Here Today... Gone To Hell!

http://www.spin.com/reviews/magazine/2006/03/060323_gunsnroses/

Guns N' Roses
Chinese Democracy
(Interscope)
By: Chuck Klosterman

March 27, 2006

The endless wait is over.

 It?s been a long time since Guns N? Roses have released an album of new material. Everybody knows this, but it?s a fact that bears repeating. If you purchased a kitten on the day that Use Your Illusion I & II arrived in stores, it?s probably dead by now. As a consequence, there has been a great deal of pressure on Axl Rose to deliver a record that would validate a 15-year, $13 million wait. There is really only one way for Chinese Democracy to avoid utter and absolute failure: It needs to be the greatest rock album ever made.

Chinese Democracy is not the greatest rock album ever made.

Oh, it?s certainly awesome, but I don?t think it?s "15 years awesome." Had Axl released his album after a silence of, say, 11 years and two months (at a cost of, say, $11.5 million), Chinese Democracy would be an undeniable masterpiece, but considering the circumstances, some of this work seems shoddy. I get the impression most of the 13 songs were written between 1993 and 1999, and Rose merely spent six or seven years touching them up in the studio. One is forced to wonder if a track like "Madagascar" was only recorded 75 or 80 times, which calls Axl?s alleged "maniacal perfectionism" directly into question.

Does Chinese Democracy offer glimpses of the paranoid, misogynistic genius we once heard on the soundtrack of Interview With the Vampire? Absotively. "The Blues" might be Rose?s crowning career achievement: It?s an epic combination of mid-period Stevie Wonder, early Elton John, and side two of In Through the Out Door. This is the kind of gutter-glam boogie ballad that makes "November Rain" seem like a bucket of burro vomit warming in the afternoon sun. Chinese Democracy is simultaneously propulsive and ponderous, and there are some electrifying guitar arpeggios on both "Silk Worm" and "Thursday Morning Strip Club" (performed, I assume, by either Buckethead, Robin Finck, Zakk Wylde, Johnny Marr, or Brian May -- all five are listed in the liner notes). But this transcendence is sporadic at best: All too often, Rose?s sonic neurosis plunges into self-reflexive self-indulgence, most notably on the outdated 14-minute rap-rock anthem "Pound You (Good)" and an embarrassing "roots rock" duet with new buddy Dave Pirner titled "You?re Still Too Sweet Not to Be My Baby Anymore." Several songs make thinly veiled references to the architect who designed Rose?s backyard topiary garden, a move that may confuse casual listeners.

Obviously, the sexy albatross hanging around Rose?s wiry jugular is simple modernity: Could he create an album that would sound contemporary -- and competitive -- in today?s ever-evolving marketplace? As such, it is hard to understand why he elected to have Chinese Democracy coproduced by Bob Ezrin (Pink Floyd, Kiss) and Phil Ramone (Billy Joel, Barbra Streisand). Songs like "Catcher in the Rye" exhibit the sculpted sheen of Billy Joel?s Glass Houses, and the LP includes several tracks on which GNR bassist Tommy Stinson appears to be playing a note-for-note replication of the bass line from "Another Brick in the Wall." Skeptics might also bristle at the anger that still resides in Axl?s heart; his hairstyle and facial features have changed, but his inner intensity remains grizzly-esque. On the caustic rocker "Slash and Burned," Rose lashes out at his former bandmates now in Velvet Revolver with staggering specificity: "Your singer has cocaine eyes and a skeletonized trance / We?ll see if RCA recoups their advance." Rose has also retained his pathological distaste for the media, lyrically attacking the editors of Vanity Fair, MTV personality Sway, numerous teenage bloggers, and the city hall reporter for the Cincinnati Enquirer (who, curiously, has never written about pop music).

Still, Rose always possesses the potential to surprise us, as he does on a slightly reggaet?n cover of Thin Lizzy?s "Cowboy Song" and a faithful (albeit befuddling) version of "Think About You," a tune actually written and recorded by Guns N? Roses in 1987. But a deeper quandary remains: Does Chinese Democracy accomplish its goal? After all this time and all that money, will this album truly bring democracy to China?

I don?t know. I just don?t know.

what the fuck?  :confused:

It was an april fools joke done by Chuck Klosterman, a huge GNR fan.

