Here Today... Gone To Hell!

You can say whatever you want..............be outrageous.......be realistic........just have fun and make this something we can piece together so it can be read as a story :D

I'll start:


I signed onto my computer one day and to my amazement, I saw that GN'R had finally announced a release date for Chinese Democracy and an upcoming world tour that kicked off in Philadelphia, PA........................................


(okay, someone add the next sentence.  keep it going fellow posters  :peace:)

upon seeing, this i quickly called up my friend by the name of...

Duff McWhalen and asked him if he wanted to....

design a few posters and signs for the upcoming concert. 

and he said, na i rather call mtv and request the fuk out of the hit single "TWAT"

and mtv wouldn't play it cause they said it wasn't rap enuff. Then Axl sued them. Slash walked in and talked to Axl! They went to a studio to re-record all the fake and unreleased songs and made a cd but.......

One of Slash's snakes got loose in the studio and it bit Axl in the penis.

(Haha... now this has so many possibilities!! But I will keep it clean :))

Axl all of a sudden began to do his imfamous snake dance, faster and faster... faster than ever before! 

Slash thought Axls new snakedance was too complicated for him so he left the room and in came buckethead making this weird funkadellic noise and robin pissing off mtv execs because he was putting all these wierd pictures all over the walls and windows...

so Slash's snake eats one of Bucketheads chickens

after Buckethead realizes what happend to one of his chickens he takes his nunchucks and go's after Slash...

But, suprisingly enough, steps through a wormhole and, after countless  adventures in time&space, ends up in  a twisted alternative universe  where Axl Rose is actually a...'

giant robot bent on ruling the world..

by being the badest the loudest most kick ass Yoodler star in the world

Axl decided one day to use his yoodling powers to take over MTV and...

VH1 got wind of what Axl was doing for MTV and got envious, so VH1 called Axl and said, "Mr. Rose do we have a great......................"

Idea for you. We have Courtney Love in a cage and you can do...

 the Art-Movie based on this French script we have had lying around for ages, called Le Fistfuck Magnificiante, which by the way....

will require you to have a sex change operation, but you will be paid one billion dollars and given....

a new haircut

Axl, who seemed genuinley interested in the proposal lost it when the haircut part was suggested. He then stormed out of the meeting screaming "Thanks to your lame-ass proposals, I'm GOING HOME!!!!!!!"

After Axl has left the building, the VH1 employees realize that he took the key to Courtney Love's cage, so they mail the cage with Courtney still trapped inside to Axl's home in Malibu.

Unfortunately, by the time the cage arrived, Courtney, covered in her own feces, had died. Axl decided to clean her off, have her stuffed, and put on display in his master-bed room. However, a problem arose when...

Kurt Cobain left the island he was sharin with 2pac,jim morrison and elvis to reclaim courtney's remains, Kurt walks in axls house and.....

I promised myself I wouldnt return til someone slayed that Satan women and sent her to hell. Thanks Axl, you are my Fairy Godmother. To which Axl replied...

youre welcome man now lets order some chinese, watch some movies and braid each others hair, so they order chinese,start watching queer eye for the straight guy while they began braiding each others hair and thennnnnnnnnn

Axl asks Kurt "do you really think I am 'pathetic and untalented' and 'write crap music'" to which Kurt responds...

no way axl, u are 100 times more talented than me, i just had to bash u to try and steal your fans away, now hurry up and finish chinese democracy before elvis,2pac,and jim morrison die for real! axl says i will do that kurt only if.................

U return with me to the year 1957 to.....

help me research one of my many supposed 'past lives'..................

Kurt answers "Id love to axl, you and me on the road, wind through our braids... but unfortunatly..."

it's difficult to timetravel if you have A) Shot your self in the face or B)Too fucked up&afraid to leave your house.So, I'm off to...

see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz.............. no seriously time travel, thats ridiculous, axl says no it isnt in my spare time of creating chinese democracy i have perfected a device that allows me to go back in time, i call it a "TIME MACHINE" but everytime i go back in time and fix one thing something goes very wrong, point and example boy bands,hip hop and velvet revolver, kurt says "axl i will help u finish chinese democracy" to which axl responds.....................

"Okay kurt, you can be in the band to help me finish CD.  Would you rather be the third guitarist or the third keyboardist of GNR?"  Kurt replies...

dude thats your problem! GNR were great when it was more bare bones, now u are just doing too much, less is more axl, less is more!  axl immediately fires pittman,fortus and dizzy scraps Chinese Democracy and starts from square one doing a more rootsy rock record, axl then recalls that he is "W fuckin axl rose" and tells kurt to hit the road! rehires the members and schedules a press conference, at the press conference axl.............

Announces that he is going to run for President. The Republicans immediately dump Bush and nominate Axl. Axl goes back to 1960 and picks then Vice President Richard Millhouse Nixon to be his running mate.  The Rose/Nixon campaign beats Kerry/Edwards and Rose is sworn in as President on Jan/20/05.

at rose's first press conference as president he is asked "when will u end the war with Iraq to which Mr Rose responds "i dont know if soon's the word, but it will end and then we will go back and start a whole new war with another country and see how it goes from there" then Mr Rose says.......

my fellow Americans, 5 score and 7 years ago, our forefathers founded this great country and I am here to tell you that..............................


(D, I am rolling on the floor at your replies :rofl:)

that Chris Pittman is giving up keyboards & effects to become head of Homeland Security.   I am appointing Robin to the Supreme Court, and I have chosen a First Lady.  Her name is.....

