Here Today... Gone To Hell!

I was just wondering how you've dealt with jealousy in your relationships?

I'm not the jealous-type myself but here's the story

So I'm social and have a lot of female-friends and my new girlfriend is kinda jealous about it.
How do you feel if your gf hangs out with other guys as friends?
Or bf with girls, is it okay or a problem?

jealousy sucks ... it's not being confident about yourself.
My philosophy is ... if my partner is attracted to someone else it's high time to end the relationship, even if it's hard, it's time to move on. As long as he's staying means he's in love w/ me no need to be jealous then ;)  ;D

That's absolutely ludicrous.  I've been with my girl for two and a half years and love her loads, but do you really think I don't fancy other girls as well?  Sometimes I mention it to her casually ("shit, check her out, she's damn hot"), and sometimes it's better to just keep it to yourself and jerk off later.  Fancying other people is fine, it's cool.  There's no need for jealousy as long as you're honest with each other about these things.  Pretending you don't fancy other people is dishonest, and that breeds jealousy.

I used to get jealous easily, and i'm certainly not immune to it now, but i've grown up a lot and have realised that it really isn't worth the hassle.  Having a partner is fun, it's not something you should stress out about. : ok:

Yeah I get jealous, it's normal.

I would suggest your girlfriend increase HER social circle or get a hobby.

well I was thinkin' I invite her and my female friends among others when I have my b-day party next saturday.

Hopefully they all get along :)

It's alright to "fancy" other people that's not the kind of attraction I was talking about ... You just know it when it's not only for sex ... when you're driven to someone.  No need to be jealous either way ... I don't care if my man has a fancy for the girl next door, if he's attracted to her that's another thing, it means the relation between me and him has to end if he wants to start something w/ someone else.
But hey it's just me you live your life the way you see fit ;) !

I doubt it.

How to deal with it depends on the reason behind the jealousy.? Most people tend to go with the "she's just insecure" response to jealousy.? Sometimes, that's true.? In which case, she's looking for reassurance that you love her and only her.? Of course, there's a good chance you will never be able to reassure her enough, so you have to just decide if you are ok with her constant jealousy, because it won't go away.? If it did, its because she's getting the reassurance from someone else.

The other possibility is that she is, or is likely to, cheat on you.? People tend to suspect that behavior in others when they either do it themselves, or really want to do it.? A big sign of that is when someone who typically wasn't jealous before, out of no where starts accusing you of cheating.? If that happened, I'd get real suspicious of what they were up to.?

Just one more thought, you mentioned that you have a lot of female friends, etc.? Are you sure you don't really enjoy your gf's jealousy on some level and maybe even encourage it a little?? It can feel pretty good to one's ego to have others fighting about you.
 
You are asking for trouble.? I hope you are prepared to take the blame for anything your female friends say that your gf doesn't like.? You'll probably be paying for that birthday party for a week at least.?

"one love, one life..." , "love is a temple"...
( U2, One)

If you understand that, you'll understand what I think about that. I'm pretty "old school" on that point, pretty conservative. One love- One girl. When I'm with a girl, I just don't care of others. You can bring me a model...I just won't care. I'm NOT that kind of guy who is going to have sex with other girls. However when I'm "single", it's another story... :hihi:
I think it's a question of maturity, and a question of respect: men (or women) who have sex outside their relashionship are extremely stupid. What a lack of respect.. :-\

so what do you expect him to do ? to just not invite anyone ?

invite them all and if the bitch can't handle it, break up with her.

I used to get extremely jealous, insane jealous.

Why ? Because i'd been raised to think all men were cheaters and it stuck with me.
As i grew older, i noticed that a lot of men were indeed cheaters.

I did lack self confidence too, but as i was then very very pretty, i didn"t lack confidence in my looks or sexuality. Never really have in fact. No, i justk new how weak flesh could be.

I don't think jealousy comes from lack of self confidence. I think it comes from knowing yourself you might not be able to say no and transfering it onto your partner.

PS :

All men i dated were always men other girls would have liked to have. They had lots of women around them. As i always had lots of males around me. I think it's hard if your man confides in someone special in the lot, because he then shares a part of him he doesn't share with you, but wanting to have all of the other and to know all of the other comes from control, not from love.

I love that saying in the film called " rising sun". Sean Connery tells Wesley Snipes a sentence, about his partner, some asian woman " If you leave the cage open, the bird always comes back".

