Good luck.  Go forward my child.

Just dont overthrust on that pounding drum bit at the end of the song cause that gets a bit sore if you know what Im saying......... : ok:

HAHAAHAHAH i literally spat my coffee everywhere when I got that -- and now I am coughing to death.

Why not? I've got fucked to Rocket Queen countless times and actually... if I ain't sore after ANY fuck (whether it's to Rocket Queen or not), I ain't satisfied and I demand more! *whoosh-crack whip noise* : ok:

I tried that...




....best i got was Alison Moyet :-[

That a girl Skynyrd :love:

and your complaining? :hihi:

guys, i cant do her this week cause shes on so the rules dont apply!!!

Mr Lee, here's one line that will solve all your problems.

"When the river runs red, take the dirt-track instead"

i have done that many a time, to alot of girls, its my sex song

nice choice!

I have a good one. It goes something like this
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7977423473759610686&q=snake+eating

Oh maaaan LTD.... that's siiiick!

BUT... what has that got to do with sex other than the psychiatric link between snakes and cocks?

Any lady gunners capable of/enjoy deepthroating a man?  Also, any related stories............... :beer:

I guess the last two pages were too far back for you to search

:rofl: Read the last few pages and ye'll be findin' out fer ye'self! :smoking:

Stop stealing my material

Kujo, no need to be a smart ass  :peace:  I read the pages about BJs.  If you'd also search, you'd see I commented on the stories on those pages as well.  I was trying to get others to weigh in with different stories and/or get  people back on topic sharing more sex stories, rather than commenting on existing ones

Yes I was kind of being a smart ass, sorry i dont check everyones post history before posting myself. I noticed that the girl who contributes the most in this thread said the exact same thing, yet you had no problem with that.

That's ok Kujo, I saw Skynyrds post after yours

No problem :peace:

She's a bit hack. And no Skynyrd, thats not a new sexual position

I'm a bit hack am I!!? :o Well I never!

I bet you have :hihi:

haha, good one!

Talking about blowjobs..
I was at a bar on wednesday and ended up talking with the girl I told you guys about when I posted the last time in this thread. We were talking about the sex we've had at the clubs and all that shit and then she asked if I would help her to train to give a better blowjob so I really had to think on that one.

"Shit, ok, but only if you promise one thing"
"Sure, what's that?"
"That you don't tell anyone, 'cos I don't want you girls to line up behind my door"

 : ok:

good story sin....sounds like this would make a good business.  You offer to assist ladies in gaining better BJ skills while sucking your dick

Blue, you should make 'em pay you.

now that's true!

And I'm sure you can relate with the nasty bussiness I'd be into if the word would get around, so it would only be appropriate to get some compensation, after all she got teeth and all so I could be in real danger!  :hihi:

Hahah....all this blowjob talk is causing me real pain....how is this for the lamest thing you've ever heard...i'm 29 and i've never had a BJ..because i've only been in 2 relationships (both very long term) and both of those women thought that oral sex on a man was "sick and disgusting" etc etc....silly bit is...i love going down...so its not like I didn't give plenty to them....just never got any back.

But right now i've been single for sooo long that all my sex is just like vague memories (thought about ripping off some lines from 'the blues' but that would be too tacky huh!)....hmmm...if I don't eat out a girl again soon i may well die!!

Ok..well now i've embarrised myself sufficently I shall resume lurking and reading about what all you lucky sexally active punks get up to ;) :rant:

Well Monkey, if nothing else, at least you are honest.  While I appreciate hearing about your faithfulness to your last 2 girlfriends, you really need to find a lady to blow you.  IMO, every man needs to have had his dick sucked before he is 29.  You are long overdue.  The good news for you, is that I think you'll have no trouble finding a lady to give you a good dick sucking, especially since you are just waiting for a chance to eat their pussy.... :beer:  Hang in there

Hey thanks...i was expecting people to tell me i'm a looser. So its cool to get some support! Yeah...I really hope your right but I think i'm just cursed...i'm too much of a "nice guy" to get into the "fastseduction.com" style techniques...and generally too shy and completely not alpha-male...which unfortunately seems to be what the aussie girs look for...so i think i'm just screwed...or not...lol...as the case may be!!

Maybe one day i'll meet a nice aussie girl who is into GNR, will suck me off and let me eat her pussy daily..hahah...its not too much to ask right? Ok maybe daily is extreme...i'd settle for at all right now. lol. hahah...until then...i'll be reading this thread and headbutting a wall for comfort ;)

See everyone! THIS is the kind of catastrophe that I was talking about! Monkeychow, I don't mean to slag off your ex girlfriends, but girls like that are stupid, pathetic, crybabies who deserve to be put on a rack upside down, and while they're getting their limbs pulled out of their sockets, whipped HARD with a cat-o-nine tails with hooks on the end of each whip!

At least until they agree to suck it, and suck it good!!!

Actually, I think that all girls should be brought up to think that cocksucking is the best thing in the world!

Monkeychow, you're not at all a loser (how can you be!? You love Gn'R!), your ex girlfriends are the losers!!

So, I uh,............have this second ticket for the Estero show ;)

yeah well i have a hotel room in estero ;)  :peace:

Have you read her posts?

Privacy is not an issue ;D

Damn right Kujo!

BUT. I'd still want somewhere to sleep!

Monkey, have you found a rocker girl in Oz yet?

fuck. where the fuck do you meet these kind of chicks? i always thought they only exist in mediocre porn...

Thanks  :beer: Yeah to be honest the first girl i figured she had some kind of problem or hangup, but then when it happened again i started to feel like it must be something wrong with me, but i think i'm just really unlucky.


Sadly No  :crying: :crying: :crying: :rant:

I'm starting to think I just must be fugly or something!!

Sorry for sounding so desperate but i've been single so long now it hurts.  :rofl:

I'm so fucking pissed. I always make a dick of myself wen im pissed so herwe goes - I WANNA GET LAID SO BAD!  Serious giuys, i'm so fucking horny I could burst.  I think sperm could explode out of my dick at any moment.  I'm kinda on the verge of having a fuckbuddy these days but we havent done it for a while and I dunno if she really just wants to screw around and nothing else.

Has anyone else had a fuckbuddy before?  Did it work?

I've always said to her that girlfriends are too much hassle and they fuck with my head and it's better off without one.  She's always like "yeah, boyfriends suck too" but whenever imvite her round she's always got some job interview the next day or whatever.  One day I will bone her again, but i dunno if it'll be this week.  I can't be arsed tp search for a new girlfriend cause ill jusr fall in love with her again and have my heart broken all over again.

Girls are awesome.  They're the best thing ever.  Guys who just hate girls are retarded.

I know how you feel, sweetpea   :-*

Yeah i can't understand why guys would hate girls. I mean they're too cool...lol. Well...fuckbuddies...i've never had one but most of my friends do with various success. Just make sure you both have your feelings sorted first or it could get complex. But on the plus side...you'll be getting more sex than me ;)

Fuckbuddies is the best thing,it is only the good part,you fuck here and there no relationchip charges no problema. : ok:

I thought Misfit was your fuckbuddy...   ???

No, he's my gimp.  We are not friends, in fact we get off on how much we hate each other.

Hey if you find that Fuckbuddy maybe you could hire her out im sure theys some people here that would want a borrow  :hihi:

Y'all can find your own. >:(

Yes, and yes it worked until she leave and went to North Carolina  :'(

Hun, it ain't you, you've just had insanely bad luck!
I've absolutely no idea what you look like though... post a couple of decent quality pics of yerself up here and show us all what ya look like so we can all stare at you with our  big scary judging eyes... :hihi:

Don't do it monkeychow! SG is stern with her comments  >:(  :hihi:

Hey I'm stern but I'm not gunna tell someone who's ugly as sin that they're up there with the likes of Axl in the looks department! That would be cruel!

Ya gotta be cruel to be kind mate!

Besides, I hadn't checked the Board Gallery thread... MonkeyChow... you ain't ugly. I certainly can't see why a girl wouldn't suck you off!! I mean seriously, there are uglier guys out there who get their dicks sucked.