Shirley Manson. From this day fourth, everyone must dye their hair red, or else...

you will be sent to the same penal colony in Alaska where I sent all you punks in the press who want to start shit by printin' lies instead of the things I said.  You know, things weren't working under the old government system....the Supreme Court was cramping my governing style, Congress didn't like the industrial direction my economic plan was taking.  So I want to announce here that from now on, I'm assuming the title of all-powerful President For Life.  My first act as your unquestioned leader shall be...

....to execute Mick Wall at Kerrang and burn St. Louis to the ground, and no one can't stop me except.....

bill o reilly, o reilly started the overthrow W Axl Rose campaign and the masses have revolted against axl's government forcing axl to flea the country and go to china, while in china axl..............

found the Holly Grail, drank from it, and became immoratal and...

managed to delay CD for all eternity...or so he thought because....

being immortal axl, now can wait until technology even further advances and give a whole new generation of fans who will? know nothing of the old GNR time to grow up, just as music has become computerized and more lame than it is now, axl will pull the biggest musical revolution since the beatles and will unite the entire universe.  all of a sudden axl wakes up and realizes everything that has happened so far was one far out maniacal dream, after realizing he had been dreaming axl............

Ask Bea Arthur to marry him, to which she says...

no way axl! u are cute and all but im much too old to urinate in a kitty litter box and one smack from u may shatter my old frail face, i do however have a friend who is interested in u, angelina jolie meet axl rose to which axl............

says "I like older woman, so I'm not interested." Axl then goes and get a shovel and digs up Martha Washington and the two marry. However, on the wedding night...

Axl storms off and decides to retreat to his computer and logs on to gnr unofficial websites and sees heretodaygonetohell and starts reading threads.? Axl starts to..............



edit to go with flow of story :hihi:

realize that he has been giving his fans nothing but blue balls and tells the suits that the mastertapes are on the way. However, a problem arises when Axl gets a bad case of Irritatable Bowel syndrome and...

..the Reset button of his Nintendo Gamecube appears to be malfunctioning. ...

Axl throws his controller against a wall and the button becomes unstuck.  After taking Pepto Bismol for his IBS, Axl decides to send Jarmo Lukonnen a PM and says the following:

Dear Charmo,

I don't know if I pronounced your name right, but I don't drive a bus and I am really Axl.


Upon seeing this PM, Jarmo replies :P

"You're banned"

Jarmo then decides that he has had it with Axl and takes down the Here Today, Gone to Hell Board. He hooks up with Brett from Vanhalenforums.com and becomes a hard care VH fan, forever abandoning GN'R. Many longtime posters at the heretoday board enter therapy because they don't know what to do without the board, until...

they discover something called " sunlight, a previously unknown phenomenon to these pathetic nerds who have nothing better to do than...

think they know what is going on in the world of GN'R and Axl Rose so

.. Izzy decides to turn his PC off, and make his long awaited trip to LA.. and finally fulfill his promise to break into Axl's house and steal CHinese Democracy.. he arrives outside Axl's mansion and begins to plot his masterplan.. Izzy brings D just incase Axl calls Earl for reinforcements.. and Gunner Down Under also assists with his army of kangaroos? :hihi: ..

izzy gets the master copies, I knock out Earl and gunner's kangaroos have the rest of the band and help occupied, izzy is almost home free when out of nowhere axl tackles izzy! axl is just about to pound izzy into submission when out of the corner of his eye axl sees the most gruesome terrifying sight ever!


SLC is anally molesting axl's sheep landscape thingy he had flown in, yes folks SLC doesnt care if they are alive or made of grass, a sheep is a sheep and he is one dirty sheepfucker! axl is caught off guard! gunner rides by in his kangaroos pouch and clubs axl and takes the tapes and rides off in his kangaroo's pouch!

they almost get away with this until.......................

Izzy sees Richard Fortus sitting on Axl's couch watching tv.  Izzy starts to cry and confesses to Fortus that he is his Number #1 fan.  Izzy & Gunner forget all about the Master tapes, and start dancing to NSYNC music with Fortus.  Axl imprisons D and SLC in his basement, and tells them they wont be freed unless...

they apologize for freaking the shit out of Beta and they bring Slash and Scott Weiland to Axl so Axl can.................

decapitate Scott Weiland and force Slash to his knees to declare that Axl was right all along to try to turn Guns N' Roses into Nine Inch Nails.  D and SLC agree, and are blindfolded and tossed into a car.  The car drives for 10 minutes, stops, and D and SLC are tossed out by an L.A. studio where Velvet Revolver is filming its next video.  Axl orders the two to bring Slash and Scott Weiland to him, and brandishes a sniper rifle which he will point at them the whole time to ensure they do not deviate from the plan.  D and SLC arrive at the gate, and the security guard demands to know what they are doing there.  SLC replies...

"let me in, or i'll force you into listening to St Anger.. over and over and over again until you do.."

Meanwhile Gunner Down Under and Izzy stay back at Axl's place listening to Chinese Democracy.. Halfway through, Gunner turns it off, because Aston Villa are giving Liverpool a whipping on TV  :D

Izzy says, "Why in the fuck did you just turn off CD?  I have waited way too long for this and you just ruined it."

Izzy turns back on CD and realizes that he needs to level with Axl because there is a problem with the way the guitar sounds in the 5th song, 2nd verse of the 1st album.

