Here Today... Gone To Hell!

Takin from the other thread:

What about you?

I think:

Everyone wacks off. Just like everybody takes a shit. All men slap the one eyed yogurt shooter, and all women stir the honey pot...everybody needs tho\e relesase of masterbation. I love to wack off. No matter how bad things are or how unhappy I am, wacking off is the highlight of my day, and everyone does it, if you didn;t you would explode. I like to watch lesbians and lesbian sex. Even the word lesbian is a turn-on and gives me a stiffy.

There are people who jackoff and people who lie.

And then their are the guys who don't alternate hand when they whack off and one hand is way stronger then the other.

Yes  every guy flogs the bishop and every girl double clicks their mouse.

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

These analogies are the best!

I don't really see anything to back your claims other than the fact you said "fact" before the statement.

It has recently been proven to be good for keeping a healthy prostate. But that is it. No studies have concluded that it is "hazardous" to your health by not pulling it often.

Thats horseshit dude! The one-eyed monster is the last thing on a man to die!...so keep tapping that ass even when your old and grey :hihi:

Your pipes don't "stop working" you dork...... ::)

 :hihi:

1st things 1st - was this thread started coz I mentioned it in another place??

2nd thing - YAY!  I am glad! I love the Masturbation Thread!!! 

3rd thing - Does anyone have any "i've been caught" stories??

Oh good lord. I cannot believe the stupid shit I post when I've been drinking. :nervous:

It worse When you've posted it twice... Read the "hobbies" thread!!? : ok:

but when my girlfriend was there, i did not jackoff ... i mean if you have sex a lot, you can't touch yourself .....

That is pure fucking gold :rofl:

From American Pie. Now, that's a movie.  : ok:

The hell you can't..... :hihi:

word .

It's kinda like the warm up before the big game .

well, masterbation during the act (in the face of your partner) does not count, it's part of the sex act.

?____?
*shocked*

I wasn't talking about doing in front of the girl.... :P

facial cumshot? I don't think all the girls appreciate that... :hihi:

[Hmmmm.. sound like one of the threads from my gnr forum... there has been allot of threads about sexual stuff like this lately....

masterbation turns me on.... i dont know why.. but only when i get to see it :hihi:

cant belive i jus said that :s

You may be right, but I know a dumb post when I see one.

You must marvel at your own posts then.

 :hihi:

Yep  :-X, I was like 14 and watching porn, I left my door unlocked (how stupid I was) and my father enters but he quickly go away I was so fucking embarrased he never said a word  :hihi:

Is that how you got your name, Mr. Dick Purple? From wanking it so much until it turns a different color?

haha, you are right...I do.... ;D

But not as much as your medical knowledge and expertise..... :hihi:

However I could easily believe that you were an expert at whacking off......

When I was a teenager I had a towel I could use as a nightstand....that thing was worn out!

Who could start such a disgusting thread like this? I believe masterbation is straight-up wrong because it's killing kids. How would you like to be small with only a head and tail thinking you're going to become a person in 9 months but splatter into goo?

Looks like Bridge is right after all!

"has hazardous results for men and women"

Nop  :hihi:, the answer is in the what does your nickname means thread  ;)

and we all will be going to jail charged with spermicide  :o

I think God punished us with that hurricane because so many people in New Orleans were jerking off.

That's it everybody ,stop spanking the monkey right now .

No shit.

The world may end!

You jerk-offs are too candid. :hihi:

True story, a friend of a friend's grandpa was on his death bed and told him to jack off in front of his wife once a month just to show her you can do it on your own!

haha, well...uh.....look at the title!  :hihi:

Think we were going to be going over tomorrows grocery list?  :hihi:

Well I wouldn't ask you advice on chest pain, that's for sure.

Favorite lotion though? I know who to call now...... :hihi:

So that's why men never get to places on time... :hihi:

haha...

I have been late to work a few times.....yes.

 :hihi:

Hold on...gimme about 10 seconds.

Sir please remove your hand from your penis. :rant:

Ten seconds.....that is a long time..... :P

PLEASE SIR REMOVE THE SEXUAL INUENDO FROM YOUR AVATAR NAME! ?:rant:... Its encouraging the behaviours!!