Ah, I better change the title quickly!

That was the first thing I thought until I saw the March 27 date :(

I want the time wasted on reading this back.

I believe the word is SATIRE. I suppose you must have some knowledge of the band to be able to make a Silkworms joke!!

This is obviously a joke, but I don't get it... ????

Edit: Ah yes, April Fools. I get it now. That's what confused me, I knew Chuck was always a huge GNR fan...

Satire: Fun for the whole family..........

It's not really that funny at all.

Jonny Marr's arpeggios on "Silk Worms" would be too good to be true.  :drool:

yeah, that is for sure.. i really hope we would hear the final version of Silkworms someday...

 :hihi: That was so fuckin funny  :hihi:

where the hell did he make up a lot of these song titles? lol.. hahaha a raggaetone and rap song... OH GOD

that was great. Anyone who gets angry at that needs to have a look at themselves.

aprils fool jokes about CD start now!
(saul style ;D)

 :-X

Nice April Fools joke! :hihi:

Hey, ya know what they say!! Any publicity is good publicity! : ok: :peace: :beer:

This thread should be locked. ?As I learned the hard way the other night its not okay to post anything that may poke fun at GNR or Axl. ? ::) ;D

How has he heard the album already? ?Does this mean it is coming out in April?

It doesn't give a full tracklist, I wonder if the other leaked songs are on the album.

thats hilarious

This was posted on blabbermouth and other message boards and you'd be surprised at how many people think this review is real. Pretty scary really... :o

just because no one else has posted..............where is the definaitive proof that this is BS, everyone assumes it is bullshit, but why ( other than it being kind of looping sounding in some parts)

one thing is, that silkworms won't be on the album...

Well if it ain't a joke, it's gone over my head.

The reviewer says that if it came out after 11 years and only $11.5 million was spent it would be a masterpiece, but because it's 15 years and $13 million spent, it's not.

THAT has to be a joke :hihi:

TRUE, but for a major magazine like that to purposely spread mis-information, I would think Morally and maybe even Legaly? they would have to let you know in words that what you just read is BS, like a little APRIL FOOLS line in the end, but it is not there??

The article is dated March 27th, not April 1st.  I don't know where you are, but in the U.S. April Fool's Day is only celebrated on the first day of April.  I don't think this is a joke.

scary. some people here are just scary.  :no:

I consider myself a fatal optomist...and even **I** don't belive this article. 

Though I would be interested in hearing the song "Pound You (Good)"  :rofl:

;D

Chinese Democracy arrived in my mail box today! It's a fantastic album with songs that add up to classics like Rocket Queen, Coma, and November Rain. I'm just floored by this masterpiece!? :no:

Other than the fact that this will appear in the 1st week of April Issue. What is everyone basing this being a joke on?
Has SPIN or the writer come forward saying it is a joke?

Someone posted about this a few days, apparently there are some points listed after the review, and point # 4 says "April Fools!"

Come on. Who can seriously read this article and not know it's a joke?!?  :o

shit, i was all ready to believe it... i think i'm getting desperate now :-X

Great joke :rofl: Almost fell for it ;D

What saved me => Strange unknow song titles after Silkworms :beer:

Yeah,I wanna hear that songs too  :rofl:

well, first off... its not april yet.  i think i believe this more than i don't, so many details... who would make up that crap... i think since he's supposedly so much of a fan if the guy was going to lie about anything he'd be saying that it IS the greatest album ever and not be so critical... right? ???

One is forced to wonder if a track like "Madagascar" was only recorded 75 or 80 times, which calls Axl?s alleged "maniacal perfectionism" directly into question.

That was hilarious!  :rofl: Come on people, this is clearly a joke.

From that sentence, you clearly know the rest will be a parody. I've read funnier stuff / parody about the album or GN'R but it's a nice try nonetheless. :)

The Slash and Burned part makes it blatantly a fools joke....

Axl wouldn't stoop to that, no matter what we may think

i see your point, but shit I'm not sure!

yes there's some comical stuff in there, but most of the article has the tone of a serious review and given that it wasn't dated 1st April........

did anyone notice the axl art going with that article??