Izzy calls Axl on his cell phone and Axl says, "What do you want Izzy?  This better be fucking important because right now, I am assuming my mafia role"

Izzy replies...............

'Axl, bring back Izzy Stradlin'. 

Meanwhile, D & SLC have cornered Slash & Weiland.  SLC tries to grab Scott, but Scott is so skinny that he snaps in half. Slash yells at them for killing his frontman.  D & SLC put Slash in a bag and meet Axl at the gate...

axl says bring him to me now!!!!!!! but slc and D tell axl "no way dude" u give us an advanced copy of CD and u can have him, axl agrees and we hand over slash in the bag, axl kills slash and cuts off his hands, axl takes the hands to yoda to get them examined, yoda tells axl that if he gets his hands cut off and gets slash's hands put on instead of his, he will have the guitar ability of slash, axl goes to plastic surgeon with slashs hands in ice when...................

Chewbacca appears out of nowhere and eats them for lunch! Pan fried, finished off in the oven with a wonderful white wine butter sauce.

D begins to panic and instantly goes into therapy mode, telling us all he dresses like his mother on the weekends. Axl laughs hysterically, and then asks the huge wookie to join the band as the third keyboard player.

Chewbacca laughs and says.....

that slc dude is hot id like to get me some of that! SLC instantly goes to the trunk and pulls out a sheep costume and hands to chewbacca, Chewbacca puts on the costume and leads slc to axl's guest bedroom


Axl takes D to his studio and lets D put guitar fills over some songs, and makes D a 4th guitarist! axl says hey D want to come live with me for awhile, since u kicked the shit out of earl i need a new bodyguard, so D says sure axl, axl leads D to the guest room when they open the door they see SLC tied to the bed and chewbacca doing some hot doggy action on SLC.

Axl and D think of helpin SLC when all of a sudden...........

Night train shows up and wants to talk politics. This instantly pulls SLC (talking about myself in the third person now-I know...so strange) out of his sheep-shagging frenzy and into a heated debate over Saddam and 9-11. They are about to come to blows when....

RichardNixon (the poster) and the Richard Nixon (brought back from the past with a time machine) come in with 15 Fred Durst clones and tie everyone up. Nixon and Nixon burn all the mastertapes of Chinese Democracy and untie Axl. A new version GN'R is created:

W. Axl Rose- Lead Vocals
SLCPUNK- Lead Guitar
D- Rythem Guitar
Gunner Down Under- Sax
Richard Nixon (Pres)- Triangle
Fred Durst clone #1- Drums
Fred Durst clone #2- Bass
Fred Durst clone #3- Harp
Fred Durst clone #4- Piano
Fred Durst clone #5- Keyboards
Fred Durst clone #6 Saprono back up singer (nuts are ripped off)
Fred Durst clone #7 flute
Fred Durst clone #8 Recorder
Fred Durst clone #9 farter
Fred Durst clone #10 back up singer #2
Fred Durst clone #11 Yodler
Fred Durst clone #12 Hummer
Fred Durst clone #13 tounge clicker
Fred Durst clone #14 second bass player
Fred Durst clone #15 second hummer

The new and improved Guns N Roses record a new album in 15 minutes, and it is on the road, to be sent to the wigs at the label, but a problem arises when....

Fred Durst clone #3 insists that his other clone, # 17, be allowed to join the band and play the jug. D, now dressed as Mona Lisa, tells him "no way dude, we don't need a guy to blow into a jug in this band!" Which causes Fred Durst clone #3 to quit the band.

Seeing that his Harp player is now out of the band, Axl goes into a tailspin and he is unable to finish the album. It is begining to look as if.....

A new Guns N Roses album will never see the light of day, and then a light bulb goes off in Axl's head. He takes all of the Fred Durst clones and puts them into a machine, which turns all of the Fred Durst into ONE BIG MASSIVE GIANT FRED DURST! This big Fred Durst can play anything.

The new GNR is thus born:

W. Axl Rose- Lead Vocals
SLCPUNK- Lead Guitar
D- Rythem Guitar
Gunner Down Under- Sax
Richard Nixon (Pres)- Triangle
Big Massive Frankenstien Durst- everything else that little Fred Durst clone 1-15 played.

And The new GNR album is recorded and sent to the label, but the suits at the label say...

"Axl we still need Slash's signature guitar style to make it officially sound like GN'R.? What happened to your plastic surgeron appointment?"

Axl says, "I had Slash's hands on ice in a bag and then this Chewbacca dude appeared."

Axl refused to comment any further pending the mysterious ways he lives his life in total privacy.

Back at his Malibu home, Axl thinks to himself? "should I give up GN'R name and join VR since Scott is no longer in the picture?".?

Axl decides to go to Sedona to see Yoda again for some insight.? On his trip out to Sedona, Axl stops in Vegas first and Axl runs into...............

vince neil!  vince saysmothefucker lets finish this shit once and for all! axl says u got it! out of nowhere D and SLC attack vince from behind and hold him down while axl beats the living shit out of vince, SLC pulls out his clippers he usually reserves for shearing sheep and shaves vinces hair off! Axl proceeds to grab a can of spray paint and he spray paints Axl Rules on vince's back.......


meanwhile back at axl's gunnerdown under and Beta are sittin around the pool gettin cozy, beta has fed the kangaroos and givin gunner a back massage, Izzy has now transformed himself into little mini me fortus


D,axl and slc punk get back from vegas walk into the house and catch fortus and izzy dancing to Nsync's "bye bye bye" upon seeing this Axl.................................