I'm stickin' to what I said before. You've just had reeeeeeeeeally bad luck.

Luck has nothing to do with it.

I'm thinking also... perhaps MonkeyChow... you should be more forceful!!! Grab her hair and hold her head in front of your cock until she agrees to suck it, and then if she doesn't, then fuck her ass. If a girl don't like suckin' cock, chances are she ain't gunna like assfucking, so if you say that, then she'll probably suck it.

Tell her she's got a choice. Either suck it, and suck it good, or she gets her ass pounded.

BE MORE FORCEFUL!!

Woooa SG you like to be dominated?  :nervous:

Totally! :smoking:

Errr :nervous:... thats rape? :hihi:

I'll be starting a fund to raise bail money for Monkeychow in case he listens to SG. Stay tuned for details :hihi:

But she is correct that you aren't agressive enough. Not every girl is of her mind set. If they dont have to give a blow job they wont. And if you are still willing to go down on them when they wont return the favor, then they have no reason to start. Be more agressive or start holding out on the licky, licky yourself. : ok:

Not if she agreed to have sex in the first place. Doesn't say anywhere you have to say what KIND of sex she's agreed to.... it ain't a matter of contracts ya know! So nerr!

I never thought I'd say this but I think I'd like to hear more from SkynyrdGirl :hihi: :hihi:

MonkeyChow, if you don't know or atleast suspect that your girl likes to be dominated DON'T DO IT!  She'll call the cops on your ass, and I wouldn't blame her.  You don't threaten a girl that you're going to assfuck her if she won't comply with your demands.  It's a little thing called rape. 

I don't think Monkeychow has a girl at the moment.

Monkeychow do it 4 a laugh!!

I didn't say RAPE... I said just be more forceful! If she wanted to have sex in the first place, then IMO its not rape unless she said  beforehand "I'm a prissy big baby and I won't suck cock or let you fuck my ass, I only allow the missionary position!"

*le eye roll* ::)

Girls like that need a good whipping! And I'll be first on the list to perform the whipping!

All guys need a SkynyardGirl in there life. Can we clone you? :drool:

Skelly, c'mon...   ::)

I would say yes, but then there are so many things that are telling me to say no... like... the individuality thing. I'm so against people all dressing the same... like a flock of sheep... so... they'd all have to be different... but as they're clones... they wouldn't be... they'd hate it.

Maaan that's a hard decision to make!

You could send me back in time to the 80s though! That I'd have NO problem with AT ALL! :drool: Mmmmm all the hot guys with big sprayed hair and wearing LEATHER! Fuck yea!

I'm sorry, I just have a real problem with prissy prudish snobby girls who turn up their nose at such things...
I want to punish them!!

Think of it this way, no guy wants a prudish little snob, so more cocks for the ladies who love em!? ?: ok:? ?:-*

That's true I guess...

I think I'm schizophrenic... I love being dominated, but at the same time I want to dominate... its strange...

Demand that your guy dominates you, and beat his ass until he agrees

:hihi: Great idea dude!

 ;D Thanks  ;D Yeah...i tend to hope it was just that...its just after meeting two girls in sucession acted basicly the same way I started to wonder!


 :rofl:

Now this is where i'm going to sound like a pansy, but that sort of behaviour just isn't my style. I'm not saying I can't give it hard and good when its wanted or anything like that. But holding people down until they agree to fuck or threatening them just isn't me. This is going to sound lame but its like I kinda want them to want my cock for itself or to please me, not cos their like frightened and hurt. Know what i mean?


Ahh now I actually tried that with disasterous results!! Its so hard to explain...i'm about to go off to work...but if i get time before hand i'll post a longer message with my real "sex story" that kinda explains how things went between she and I.


Yeah don't worry Chelle, its not my style anyhow...I'm more into the lengthy pleasuring type approach than the rough stuff (unless requested  :hihi:). Anyway - i used to be a lawyer - so i'm all too familiar with what would be rape and what's not. And while SG's advice may not constitute rape on a girl like her thats obviously consenting to such treatment, I suspect it would on the average woman. No disrespect to SG though - if only more girls were into sex as much as her  : ok:

quote author=Danny Top Hat link=topic=35210.msg711297#msg711297 date=1158441306]
I don't think Monkeychow has a girl at the moment.

Yes sadly not...its been eternity since i had sex or got to taste a woman...i'm starting to loose it in day to day life its been so long now!

Ok.  So as promiced..and given this is the sex thread where
we post too much information about our sexual antics I thought i'd fill you in on my situation?sorry in advance if the detail offends anyone!

So basicly, I?m 29 and I?ve really only had 3 relationships, 2 of them long term, and heres the problems that ensued?.

The first girl I was with for seven years. Now we had some sexual disagreements between us, but I didn?t want to be as shallow as to end a relationship just because the sex wasn?t happening, but let me tell you after seven years a man gets frustrated. But I hung in there. I know you?ll all say I?m an idiot for doing it, but when you love a person, and everything else is perfect then you can forgive some problems. Anyway?she basicly had sex hangups which amounted to her not wanting anything to do with my penis. She also thought all forms of oral sex was ?sick and disgusting?. So basicly the exact same thing would happen every time we got together. We?d make out and caress and do all the regular foreplay things. We?d both end up in the nude, but then she?d say ?your not putting that THING inside of me? and I?d get told in no uncertain terms that either oral, vaginal, or anal was right out of the question. If I made a hell of a fuss I could get a handjob, but, at the risk of sounding ungrateful, to me that?s like big deal, cos I can do that myself eh? So anyway?we?d get naked and keep with the foreplay activities, and once she was turned on enough she?d let me go down on her. Now this was also odd for her because in theory she though that was disgusting too, like she thought I was a total sicko for wanting to lick and kiss her down there. But basicly, without bragging, what would happen was that she?d get so hot that she?d temporatily change her mind about it, so I?d go down until she came a few times, then basicly take a cold shower and we?d go to sleep or watch tv or whatever. Now when I complained about this kind of treatment, the reward I?d get was nothing at all. Like no sex or forplay or anything for months. And that?s harsh. And like at the risk of sounding like a wierdo?I have a major fetish for cunnilingius, so like theres only so long I could hold out in a test of will before I?d gave and be eating her again. It was so unfair but I needed it!! LMAO!! So I had 7 years of that!!!

The second girl I dated for 9 months, turned out she had religious views about sex being wrong. (I didn?t know that when we got together). And after 9 months of me questioning the time table for sexual actitivies (like ?is it ok after 3 years? After marriage? Whats the plan??)  she ran a mile. (Sorry to sound like I was an asshole about it ? but I?d just had 7 years of the previous thing. And all I wanted was like an idea in my mind of what would happen ever if anything so I could mentally prepare for the wait. )

The last gitl I only dated for about 3 weeks before she left to move to europe. So it barely counts. She at least would have regular sex with me, but she still refused to suck me off ? claiming it would make her jaw hurt (but she never tried even!). then she left.

Since then I?ve been alone for over 2 years. WELL?now you all know what a looser I am!

Damn you really have had bad luck... I wanna give you a hug now!

You've had really really really terribly bad luck! Those girls you went out with need a slap! Well, the first one just needs extreme electro-shock therapy, the second one needs a reality check, and the third one just needs a huge big fat slap across the face!

Don't worry MonkeyChow. There's a rocker girl out there in Oz who's horny as fuck and will do anything! There's gotta be!

So, SkynyrdGirl... did you say you wanted to come over and listen to rocketqueen on repeat??? :hihi:

Hahah...thanks...i'm accepting all forms of physical comfort today  :hihi:  :yes:


Hmmm...i'd settle for giving them a good spanking then getting my blowjob already!  :hihi: Hahah..who am I kidding...i'd settle just for the BJ  : ok: Wait - lets face it...its been 2 years even since those shamefull times - i'd settle just to eat one of them out some more....god i've become sick and pathetic!! . :o  :hihi: is it wrong to like giving head more than eating food? hahahah...i'm so addicted....


Well...bring her on I say  : ok: Lord knows i invented the other thread just for it! :hihi: Anyway....i hope your right...but it seems that in the land of oz personality counts for nothing anymore - and thats all i have hahaha!

