Here Today... Gone To Hell!

Grrrrrrr....... need to vent!!!!  My husband is doing my head in!  He gets jealous of the slightest little thing.  Why do men need constant reasurrance that they are the most important thing in your life.  What's with the jealousy and control issues?  I've tried to tell my man (who I absolutely adore by the way even though I could throttle him at times), how much I love him, how much I need him and all that.  I'm loving, caring, understanding and like having sex with him.  What more does a guy want??!!!!!!  I won't mother him, he's already got one of those.  He seems to need constant reassurance that I love him and that I'm not going to leave him and that everything is fine between us.  Christ sakes, we're MARRIED!  I didn't get married just because I didn't have anything better to do that week.  He's just gone as he is working away this week.  Thank f!!k for that, because I need some serious breathing space.  Anyway, I feel better now. 

us men are delicate things you know we need reasuuring just like you women need reasuring that your ass is not to big or you breasts to small and that yes you do look beautiful in that new dress you brought.

I guess there's no happy medium.

Some men have had so much rejection that they need a lot of affection, especially if they tend to get depressed easily.

Sometimes, all they need is someone there, to listen.

If he is jealous, he may be a little low about himself, so there is nothing you can do but point out his qualities and be patient ? And cuddly and shag his brains out  :hihi:

Well women are insecure about physical things because of all the beautiful models, movie stars, and magazine covers, even if we're a size 2 we think we are too fat.  It's hard to compete with perfection that is constantly bombarding us. :(
  But this sounds more like an emotional problem and he  seems to be very insecure about the relationship, even though there doesn't seem to be a reason why.  Could be because of something that happened in his past, and he now has trust issues.  Maybe he can open up more and try and find out where these feelings are coming from.

His ex-wife went off with his best mate and took their baby (now 17 yrs old) with her.  She was a total bitch, I am not.  I love him, care for him, constantly reassure him and we have sex like it's on prescription (you know, three times a day after meals!)  So, I get a little frustrated with his continuous need for reassurance.  He doesnt have to reassure me!  I'm nearly 40 but everyone says I still look great.  I'm 8 stone, 5' 4" 35-24-24, have a successful salon and live with a man I adore with great kids.  Hell, I'm happy!!! Why can't he be the same?

I don't need any reassurance I just need sex.. I don't need to be told I love you over n over or have to know eevrywhere you go, I just need to have sex not always initiated by me.. You want to show your love then there is how, sex in the afternoon, sex on the couch.. Not just nightime routine fucking

Actions speak louder then words ;D

hehe, i get you mike !!!

kill routine, take that word off the dictionary, erase it from memories  :hihi:

Trust me the sex part we have no problems with.  My nicknames not Martini for nothing.! I just wish I knew how to make him realise that he has no worries with me.  I really love the guy and  I find it hurtful that he doesn't seem to trust our relationship. 

You can't... and you should'nt be hurt either. It's perfectly normal that he's insecure about the relationship when he has been burned that badly. I can understand how you might feel hurt since it's a trust thing, but you have to realise that his mistrust has little to nothing to do with you and everything with past experience. I'm sure his ex wasn't such a bitch 17 years ago, so you're actions now, how faithfull, loyal and convincing they might be, can't make up for the fact that he got hurt real bad in a relationship that probably started out rather good and turned sour after 17 years.

Don't hold him accountable for that and don't get worked up about it; it's the only solution.

She left when James (Andy's son) was a baby, he is 17 now.  We have been together for over a decade now.  I have never given him any reason to doubt me or us.  But I hear what you're saying and you're probably right.  No matter what I do it's not enough so maybe it's his history that is the problem and not me.  It would be nice if I wasn't the one paying for it though.

yeah that word is useless to me accept in the gym.. :)

Some guys are just babies, they need to be reassured all day, sounds like issues to me

Pretty, you sau James is 17 ?

My dad got VERY depressed when alex, my brother, turned that age.

Alex was  bright, funny, intelligent and had loads of girlffriends.

Dad got hit in the face by his own age, and got VERY down.

I'll stop here because the rest isn't pleasant.

Maybe he is going through his "40's" crisis ? It's hormonal as well you know, the sudden drop in hormones is a reality and that could make him exactly as you describe him.

I think you should go your doctor and talk about it.

Psychological, or not, it's not good to stay this way, eventually, you will both be pissed off and things will turn sour.

Lol - men say the same things about women :hihi:

Maybe he's concerned because he thinks you're sleeping around. I mean, come on, look at the divorce rate, up over 50%. Can you blame him. Men get scared because women cheat once they've used him for all he can be used for. Then they move on leaving a man older, broke, and bitter. Damaged goods.

I have never, never slept around!!! I love my old man.  He knows I'd never do that.

U gotta be patient and try to be understanding.

My Ex cheated on me, had a baby by another guy but told me it was mine, so I stayed with her and thought he was mine for half a year before i found out otherwise.

If u have never been betrayed this way, its impossible to understand what someone goes through


I drove my Girlfriend I got now absolutely insane for a very very long time just cause after something like that happens it makes u scared and afraid.

If u are an animal that constantly gets beat down instead of petted, u are gonna flinch everytime someone approaches u.

Same here, It will just take loads of time for him to be secure and confident again.

Have a heart to heart, tell him u understand why he is the way he is and that u will do all u can to prove that u arent like his ex and u wont let him down.

Sex isnt always the answer, communication and patience and allowing him to heal and be whole again is the only thing that will solve it.

I use to be so bad, that if my girlfriend didnt call me around the same time every night when she got home from work, i would be up pacing the house thinking she was out with someone.

Whats crazy to someone normal isnt to someone who has been totally fucked over.