...realises why he had Fortus in the band in the first place and scraps the entire album to makes a new one in the style of Justin Timberlake's efforts which delights the suits at Interscope but horrifies......

every single person who has ever been a GNR fan! Axl introduces the pop lock 21st century version of the snake dance attracting 12 year old girls everywhere! all of a sudden axl is gutted with a huge sword razor type weapon and realizes the Predator has came back to reclaim his braids! Just as axl is fading into death he wakes up again............. all of this was just a dream (except slc's sheep shaggin) and he realizes now what he must do, he must......................

lose the braids and start working out again.  As he drives to his local gym, he accidentally hits a pedestrian.  Axl gets out of the car and see that it is....

a kangaroo with gunnerdownunder still in the pouch with master copies of chinese democracy! Axl reclaims his possessions says fuck it! and returns to his house, with master CD in hand! yes our good ole kangaroo pal skippydownunder fucked up CD for everyone!

Axl takes the master copies to Yoda to get them read since they were handled by foreign hands, to axl's surprise he finds out that................

The studio version of the blues is scratched beyond recognition and Axl realizes that D has rerecorded the second song "TWAT" guitar parts so Axl goes....................

to D and says "Hey! Man, that shit you did with the guitar on "TWAT" that shit is just..."

out of this world and amazing.....like nothing I've ever heard before".

D is dumbfounded that Axl replied this way because D has been playing guitar way before Slash and says to Axl curtly, "Axl.? Do you know where the fuck you are dude?? You are in the year 2004 and the month of August to be exact.? It's about time you realized that you have found your man to take GN'R to it's highest level possible, as a band that'll live on in the hearts of many and prove once and for all to all the naysayers that you can still have it with me in your band."

Axl is elated and jumps to joy that D said this because ever since RIO cancellation, Axl has been searching for just the right guitarist to make GN'R tick.

Axl says to D, "D, do you want to always get a paycheck for the rest of your life and never lift a finger?"

D says, "sure Axl.? Count me in.? Where do you want me to sign?"

Upon hearing this, Axl calls Merck and has him draw up a contract to have D officially named new lead guitarist for GN'R.?


Axl gives D the contract to look over.? D starts to read through it and gets to page 300 when he sees a clause that may make him reconsider this offer because it states the following:...............................

You must kiss Barbra Bush on the Ass, to which D says...

.. only if I get to kiss SLC's ass first..

D of course was only jokin about the SLC part, so after tossin barbara bush's salad D is the new guitarist in gnr and guess who the first person that wants to be D's groupie is?

u got it! gunner down under! D, for his own amusement makes gunnerdownunder do xgame type freestyle shit with his kangaroo, after all this D makes gunner pee in a litter box and after that gunner down under....................

kills D and puts on one of those Mission: Impossible-style rubber face masks in order to assume D's identity and become guitarist in Guns N' Roses himself.  However, when he goes back to Axl, he notices to his horror that Axl has...

fallen into a pit of lava and has to be turned into Darth Axl. Will this cause another delay in Chinese Democracy or...

will Axl abandon music once and for all to further his dream of conquering the galaxy?  The only person that can stop Axl is Gunner Down Under.  As Axl's sax player and (pretending to be D) guitar player, Gunner Down Under finds that he has access to the battle plans for Axl's grand scheme: the construction of a Death Album, with the destructive capacity to ruin the hearing of an entire planet.  Torn between his loyalty to Axl and his consicence, Gunner Down Under makes up his mind.  He decides...

.. that he will forever remain loyal to Axl, I mean if we didnt have the wait of Chinese Democracy.. we would have missed out on such moments as:

- Mattman's thread on Axl's virginity
- the 'do you milk it or shake it' thread

By the way, is anybody concerned about D's apparent worrying interest and fantasies of myself having sexual encounters with kangaroos, and SLC with sheep?   :nervous:

The ever-loyal Skippy discovers the awful truth.  Axl actually has an evil twin: W. Botaxl Rose who is the reason behind all the CD delays and is hellbent on conquering the universe.  The real Axl is imprisoned on a remote island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  Gunner Down Under forms an A-team with Izzy, Fortus, D, SLC and Chris Pittman.  Together they begin the journey to save the real Axl and defeat his evil twin.

But on the Island the real Axl falls in love with a beautiful blonde woman, and on their wedding night, Axl is horrified to learn that he has really married Sammy Hagar. Just then...

First the recruit two twin Comandos to lead this rescue mission: Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Turns out Arnold was raised on this same Island and has a plan to get there.......

 :rant: Hey, you skipped me :rant:

His plan is to do Bad Acting in money over produced summer blockbusters. When Danny tells Arnold is is actually human and not a robot, Arnold gets sad and they begin to row out on a rowboat.

After Devito gets tired Arnold rows the rest of the way where apon the beach he sees

Axl and Sammy Hagar having sex in red jello...

This is getting rather scary  :nervous:

Or so it seemed from a distance, infact it was Axl and Lionel Ritchie doing a duet of a cover by.....