 8)  I'm real tired all of a sudden.

HAHA!!  This thread is my fave of all time!!!  : ok:

So much sexual talk so little little time!!

What about a vasectomy? The sperm just die then inside the body.

Not to mention the sperm only live a few weeks inside us guys anyway before they die.

How much die before they even reach the egg?

You might as well just jerk off dude. The sperm is gonna die anyway!  :hihi:

Guys who "release" more than guys who don't (ie YOU) have a lower chance of prostate cancer.

ORR Your pipes may stop working!!!  :hihi: :rofl:

I've seen it happen....

It looks like this.......

(http://tinypic.com/dewis1.jpg)

Look at that guy!

He's frozen up! And desperate looking.

Theres a Book about that guy!!!

(http://www.africabookcentre.com/acatalog/Desperate.jpg)

 :hihi:

I hope God isn't watching us.... :nervous:

You bet he is... and He is probably masterbaring over some of us.

God - if ur there - why not post!!

careful...don't wanna cause another hurricane with your sinning.

Not even god can Type with  only one hand free .

He DOES have superhuman power... you dont know....  :yes:

Well maybe God is a two hand type of Guy . :yes:

Maybe.... Maybe.... Or maby he just employes one of his angels... Marilyn Monroe!!!   :yes:  :hihi: I guess then it wouldnt be masturbation??  Argh - Scrap That!!  :no:

 :o CCTV from D's farm

I like better women than my hand it's that normal  ???  :hihi:

Yes, you are a healthy man.

But if you liked your hand more...you would still be a healthy man... :hihi:

I feel a big jerk-circle coming on ::) :rofl:

I always think that one of the? most cruel things ,? is to be born without hands. How pissed off would you be!? lol I mean not being able to knock out that frustration lol DAMN THAT.


A second thought:  I wonder if you could get Blow Jobs/ hookers off the NHS (uk) if you were like that? lol ....

if you think he looks like a deprived fruitcake then you probably dont want to see his parents... :hihi:

most of will probably appreciate this

the wank phrase generator
http://www.worldwidewank.com/generator.html

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Ever see those amazing painters that do it all with thier feet? This is what would be done. And done well.

The Dirt... i love your avator... it is awsome and makes me laugh :hihi: cos it's jus like me :)

If it gets out of hand (pun intended), duck and cover.....

(http://tinypic.com/dg0677.gif)

Man, SLC where do u get these pics?  :hihi:

That one POPmetal sent to me. It was what he used to do when his father came home and beat him.

You'd probably have to ask your mom to do it  :hihi:

(http://tinypic.com/aoxguo.jpg)

Is that..... Is that hair gel?

No it's just D

*Falls off his chair laughing* :hihi:

ahhh the good old 'Jerkin the gherkin' thread......

What you think he is like Cameron D?az or something??  :nervous:

In a way, yes. I hear that he has an unhealthy fascination with Bret Farvruh also :yes:

I know you're only joking, but that's a pretty harsh statement. I don't support POPmetal's views, but I don't think we should make jokes about physical abuse.

Journey I sincerely apologize if that hurt your feelings or offended you: I am sorry.

You should know that it was in no way an attempt to make light of any physical abuse anybody, past or present, has endured.

Except popmetal of course.

I've been trying to stay neutral on the favorite member thread between SLC and D but after that las comment, I'm going to go vote for SLC right now :rofl:

It's cool. And I'm sorry for turning a thread about jerking off into something serious.  :hihi:

Don't fool yourself, us guys take jerking off....very seriously.

Please accept my apology for real. I would never intentionally or unintentionally insult you are try to hurt your feelings.

(http://tinypic.com/dgt6bo.jpg)

Whose grave did you steal those flowers from? :hihi:

Thanks SLC. It's cool, I just need to learn to lighten up.?

 :'(.....SLC you owe me $2.99

OH HELL YEAH THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC RIGHT NOW.I JUST GOT HOME FROM VACATION WITHOUT SEX.WHATA DRAG THAT WAS ! so's im lockin my bedroom dorr for several hours alone right now.im thinkin or callin the girlfriend for some sex.real soon baby.