Not really a sex story, but the most fucked up almost hook-up.  My buddy and I went to a bar in State College, PA to see the Misfits.  While in line we met these two really cute Penn State girls and hit it off.  We smoked and joked and when we got in they even got us a table and bought the first round.  Anyhow we're hitting it off great and make it through the first two warm-up bands.  The Misfits come on and my buddy and his girl are rocking out and after about 4 songs the girl I was hanging with just starts getting sick and sits in her chair and holds her stomach.  She was 3 sheets to the wind drunk already and I thought she might have just partied herself out because she started throwing up.  So I ask her what's wrong and she says, "I'm pregnant."  HA!  Now as fucked up as that is.....I was just like what the fuck and laughed it off.  But her friend got pissed at her and had to take her home.  Shit was messed up, but hilarious in a way.  It's an inside joke between my buddy now when we're out drinking. 

No sweetheart, you're a normal guy who's just had some bad luck with the ladies.  There's nothing sick or pathetic about it, that I can see...  If it'd make you feel better if you were here I'd be glad to let you spank me!   ;)   :-*

And me...... get in line Chelle!!! ;)

so you and you're buddy got friendly because all tha ladies were gone haha  :hihi:

only joking. : ok:

I was first, meh...   >:(

Stripe ya....... spaghetti junction babe........move it over!!!!!!! :-*

Will you two get a room already ::)


In Fort Myers




Oct 27 ;D

I'd do more than just spank.... ;)

Oooo now that's tempting!!!!!!!!!

Oh dear... seems we've got one problem. Mr. MonkeyChow's in Australia...

His ass needs a spanking! Ooh I can bring my bullwhip!! ;D

Ladies, ladies, ladies...

I'm sure there's room for more than just one of you.

There is here at least ;)

Really Mal? Prove it. Lets see what you're packin'! :smoking:

I dunno, it must be that god has cursed me with a gift getting any girl I want *knock on the wood* since I've never failed yet.

The one who is my fuckbuddy now, I told my friend the first time I saw her, just to wait, I'll have her, why? cos I can, that's why? :hihi:

Danny Top Hat I've had fuckbuddies, with some they work, but every so often either one, me or the girl I'm with only for sex will start wanting for more.

That's kinda happening to me now and guys really I'm not complaining, since isn't every mans dream to get pussy every hour 24/7 when you just happen to feel like it and still be able to score other chicks too, if you feel like you want something different, or just see if you still got the touch to nail a new chick.

I just enjoy talking and sleeping with her, and sleeping with her and talking. And she's totally into filling my every desire. Today we agreed we should do it in the movies. I'll keep you informed? :hihi:

Oh.. she was my friends fuckbuddy too, until this weekend since we were busted.

I made her choose then, me or him and prolly lost a friend so it sucks.

But hey, I had to see if I'd beat my friend.

So his fuckbuddies are down from five to four so if he's pissed I think he's just creedy.

There's a finnish rap artist called skandaali and it's got a song translated as "your bitch".

I played the song to her when I fucked her today.

"I can't get your bithc outta my mind, I feel dizzy when she's around
'cos I remember still, what she whispered in my ear
soon we'll see how mad you'll be when I take her
she doesn't need you but a real man
your bitch ain't part of your future
I'll show her the world, I'll take her to heaven
I'll take her to praha, paris and thailand
I'll buy her what you can't afford
I'm ready to work her for months
we're meant together, so I must announce
I lack only one, it's your girl from my side
So dry yuour tears, I ain't stealing nothing
I have to have her, cos I love her

She's pretty when she's yours
I enjoy when she gets wet
her eyes strike like bullets when they hit
so keep your ears open and hear the truth
whatever you have comes to an end
It's the same what you'll do, she wants me more
I won't lose her but you will
It's only life and I have to do this
'cos maybe I'll find something lasting the first time
I won't say more, I won't boast
but boy are you awake, can't you tell?
when I'm around, she follows me with her eyes
When I got to toilet she follows me as a hint
she wouldn't have seduced me more
if I could resist the forbidden fruit
so let's test who's the better man
you were taking her to your cabin, I'm taking her abroad

but we'll see if she's my woman
and then you won't be around
since I always want what I don't have
so now you don't have, but is there another way
to test my skills and see if I still got it
you were an old friend who I lead like a stray dog
it's not me, it's an urge I can't erase"


It feels like our story, since I just had to have her, and I knew she was mine the moment she whispered to my ear "could we love?"

So why did you call yourself Sin Cut?

When I was in a band there was a song I wrote and there was part that went:

"Sometimes it's so hard to force up smile
Sometimes it's so hard to find a meaning
'Cos with envy they blame
For being good in the game
Where scoring is the top crime"

crime=sin

so I changed Blue to Sin.

 :drool: So long as I also get to kiss it better as described above  :hihi:

(sorry if this is offending anyone...but i figure its ok in the sex thread...if I'm out of line someone just  tell me to get less peverse)i

Really...OMG....a second girl that'd fool around? (Monkeychow looks around - sees the fourt horsemen riding in flaming charriots in the sky and realised it must be armegeddon)  :hihi:

Or is it not me and just a good spanking of any varity your into? : ok:


LMAO...promice? I'm a charity case these days...I tell you if I get one more BJ refusal after getting nude with a girl, i might develop a complex or something  :hihi:


 :drool: :drool: Ladies I dunno if this plan even involves me or just you gals whipping each other...but lordy I feel like i'm being all greedy just thinking of it! Mind you - i've had my fair turn at waiting around and missing all the action as I think we all realise from my 200 winging posts!


 :peace: Wait...hold on...its not my ass that needs spanking...well ok...actually maybe...but theres bigger problems at hand  :hihi: :hihi: Ok that wasn't funny but at least i can laugh at my own jokes  :rofl:

LOL...yes the fact that i'm in Australia is kinda a problem huh. But then its been so long since i tasted that taste that i'd fly a woman over if she would only not run a mile when I got nude!  :hihi: Ahh dear...i reach new levels of pathetic with every post!  : ok:

If you can't get fish, check your bait.

And for God sakes learn how to fish.

I hear ya...but those Aussie women are sharks  :rofl:

In that case.

Use dynamite.

.... and get a bigger boat.

I'm not touching that one  :rofl:

(ok...so i will be after another few minutes of being single : ok: )

Me? Say no to suckin' cock? Not on your nelly!! :P Gotta be clean though! ;D

And dude, you do NOT sound pathetic! You sound like a dude who just loves sex but hasn't managed to get any in a while because all the women you find are complete prissy princess babies who won't suck cock when told to! Grrr... poor Monkeychow! *huggle*

Oh I am clean : ok: Zero STDs going with my history :hihi: and i'm hygine careful when it comes to my parts, that's kinda the irony of it, like she thought it was such a dirty thing to do or whatever, but like i consider it a very clean part of my body, like i tend to wash before touching it so as not to give myself infections from dirt on my hands and so forth. Ok...so now i just sound like a freak! :nervous:

So basicly...I should fly you over here for a holiday, you can suck me off, I can play with that excellent ass you have, and we can rock out to GNR for a bit?


YEah that sums it up :peace: God is painful - thanks for understanding  :hihi:

Monkeychow, Skynyard... get a room! :rofl: just kidding u guys can keep up with the cybering if you like.. :nervous: :drool: :drool:

Babe it sounds to me as though getting a room is exactly what is on their minds!! :hihi:

 :hihi: I wouldn't say "no" to her that's for sure...time to go call the airline and send her some tickets  :rofl:

Sorry if its pissing everyone else off though!

No, no its asuming :smoking:

Its the brillance of the net. Like on here SG is talking about getting on her knees for me, but in real life, given how hot she looks in those pics, i'd say she'd pass me over for someone hotter!! (No disrespect SG - i'm just going on my trackrecord here!!)

The net gives us nerds a chance to dream  :hihi:

You, my dear, need a shot of confidence in the ass... 