This happens sometimes. Sorry, I didnt' mean to. Our post times are pretty close, but when I posted, I obviously did not see yours (it wasn't showing yet)..... :-\

"We got tonight" by Bob Segar. Axl Looks deep into Lionel's eyes, and Lionel back. Axl informs Lionel that this island is the Jungle. Where Lionel replies "Say you.... Say me" Now Axl is creeped out in ways he can never desribe and wonders to himself why all his sexual dreams have men popping up in them. He suddenly wakes up and realises he has been dreaming and its really still 1993 and....

the Guns are suppose to throw a show in Tokyo Dome, Axl realizes they've already two hours late so he leaves the backstage and decides to...

light up a big fattie to calm himself down as his dreams have crept him out.

Upon lighting up the fattie, Axl realizes once and for all that.............

That Robin is missing, so he

... figures he should all ready be at Tokyo Dome, and while checkin' out of the hotel he realizes, that Earl is nowhere to be found and his place is taken by D (who's also having a side-career at local porn industry as a fluffer) Axl say's to D that it's time to...

''.....Wake up, time to play!'' And they head off to the gig - though their late its no later than usual and D puts in a great performance on the triangle but in the closing seconds the show collapses into anarchy because.....

they realize they are really on an island in the Bermuda Triangle.  So axl decides he has to...

...bend D over the nearest fallen coconut tree and try and extract the flare gun from his large intestine. But all of a sudden...

...a ghost ship appears from nowhere, and on the side it reads "Slc's 24h sheep transporting", and Axl orders D to fill up his "aero-bed", no you can have a cozy bed in only a minute! Axl and D start to head for the ghostship, but...

Axl realises he's been brain washed into being gay, he then find a loco voodoo shop, and asks the man to put a spell on him turning him straight but instead the man casts a ......

...penis enlargement enchantment on D. Upon seeing his manhood unexpectedly grow to the size of a small python, D decides it's time to play swords with the red-head banshee.  But all of a sudden...

Axl punches the shit out of D, knocking D to the ground, unconscious.  Axl says, "You are forever fired from MY BAND MOTHER FUCKER".

The impact of D falling to the ground and Axl's right hand blow to D's jaw forces the flare gun out of D's large intestine.  Axl takes off his shirt and wipes off the gun and shoots a flare in the direction of the ghost ship. 

The ghost ship heads for Axl, brings him onto the ship and Axl sees a pirate that resembles Duff.  Axl............

(on a side note......like I emailed to SLC.......wouldn't you laugh if this thread got  mentioned by Axl in a rant?  I can see it now, "some of you mother fuckers have one active imagination.  You know who you are ......sheep shaggin and shit" :rofl:)

Axl takes the unconscious D along with him to the ship.  He entices Duff the pirate with a bottle of rum, gin & tonic, whiskey and vodka.  Duff's liver and spleen explode and he is made to walk the plank. 
Axl sets sail for Los Angeles Harbor, San Pedro.  But he faces many dangers on his Odysseusian journey.  First he meets a one-eyed man who tells him...

He is the half brother of Slash.? Axl looks at him and Axl can't figure out why Slash kept this secret from him and Axl wonders what other secrets his ex band members have kept from him.

Axl is offered to drink with the one eyed?man and together, they toast Slash.

The one eyed man lights up a cigar and asks Axl.............

...if he has ever looked a monkey in the eye. Axl, thinking back on the sight of D and his jungle snake, confesses that yes, he has looked a monkey in the eye; but only once. The One Eyed Man then tells Axl about the time that he himself looked a monkey in the eye, and ended up with only one eye himself.

Meanwhile, awake from his bout with unconsciousness, D can't help but overhear the conversation between Axl and the mysterious One Eyed Man. And thinking that Axl just might get it into his head that D was out to blind him, he jumps up and...

introduces his friend that mysteriously goes by the name of The Younger Form of Axl. Axl  dosen't really like this so he decides to...

...to call his good friend Blue Cut, with whom he figures it's time to go to war with Velvet Revolver and start a musical revolution, and so Blue Cut brings his rack of semi-automatic rifles and arrives to on the ship on a huge robot bird (which is painted pink and has yellow dots on it) and...

Axl moons D and D is surprised to see that Axl has three buttocks and so...

D wakes up from his hallucination.  What a crazy dream!  He immediately decides to lower his daily dosage of LSD.

Back in LA, Axl is still reluctant to release Chinese Democracy.  Facing a midlife crisis, he suddenly decides to reinvent himself.  Axl joins the CIA and becomes a sleeper agent in China, hoping to destroy the Communist Party from within and bring to fruit actual Chinese democracy.  He works his way up to become the right hand man of the Chinese Premier Zhang, and eagerly awaits his chance to be handed the reins to power.

One day, Zhang dies.  Axl is named his successor, and immediately announces his plan to...

dig up Mao and have him rule by his side, there is only one problem...

....Mao believes that the centuries he has spent in the grave were a shorter period of time than the wait for Chinese Democracy so he promptly reburies himself, subjecting himself to the inevitable "Fuck you Mao!  You stabbed Axl in the back!" taunts from Axl's disciples at HTGTH.  Meanwhile, Tommy Stinson's take on the whole thing is.....

"Axl's really just a hair's breadth from being hell bent on finding out why a few pages back in this thread, Jarmo banned him( Axl) from an unofficial site where he is the main focal point."




Upon finding out that HTGTH has banned Axl, Tommy decides to PM Jarmo since Axl can't. 

Jarmo decides to ask Adz to once again reply as Jarmo won't believe anyone from GN'R, ex or hired gun, would really post on his site.

Adz reads Tommy's pm.  It says,

"Jarmo, why did you ban Axl?  Didn't you realize CD is rumored to be out the whole month of November, 2004 and that because I used the terminology 'hair's breadth' means everything?"