Kujo u  traitor bastard.  I know SLC is promising free Blowjobs to everyone he PMs to vote for him in that thread, but trust me, i registered under a new user to vote for him and he doesnt come through

Me, I have a whole sheep farm that u can come to for an all expenses paid vacation.

U should broadcast that on webcam! : ok:

You know , The kid has a piont .


Send me the link to .

Anyone whose first time was innocent?? Like accidental masturbation?? ...? ? ;D

"Oops, how did my hand get down there?!" :o :hihi:

I don't think so.

 :hihi:

No, it can happen . . . I promise   :yes:

Yeah, yeah keep telling yourself that. Whatever gets you through the day.  :hihi:

when did we all get so sensitive around here? We are all GNR fans, lets face it we are the toughest fans on the planet!! Who else would wait 12 years for a new album??

What does that have to do with masterbating?

I guess you posted in the wrong bread, eh? :hihi:

yeah, i think he was wanting to post in the wholemeal section  :hihi:

Everybody needs fiber. It's essential.

lets sum things up here.i have a boyfriend of 15 yrs.also i have a girlfriend just for sex.but i like her anywayz lol.im a woman ok.just summing things up for ya's.she is cumming over sunday night for some lovin.i can't wait till then ! no web cams for the show guys lol.sarry.

Whats your address and all the guys and probablysome girls too will chip in and send u a webcam.

i choked the chicken today

Do we really need to know that? It's assumed that u do.  ;D

Sounds like a suitable topic  for a new thread to me. :rofl:

I dont believe in animal cruelty myself, couldnt u have just went to KFC or something?

Yeah so I went to this barland called Hess village in Hamilton, I bought 3 girls a drink one for this ones friend, then the girl like left walked away, bought another chick one she seems interested then some dude makes out with her, soooooooooooo looks like i wont be getting laid, thanks hand.

The irony........is that this thread lasted much longer than any of us would on our own....... :P

Would that be two minutes? :hihi: ;)

Please don't use D's time as a standard...... :hihi:

 :o 2minutes????...............i mean..... 8) i can last as long as you can baybee :hihi:

Do I sense I bit of competition?  ;D

we should have a masturbation contest, where D send the winner a pack of condoms :P  :hihi:

I'm afraid to ask what the contest would actually be?

If you are going for overall number of times, I have you younger guys beat (oops!) since I've got more years just going at it..... :rofl:

speed...I'm sure D can win that hands down (ooops!).... :hihi:

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Training time :P

(http://tinypic.com/dpbcc4.jpg)

Most times in a 24-hour period, perhaps?

I did 8 once goddammit, and I can do it again if I get bored enough!!!

I knew a kid from school that did it 6 times during one evening.  He was known from then on as "sixer"   :D

Sixer is funny, but I would have called him "starter pistol"....Since he surely was firing blanks at the end.....

Yeah?  How does that work?  I heard from some guys at my school that if you dont "release" for a few... weeks lets say, then you could satasfy a horse...??  Is this true??!!  ???

Sure...but not after the sixth shot.....

I once got laid 9 times in 24-hours, and she wanted more!

I am beginning to see a link between this thread and the "Bush caught short" thread  :o

(http://tinypic.com/dqnafk.jpg)

Kinky......

I like them!!!!!!  :o.......

http://www.heretodaygonetohell.com/board/index.php?topic=16137.0

That's two threads with over 7 pages... You're all filthy!   :hihi:

There's two of 'em??!!   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D

I heard these were really made in China......

YAY!!! Somone has found the link to the OTHER masturbation thread for me!!!  I have been looking for that for a while... but I got lazy and gave up.  Thanks Eazy E!  : ok:   You're My Hero!!

The last posts concerning Jesus show how tolerance the christians have.
I've heard that a public newspaper in Nigeria posted this message after the victory of a model in the beauty contest. "This woman would cause to sin even the Prophet himself". After that, some thousands of muslims devastated the city and dirked anyone they met on the streets.

Back to topic we go!!