I second that....confidence is probably the most attractive thing to either sex.  You have to act like you are THE MAN....walk a fine line between cocky and confident.  Most of all, remember if you get shot down by one chick, its not the end of the world, there are BILLIONS of other people out there.  : ok:

Your 100% right on that! Lack of confidence is everything with women to, like you gals can smell it a mile off and run  :hihi: But mine took some hits back in the day, and its never quite recovered...but i do what i can...

But given this is the sex thread, i'd be expected to say I need to give a shot of confidence to an ass, rather than take one  : ok: :rofl:

i fingered this girl i was fooling around with a few months back, anyway the day after my hand i fingered her with was covered in poisin ivy. i never talked to her again. true story.

You mean like you got dermatitis from fingering her? Really?? WTF?

Or that you'd been fingering her with fingers that wern't clean and were 5 seconds of getting a nasty rash themselves cos of it?

 :peace:

i never thought about in depth i just kinda put it in the back of my mind and locked it up the the vault. all i know was it was poison ivy and i got it after i fingered her and i didn't have it before. which would mean the obvious.

Talking about confidence I agree with HannaHat and Chelle in this one (tho no one has disagreed either by shouting/posting "Confidence is so unkewl!")

So I was having pillow talk with the girl I've been posting about and we were talking about the first times we met. And she told me she did think I was a bit full of myself, but now when getting to know me she's been positively surprised. And she's been talking about me to her best friend.

So I wonder if that means she might not shoot me down if I ask her to date me seriously, but then again I don't think I need to say anything, since things will prolly go naturally to that.

I asked where did she get such a crazy idea of being full of myself and then I told her that the first time I saw her I told my friend I'll get her.

"You were pretty sure of yourself"
"Yeah, but that's just because I couldn't take the other option"
"Which was?"
"Well, not to have you. Hey, you don't think I'm here just for the sex, honey?"
"You're so sweet"
"Maybe, but that doesn't mean we'll have sex any less"
 :hihi:

Anyway, she likes fast cars and I get mine from repair tomorrow. I lost the second muffler, so I looked at the spare part prices and they were expensive as hell, so the repair guy asked me if we'll juice some extra power of my ride instead, so we're just stripping the second muffler and hope the simons sports-muffler keeps the car quiet enough, I should get around ten hp more.

But that was not the point  :) The point was that I'm getting my limo on friday and I asked her if she'd like to do it in a limo, she was totally into it and the limo just happens to have tinted windows.. and I could ask a friend to drive us around when we're doing it  : ok: And we should also do it in my sport car.

Oh, and I told her that we're having a contest with my friend this weekend, since he thinks he'll have more sex than we do.
She told me my friend doesn't have a chance.

Excellent work Sin!!

Be sure to post the results of the "contest" - how many times you do it on an average day would you say? What make car do you drive? And is it true what they say about chicks and cars...lol.....i had a porsche 944 for a while...didn't help me any  :crying:

 :peace:

I think we're aiming around 7 or 10 times a day, since we want a crushing victory  8)

These are my rides.

(http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f181/bluecut/37979562.jpg)


(http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f181/bluecut/26709175.jpg)

I dunno is it true about chicks and cars, I usually don't mention anything about my cars, but I learned that with my limo it's better to keep doors locked while in centrum, there's was once three drunken chicks who tried to get it, too bad I had a customer.

But it's fun, chicks comes to talk if I park somewhere, they wave at me in lights, I get fly kisses, it's fun.

i once fell out of bed while haven sex.it was the longest drop ever lol.and the room was very dark.i didn't know when i was going to land.when i did it was a loud crash.and my sister came running in the bedroom .she seen me naked on the floor laughing. :nervous:very funny  thing to happen.

So... can a few of the guys here answer this honestly.... is it a complete turn off if a girl is a virgin?

Id say no but its not a turn on either its the actual girl as a person that should be the turn on  ;)

I'd say it would be a surprise.

If the girls over 15 that is.

Not a turn off tho, but I'd be more serious with the girl whos cherry I pop.

Actually Kaybee most guys I know would be very into the idea that the girl is a virgin. Why? Well...i think its a few things:

1. All of us guys no matter how hung and how much of a stud have some deep burried performance anxiety. Its like what if she screamed more with the last guy? Or felt something more? Or - gasp - he had a bigger dick :hihi: We learn not to think such thoughts...but theres no harm in knowing theres nothing to compare you with.

2. I can't speak for everyone, but for me a MAJOR source of my sexual enjoyment is the idea that i'm giving pleasure to the girl and causing certain feeings in her. Knowing that not only was I doing that, but it was the first time she'd felt them and thus novel would be an extra turn on.

3. Some guys see girls as conquests, and being the first to conquer something is always the most impressive.

4. Theres the obvious advantages of no STD issues.

5. While i have NO PROBLEMS with girls enjoying a healthy sex life. If she's a virgin, then she doesn't just "give it up" for anyone - makes you feel a sence of honour in that your special and somehow better or worthy of her.


I guess theres also some downsides:

1. She may not know how to do various acts well (but it can be fun to teach surely?)
2. Theres additional pressure to be memorable and good - cos its her first time. (but then i always try and be good! who doesn't!)

So while not everyone may agree with me, I personaly would find no problem in the girl being a virgin, and if i was going to be honest - i'd say it would turn me on.

oh..i'd just like to add - if you or someone you know is a virgin...make sure you tell the guy in advance rather than after the deed....then if he is a decent guy he can make some effort to make sure your first time is as enjoyable as it should be - otherwise might not go so well... :beer:

well, the only downside is that, like monkechow posted, the inexperience.

Sure I've taught a girl or two and they've been fast learners, but if I got to choose obetweentwo girls virgin and not-a-virgin, I'd take the one who'd all ready got ridden of it.

Minus points of virgin sex;
1. Women with experience tend to do it better.
2. Women who've done it earlier usually gives it easier when virgins tend to think they have some valuable good they must hold onto, really it doesn't wear if used. Older virgins are a different case, I'm talking about teenvirgins here)

Minus points after nailing a virgin.
3. When worked a virgin they tend to date you (really it was just sex, not a proposal) and it's not nice to press a guy like that.
4. the problems that will follow if I find she really wasn't my type and I've realized this after I've popped her cherry. And since I was her first and bla bla, she'll get some crazy idea that I used her and sends, for an example, her crazy brother after me.
5. often first time must be something special with candles and wine and some poetry and cliches like "I'll be gentle", "I love you" or "no teeth, no teeth!" or just having to use white lies like "If you gotta ask I've only been with three girls before you".


Plus points. (As my addon to those monkeychow wrote)
1. When you get to train 'em from the start and if you know that game you can train 'em just the way you like. (-1 point; if a break up happens the next guy will get a fully trained sex machine to fullfill his every need.)


And really Ms. Virgin, I'm sorry not everything works out.
But I stole nothing and if you want me, masturbate to my memory, instead of calling me 4 a.m.

And really I don't see the point of boasting about scoring a virgin, since usually they are younger and easy.
But if you get two virgins into threesome I'll give you respect.

Was that a serious question?   ???

Just answer the question

shes a chick she is excluded

But she could answer it from her point of view on a male would it be more or less of a turn on for a female if the male was a virgin.

I think is just kiddin but, I gotta say is not a turn off, cause 1st you can have this girl for the first time and make her feel for the 1st time like a real woman, 2nd she wants to do it with someone special and Im not being old fashion here lots of women want that, lets be real. And 3rd Come on is a virgin it will be very tightened ;)

No she's not. Answer the question Chelle   :hihi:

am i missing something here is she a dude

Kaybee, I used to tell alotta guys that hit on me that I was virgin, to see their reactions. ?So damn predictable... ?I don't how many guys ?(almost every one, w/o exception) would immediately take a different approach, and try to give off the impression that although any other man would be turned off by the fact... he would do me a huge favor and overlook it, have sex with me, and then it wouldn't be such a burden to me. ?Sounds great, hm?