Adz, makes this face------------> ::)  and replies to Tommy's pm.................but first, Adz can't get over the fact that Tommy's htgth screen name is really .............

D.....

After the truth is revealed about D/Tommy, Axl has announces that the album is all done and ready to go to the prints. An armored car with all the tapes is on route to the CD printing press when disaster strikes. A comment hits the earth and slams right into the armored truck, destroying "Chinese Democracy." Axl is devastated but....

...news that Slash was driving the van somewhat conforted him. Axl decides to start Chinese Democracy again from scratch and brings in the greatest musicians from across time to help him, unfortunatley Axl's decision to add Madonna to the lineup backfires because....

All the big muscle men in S&M leather outfits that Maddona brings in with her are a distraction...

That must've been one earth-shattering comment.  I wonder what they said?

It was really a commet, not a comment. Comment is latin for commit? :hihi:

..to Axl's new drummer Yoko Ono who promotly quits the band. On a more positive note her absence allows Axl to announce....

that he will be touring underground clubs in Antartica. But, first Axl has to...

........get D/Tommy to post a message to all his 'fans' on the internet via HTGTH message board because gnronline is a joke.

Axl prepares his statement.  He ponders over what to say.  Finally, after rewriting it 11 times, Axl says the following:

"Dear Fans,

As you patiently wait for me to get off my duff (no pun intended) and release Chinese Democracy, I have to tell you that it's been one hell of a journey for me because..................."

...I've spent most of my time on the toilet, battling severe diarrhea. Consequently, many of the songs on CD reflect the pain of my abdominal cramps. However...

....all bowel problems aside, I hope to announce a release date after the next few commode visits, and then we plan on....

...cloning each member of the band so as to prevent any concievable delay - no matter who quits or goes to jail we will have ten other Chris Pittman's to fill the void, I have already cloned myself 18 times this week so i can perform throughout the world at the same time. Regretably several of them have decided to sue me for ownership of the band but i have a fool proof plan to sort this out, you see i plan to....

...kill 'em all and replace them with clones that are genetically engineered to be more docile and obedient to the whims of their master - I, UberAxl."

However, problems arise when audiences at various concerts notice that the Axl clones seem a little too reserved.  Indeed, the performances in concert of the Axl clones are fairly restrained, and because of their docile nature, they offer no criticism of punks in the press.  An Internet rumour starts that fans paid to watch cloned band members and not the real thing.  Dave-Gnfnr-2k argues that this is what Axl did on the 2002 tour anyway, so it really doesn't matter.

The long-suffering fans at HTGTH can take no more.  They all journey to Los Angeles and meet up there.  They arm themselves to the teeth and form the HERE TODAY MILITIA, dedicated to "Chinese Democracy, here TODAY!"  Together they launch a masterplan to reunite the original Guns N' Roses once and for all.  Crack squads of GN'R fans break into the homes of Slash, Duff, Izzy, and Steven Adler, and bring them back to their headquarters - the Whiskey A-Go-Go club, which they have converted into a heavily patrolled base.  Gaining control of all network television stations (making extra sure that the New York Knicks basketball game is preempted by this announcement), Jarmo declares to Axl that he must release Chinese Democracy now, or face the consequences.  The camera pulls back to reveal the four ex-Gunners, tied, gagged, and with guns pointed to their heads.  Placing the hopes of GN'R fans everywhere in faith in Axl's remaining attachment to his original band, Jarmo states clearly, "Only you can prevent the deaths of your old friends.  Chinese Democracy starts now!"

Watching from his mansion, Axl is torn.  He thinks for a long, long time, and finally makes his decision...

"Ok, I'll release Chinese Democracy if you get Bon Jovi to suck my dick." After some thinking Jarmo decides to...

...call Bon Jovi.  But they are a little too willing to orally perform on Axl, so Axl begins singing "One in a Million" to keep them at bay.  Meanwhile...

Axl's cell phone rings and Axl is astonished  to find Heather Locklear on the receiving end.

Heather starts to go off on Axl because she can't believe that her husband, Richie Sambora is a swinger/bisexual and now is planning on doing Axl.

Axl calms Heather down and decides to really piss off Bon Jovi by meeting Heather Locklear at the Rainbow..........a few blocks down from Whiskey-a go go.

Axl is sitting at a booth at the Rainbow.....the same booth NR was filmed and in walks Heather.

She sits next to Axl and they.............................

...make a porn video just like Locklear's ex husband Tommy Lee did with Pamela Anderson.  It surpasses the Pam/Tommy video as the biggest selling video of all time, and Axl decides to call his new album Chinese Pornography instead.  Because of this....

the only thing available on the album are kinky sounds.
prostitute is the lead single and my world bceomes the most requsedted song ever....after seeing the shame they have been put thru GNR fans...

...continue to support Axl and predictably claim his porno album is better than Appetite for Destruction.  The world at large, however....

...thinks Axl should use a penis pump before doing his next video, as it just couldn't compare to D's jungle snake....

Because of all the gay men chasing Axl he decides to hire himself a new bodyguard. He employs the services of Dustin Diamond (AKA Screech) and macks a pack to never leave each others side and they go off in a Bullet Proof Limo to meet up with LA Reed for mastering the New Album when...

their bullet proof limo breaks down.  Axl and Dustin are stuck on the side of the road (on the streets of LA) when Mysteron drives up, rolls down his window, and says.........