Seldom true.

so is your cage open ?

Now it is.

I'm not a little girl anymore, i am a woman, going to be 30 and have reevalued a lot of things in my life, as well as love and sex.

What i ask of a man is to let me be as free as he wants to be. Equal ground. Communication. And taking the risk to be hurt. Which i didn't do before.

does "being free" = being allowed to fuck anyone you want .... or let me put it less crudely - an "open relationship" ?

No, being free means more than this. Being free to see my friends when i want without having to give a report as to where i was, who with and where and when, being free to leave home for a few days just because i want to, being free to ask someone to leave home for a few days because i don't want company then, being free to change career directions and income linked to it without feeling i have to justify myself all the time and feel guilty about having less money, and being free to be me, as weird as i am,. This means being free to be medium as well as a " normal" person, being free to talk to things some people can't understand. Not being judged.

Also being free to be openly bisexual, without having man asking me if he can share a bit or not, or totally ruling part of my sexuality out because he thinks it's being " unfaithful".

I was never unfaithful. Ever. It was against my morals. And it happened. Nearly 8 months ago now.

I hadn't been touched by the man i'd been living with for a few years. Untouched for 2 years. Platonic kind of love.

I met some guy, and the worst happened. I couldn't even choose between the two. How could this mean freedom ?

Nah, having a secret like this is not freedom, it's a cage, it's suffocating, lying is suffocating.

The only liberating thing was that going totally against my morals matured me. I discovered who i was.

But it happened with a lot of hurt.

As for open relationships ? Well, i am not against it, but my little " i want to be a unique worshipped loved princess" fantasy would have to then fade away, wouldn't it ? ;)

what you don't want then is a possessive person.
Someone who isn't possessive wouldn't make demands of you, but you may find yourself making demands of THEM.

I think that had you been with someone unpossessive you would have employed your own inner possessiveness to drive them away.
Of course if you want to leave home for a few days, it's not about disappearing.
You let the person know where you're going so they don't worry.

But it works both ways I guess.

And it's kinda unfair to expect someone to just get the fuck out when you want to be alone.


Well this person was very unfair on you expecting you be faithful to them when they gave you no intimacy for 2 years.

Your going against your morals wasn't going against your morals at all.
Even though you could probably have handled it better [ie - broken up with the person before hooking up with the other] you did what was right, and moral for your own well-being I guess.

And I don't get why some people equate Bisexuality with promiscuity. That's their own problem though.


All in all the safest path is to value what you do have and not impose yourself on it, allowing it to celebrate you for who you are.

one night i was drunk as a fuck out in town with my misses n' mates, n' this arsehole start's crackin' on to my girlfriend, if the guy was being polite and walked away then thats fare enough but being a real slob to her n' tryin' to grab her is bullshit. So i bashed the living fuck outta this guy, im not violent n' never start fights but it was a one off 'cause i was fucking jealous. Later on my girlfreind? was kinda cool about it because she realized i was jealous, if i didnt love this girl then i would'nt get jealous, ya know what i mean.

Man, being jealous is normal, i hate it but no one can help the way we react to things.

I hate it when women get jealous over stupid things like when you'rhangin' out with a few chicks, im not sayin' all women but my girlfreind is definatly one of em'.  :hihi:

i never got jealous if my guy had woman friends i didn't mind because it is called trust and i trusted my guys but eventually now i know that every new woman friend i meet they will no longer be with my husband alone until  i know they are very trustworthy women. women can be stupid sluts with no brain and try to seduce another womans man because she can't get her own and find happiness or confidence in her self plus they have self esteem issues and just for the record for the ladies here  i'm not talking about all women just those who seduce other friends husbands ;) i learned the hard way i met a friend and knew her for a year and she came on to my husband and seduced him trying to break up our marriage. i'm not saying it is all her fault because it was both parties fault but still you do not do that to your friend and she was both of are friend mine and my husbands but apparently they got to close so yes i have a right to not trust my man with other woman alone except for the one i know best and that is my best friend of all i have always left them alone and she never tries to seduce him. for she is married herself and she has been with me since i met my husband. i more less don't trust the friends that are single and so young this girl who seduced my husband was 19 and since then i don't trust girls that age anymore. now days people don't seem to know what a friend means and give the word friend a bad name. i do like meeting new friends who are women but now i need to earn their trust because of the whole shit that went down :'( i used to be able to trust everyone i met now i can't and that hurts me deeply

As Disintegration posted I can't just go pick some one out. "No, you're a girl, you can't come since my new gf wouldn't like it". I just won't go that road.