In the other OLD version on this thread it had a GREAT story by SLASHLY...
haha  You have to ask him - I dont think i have realy any right to tell you - ask him!!! its great

about getting caught ;)

One is never enough  :)

In response, I give you this:

(http://sc.tri-bit.com/images/1/15/puppybottomnb.jpg)

mmm I dont want to be promiscuos, but, I rather to have sex instead of "MASTERBATION" ;)

haha.  Yeah, I'm sure alot of people would.  But if you want to talk about sex, you unfortunatly have to go to the "Men bragging about sex only is embarassing" thread.   :yes:  : ok:

haha.  And before, about there being two threads?  Well there was one.. AGES ago!  And I was talking about it in another thread.  Some people hadn't heard of the 1st one, and obviously liked the idea, so they made a new, BETTER, one!!!  : ok:

Damn you are tough baby... ;)

Erm.... Thankyou, I think?  ???  :-\

Enough about Iraq. Let's bring back this golden oldie.

Oh I have a GOOD comment!

My Friend told me the other day that he got caught... by his mum!  He was in his room and he started and then his mum walked in and opened the door and was like "OH MICHEAL!?" and he just looked at her and then covered it with his hands.  How about you guys?  Ever been caught?

No never been caught. And I refuse to masterbate again until "Chinese Democracy" is released. I can't enjoy anything...

Woah!!  That means you've been holding out for HOW long now... and Assuming that you dont get any REAL hanky Panky (Im just going off what everyone else told me [ :hihi:])  That means like 10 years...

AXL  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND GOOD RICHARDNIXONS PENIS!!  PLEASE RELEASE CD!!!!  :yes:

I'll admit it....his Mom caught me wacking off too.........

Wouldnt suprise me - and she probably enjoyed it aswell... shes a whoreville that lady!

Holy cow Nixon. You lose it if you don't use it.

Is that really true?

Hehe nah, just yanking your crank.

Remember to always cradle the balls and work the shaft.

Ah ha. Now i can achieve a 147 break next time i play snooker. Thanking you :yes:

Hahaha

What was that? It's hard to read the screen. I can barley see or type, seeing as my palms are hairy and I'm almost blind.

A weiner whack , A Weiner whack.in the jungle the mighty jungle .....

Holy crap dude, how do you exist? If you do that you have a long wait and very stress full I have to say, the max I can resist is one month and literally my eyes cried semen  :nervous:
I hope that wasn't graphic  ::)
 :hihi:

Axl reads the board. He felt bad for me and appreciates my devotion. So he sent me an advanced copy of "Chinese Democracy" and some porn. So it's been nothing but the as-of-yet unreleased GN'R and whacking off for the last 48 hours. Life is sweet.

I'll trade a copy of Playboy for a burnt cd.

Sell me your soul and it's a deal.

Nothing but a fucking pussie  ;D

You got a deal mister.

The funny thing is.... he has no soul!!!!!  :o

Yesterday I caught I friend amusing herself, she was in her room but left the door unlocked, Im not kinda of nosing around so I always knock the door before I enter, as I went to knock the door I heard some moaning I though that she asleep and was waking up so I didn't want to wake her up, so I open the door slowly but oh the surprise she was plseasuring herself  :hihi:

Nice story Mr Dick Tracy...

Shhhhhhhhh............Nixon wasn't meant to discover my ruse  :-\

...um and you didnt offer if she needed an extra hand or anything?  :hihi:

Oops... I mean... Erm.  He has no soul NOW!  Oh yeah - becuse Nixon has it.  Yeah thats righty (Boy did I fool them)

Ever get spotted at home/work/school with a great big boner? That's why I don't wear sweat pants.

you have a special life !!! :)

Dreadfully she isn't very nice I have to say  :no: , so I rather stay away from her I was just there to use her computer  :-\
I guess I end up with so much more.

Its the stuff dreams are made of :hihi:

Who masturbates more, Republicans or Democrats?

I think Democrats do, because they like runaway spending, whereas Republicans like to conserve their load.

But the Neo-Cons whack off the most. Spreading freedom seed all over the world.

 ;) Nice

Yeah - I thought so aswell!!!  ;D

ohh... never noticed this thread before.... my missus is pregnant, so mrs palmer and her five daughters is in action.    : ok:   

Congratulations mate.. on the pregnancy that is

if you ever do wear sweat pants and get wood, just rotate your junk around so the mushroom tip is being held up by the rim of your pants. nobody will ever know.