(http://www.spin.com/reviews/magazine/images/2006/03/060323_gunsnroses.jpg)

I mean..... the pic is better then the article itself

I'm sure that's how some crazy people here see Axl, as some kind of Messiah  :hihi:

And some people are saying it might not be BS, of course it's an April fools joke, just read the thing, you might get it.

ok I've re=read the piece of shit, any yes it's BS : ok:

On the caustic rocker "Slash and Burned," Rose lashes out at his former bandmates now in Velvet Revolver with staggering specificity: "Your singer has cocaine eyes and a skeletonized trance / We?ll see if RCA recoups their advance."

...lol, even if it is BS, its still funny  :hihi:

You guys are crazy! That shit was funny and very well written!

When I read it I thought it was real. I mean some parts seem like a joke or pretty hard to believe anyways. But then I come here and people say it's an April Fools joke. Where the fuck does it say it's a joke in the article? That's my problem... it doesn't say "just kidding" anywhere. It it's a joke, it's a lame one.

actually in this pic Axl is depicted as Mao Zedong not jesus : ok:

The fact that the song titles and their descriptions are completely rediculous. The suggestion that Johnny Marr played on the album. No mention of Better. About a million other things. Bear in mind that the Axl-Weiland rivalry only started recently - why would he write a song critisizing Weiland's cocaine habits. It's not as if Axl's been drug-free his whole life. Geez, some people on here really are a bit dumb. I actually thought this article could have been a lot funnier but maybe nobody would have believed it then.

With a line like this "Several songs make thinly veiled references to the architect who designed Rose?s backyard topiary garden, a move that may confuse casual listeners" it's gotta be a joke.  :rofl:

I think the Axl picture is great though - half new Axl, half Mao. Awesome!  : ok:

Klosterman is a good writer. Yeah it was a joke, but he is a big fan of GNR if you have read his stuff (like in Esquire).

Brilliant Satire!!!  I absolutely love it, and am sure the guy's in the band got a kick out of it!!  Here is my favorite line:

a slightly reggaet?n cover of Thin Lizzy?s "Cowboy Song" and a faithful (albeit befuddling) version of "Think About You," a tune actually written and recorded by Guns N? Roses in 1987.

#5 in the little known facts section says it's just a joke.

http://www.heretodaygonetohell.com/board/index.php?topic=28021.0

groan. research people , research!

clearly it's a joke...but we did get something good out of all of this...that sweet-ass picture up there at the top of the page? ?:smoking:

 :rofl: :beer:

people are bitching here about how it doesnt SAY in the article that its a joke... people, its called a sense of humor.. try looking into getting one! how the hell do you read that and not get that its all a big joke? i freakin loved this article.. great job to whoever wrote it

That is one of the most ignorant, idiotic, and downright stupid statements I've ever wasted time to read.

Nothing, NOTHING could ever reduce November Rain to anything less than perfect.

I think it  is funny, but would have liked it more if it did not come out a week before April 1st.

lol. the german visions magazine actually thought it's true. dumbasses
http://www.visions.de/news/6391/

 :rant: :crying:

Can we all puke now!

I saw this on Spin online today....I think it's funny

I think he's re-recorded the whole album 80 times by now though

Yeah...well....that's how it goes.... :-\

It reminds me of the many people here that give release dates, rumors, and claim to have insider info without also saying "Oh, by the way, this probably isn't true because I made it all up."

The print edition makes it pretty clear that it is an April Fools Day joke. EDIT: so does this; they changed the publication date: http://www.spin.com/reviews/magazine/2006/04/060323_gunsnroses/

The funniest thing about it is how unsurprised people would be if it were totally true... that and the picture.

Take your Meds.. Axl will be in to tuck you in shortly.

Guns N' Roses
Chinese Democracy
(Interscope)

By: Chuck Klosterman @ www.spin.com 

March 27, 2006 / The endless wait is over.


It?s been a long time since Guns N? Roses have released an album of new material. Everybody knows this, but it?s a fact that bears repeating. If you purchased a kitten on the day that Use Your Illusion I & II arrived in stores, it?s probably dead by now. As a consequence, there has been a great deal of pressure on Axl Rose to deliver a record that would validate a 15-year, $13 million wait. There is really only one way for Chinese Democracy to avoid utter and absolute failure: It needs to be the greatest rock album ever made.