My girlfriends friend told me she's insecure because of my "reputation" whatever that may be. So with my femalefirends I've had some shit with them on a friendship-based relationship, but when dating I haven't cheated.

And as No6rt6ni6lC said she wouldn't be jealous if she wouldn't care so I try to understand as long as it don't go really twisted.

And if nothing happens with any of my friends, maybe she'll see there's not that much reason to worry?

You just described the perfection relationship !!!  ;D :yes:

I have had bouts of jealousy in past relationships, nothing too serious...I just believe that if you are with someone you love, you have to have mutual respect as well as communication...these things took awhile to learn for me personally...this is the first relationship in my life that I haven't (so far)unconciously set out to destroy because of my inability to accept and realize that I am worthy of love...sounds bent, I know but that is what therapy is for ;)

i totally relate to that

i fall victim to the "its not possible for me to be this happy" syndrome
I dont feel worthy of the girl i have and things are so great its like you brace for something bad to happen

im not jealous anymore and its an unbelievable feeling
first time in my life i havent been jealous of a girl

i always said the person i was gonna marry was the one that i didnt worry bout when i was gone, and someone i could give space to and trust.

the girl i have fits the entire bill and i feel so fortunate,blessed and honored to have found her.


i always believed that the person who was truly "the one" wouldnt make me feel that jealousy and all that other stuff ive always felt in relationships.

i felt it in the beginning but i realized it wasnt her, it was me and she never had gave me a reason to doubt or not trust her and this is why i believe i have found "the one"

i think a lot of people settle for good enough instead of searching broad and deep for their true other half

when u are with the wrong person your life is filled with chaos and misery and all of the bad things in life

love is a happy adjective, it isnt classified in a negative light

so if the person u are with makes u feel lonely,miserable,sad,angry,jealous etc etc, chances are they might not be the one.

love i think is suppose to be great and wonderful, its suppose to lift u up higher and make your life better and more enjoyable. it is that feeling that makes getting up everyday have a meaning and purpose.
it helps u stay young and vibrant and allows u to fully reach your potential as a human

i know my life has turned around 1080 degrees since ive found the girl im with.

so its all about making choices and not wasting time.
life is short u must enjoy and not waste it

if the guy or girl u are with makes u unhappy and miserable, dump em, start over, go at it alone
be choosy, dont settle for something u can live with, find something u cant live without then u will be truly emotionally,physically and spiritually complete and balanced


lots of times over the last couple years i could have settled for some girls that i know wouldve did me bad but i was able to see the warning signs early and i was able to get rid of them before i let them mess me up,some people are so dead set on a particular male or female they will screw their lives up and cause themselves great pain tryin to shape or mold that person into what they want them to be but u cant do that. u have to accept they arent how u want them to be and move on.

remember u can try and try but a circle will not fit into a square, if it isnt meant to be u cant make it be, u cant force it. no matter how much u care for someone u have to step away from the illusion of what u want that person to be, and u have to start seeing the reality of what they really are.



in the words of tyler durden "when you've lost everything, u are free to do anything"

use that, get away from the bad, negative, people who bring u down.


remember its your life, u can make of it anything u choose!

find enlightenment, its there waiting for you.

women are insanly jelous of each other, and say awful things about them because of it. women hate other women, esp women that are more attractive then they are. guys dont care about how another guy looks, cuz guys just do it to get laid, girls want to look good for everyone. guys freak out though if they think their dick is too small. they are afraid a bigger dick means more pleasure to a woman. and sometimes that is true, but not always i guess. i know i have jelousy problems cuz its hard for me to trust someone, as far as i know i have never been cheated on, so where that comes from i dont know.

That's  like 3 full circles.
You must feel pretty goddamned Dizzy?
Apparently she gives one hell of a ride!:)

it has nothing to do with a ride or what have you.

its a totally different thing.

i think the worst thing u can do in a relationship is have sex right away.

sometimes sex gives u an illusion of love but its really just the hormones from having sex.

ive been dating my girl for 6 months and we dont have sex but its the happiest and greatest ive ever felt in my life

i dont have to have sex to be happy cause she makes me happy in so many other ways that sex isnt important at all.

the greatest thing is knowing our love is truly genuine cause the feelings and emotions have evolved and we are also best friends

so one day when we get married and do that other stuff, when the heat of it dies down we still have our great friendship and relationship that has nothing to do with being physical.

physical relationships in my opinon dont compare to emotional and spirtual relationships, now thats just my opinion, i dont expect anyone to agree with me and im not preaching and saying im right and anyone who doesnt agree is wrong.