...during their escapdes the Here Today Militia led by their terrorist leader Jarmo have executed the original lineup due to Axl's failure to agree to reunite. Finally free of the old band and celebrates by.....

going to the studio to drink beer with the new band.  However, now knowing that the old band is indeed gone forever, Axl can't help but feel a little bored with the new guys.  These aren't the drug-addled rockers he once knew (forgetting that Duff does not drink anymore, Slash is clean, etc.).  Suddenly realizing that his new album and band aren't going anywhere, Axl becomes intent on drinking himself to death.

The rest of the band panics and run for help as Axl continues drinking.  At about 10 beers, Axl looks up through an alcoholic haze as the band runs back into the room with...Ozzy Osbourne.

Ozzy looks Axl up and down and says...

"Time after Time
  Line after line,
  You broke me"


Axl says, wtf?  What did you just say to me Ozzy?

Ozzy challenges Axl to a duel.  Axl declines because in his spare time, Axl only learned how to play pinball, not fencing.

Ozzy laughs and goes off into the wild blue yonder on his crazy train.

Axl mutters to himself, "there goes a true legend.  I should have learned from Ozzy".

Axl thumbs (hitchikes) back to his Malibu estate.  Sick of the new band, free of the old one, Axl decides once and for all it's HIS time to shine.

Axl starts work on the Axl Rose Solo Project.  Axl has to figure out how to play..........

the violin.  A longtime ELO fan [by the way, I am NOT making that up, Axl decides that the Axl Rose Solo Project will enable him to bring to fruit his dream of recording an album with the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.

However, his ambition is thwarted when the NY Philharmonic decides at the same time that it is going to "go country".  Stuck without his orchestra of choice, Axl resorts to recording an album with Yngwie Malmsteem.  In response to the neverending Chinese Democracy sessions, the album is recorded live.  The resulting collaboration, Songs In The Key Of Hype, is slammed by critics, who write that it is "lost in a sea of neo-classical guitar solos, endless song lengths, and pretentious, pseudo-religious lyrics by Rose".  The album debuts at #67, right below Vince Neil's new live album, Vince Neil LIVE! (But Just Barely).

Crushed, and convinced that he is indeed a has-been, Axl moves to India and decides to learn the sitar from Ravi Shankar, becoming a born-again Hindu and vowing to devote the rest of his life to trying to attain nirvana.  However, he still has a habit of surrounding himself with yes-men and thus no one bothers to tell him that nirvana is a Buddhist concept.

Five years later...

guitar like Slash does.  He picks up an acoustic and starts strumming.  Suddenly, a vision appears before him.  A ghostly apparition in the form of the late Izzy Stradlin who was viciously killed by rabid HTGTH members approaches him.

'I am the ghost of GNR Past', says Izzy Stradlin the ghost.  'Let me show you what once was'.

Axl is transported to another dimension.  The scene is 1986, a seedy strip club on the Sunset Strip.  GNR are getting ready to play.  Axl sees his younger self wearing assless pants and thong underwear.  He thinks to himself....

....I coulda been a contender, I coulda....

Axl decides that he has to make a return to music.  He decides to learn how to play...
came up with the idea for industrial and techno music FIRST and beat Nine Inch Nails to it, making GUNS N' ROSES the first successful industrial band!"
But before he can hatch his evil plan, Axl and the Ghost of Izzy Stradlin are joined by the Ghost of Slash.  "Axl," warns Slash.  "Do not forget the awesome power that may come from these instruments of GN'R Past..."  With that, he and the Ghost of Izzy whip out spirit guitars and begin to play an awesome song, one that Axl has not heard before.  But it is undeniably catchy, and very GN'R-ish.  He gets lost in the music...

Suddenly Axl snaps out of his trance.  He's on a street in Los Angeles.  "Axl," a voice says.  Looking up, Axl sees the Ghost of Duff McKagan.  "Duff?" Axl gasps in disbelief.  "I am the Ghost of GN'R Present," says Duff's ghost.  "Let me show you what is."  He gestures below.  Staring through the window, Axl sees the members of the new Guns N' Roses sitting around looking glum, as he sees himself barking out orders.  Robin Finck plays a guitar, and the present Axl listens intently before shaking his head and muttering something about it not being "quite right."

"But..." Axl begins...

..now i have the ability to talk with ghosts and travel back to the 80's WITHOUT the help of drugs i will get things right from the start, first i will......

go back to the year 1988 replace Jani Lane as the lead singer in Warrant, and will forever be known as the voice behind "heaven." All goes well and Axl is now immortalized in people's memories as being the guy in the matching white leather suit singing "Heaven." Axl even marries Bobby Brown, but then...

...even though Axl has found a soul-mate in fellow wife-beater Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston gets angry at Axl for stealing her husband, and she cuts off his...

 :rant: :rant: :rant: :rant:

No Dizzy............Bobby Brown was a porn star.............

You have it wrong

Don't make Axl gay in this silly story :crying:

braids (dexter holland from offspring, again, plans to sue axl for copying "his new" hairstyle).
sensing another law suit coming axl calls upon yoda for help who.....

We made him have sex with Sammy Hagar in red jello among other escapades :rofl:  This is a Freudian thread  :hihi: :rofl:



tells him to make a surprise performance at the 2004 VMA's.  Axl thinks over it and says...