And would say this in all seriousness, stupid assholes... ? ::)


EDIT: I don't mean to imply that all men are like this, but hell, the majority of college guys....

sex is sex  : ok:

At the end of the day this should not be about the guy.... (no disrespect fellas)... this is about you and what is right for you.... dont go sleeping with a guy just to get rid of your virginity..... that's ridiculous.... you should be having sex with the guy who you are totally in love with and it just seems right or...... that you are totally in lust with and cant help yourself......... either way (hopefully) you'll be happy with the outcome (except if he's a virgin too! :hihi: apologies once again fellas).? So hold on a while babe and wait for the guy who totally floats your boat..... it'll be worth the wait......... :yes:

You didn't go with that rutine with me  :hihi:

No way!  It'd make no difference to me at all.

Virgin boys are annoying...  they tend to either be complete geeks, or they're just whiny cuz they haven't got any yet. Oh, and they tend to last about five seconds. ::) And they have no idea at all how to go down on a girl. Also they're more prone to "ewww I don't wanna screw your ass! I'm not gay!" ::) Grrr...

I can imagine that for a guy, a virgin girl would be a good thing... they're tighter!

Good point...   :hihi:

I'd say that's kind of a blanket statement and not exactly very nice!

Hamsterdude... I'm not nice. I'm a bitch. The bitch. And to you that's Queen Bitch! :hihi: :smoking:

The Bitch is Back!!!!!!!!!  Go girl!!!!!!!!! : ok:

Thats cause their moms are just so damn hot :drool:

Well that's not very nice!

Is that all you say Hamster? If it is, I may have to whip your ass into shape!

Is that the whip with the five tail things on it babe cause you know..... I really dont like to share that.... ;)

Tighter may be a slight advantage, but can also be a bit of an issue if you just happen to be well endowed  : ok:

Ooooh, big guy are ya? :hihi:

Hey i'm a geek that whines about not getting a BJ and its not annoying its addorable and you all love me  :rant: :hihi: :hihi:

But i do give good head so i guess your post doesn't apply to me  ;D

yeah but ladies can pop out babies from those things. Although i agree it can be a problem with virgins if well hung, cos they can get scared and clentch so much that entry is difficult, even if they mentally want to have sex with you. My solution = go down on her more oral first  :hihi:

I really wish Russian Roulette would just go ahead and blow this guy so he'll shut the hell up about the same shit in every thread

How about I give you D's number?

These three threads should be merged.

-along with the fun shit thread.

Not a big guy in general, but on the larger side below the belt.  Hey not complaining, it can be a good thing, just pointing out that it can have its downside as well

Huh?

I think he is saying that because of the gay references you were making earlier : ok:

I know, I just didn't understand who he actually meant was saying the same shit in every thread. I guess it was D.  ???

Anyway, I'm back on my Alba addiction again.  : ok:

I was talking about monkeychow.

Oh.  : ok: Gotcha.

ok...i'll behave...i know it did get draged into a few threads there... : ok:

From now on i'll keep the filth to this thread and behave elsewhere!

this is lame.

Which bit? The idea that virgins are tighter? Bigcash implying he is well hung? or the concept thats theres a downside to being hung?

As for the tighter thing. it's prob just that they're nervous. LOL. I don't deny that with practise girls can take all kinds of massive objects...but is a virgin really tighter in general? I'm not too sure if medically speaking its accurate..i thought the vagina was a void space which stretches or contracts to accomodate and "grip" the object invading it. (To an extent - only a certain stretch or contraction is possible). And i was under the impression that vagaina depth/size/tightness is basicly a bit like penis size...in that its different in every human...and there's no sure way to tell. (Eg small girls dont always have the shallow pussies, tall guys arn't always hung etc)

Of course theres also if the girl does her pelvic floor routene as well  :hihi:

But anyway I'm fairly sure thats the case. Like i'd expect that guys who slept with a few girls would say that they've found some vagina's tighter than others..and i don't think thats a function of how much the girl has had sex.

So i don't argue that a girl may find a certain man too small for her pleasure wize, or too big (at least to accomodate comfily without hitting the cervix etc) - i think its just a matter of blind luck in finding a partner with a penis/vagina that matches the size of one's own penis/vagina...

The part Bigcash implying he is well hung.

Since the biggest tool is useless if you don't know how to use it.

And a small tool.. hell.. that's just gotta be bad.


A topic

How do you guys feel of ugly guys or chicks?
Like fat people or those who should wear a mask?

It just keeps surprising me how some ugly bloke thinks he got a chance to some 10 outta 10 points girl. Is it just that they hope they get laid out of pity, or that their drunken charm works, since some ugly one has come up with the comforting lie about inner beauty.

Just face it, inner beauty don't work shit if your hideous appearance makes the thought of sex become repulsing.

Are you living in a dream? If your tummy got three layers and I don't even want to think about the sweat between those, you sure ain't gonna get a guy who takes care of himself by exercising regulary. At least that's the deal with me. My ex tho did find some fattie for herself, but I think it's good since she was jealous about me and I'm sure that fattie sure don't have to fear girls wanting to sleep with him.

Another example; a couple gets married and the woman or man stops taking care of himself.
Isn't that just cheating? If I marry someone and she stops taking care of herself and puts on some 20 kilos of extra weight, like I would want to sleep with her anymore, sure if I do the same it's just wrong for me to complain.

So how much do you boys and girls look at appearance when you meet someone?
For me it's 100% for me to get to know someone, now if the pretty package it's good on the inside, too, I've hit the jackpot.

Since after all you can't live with a pretty retard either.

Do you normally talk to girls like this when your with them? Cos that might explain the whole lack of sex and bjs thing you're going through  :rofl:

j/k  ;)

 :rofl:

Nah actually in real life i'm very polite and well mannered...its just online when posting in this kind of thread I tend to get a bit carried away with the detail. Sorry if I offended anyone.  I must seem like a jerk from all my posts on here...but in real i'm the "nice guy" guy that finishes last as they say!

Man how have i missed this thread for so long.

I'm a transport kinda guy. Planes, trains and Automobiles.

Only ever been caught once that was on a bus. Suffice to say we got off and continued elsewhere

Oh everyone has had sex on a crappy haunted house ride right?

Got a BJ in the school toilets too. That was good. My current GF gives the best BJ's ever mind you so i've had some experiences with her . . which i'll take to my grave.

I'm boring i know. Some of the stories you guys have are much better.

But i know a mate who had sex with this woman who was interviewing him . . and then he didn't get the job. We wound him up for years that his performance was below par.

Once again this thread just rules

Interesting post...

Well i don't think fat or ugly people should wear a mask or whatever one of your questions was...but I do think many such people (like myself lol) will have a tough time in today's society.

I mean - i'd like to say its the personality in life that counts....like i'd like to belive thats true....but I think it seems for most people...they filter by looks, and then out of the good looking people, start sorting by personality.

You know like humour and personality and all that are very important, but I really think people start assessing those things once they've already weeded out the potential candidates who arn't acceptable looking.

A great personality can boost you up a few points, like make u go from average to good in a partner's eyes...but
if your too ugly, yet really nice, most people won't ever give you the time (other than plutoniclly) to discover your really nice.

That's my somewhat cynical view of how society operates anyway!

One time I stayed up all night, and then the next day I jacked off at some point during the day (can't remember when now) and then later that night, a girl came over. 

I had never had any pussy before (I was a virgin until I was 22) but I'd had blowjobs before. Anyway, the girl came over and she really wanted me to fuck her, so I did, therefore losing my virginity.  After she left, I was so hyped up from finally getting pussy that I jacked off again.

So, for those keeping count, that's 3 times so far in this night that I've nutted.  Now, I was still very horny, so I called another girl I had been talking to and asked her to come over and give me a blowjob.  One thing to note is that I hadn't even had a shower from the first girl, so my dick smelled like a condom, and those things are pleasant to smell, you know?

Anyway, she came over and sucked my dick, but didn't say anything about the rubber smell. I nutted in her mouth and she swallowed (and this was the first time I'd ever met her in person.)  After that, I stood up and I was like "Do you want me to fuck you?" and she said "Yes."  So, I got another condom, but I had to make her suck me until I was hard again because at this point I was having trouble.  I had nutted 4 times so far and hadn't had any sleep the night before, and it was already like 3 in the morning. 

