Here Today... Gone To Hell!

This article gave me a bit of a chuckle...

The GnR/VR/STP Conspiracy Theory

We here @ IllitPress.com strive to bring you the latest in factless rumours, hearsay, and utter bullshit. We now present you with a conspiracy theory. One that believe that GnR is in fact getting back together, and that Matt Sorum will, by years end, become a backup dancer to Britney Spears.

To save from a long boring intro, we'll just jump right into the theory.

Guns N' Roses, and Stone Temple Pilots plan on reforming this year.

How do I know? I'll tell you.

Everyone would automatically think that if anyone had planned anything, it would have been Axl and Slash.

WRONG!

The co-conspirators would make a Roman Triumverate look like...well..I don't have an analogy. But they're alot brighter than the Romans.

The Big Three are...

Axl Rose
Scott Weiland
And DUFF MCKAGAN.

That's right. I said Duff. You didn't see that coming, did ya?

Three years ago, Axl and Duff bumped into each other in a shopping mall. It was probably a pottery barn, as they couldn't have been spotted by any real fans, and only old women would be caught dead in there. Chances are, Duff and Axl were probably trying to bone the 17 year old behind the counter. Once they both realize they were going to bang the same girl, hilarity ensues.

After DP'ing the clerk, Axl and Duff get to talking. Axl wouldn't mind getting the band back together.

Axl "You should see the band now. I mean, the guys are cool and all, but there's this dude with a bucket on his head."

Duff "Really? What's his name?"

Axl "I don't know. KFC boy or something. Anyway, let's figure out a way to get the band back together."

Duff "You're right Axl. That evil pancreas of mine was the one that made me quit the band. So I drank it out of my body. Sure, I've taken 30 years off my life now, but he's gone now."

*somewhere, alone, a sad, evil pancreas cries*

Suddenly, out of the sky, Scott Weiland appears on a flaming horse. Or at least, that's what he thinks. This was one of his "experimental times".

Duff "What's up Scott? MAN HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT!"

Scott "Thanks. It's been a steady diet of Jenny Craig. I keep telling everyone it's heroin. BOY are they gonna be surprised!"

Axl laughs "Yeah. I've been smearing Crisco on my face to make it look like I've had a skin peel. Take THAT Andrew Secher at Hit Parader!!"

Puzzled look by all.

Scott "So yeah. I was thinking of getting back together with STP."

Duff "But WAIT! I didn't know you guys had broken up!"

Scott "I'm sure we will in a few weeks. That's why I'm planning our reunion. Better late than never, I say."

Axl "Wish I woulda thought of that."

Duff "Well guys, I have the perfect plan. Listen to this"

Much whispering, so as the 17 year old clerk can't hear.

Scott, looking up.

Scott "Who the hell is that?"

Axl "She's 17, and works in the local pottery barn."

Scott "Did you stuff her with your clay?"

All three laugh, and Ep. 1 is concluded.

Tune in again next time, same conspiracy time, same bat channel, for more on "The GnR/VR/STP Conspiracy!!!"

End credits, with special thanks to Bob Hope for making it all possible.

RazZ writes every....whenever....for IllitPress.com, as well as being the editor-in-chief, and an all around kick ass guy.

hehe that's crazy...   :hihi:

You know i think they could be onto something, it certainly sounds more likely than most of the rumours on here lately!

 ;)

ok ok, this one is actually pretty funny, thanks for the chuckle  :hihi:

i wanted to see what the 17 yr old looked like... :'( :crying:

"Axl laughs "Yeah. I've been smearing Crisco on my face to make it look like I've had a skin peel. Take THAT Andrew Secher at Hit Parader!!"

Puzzled look by all."

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

GREAT.

 :hihi: That was really funny  :rofl:

Axl "You should see the band now. I mean, the guys are cool and all, but there's this dude with a bucket on his head."

Duff "Really? What's his name?"

Axl "I don't know. KFC boy or something. Anyway, let's figure out a way to get the band back together."

 :rofl:  :rofl:

StoneTempleRoses

stupid and funny , YES


But


there is an STP reunion schedule for TV later this year, and that one is real