Just My Two Cents:
From what I understand, the male ego is a very fragile thing...think of it like this:
His jealousy is not really about "you" or "anything you are doing" -- it's about his insecurity

Although women can be just as insecure as guys so it's not just a "Why do men need constant reassurance...."
There are plenty of women who pull this kind of behavior also...and it comes down to insecurity...

Has he gained weight since your marriage?
Have you developed your own interests and abilities since your marriage, and he now doesn't feel like he's the "main attraction"?--that's his insecurity, don't let him manipulate you...

I would suggest you talk to him and remind him of the ring on your finger, and also (in a nice way) let him know the little "you don't like me anymore, I'm going to be green and jealous is not a real turn on for you...if anything I imagine it would be a turn off"...you don't marry children you make them

There's no doubt you feel hurt because of being mistrusted and maybe feel slightly inadequate that you can't "cure" him of his insecurity (which is impossible, he needs to work on that himself).? I agree that your husband needs your understanding but that does not mean you need to subordinate your feelings for his (you're his wife, not his therapist; a human being with your own feelings, fears, issues, etc).? Explain to him how it makes you feel when he's mistrustful of you, while still being patient and understanding about why he acts that way.? ?:peace:

You women are fucking nuts

You can't have it both ways

You don't like it when Men are insecure and need constant attention, yet the men who are confident and don't need that bullshit, are actually the ones that treat women like dirt, whom you refer to as sex-crazed pigs, and who in the end, satisfy your insane wants and needs.

Michael Rappaport in Beautiful Girls said it best:   You're all sisters. We musn't let you behind our curtain. We mustn't let you see the little man with levers.
You're all sisters

Prettytiedup I was kidding about the sleeping around reason.. Although yeah, I'm sure insecurity does have alot to do with it.


D sorry to hear about your story bro.. that had to kill you. I went thru something similar where a girl was dishonest and completely betrayed me. What's worse she had a "so what" attitude towards it all. Felt like I was getting stabbed. Forgiveness takes time, but I realized I was trying to follow unenforceable rules, I cannot control other people actions. If I am maybe I am being too demanding. Still hurt though... :crying: :crying:

"...yet the men who are confident and don't need that bullshit, are actually the ones that treat women like dirt, whom you refer to as sex-crazed pigs, and who in the end, satisfy your insane wants and needs..."


Uuh, I had no idea that a confident male = a disrespectful, man-slut?  I actually have a higher opinion of the male species than that!  :hihi:

And the only women who would be satisfied being treated like dirt are the INSECURE ones...because they don't feel like they deserve and\or are worthy...this thread isn't about insecure women, it's about insecure men.

that was such a good movie

Okay.  I've booked a week long break in Rome for me and my hubby.  We are going just the two of us (no kids).  Hopefully it will give us a good chance to talk and I can tell him how I am feeling about things, because I just feel like he's suffocating me at the moment.  He phoned me nineteen times yesterday!  I do have a business to run and when your doing stuff like tinting someone's eyelashes you cant just keep running to answer the phone you know.  I've booked a gorgeous hotel with a spa and everything, it's costing me an arm and a leg but if it helps get things right in his head it's got to be worth it.

19  ??????!!!  WTF..  :no:  7's alot, 10 would be too many. But 19?  :confused:

Hell yeah

19?!?!? ????


I was seeing this guy, for less than two weeks, and I felt like he was suffocating me.? He texted me over 30 times one day!!? 30 fucking times!!? And when I couldn't respond right away, then he started calling and freaking out because he felt ignored.? When I tried to tell him that he was pretty much driving me insane, he was so hurt but promised to give me space.... that lasted about 3 dayds, and I couldn't take it anymore.? I eventually did just ignore him, and he finally went away.?

Unfortunately I cant just ignore my guy, I'm married to him!

my dad would phone mum so many times a day and text her even more...

she learnt to put the phone on " loud" and do others things and go " yes, yes, yes"..

Kind of worked. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Last night after a very good weekend, I decided the time was right to talk to my hubby and try and sort things out with him.  He was in a 'romantic' mood (it's hot here, been wearing a bikini all day) and the poor guy's got to the drooling stage before our son's bedtime.  Anyway, got the little guy to bed and decided to put the big guy in a good mood before the 'serious'chat.  Had a shower, got dressed in his fav outfit (he's the old fashioned type, stockings and suspenders really do it for him!)  I went the whole hog and started doing my Pussycat Dolls impressions, which I must say went down a treat, we got ....... um, close for an hour or so and while drinking our wine and enjoying the post-coital ciggie, I told him that I felt he needed to ease off the manacles a bit (I meant the emotional manacles btw!)  I explained that although I love him he's suffocating me etc.

After nearly an hour of cajoling, gently speaking and slathers of reassurance his contribution to the conversation (his conclusions on how to put things right) were two things:

1.  We should have more anal sex
2.  We should have another baby.  WTF!!!!!  NOOOOOOOOOO!!!  By this stage I'm hyperventilating and  reaching for my 'granny' nightie.  Today, I'm feeling a little nervous.  He was on about how his grandfather used to lock his grandmother in the house if he went out anywhere.  I've checked I've still got my keys and they still work in the locks.  I've ran out of ideas.  I tell you.  I love my husband, I want our marriage to work but F**K this is hard work!

oh yes Anal sex the solver of all relationship problems??  :nervous:




Tell me your not being serious  :no:




id go along with locking you in a room while he goes out thats fair enough  :hihi:

Meiowww!!! ;)

they say swallowing shows that you love someone ;)

Excellent point ,Sir. : ok:

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

the crap that's to be read here sometimes

Yes....... thank god we only have to read it and not swallow it.  Pass the pineapple juice!!!

come on you luv the taste :-*

anal sex fixes everything ;D

im with this poster

Atleast they didn't say Snowballing. :P