Here Today... Gone To Hell!

Hey!

I'd need some advice from you guys 'cos this is something I can't figure out.

As I've writen in some of the topics I broke up with my gf, she's a bulimic and having a hard time with the disease and frankly I did my all to help and talked her to see a doctor and a shrink.

She was ordered some depression pills and regular visits to the shrink once a week.

She broke up with me and still don't know the reasons, since her reasons for the break up don't add up.

They are;
I'm jealous (I once took a hold of this guy caressing her and told him to back off)
I get in fights (Four imigrants jumped me and I defended myself and have to go to court, I mean four of them agains't me and three agains't my friend and they can't take us down but press charges)
I wan't too much sex (true, she says she don't got any need for sex)
I have different goals in life (I want kids someday, she don't)

We had a week that we needed to think about things, that's when she was with another man, even if she agreed she would not.

She also said I could be with another girls, since I'm a sex addict and I did two girls, but didn't do either of them the whole way, maybe I got into senses or was too broken to go through with it with all the emotional pain I was feeling and really I was a mess and couldn't do shit at my job and only told my secretary I don't want to be bothered and sat a day on the beach.

When I heard about the other man I tried to take my life with booze and sleeping pills. I can't stop thinking about her giving head to some other guy. His hands on her and her's on him.

So first we agreed we would stay together but live in different appartments and take it slow, but I couldn't stop thinking what had happened (yes, it's hypocrite, but my problems with our relationship was mostlythe lack of sex, so I couldn't and can't understand her decission. And don't go saying she wanted a better sex partner, 'cos really I'm that good). And I really care about her more than of anyone before.

Now when we've broke up, I had twice sex with her last night, once in the morning and she told me how much she cares about me but we can't be together and I told her, I'd be with some other girl today, so if she really wants to break up it's no coming back soon. She said it was okay and that she wouldn't be with anyone else for a while but me.

What does this mean?
It can't be all sex, can it?

I had a date last night and I'm seeing the new girl today, and she's a real smart piece too and hard to get, a brunette with blue eyes, cute smile and a good figure. Our intresses met from the start and I have a good feeling about this.

But I'm torn in two ways. Should I try to get my ex gf back, I think I could still do it, but she might be better on her own and as a friend, since our relationship was making her anxious, since she felt she needed to please me with constant sex. I felt I was nothing but an empty bucket she could pour her bad mood into, but I was waiting her to heal or get better from the eating dissorder which has now been getting worse. Or now it might be better cos of the docs and shrinks and all.

Or should I turn a new page?

Really I want advice what you think is going in my ex-gf's mind.

Only possible solution is to just move on.  Let her go, don't call her, don't talk to her, just move on.  Sounds like you're both causing the situation to be unhealthy and that's going to continue to cause problems.  You'll lead a continuous life of having her as a fuck buddy until she finds someone else then she doesn't come around so often, then you don't see her and you get jealous and it just doesn't work out.  Never try to hold on to something that isn't there.  Good luck.

Dr. Bill strikes again. :peace:

wow !

and i thought i had problems with my girlfriend ....

well.
your girlfriend is .....a girl. it's all normal.

if you think you can live with her no matter what happens, then yeah get her back.

but hearing you broke up with her a couple times already, that's no good signs

We broke up a couple of times these last two weeks

It was out of the blue to me.

I just don't get in her head, if she says she don't want to have sex, why does she have it with me now when we're broken up?

Maybe it's because she knows she won't see you everyday since you're broken up, therefore she wants to take advantage of the time she does have with you.

Eating disorders can cause all kinds of psychological and physical problems. It's not that she doesn't care about sex, it's just that her body is so weak and she's just not in the right mental space for it. Getting better should be her main priority. Maybe that's what she's trying to do. And it's possible that she needs to distance herself from people in order to do that.

Overall I think you answered your own question with this:


Also, there may be a lack of trust and mutual respect between the two of you. If you're having sex with other women and she's being with other people too, then it's very understandable to drift apart, even if it is just casual sex being had.

Journey, I don't think it's that about disrespect or anything, sure what she did does bug me when I think about it, if I put it to the back of my mind and don't think about, I swear I feel almost as before.

Actually our drifting apart begans when she started working 7 days a week and she couldn't admit it was too much, untill the doctor told her to cut off some work. And during that we didn't see much.