I just know that hanging out with her,riding around and talking blows any kind of sex or whatever ive ever had out of the water. there is truly no comparison.

ive crawled through a lot of shit,pain and hard times to finally get where i am and lookin back i wouldnt have changed a thing and i would go through all of that heartbreak,misery and crushing evil shit i went through, just to be who im with and where im at in my life now.

i hate sounding like a preacher on here cause i know its probably annoying but i know there are some young kids on here and i just want them to know that life gets better, if u are down,depressed,lonely,sad,miserable,suicidal,thinking about doing hard drugs

DONT!!!!!!!!!!

no matter how bad your life is, things wont stay bad forever unless you let them by adding more bad stuff on top of it, you have to trudge ahead and keep your head up and just deal with it, but things will get better i promise you, it just takes time!

6 months and without sex?!  Holy shit, dude!

For me about a month is the tops of how long I'm willing to wait.

I just don't see the whole deal what's so special about if you don't have sex in a relationship.
It's fun, it makes you feel good, and it does make her feel good, too. So why don't just *DO* it?!

I do lose interest if a girl gives me right away, I love when I have to work to get her, but if she still don't give, then to me we don't date and I do have one nightstands. If we do have sex, then I have no reason to see anyone else. And If I do feel the need to do that and experience the thrill, then there's something wrong about our relationship with the girl.

the relationship is just so great and special that its not required.

Sure one day it will be amazing but thats what im saying, to have an amazing,happy relationship without doing that makes it even more special to me and i never get bored or lose any interest.

different strokes for different folks though, im not saying my way is right or how everyone should do, but it works for me.

Mild jealousy is somewhat understandable, but that's rarely the case. 

For example, I know a girl who has me listed as "Dana" in her mobile phone agenda, so her really jealous boyfriend won't get suspicious

My b-day went well, except that my gf did storm out and leave for no apparent reason.

So my solution was that she can do whatever she like and I don't really give a shit, and now when I'm acting like I don't care, it have gotten her on her heels and she's stopped behaving stupid.

Classic  ::)

dude maybe u were ignoring her?

maybe your Girls "who are friends" were flirting with you or something


i think it takes a special person to be able to handle their partner having a lot of guy or girl friends

i dont honestly think i could handle it

maybe if it was a childhood friend or something or i know this sounds bad if it was some goofy geeky dude i didnt feel threatened by i could maybe do it

but i would have a very hard time handling it and im sure a lot of other people would also.

hmm last one i seen..Meet the Fockers...it was funny..before that it was White Noise..it was creepy.

hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

I don't think so, since I was talking with my friends boyfriend at the time when she snapped. Maybe she didn't like those happy b-day hugs I got, but they were friendly hugs. But I think it's best I'll let this one cool down, since it seems I'll be getting a promotion and move to an another city. So it's maybe best I don't date.

u gotta look at her age also bro

she may not be mature enough to handle stuff like that.

im a pretty jealous person but i wouldnt get mad at like birthday hugs especially if the girl's boyfriend was there.

u can tell a friendly hug from someone getting fresh.

The right woman is out there
but most times we have to go through a lot of the wrong ones to find the right one
hang in there, keep at it!!! it will happen for you, trust me!

i guess there's two ways in jealousy: or it's for good and a person can nothing do with it or she realizes it's nothing but her fears, uncertainty => it's curable

For me jelousy it's lack of self confidence, what do I mean?, well I got this friend that he cheats to his GF and one day when his GF start to hang out with her highschool friends and stuff like that he gets jolous cause he thinks that maybe she's looking for someone else, but how the hell he got to that conclusion?, well he thinks if he can cheat, his GF can too, so he's really fucked up, I always have said that kinda thinking ruins anything cause it's like he never be able to trust anyone cause he's a cheater I can conclude that all the hard jelous guys and girls might think like that.  :-\, any quotes?

Someone said earlier in this thread that low self-esteem 'causes jealousy. That's not true.

I haven't been jealous? before and I don't think I'm too bad now either.