Anyway, she got it hard and I put the condom on, and then I tried fucking her, but I kept almost falling asleep because I was soooooooo tired, and my dick kept going half soft.  A few times I pulled out and made her suck it again so it would stay hard, but I finally just said "Okay, I can't do this, I'm too tired."  It was pretty akward after that, and I never heard from her again.  :(

But seriously, who can stay up all night and then stay up into the next night, and cum more than 4 times?  I had a right to not finish fucking her.  :)

well there's your problem, who wants a nice guy?
Nice girls are a turn off, sure I don't want a total slut either, or hell, who am I kidding?
I do them all, but the one I'd date ain't a nice girl but somewhere in between. I've been with nice girls, but it's been boring.

And doesnt the saying go that bad boys gets the girls but nice guys they marry, or something.

I don't know if it's been a topic yet, but know when we've talked about virgins, then how do you feel if your partner is more experienced? What about if the guy or girl has had, say, 50 partners?

 : ok:


I love this girl


Gotta love dreamers ;D


 :rofl: for some reason they'd prefer it in the eye than the hair thats what i got told when i shot in my gf hair :hihi:


Once again this girl is my new hero. You should have a TV show or something. but thats what my gf says too. Its silly not to swallow i think.

Its the same with guys and girls who wont kiss their partner after theh other has been down on them. Its stupid. A blowjob isn't as good unless the girl swallows.

Once again would like to add SkynyrdGirl is Awesome  :beer: : ok: :beer:

I can, last weekend, 2 days, 15 times.

There's one time when I had a rough week at work and had a flu and hadn't really had much sleep the whole week. So I got myself a girl on friday, but she was a bit shy so I had to see her again on saturday to get laid, so I've had a little fever the night before, hadn't slept well for over a week and we stayed awake talking and drinking beer until 5 a.m.

So we went down to action and I was so tired so I just wanted to get it done (man she was tight) but for some reason I couldn't come and I told her we should try again when I'm less tired.

But she got together with her ex and all I did was a poor perfomance, which bugs me still (perhaps the oral sex with ice in my mouth saves something), 'cos actually I have a reputation to keep, there's two occasions when a girl has come and asked at some bar
"Are you XX?"
"Yeah, have we met?" (who have I put pregnant, have I nailed her friend, is she pissed?"
"I've heard about you, are you as good as they say?"
"There's only one way to find out, honey"

Oh, and once I've been asked if I'm interested to become a stripper.

And once;
"I know that fucker, he's like with new girl every time I see her" (coming from a girl who had five guys in one night when I was doing "stuff" with her roommate"
"He dated *insert girl name* before and then her cousin *insert another girl name*!"

"And listen asshole, I know you cheated on *girlname 1*"

Actually I hadn't, but I told her is damn comforting that someone's life is so meaningless they keep a record of my doings.

And yes, I scored the girl she tried to warn about me. And never saw her again.

I guess it depends what one means by "nice girls" and so on. Like i mean - when i say "nice girl" I dont mean it to suggest that the girl has to be disinterested in sex. What i mean is a girl has a kind personality and empathy for others and is a decent human being so to speak. So what i need is a girl that isn't a bitch, but who does has a major sex drive to go with her kind personality.

As thats basicly what i am in real, a guy who has plenty on interest in sex, but i try and be nice to other people and a good person if that makes any sence!!


God I hope that's true. But as we were saying earlier. Its prob that they marry the nice ones out of the guys who are already hot...lol.....


I have no problem with girls having had multiple partners. Assuming of course that she's been smart and is STD free. I mean i guess on some level 50 is a lot of guys to compare myself against...like i was saying in the virgin part of the  thread...but if i was confident that she liked me, then it wouldn't be an issue. Especially if i thought she and i made love well togther so to speak!

Do you find you have trouble getting through doors at all?

ha ha ha dude if i ever meet you ill buy you i drink, classic i wanted to write something but that was perfect :rofl:

no, but it's a true story, I was so sure she ruined my chances, tho. Good thing she didn't.

Monkeychow I understood you wrong on the nice girl part, since over here if you talk about nice girls, you talk about those who ain't had that much sex etc.

As for the bad boys part, I think it's basicly about self confidence thing. If you've had a lot's of girls and find it easy to get a new one and that you've been in a couple fights so you know that really the guy picking a fight with you ain't going to just walk over you. It brings confidence. And when not backing down and showing no fear usually gets the other guy to back off. And when it's not really the end of the world if that girl you're talking with ain't interested, but the fact you ain't trying too hard gives you an advantage. And when you get a girl to hit on you, then it's a sure homerun every time. (Expect once when the girl's friend reminded of the bf back home).

Then again there are the bad bad guys who believe themselves, get girls and then treat 'em bad, obviously you don't want to marry one of those.

I tend to think I'm a good bad boy, since I've stopped a rape (and paid taxi to her home and politely said no thanks to her offer to have a drink, 'cos I felt like I was taking advantage of the situation). I've got involved when some guy has slapped a girl around more than one occasion, it's not like me to let things like that slip.

Ahh ok...i think we understand each other a bit better now then  ;D

You certainly do come across on here as having an uber-confidence (i dont mean that as an insult or anything by the way) - and i'd say your right in that its definately a part of your sucesses with the opposite sex.

It sounds like you and I are very different people though. Like basicly i'm not the type to get into a fight, and if guys challage me i'd crumble like a cake. Unless i was incrediably angry or something deathly important was happening. Then i'd fight but i'd get my ass handed to me.

For example...i too would attempt to stop a rape if i saw it, but i'd prob get killed and the guy would go back to his raping  :-[

People say to get more confidence and i'll get laid more. And i respect them for saying it and i know their right. But with my inner nature, its also something I can't do convincingly. its kind of like telling a person to change their height..its just part of who i am. But i'll keep trying. But to be perfectly honest...now that i've hit 29 - i'm starting to think its past the point of no return...i don't say this to winge or expect sympanthy or have a defeatest attiude or anything like that. But in all honesty in the last few weeks i've started to think its quite likely my sexual satus will remain this way forever.  Just because women are attracted to certain things, and well, I don't have thsoe things. That sounds silly, but nothing has changed in like 15 years now, so i can't see it suddenly reversing - even if i try some new approaches. But thats ok - i think the secret will be for me to adjust to this view and try and live a fullfilled life in other areas. But it won't be easy...so expect me to come on here and make the occasional distressed post! hahahah  :rofl:

I think it's important to be sexually attracted to someone intially.  But in the long haul it's the attitude and personality that carries the relationship through. The person may be physically gorgeous, but can you live with them? It does matter in that regard. If you're just after sex, then it won't be an issue.

Also, what if you fall in love with someone who has a beautiful face and body, but two years into the relationship she/he is in a horrible accident and gets disfigured? Do you stay with them, because the love is too embedded to leave? Or do you walk away, because they don't have that perfection anymore? That's a test of true love and loyalty.

That's a damn good point journey, but accidents happen, it's not like it's anyone's fault and yes, I would stay by her side (tho it's easy to say so, but really it would be true hell to see someone you love in a wheelchair).

But the weight thing is different, since that's someones fault and it sure ain't mine.

Expect if she's given me a child, but then I expect her to get back into shape eventually.

MonkeyChow - "nice" is a curse word.  Never forget that.  Erase that word from your dictionary.

From now on you can be 'kind', 'empathetic' and 'thougtful' but never nice.  Nice means 'bland' and that's about the worst thing you can be.

Monkey, I suggest you start working out.  Then once you get strong, get in a big fight and beat up some blokes, THEN the girls will be all over you.  Your lack of confidence stems from a lack of confidence in your strength and physique.

do it.

DO IT!

I like you! Can I buy you a drink? :beer: : ok: :smoking:

I repeat... ?you need a shot o' confidence in the ass. ?

Working out would probably be a great start! ?Staying fit usually works wonders in boosting your confidence and lifting your spirits all the way around. ?: ok:

I agree, but if you're too lazy to exercise, good hard drugs work just as well.

Translation: She thinks some girl should get a strap on and make you squeel like a pig.