And I know everyone needs some time on their own, but breaking up with a bf helping you through some bad times is just bullshit. And well, her time alone was in fact with someone else.

I think that's what hurts the most, some time on her own, to think about us, what we'll do. Some space on her own and what she did was jumping into someone else's bed. I think that happening changed something in me, 'cos really I ain't angry  of her being with another man, but to let me believe she was working on her own feelings about us. Actually if I don't think about the image of her with another man I don't feel a thing. And I feel it will stay that way and if I do something myself then the next morning I don't feel a thing and life goes on.

What do you guys think, can you stop cheating? Or is it something that follows you, like being an alcoholic?

sometimes relationships can be fucked up...  both of you have to decide if you wanna be together or not... but the truth is that when third parties are involved it s very difficult to work the things out... I think that you should move on...

She is probably sleeping with you because it is like a reassurance thing for herself that the door isn't closed.  I sort of know what I'm talking about here (don't wish to elaborate), she wants to know that she is still the most important thing to you and that she's the one you want even though she is rejecting you.  One post here said about her being physically weak due to her eating disorder and I think that was a good comment.  I think a lot of what's going on is pychological because people with disorders like this hate themselves for being the way they are but it is so hard to break from (like a crack addict breaking from the pipe you know).  It is really, really tough and I think her coming back to you for physical comfort is like a link to 'all is well' land.  I know that might sound crazy but I do actually understand where she's at having been there myself.  For you though, I can only say one thing or your own sake you've got to move on.  She's nowhere near recovering from the sound of it and from what you say your wants and needs are on different planets.  It's not going to work.  Heal yourself and put your energy into doing that.  Sounds like you've met someone else you could make a go of things with, if I was you I'd journey down that road and see where it takes you.  Best of luck.

The answer to the thread's question is, "yes to both!"

She is bulimic.  She has a serious disease and does not need the interference of a tumultuous relationship.  Either help by being an asexual friend or help by getting away.  (I prefer the 2nd of those 2 options) 

You are in party mode ready to screw anything that turns you on.  You should not be in a committed relationship at this time.  Maybe in a few years.  Don't screw with chicks' minds.  Lay it out on the table before you mess them up.  If they're down with the casual sex that isn't a big deal to them, fine.  Or, I hear there are chicks who dig "open relationships."  That type of chick is for you.

Oh, by the way, you aren't jealous for telling another dude to stop caressing your chick.  Your chick disrespected you for allowing another man to touch her in that manner.  Any chick who truly loves you would not allow this.   : ok:

Long-term outlook on a relationship where 1 wants kids and the other doesn't?   :nervous:awful  :nervous: 

Ditch the chick with rotting tooth enamel, an increased risk of esophageal cancer, and bad breath, and get on with your life Blue Cut.   : ok:

You wrote she is bulimic. Well, there is all you need to know, really. Eating disorders take over your personality. So, you are talking to the eating disorder, not her. Understand where I am getting at? This girl is not herself, and recovering from bulima basically takes all your energy away from the rest of your life. It is almost like a drug addiction. The drugs take over. So, if she doesn't make sense to you, it is not just because she is a girl (although we are difficult creatures, I give you that). She probably doesn't make much sense to herself either.

I agree with A4prez. Best thing to do right now is to be her friend, platonic friend. Go out with the brunette, start over, and try and help your ex-gf with her problems in a caring way without getting involved in a sexual relationship. She needs to focus on getting back on her feet, and I think you should focus on building up a new life for yourself as well.

Just my $0.02

Dude u cant fit a circle into a square.

its hard to face but just cause you want it, that doesnt mean things are meant to be.



there are times u can have very little in common with someone but it can still work out, but if u are breaking up all the time, arguing more than u are happy, thats a great sign it isnt meant to be and all u both are basically doing is wasting time.

I've said it a million times on this board, Love isnt suppose to be so complicated and hard.

If u are with the right person, u will find that being in love is actually quite easy and unbelievably wonderful to be in.

If u fight,dont get a long, break up, dont have the same goals and interests, u have to cut your losses and move on to someone else.
The search continues.

It takes time but if u stay with the wrong person, u will never find the right one.

I agree, this is stuff you often already know, but you just need to have someone say it out loud to understand and accept it.

Thanx for the advice everyone.

I did get together with the brunette, actually I just got home from her place.
It's hard just to ditch my ex, when she's ready to give.

But I guess it gets easier after she's moved away