Chinese Democracy is not the greatest rock album ever made.

Oh, it?s certainly awesome, but I don?t think it?s "15 years awesome." Had Axl released his album after a silence of, say, 11 years and two months (at a cost of, say, $11.5 million), Chinese Democracy would be an undeniable masterpiece, but considering the circumstances, some of this work seems shoddy. I get the impression most of the 13 songs were written between 1993 and 1999, and Rose merely spent six or seven years touching them up in the studio. One is forced to wonder if a track like "Madagascar" was only recorded 75 or 80 times, which calls Axl?s alleged "maniacal perfectionism" directly into question.

Does Chinese Democracy offer glimpses of the paranoid, misogynistic genius we once heard on the soundtrack of Interview With the Vampire? Absotively. "The Blues" might be Rose?s crowning career achievement: It?s an epic combination of mid-period Stevie Wonder, early Elton John, and side two of In Through the Out Door. This is the kind of gutter-glam boogie ballad that makes "November Rain" seem like a bucket of burro vomit warming in the afternoon sun. Chinese Democracy is simultaneously propulsive and ponderous, and there are some electrifying guitar arpeggios on both "Silk Worm" and "Thursday Morning Strip Club" (performed, I assume, by either Buckethead, Robin Finck, Zakk Wylde, Johnny Marr, or Brian May -- all five are listed in the liner notes). But this transcendence is sporadic at best: All too often, Rose?s sonic neurosis plunges into self-reflexive self-indulgence, most notably on the outdated 14-minute rap-rock anthem "Pound You (Good)" and an embarrassing "roots rock" duet with new buddy Dave Pirner titled "You?re Still Too Sweet Not to Be My Baby Anymore." Several songs make thinly veiled references to the architect who designed Rose?s backyard topiary garden, a move that may confuse casual listeners.

Obviously, the sexy albatross hanging around Rose?s wiry jugular is simple modernity: Could he create an album that would sound contemporary -- and competitive -- in today?s ever-evolving marketplace? As such, it is hard to understand why he elected to have Chinese Democracy coproduced by Bob Ezrin (Pink Floyd, Kiss) and Phil Ramone (Billy Joel, Barbra Streisand). Songs like "Catcher in the Rye" exhibit the sculpted sheen of Billy Joel?s Glass Houses, and the LP includes several tracks on which GNR bassist Tommy Stinson appears to be playing a note-for-note replication of the bass line from "Another Brick in the Wall." Skeptics might also bristle at the anger that still resides in Axl?s heart; his hairstyle and facial features have changed, but his inner intensity remains grizzly-esque. On the caustic rocker "Slash and Burned," Rose lashes out at his former bandmates now in Velvet Revolver with staggering specificity: "Your singer has cocaine eyes and a skeletonized trance / We?ll see if RCA recoups their advance." Rose has also retained his pathological distaste for the media, lyrically attacking the editors of Vanity Fair, MTV personality Sway, numerous teenage bloggers, and the city hall reporter for the Cincinnati Enquirer (who, curiously, has never written about pop music).

Still, Rose always possesses the potential to surprise us, as he does on a slightly reggaet?n cover of Thin Lizzy?s "Cowboy Song" and a faithful (albeit befuddling) version of "Think About You," a tune actually written and recorded by Guns N? Roses in 1987. But a deeper quandary remains: Does Chinese Democracy accomplish its goal? After all this time and all that money, will this album truly bring democracy to China?

I don?t know. I just don?t know.


if this was already posted...i apologize.....just kick me off of here....if not...then...enjoy.....

It's an April Fool's joke that's been posted 20 times already.

Your missing the point. He's not critisizing November Rain. It's an comparison that is exagerated for humour. He's saying the Blues is so good it make a classic like November Rain seem bad. Kinda like saying "girl A" is so good looking it makes "girl B" seem ugly. It doesn't mean Girl B is ugly just that Girl A is much better. As the article is a joke, it's obviously being sarcastic and so is an insult towards the Blues, not NR.

why is this article posted on brian mays website, i just saw it today .... sorry if its been asked already, but it seems alittle wierd considering everything thinks the article is a aprils fools joke

How witty.  ::)