Also a great idea... you know the old saying - if you can handle taking a giant dildo in the ass, you can conquer the world. 

Wait, you never heard that one?  Ummm... me neither...

It's one of my favorite sayings. 

I did work out for about 2 years...but it wasn't doing my joints anygood and was interfering with my guitar playing...so it got handed its papers  :hihi: But maybe i'll get back into it....

 :hihi: So long as i get to return the favour :hihi:

Of course thats a no brainer.

And i'll obviously buy you a drink back. Just for being so damn cool and RIGHT when it comes to your views on Blowjobs.

Cant stand those girls who think its horrible to Swallow. Fair enough if you dont wanna but Every Guy would prefer you swallow no matter what they say.

Imagine a guy kissed you after smoking and spat it out straight away. Its just rude!

Thats why Skynard Girl get a drink in my book  :beer: :hihi:

Sin Cut and Monkeychow in an Odd Couple-style reality show. Someone, make it happen.

I got a few....here's one for now.......When I was 21 I had this blonde girlfriend. We went to the movies and during the coming attractions she got this tremendous urge to give me a blowjob. We were in the back near the corner... so pretty well hidden.....so she starts blowin' me and all you can see in this dark theatre is her blonde head bobbing up n' down on my lap. I must've moaned or something because about 4 minutes into it, a row of people several rows up turn around and see this....so naturally I give them a friendly wave....they start laughing and the blonde gf had no idea.....she was VERY focused....and I never told her about that....TRUE STORY....... :peace:

Friendly wave!  Haha that was my favorite part!  ;D

last night I was with Ansku, the girl I've been telling you guys about.

Shit this is getting serious.

Anyway we had a good night, actually few drunks came to us at one pub and told us we look so good a pair.

I told Ansku they just want to be in my shoes, I'm prolly right.


Later, after visiting a nightclub, where we made peace with my friend, who's been telling Ansku I'm just after her pussy and all bad shit about me, we went to have a pizza.

So there's this guy who's gf I've done (she told me they didn't date), the one who came to the appartment when I was in the shower.

So he starts to pic a fight with me with one of his friends. And I trying to keep it cool, until they call Ansku to shut the fuck up, when she's telling the guy to mind his own bussiness. That's no way to talk to a lady so I give the pizzaboxes to Ansku and tell the guy to do his worst.

He's a head taller than me so I push him a step back and I could have had a clear shot on his throat, you ever been hit on your throat? It takes the fight out of you. So he starts telling me how my sister will never talk to me if I hit him (fuckin' coward) so I laugh at him and tell Ansku let's just leave this idiot before he shits himself.

But he gets a friend and they catch up with us so I I'm thinking I need to put one of them down fast, since I'm outnumbered. I'mk thinking an elbow shot on the first guys throat and a knee on the other guys stomach and when he doubles a few knees on his face, or if he has the time to hit me, I'd try to parry or dodge and the land a punch of my own.

So I ask the first guy if he got some guts now when there's two of them and he just talks and talks. So he tells Ansku that I'm cheating on her all the time (we've been seeing for a week and I've been with her every day) and Ansku tells him that why should she care, we ain't dating and now if he could just leave us alone, since she going to have some great sex with me.

So they try to follow us to her appartment so I take a hold on the first guys shirt and tell his just about to do his biggest mistake and should run the next time he sees me, the I push him out from the front door and back to the street and slam the door shut.

I'm thinking of calling him and asking if he got the guts to fight me.

No one talks to my girl like that and the fact he tried to come up with shit to break us apart I'll just won't forgive.

Good for you dude.....Anyone who starts a fight as long as he has the advantage as far a numbers, is a fuckin pussy to begin with. Sounds like you handled that really well. When I moved to upstate NY from Huntington Long Island a few years ago, one of the first things I noticed is that EVERYONE talks shit and is a tough guy....but almost none of them can back it up. They become gutless once they realise that "yeah, I am gonna fight you buddy"....all of a sudden, it is a big misunderstanding. Real tough guys are the ones who never start or talk shit...they don't have to...They just mind their own business and have fun....like you were trying to do...... : ok:

So you moved to Kingston, huh?

You're talkin to him, right?

yeah, I've cooled down a lot after that lawsuit I got when fighting ten imigrants.

Btw, I called the guy and told him he better stop before he gets hurt.

Shit, you're in Finland dude...I gotta go there on vacation....I LOVE women in other countries....I do just fine here but women in other countries outside the US, for the most part, are MUCH cooler and take care of themselves much better......am I wrong?

Anybody got a sex story or two or five to lend me? I don't have any... :'(

I don't doubt your fighting skills at all, but you should be careful hitting people in the throat...you do it too hard you could kill them and wind up in a lot of trouble from the cops.

Yes. It's much better to pinch them. On the dickie bird.

Haha!  That'd be amazing! :rofl:

Yeah but we know what would happen. He'd use his confidence to bang all my ex-girfriends, i'd get upset and have a go at him using my new HTGTH forum member's "be tough guy" advice, then he'd beat the crap out of me!!

Actually that could make for good ratings  :hihi:

No, you would stand up for yourself, hit him in the face and prove to the world that you still have a set of balls.  Then he'd beat the crap out of you, but it wouldn't matter cause the next day you'd feel great about yourself.

Not that i've ever been in a fight - ever! :-\

You've never been in a fight?

I'm gonna call Brad Pitt and start up a fight club for you to join buddy!

Kinda like the guy in Dazed & Confused, right?   ;D

If you expect to get any results you better call Edward Norton

Yeah but...well...never mind.  :'(

Stop ruining my fantasies!  :rant:  :rofl:

Here's my sex story. Last time I had sex, I was drunk. It was real wild! And then when I woke up at first I didn't know where I was! It was pretty scary. Then I was like, "Oh, yeah, right."  :rofl:

Sorry, my stories are lame, I have yet to get a blowjob in a theater Skinflick.  :-\

I did get a blowjob in the back of a bus once but it was really empty and no one was around so that doesn't count.  :'(

Elaborate...

We, like, did it and stuff! And, like, it was real wild man! It was so wild, like, I mean, it was just CRAZY!

^ sorry, couldn't resist.

I can't really tell, since I've never been to US ?: ok:

But a vacation is always good :)

Anyway I wouldn't recomend coming here on winter tho, for atleast I find winter depressing. Summer and the never ending sun is so much nicer.


Yeah I know that, a good grip around adam's aple also puts you down, since you don't get air to you brain. But in a situation like that a guy needs to be put down fast, so it's either that or then let him walk away with a broken nose.


what all three of them? ?:hihi:

Last night me and Ansku had a talk and I asked her how she felt when those guys came to talk shit about me and she told me she really ?didn't care since she we're above that anyway.

So I told her it's absurd the guy even grows a set and comes to talk to me since her should know I know a lot of ex-cons, guys who's been in for murder, guys who do anything from 10 bucks, not to mention a load of guys from combat sports (I wouldn't call it martial arts, cos there's no art when they fight, just pain). And the guy has seen me fight.. hell.. maybe that's why he didn't have the guts to do shit.

Anyway I'm feeling pretty great since I asked her would she think it would be bad if I'm starting to fall for her.
She asked would I think it would be bad
And I told her that only if she thinks it's bad
"no it's not bad at all"
"Good then, 'cos I just might"
"Me, too"
 : ok:

The blowjob was nothing....that fact that people were looking my gf's bobbing head, then me waving to them in a friendly manner.....and my gf having NO idea....that's funny shit......I never told her....even after I dumped her.....I got some more stories if you want to borrow one or two for a small fee brother..... :hihi:

The Dirty Sanchez, Etc.
From: "Br. Cleve" <bcleve@pop.tiac.net>
Subject: the dirty sanchez, etc
Here is a fairly extensive compilation of some of the

extraordinary sexual activities that can be performed by men:

1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed

to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)

2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep

and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so

that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.

4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this

right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.

5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments

before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the

back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,

the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.

6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports)

7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the

neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.

8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty

wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However,

you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must

gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.

9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you

oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek.

It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.

10. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.

11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull

back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.

12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you

start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The

force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.

