Here Today... Gone To Hell!

Taking a cue from Sen. Bob Graham of Florida, Axl Rose
documents the progress being made on the latest album by
Guns N? Roses, ?Chinese Democracy?: Day 3,147

3:35 pm            Wake up. Go to wig closet.

3:55 pm            Select cornrows. Nearly picked fire-engine red
                       dreadlocks.

4-4:30 pm         Take Botox injections and pluck eyebrows. Hit Stairmaster.
                       Make mental note to wear bandana when exercising to
                       keep sweat out of eyes. Hot pink.

4:30-5 pm         Call manager. Arrange dates for upcoming tour.

5:05 pm            Cancel tour. Fire manager.

5:06 pm            So very cold. Like November rain. Wrap body in blanket.

5:07 pm            Shake uncontrollably.

5:08 pm            Vomit. Order more Tupperware containers. Get maid to
                       empty file cabinets.

5:09-5:45 pm    Contact business manager. Discuss possibility of putting
                       sweat-stained bicycle shorts on eBay to cover recording
                       cost overruns. Starting bid: $10,000.

5:45-6:22 pm    Debate where  to eat.

6:23-6:42 pm    Call therapist. She's says that in past life, approached by
                       Hare Krishna outside restaurant. He offered me a flower. I
                       took it and was run over by elderly man on way to farmer's
                       market. I'm afraid it may happen again. Under her advice,
                       decide to order delivery. Give therapist raise.

6:43-7:10 pm    Search frantically for anti-bacterial handwash and latex
                       gloves. No luck. Despite reservations, pick up phone. Use
                       pencil to dial. Someone has chewed on eraser.

7:11-7:19 pm    Rinse mouth with Listerine. Repeat.

7:20  pm           Redial. With unblemished Q-Tip. On hold.

7:24 pm            Discover that Planet Smoothy doesn?t deliver. Throw vase
                       and sulk in foyer. Question the safety of sitting underneath
                       chandelier. Move to dinning room.

7:25-7:26 pm    Make obscene phone call to Courtney Love. Set up dinner
                       date for Wednesday at her place. Note to self: bring
                       diamond-studded kit. Extra cotton.

7:27-8 pm         Retreat to flagellation room. 45 lashes in a half hour.

8-845 pm          Write and send letters to the editor -- Kerrang, Creem, Hit
                       Parader. Signed, Ben Dover. He he he.

8:46-9:11 pm    Go to Fandango.com. Buy advance ticket to Howard
                       Hughes biopic, "The Aviator." Get confirmation via email.
                       Should I be worried about viruses? Must buy disinfectant
                       for hard drive.       

11 pm-2 am      Play ?The Sims.? Threaten neighbors with lawsuits. Kicked
                       off game. Resubscribe under different name: Jeffery Isabell.

2-3:31 am         Consult I-Ching. Learn that engineering a child-molestation
                       scandal will not revitalize career. Good. Scared of children.
                       They're walking petri dishes.

3:32-6 am         Peer through Venetian blinds. Look for intruders. Repeat.

6:01 am            Retreat to sleeping quarters. Whistle.

6:02 am            Check under bed. Continue whistling.

6:03 am            Look in closet. Continue whistling.

6:04 am            Check under bed. Continue whistling.

6:05 am            Pull blankets over head. Continue whistling.

6:06 am            Call Slash. Hang up after first ring. Continue whistling.

6:06-6:57 am    Listen to ?Appetite for Destruction.? Cry myself to asleep.

Chris Haire
chris@freetheseed.com

did you make this up yourself? it's really funny.  :hihi:

This isnt funny...

There never seems to be a mod with a lock or move button around when you need one.? ::)

Yeah, I made it up a couple of weeks ago. I wonder what Axl is up to quite often.... I'm talking every other day. I've even had several dreams about him and his present "incarceration" in his house. That Rolling Stone article a couple of years back just really tickled my fancy. I mean, he has a guru they call "Yoda."

Yeah, I made it up a couple of weeks ago. I wonder what Axl is up to quite often.... I'm talking every other day. I've even had several dreams about him and his present "incarceration" in his house. That Rolling Stone article a couple of years back just really tickled my fancy. I mean, he has a guru they call "Yoda."

Rubbish  : ok:

cmon....we dont have anything of substance to discuss, this was pretty funny in parts. Its not life or death, just taking the piss out of a guy we all like.

Im sure a day in the life of steven adler would be even funnier, plus you could keep the last entry intact for him :)

But then who gives a toss about Adler??

its not that i don't like it in defense of axl, i just think its a pretty poor attempt at a joke which wouldn't have been funny if done by someone with a good grasp of comedy.

but what do i know.

6:43-7:10 pm Search frantically for anti-bacterial handwash and latex
 gloves. No luck. Despite reservations, pick up phone. Use
 pencil to dial. Someone has chewed on eraser.

7:11-7:19 pm Rinse mouth with Listerine. Repeat.

7:20 pm Redial. With unblemished Q-Tip. On hold.

7:24 pm Discover that Planet Smoothy doesn?t deliver. Throw vase
 and sulk in foyer. Question the safety of sitting underneath
 chandelier. Move to dinning room.

That is some funny shit right there.  Especially the 7:24pm part. heehee

you're pretty funny. don't listen to the haters.  ;)

Yup

Its just really obvious and unfunny.

you have no idea...
http://www.heretodaygonetohell.com/board/index.php?topic=17513.0


but hey, nice attempt, keep it comin : ok:

Man You make Axl seem like Michael Jackson.

This is awesome.

Screw the idol worship and let's enjoy a laugh.

 : ok:

There were some moderatley funny parts, but you soured it for me when you took the piss out of his child abuse allegations - not very cool IMO

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA :hihi: :rofl: People gotta stop defending Axe. It aint like he gives 2 cents bout you.

Jimmythegent, I wasn't referencing Axl's claims. I was making a reference to Michael Jackson.

True - cool I thought that was the case - I guess the whole issue could be perceived as being sensitive tho'.
All good  : ok:

Very funny!

I thought it was pretty funny... gave me a good chuckle  : ok:

Being funny would help.

 : ok:

Nice avator Tj The Beautiful Creatures get almost no credit.

StoneTempleRoses

I'd gladly lock it since I'm the appointed fascist it seems, but it's a bit too late now.

As a few people have said, a good joke doesn't hurt, and I agree with that. The problem is it has to be funny, and this one isn't.

I'm sure you'll jokes will get more attention at a place where they hate Axl and think this is funny.






/jarmo