Here Today... Gone To Hell!

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chinese_Democracy




Description


Also known as Japanese Democracy and Kenyan shitwhore prophecy. A mythological creature which, it is prophesised, will unleash itself upon the world to wreak disillusionment and disappointment upon any poor unsuspecting soul who is unfortunate enough to chance upon it. As with most (if not all) mythological creatures, any rumours of its past, current or future existence are actually a complete load of baloney.

 
]Pre-1990s


Small children have been scared into obedience for centuries with foreboding tales predicting the imminent arrival of Chinese Democracy if they don't get their chores done, proclaim their devotion to their parents' favourite deity and/or economic system enthusiastically enough, do today's 14-hour shift in the coal mine etc.

1990s to Present


Since the late 1990s, with astrological transitions and ascendancies heralding the imminent dawn of The Age of Nu Guns N' Roses, it has been proclaimed that Chinese Democracy will soon be unleashed to wreak unknown horrors upon a largely unsuspecting world, as punishment upon it for tolerating one person's vanity project for far too long. It has been suggested, by those gullible enough to actually believe this hogwash, that this vanity project should be officially, and forcibly if need be, renamed Axl and "Friends" in a last ditch attempt to avert this disaster from occuring.

The origins of the myth of Chinese Democracy being caused by one person's vanity project are still very much open to contention, with the surrounding controversy allegedly having lead to unprovoked mass rotten-kipper-aided attacks against azure coloured rubber ducks on at least one occasion.

The one person whose vanity project is at the centre of this controversy, Axl Rose, is adament that every other original member in the rock band Guns N' Roses, and quite a few subsequent members too, left because they felt intimidated by his sheer awe-inspiring genius, both as a musician and as an international weapons dealer. He also proudly takes sole responsibility for the doom which it has been prophesised Chinese Democracy will bring, giving weight to some commentators' views that he will do anything to get attention, and should have been spanked more as a child.

One of Axl's original bandmates, Slash, has a very different view of events, however. "He broke my heart", Slash was quoted as saying outside the courthouse where he and every other original member of Guns N' Roses (except Axl) had just faced Assault With A Deadly Rotten Fish charges, relating to their alleged actions towards Axl's much treasured and beloved collection of azure coloured rubber ducks. "They were my one source of solace in this cruel, cruel world", a teary-eyed Axl sobbed in the witness box on the 37th day of this very drawn-out and controversial trial - much of the controversy revolving around whether anyone actually cared how Axl felt.

Slash actually agrees with Axl's claims of sole reponsibility for the prophesised doom which Chinese Democracy will wreak upon the world - Slash's main bone of contention is that he thinks Axl and "Friends" is a much more appropriate name for the vanity project which will (so the story goes) bring this about.

Dealing with Chinese Democracy Fanatics


If anyone ever mentions Chinese Democracy to you in casual conversation, it is strongly recommended that you smile at and back away from them slowly and calmly while making soft, soothing noises. If the person who brings up this topic with you happens to be Axl Rose, ignore this advice and just run for it as fast as you can and as if your life depended on it, because in this particular circumstance it actually does.


Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chinese_Democracy"

Could have been funny if it had any jokes in it.

Yeah I'm not getting this?

You guys didn't think that was funny? I did.


Lol everyone I know would run from me!

Hahaha!! That was indeed funny!! It's like Chinese Democracy is Armageddon  :hihi:

armageddon :o.you mean world will be destroy because Axl?I dont get it.

Some people on this board have no sense of humor. ::)

haha..has a Monty Python feel to it :hihi:

thought it was prety funny  :D

Yeah, that was way funny.

This one is even better:

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Fuck

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Axl_Rose


hahahahahaha fuckin crazy i fuckin like this!!!!

the fucked up things they said about buckethead doesnt seem fucked up at all compare to his real story....funny tough!!!!!

they used to have an article about the group,but it seems it doesn't exist anymore on that page....or atleast I can't find it....I saved it so here it is :

Guns N' Roses were a terrorist organisation founded in the year 1734 by Axl Rose and his partner Slash. They later recruited the help of demolitions expert Duff McKagan and interrogation experts Izzy Stradlin and Steven Adler. Tragically, Izzy (codename: Yzzi) and Steven (codename: Skip) were killed during a mission in South Africa, while interviewing the daughter of the local mayor. After the death of Skip and Yzzi, Axl became obsessed with destroying the free world. He tried to persuade Slash to change the name from Guns N' Roses to Axl N' Friends, but Slash wouldn't take it and sold Axl out to CIA agents Gilby Clarke and Matt Sorum. Many people still believe that Axl is plotting his escape from the international penitentiary, ReHab. These days, Slash can be found helping out at children's orphanages around the globe, teaching them the dangers of terrorism. Some say this is just a front for his plotting the most horrible terrorist attack ever. Nobody really knows what happened to Duff McKagan. Some say that he is still doing mercenary terrorist missions for several big spenders.

too funny  :rofl:

I love the unbridled hatred of Coldplay.

posted about this back in may...

http://www.heretodaygonetohell.com/board/index.php?topic=30989.0