13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before

you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together.

14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to

do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.

15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls,

tap the head of your cock on her forehead.

16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you

attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it

can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is

forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are

available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.

18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use

of the tongue.

19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going
doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.

20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough.
When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.

21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having
her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure

as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all

over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).

22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that

when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails.

23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while

laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.

24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her

ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed

winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.

25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and

discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you

stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry

smothers your face.

26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who

has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.

27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then

proceed to titty fuck her.

28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal

probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple

knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either

on one finger or on multiple).

29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from

behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to

anythingwhen she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside

so that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.

30. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners

face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.

31. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while

getting head.

(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible,

but it is definitely worth a try.

32. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's

on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face. 

33. Dutch Oven: Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in

the sack pull the covers over both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well.

 ;D ;D : ok:

:rofl: I love those descriptions!

The funniest one is 31... Ray Bans... :rofl:  The sickest ones are all the ones to do with shit...

Aaaanyhoo, my friend at college told a story about when he was walking home yesterday. He walked past a bunch of benches, and on one of the benches, there was a guy getting head from his girlfriend... and it wasn't discreet either. Apparantly the guy was really thrusting into her face whilst holding onto her ponytail for dear life! :hihi:

That is annoying as fuck...  No thrusting in my mouth, goddammit!!  I have zero tolerance for that....

I have seen a video of someone doing "Dogs in the bathtub"...  It was the most hilarious video clip I have ever seen on the internet.  It wasn't so much the outrageousness of the move, but the running commentary by the guy was just priceless.

Man, thats funny shit.

Thing is, some women get off on that....and some don't......

 ???  But no qualms about a Hot Lunch or Dirty Sanchez?

I hope that list is just a joke.

Some of the things on it are a bit nasty.  :(

I mean I like sex as much as anyone, but theres no need to disrespect the girl showing you a good time... :rant:

no joke.. dl some vids from a p2p network. There is some real sick shit out there!

Yeah...like i don't want to sound prudish...i'm all for a good fuck!! But this stuff like "lets hurt the girl or make her fall on her face or punch her out" and that shit..its uncool to me.

Why aren't the chicks I know more like the chicks in this thread?

No.  I didn't exactly feel the need to address those....  Fucked up shit.


Apparently some people find it amusing.

My ex has a rape fantasy, she loves being taken control of and gets seriously dirty when you start to make moves on her she resists and gets more horny kind of strange but means i can get some when i need some he he  : ok:

Mmmmmmm gotta love rape fantasies!!! :drool: :love:

Ive been trying to find out from her when she finishes work, I want to start to follow her on the way back he he, she was being quite dirty on the phone last night, I may have to phone her work and ask them he he.  ;)

Well im off out tonight, so hopefully il hav some hot sex stories to tell you all, its been a while, im getin a little backed up.

From now on i'm going celibacy.

Lies, lies its all lies!

this sucks...i was in the hospital for 10 days with an illnes...and now sex for me for a month and no drinking for 6 months :'(
for fucks sake....I created this thread, there should be no ay that my doc should tell me to stop having sex :(

aww dude that sucks!

damn fuckin mosquitoes!!

You have to have constant sex for a month  :o Great doctor advice  :hihi: (I think you missed out the "no" part)

No, he just accidentally put a "w" on the word.

lol...thanks for the support guys.
Its a thing called Dengue, occours in mosquito infested places and abviously by a moquito bite, like my lovely city !!
affects your blood, and mine was a really severe case, hopefully nobody on this board gets it.....cuz the worst part is being stuck in the hospital cuz then ur just stuck and cant do anything, or as in my case, anyone!!!

IM A VIRGIN!!!!!!

no not really, my cherry fell out along time ago. although i do have some saucy stories, but am not willing to share them with you morons  ;D :hihi:

hah, you're just jealous of the stunts some of us gunners have pulled off.

Nah, she doesn't wanna have her ass eaten by Jim or I.  :hihi:

how selfish of her.

God should teach us all to share of what we got.

Like if I'd got a std I'd be more than happy to share it with any stunning woman happening to need it.
And she'd get the sex as a free bonus.

 : ok:

We all win in that situation.  ;D

I in particular have to "pull off" very often to make up for lack of aforesaid stunts. :rofl:

Here's my sex story for the day. One time I was banging this girl and she was like "Oh me like me like" and I was so freakin' horny. It was sweet.

 ::)

Only would a thread such as this exist on an Internet forum dominated by sexually driven young males.  ;D :peace:

was camping in the bush with some friends, i was seeing some one at the time and well we decided to have a quick romp in my car!! well my friends decided that they would come and have a peak, the two front doors of my car opened and two of my male friends sat there wide eyed watching me as i did my stuff, then i felt ash kissing my neck and his hands on my boobs and another hand down near my twot, felt good... normally i would have stopped but i was so horney that i just kept going ::)

never again *coff * :hihi:

I'm having trouble visualizing this. Post a picture of yourself for reference, please. Thanks.

http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/6113/melly4xu.png

hope its ok, dont no how to post it properly

I was just joking but you're a good sport.  :hihi:

I was at this club last weekend and I had more than a few girls wanting to know me better, but since I'm seeing someone I had to let them down.

I was just wondering how you guys feel when a chick comes and tries to get in your pants? Since there was a small part of me that wondered would they be any good.

no drinking cuz my liver enzymes hat got affected and were thrice as high as they should a been, improving well now, should have  a few drunk pics up within a month by the looks of it :D.
And no sex cause im just too weak, the thing was that the platelets in my blood had gone to 3,000 when theyr supposed to be 150,000. Now when thyr that low, and sudden movement could make ou haemmorage, just playing in safe really,not in that way though :(.
Hope that answers your question though!

Had sex with some girl in my class...

I thought she would have loose vagina... Turns out it was pretty tight, good 20 minutes...

Next time i'll use a condom, don't want any kids, she is std free however...

Hope there's no bun in the oven.

Haha! that's the spirit.  But what if she had one of those STDs that lie dormant and don't show symptoms? Then next thing you know you're a walking herpes factory and have a list of VD court cases against you a mile long. 

ouch, yeah apparently she was tested but wow, haha that would suck!

I fucked in a Taco Bell bathroom about 30 seconds after they got done cleaning it...spent a good half hour in there. Good thing they used to have single, seperate bathrooms, with locks. :lol:

This definitely isn't me... but have any of you pervs had sex in your parents bed?  :hihi:

Do you actually have to go to court for that?

Why? Are you worried?? ::)

Yeah  :hihi:

We tried to come up with the name of the girl I fucked before my gf last night.

We gave up when we were down to two names. lol.

I bet the girls think I'd actually remember. We also tried to think which girl was the worst in sex.

I think it was a finnish idols competitor, I'm not sure.

My friend told his worst was a drunk fat chick  :rofl:

Today I woke up at my friends place and there was this chick, I wonder why she kept telling her name to me and looked at me as it should mean something.

Later she told my friend that I'm the most emotionally cold guy she's ever met, 'cos it turned out, I'd nailed her two months ago and really I didn't remember her face.

 :rofl:

It ain't my fault if she's dyes her hair and gains a few pounds, really.

I think she ashould know that this year my "bodycount" has been high and there's no way possible I can remember everyone.

But maybe she gets over it :)

classic dude classic  ;D

After reading a few pages of this thread I must agree.  :-\ :hihi:

 Is it my faut their bed is so big, soft and close to the shower??  :hihi:

I certainly wouldn't now... my mom's bed has fleas thanks to the cat living in her room... *shudder* Thank fuck I don't have to go in there... uuuuuugh even the THOUGHT makes me feel squeamish...

Yep - among other places.

They have a waterbed.. ;)

Would a cup of tea made from waterbed water be fit to drink?

it is jsut tap water..... so i would think it would be

I have it on good authority that it's not "jsut tap water". But either way, I'd still like to try it.

you`d also like to try a cup of tea from the cooling water of your car? :hihi:

What an odd question.  Is there any hidden implication in there or are you just curious?

Either way, i'd say probably - but it wouldn't be that good a cuppa.