*oops I quoted the wrong person, I wanted the post that said "I WANNA HEAR SOME GOOD 'I'VE BEEN CAUGHT' STORIES"*


I do!? and it's REALLY embarising (sp?), but since I don't know any of you personally, i can tell the story.?

So I used to work at a radio station.? On the weekends I did the Top 40 countdown? and when i was working nobody was at the station.? Since my job was really boring (all i did was push play/stop) I found that looking at porn on the computer would stop the boredom.? So, I was in the studio, looking at porn, with my dick in my hands (pants were up tho) and just goin at it.? All of a sudden, out of nowhere my boss walks into the studio to pick up his check.....and to make things worse, I was in the middle of ejaculating!!! haha (this is aweful, I hope this doesn't change your thoughts about me? :hihi: ) and so, there i am, with my dick out, porn on the computer, and my boss just staring at me.? I put little me away, and X'ed out of the porn and just looked at him.? The most ackward moment in my life.? He said "if I was the manager, you'd be fired right now" and he got his check and walked out.

WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!! :crying:

lmao!!! fukin hilarious man... killer.  : ok:

bus rides used to do that to me thank fuck ive got my own car

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

( was caught having a nookie with my then boyfriend on top of bulding roof by dozens of cops, helicopter above us flashing its light and a few cars athe bottom of the building. I was bare ass and they all had a nice conversation with us two, bare bottomed. They thought we were burglars.  :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:)

masturbation, that's all I do these days... :'(

oh to be able to see CCTV footage of that, it sounds like a George Micheal video

D R EAAM

lol

oki, indications ( do not ever tell me if it existed, d'rather not know) :

1994, south london ( streatham hill to be precise) around 3 am, early june. ;D

I really enjoyed RichardNixons original post. I'm glad you all keep re-quoting it over and over so I can sit here and stroke it reading the same quotes over and over.

you're much welcome  :hihi:

if i didn't wank, think how much spear time i would have! ;D

Think how much money you would save not having to replace all those keyboards.

i've still got the same one, clean it up a bit no one will ever know  :rofl:

Any one ever get it on their screen?

;D Finally! A thread I can post in without getting yelled at for being obscene! ;D

so what do you have to share, skelly? ;D

Oh wouldn't you like to know!!

Wait til it's not 5:20AM and I'll share! :hihi:

well it's already 5:25 ain't it :P :drool:
j/k ;D

im sppanking it riigt now!!11!

"ERGGHGEHGRHGEHEGRHGHGEHGRGHAREYOUREADYFORTHEGUKERHERGHEGRHEGHEHRHGERRGGEGEGGHERHR"

WTF Damien!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

How exactly do you manage to type and cum at the same time? ???

I know I'd find that rather impossible!! :rofl:

SG can you jerk me off with your mighty anus muscles :love:

Why can't you people let threads like this just die?

Now this might sound odd there Skeebs, but would you like me to jerk you off with my mighty anus muscles?

Scold me again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm almost there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(http://www.filmrot.com/images/40yearoldvirgin_trailer.jpg)

thats it i am not reading this thread again for fucks sake  :no:

Again?!?

i thought it worked out quite well on msn... :hihi:

j/k ;D

:o Who told you!!!?

:rofl:

 :rofl:

oh i dunno... ::)

Mighty Anus Muscles? That's a band name if ever I heard one!!! :rofl:

i'm gonna use it... :rofl:

I need to masterbate two or three times a day--always have a boner and am always ready to go.

Well thank you for sharing that with us my day is now complete knowing that information  :rofl:

woah man, that's hardcore, i couldn't do that and i'm only a kid, but who knows you could be younger then me :hihi:

i often spank the monkey....its like a hobbie  :hihi:

Research says the health benefits come in because you're bringing increased blood flow to the area (for men and women), therefore increasing circulation, which is always a good thing.  But just because it's beneficial doesn't mean you're harming your health if you don't.  No one ever died from a lack of sex (or self-gratification). 
"Here lies Dan who died from not getting any."

Poor Dan  :'(

"R.I.P Little Soldier!"  :hihi:

the brave warrior, who boldly entered caves and swamps during his adventures.