I'm sure all have some friend who's bf/gf goes haywire everytime his/her partner hit's the clubs with friends, hell, I even know some guys who won't let their gf go out with some friends if they don't come along themself. I can't understand why anyone would be in a relationship like that.

Sure, when a guy tries hit on my gf I go and tell him to fuck off if he won't leave when my gf tells him to.
And if I'd see her kissing a guy I'd be in a fight in ten seconds, believe me.

But this is the first time I am really jealous of someone when at home, sure, I don't let it show but I feel it.
My gf went to a club and walked some guy, a neighbor, home and he invited her over. And she did visit for a while.

So you know I don't think anything happened, but..

This is the first relationship in a long time I don't have an active backup-plan and it's not that I fear I'd have to bee a week without sex if something happened.

I can't see how I'm be uncofident. And I hate the feeling I'm having.

I just had to let this off my chest.

I am so not a jealous person, in the past I've been more than happy for my boyfriends to spend a few nights a week with their mates, whether they're boys or girls or whatever and nothing like that has ever bothered me.

But lately, there is this guy that I'm just absolutely crazy about, and although he's not my boyfriend (yet - fingers crossed  ;) ), we've been spending a lot of time together lately, and if I see a girl even glance at him I get absolutely over-the-top jealous. Of course I don't tell him, I keep the thoughts to myself, but to me it's showing me how crazy I am about him. One of his friends casually mentioned his ex girlfriend (who he was with 4 years ago) and I got this feeling in my stomach that made me crazy - the thought of him being with someone else makes me sick.

Aint love grand  ::)

IF anything I did made My Girlfriend uncomfortable id stop it, right or wrong.

Thing is, Since Ive been with Journey, Other girls just dont appeal to me, sure Ill notice a hot chick but noticing is as far as it goes, I dont jerk off to it or lust after it.

I think when u are with the right person, your desire to be with other women goes away for the most part.

I personally dont want to hang out or even talk to another girl,even girls ive been friends with for years, I just dont have that desire anymore.

I wouldnt be comfortable with my girl being best friends with a guy and hangin out cause I am her best friend as well as boyfriend and I wouldnt want her confiding in someone else the same way she does me.

yeah, right? :hihi:

Can you really say this one isn't appealing?

(http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/stash1/32401074.jpg)

She's a girl who booked my limo. She asked about the payment and I told her I'll tkae it after the ride? :nervous: I hope she didn't get any ideas.? :hihi:

or this one?

(http://city4dev.city.fi/kuvagalleria/kuvat/65/82/60/658260.jpg)

Let's just say she's just a girl? ;)

If they are your friends or her friends before you met then there should be no problem,., But women can tell when there is more then meets the eye and that friendship is just someone who hasn't scored yet..  Not many of my female friends over the years were designed by choice :hihi:

most of my female friends I have scored  :yes: More than not.

how old is she bc? Are you still jailbaiting with 17 year olds :hihi: LOL!
But seriously, if she's a young gun, emotionally she just may not be there...I think it would be cool if you invite her to meet your girl-friends at the BD party : ok:

Well bluecut I think if you tell your GF how you feel she will say something like she wasn't doing anything or will not do anything that affects the relationship, so I think better talk to her about how this disturbs you, she will understand and keep that guy away cause you find that a little uncomfortable  : ok:
Talk is the base of a relationship

that's what Ive realised too, and Im happy about it : ok:

argh.

Even here.
This word's been haunting me for the past couple of days, it just ruined a relationship I had.  :(

I'm lucky, my BF is incredibly honest and he's definitely not the cheating kind. Sure he likes to look at other girls, and sometimes he makes a remark to me...
Most of the time I don't like it, and I do get a touch of the green eyed monster, but then I think "jeez... why do I care!? He looks at porn, and I notice other dudes... man I am SUCH a hypocrite!"

But yea... I have a recurring nightmare where he cheats on me. I know in real life he'd never do that, (and no, I'm not in denial!), but the nightmare is still there, and I end up waking up in a cold sweat... its horrible and makes me feel paranoid. So either I don't sleep or I try to get really really drunk... and that's not good and I hate doing that cuz I feel shit afterwards. So its usually the "no sleep" thing... so ya... :crying: I'm reeeeeally tired!!

I have to admit that I get jealous sometimes... and it's totally irrational and stupid, but I can't help it. I think a LITTLE jealousy is natural - it starts becoming a problem when a person lets their jealousy take over and they become controlling. That's bad news.