...he'll do it, but only if they find him a real miniature fire breathing dragon to do the pyrotechnic on the 2004 vma live version of "coma" and a surprisingly fitting "Don't damn me" (with altered lyrics and claiming thereore it really is a *new* song), and so...

..the show goes well - but then Axl realises he is still in 1988 - and the lead singer of Warrant! So if this wasn't the 2004 VMA's Axl wondered, where the hell was he? The answer was that he was.....

actually a victim of psychosis and only thinks that it's 2004.? Nevertheless, Axl performs "Coma" and "Don't Damn Me" at the 1988 VMAs, and Warrant shoots to the top of the charts with its new, harder sound.? Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, a pop-metal band led by Jani Lane called Guns N' Lanes gets signed and scores a hit with its first single, the Lane-penned power ballad "Sweet Pie O' Mine."

Meanwhile, at HTGTH, Mattman is starting to lose his mind trying to follow this thread.? He goes upstairs to relax and listen to Appetite For Destruction.? However, when he picks up the album, he is shocked to find that...

...Jani Lane's pretty boy picture is on the cover where Axl's redhead skull once was.  Mattman tosses the album out the window, and upon the head it strikes none other than....

Buckethead.....................

...who, because of the alternate time line, is now a guitar teacher in a small Ontario town.? Mattman learns guitar from Buckethead and becomes a virtuoso.? With the original Guns N' Roses apparently only a memory, Mattman forms a band that rises to become the biggest band in the world and in doing so manages to accomplish what the "new GN'R" and Velvet Revolver in the alternate universe failed to do......makes the world safe again for rock 'n' roll.

THE END.

 :peace:

holy shit!! I've been away visiting my girlfriend for 4 days and you all have killed me off,talked shit about Bon Jovi,gave me a penis enlargement!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I am disappointed!!! you all have let this story go to shit! nobody is allowed to end the story! Cmon!


Lets start this shit over!!!!


There is a knock on Axl's door and it is the original members of GNR.  They are there to reason and reconcile with Axl, Axl lets them inside tells them ok, lets talk.

Slash strikes a compromise, in the future we will always release 2 cds at once. One Axl's vision, the second GNRs vision, Axl ponders over this unique idea and decides........

..to refuse to do it unless they all sign a paper giving him ownership of the GNR name.  Duff, Izzy, Slash, and Steven simultaneously throw up their hands and say "Not this shit again!" and walk out.  Axl's reaction to this is...

To begin ringing the cow bell, 40 rings per minute for 5 minutes. 

Izzy grabs the cow bell and hits Axl over the head with it.  Axl falls into a coma.

Izzy freaks the fuck out and calls 911.  911 arrive and rush axl to Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.

With Axl in a coma, the ex-members of GN'R hold a vigil outside of Axl's hospital room door.

Izzy is beside himself for hurting Axl and takes his guitar and starts strumming to '14 years'.

Slash goes to get coffee and slips out his flask from underneath his shirt and spikes his coffee with JD.

No one can find Steven as he was last seen fliriting with the nurse in OR.

Duff is watching The Simpsons in the waiting room.

Back in Axl's room, Axl's mind drifts off into a deep, deep sleep.

(Axl is dreaming now)

Axl awakens and is astonished to find out that he is sitting next to Rumpelstiltskin.

Axl says............

Hey, who did your braids?

...Rumpelstiltskin sits there and doesn't answer, Axl is getting frustrated (and plays with his hair), then he realize that everyone stands still in this world and the time has stopped, somehow it doesn't seem to affect Axl, so....

so he decides to start a website under the name heretodaygonetohell.com and post under the pseudonym of jarmo and mysteron, because he thinks the world has stopped.
(this is the *actual* reason why CD has not been released, axl thinks time has stopped)
but one day when he's sleeping his phone rings.....

and on the phone is Tracii Guns, and Axl wonders how can he receive the call when times has stopped for everyone else, and thinkin about it gives he and severe headache so he answers Tracii with a question "If time has stopped, do I really sleep when sleeping what feels to me like 2 hours but is really none everyone else", Tracii is bafled and blurts his evil plan by mistake. His evil plan is to...

re-work early demos of Hollywood Rose - just to see how far would Guns have to go to have Axl cry "lawsuit!!".

Axl wakes from his coma.  But he has lost his memory. 

'Who am I?" he asks the Doctor. 

The doctor says 'You are William Bailey of Lafeyette, Indiana.  You need to go back there and start your life again'.

Axl aka Bill Bailey hitchikes a ride to Indiana to start his life anew.

He hitched up with a Manly trucker who loves sweet little red heads. He puts in a Blue Oyster Cult cd and turns to the "Fear The Reaper" track. William Bailey turns to the man and says. "Hey this song needs MORE COWBELL" and pulls a Cow Bell out of his pocket and bangs it in the trucker's ear until....

The trucker losses control of the truck and drives into a ditch, the cowbell in turn, flys out of the window.  Axl slowly removes himself from the car.  He appears to be okay.  Thankfully, this does not mean another visit to the hospital.  But perhaps a long walk somewhere else.   

Axl hitches a ride to NYC, gets out of the car and as he's walking down the street a big black man comes up to him and says "YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? URE IN THE JUNGLE BABY! URE GONNA DIE!" ..

The black man turns out to be Reuben Studdard and he's hungry.....

Axl is runnin for his life when SLC,Kujo and Gunnerdownunder appear out of nowhere to take down Rueben with tranquilizer guns!

Axl says, " Thanks guys"! "I owe u one, anything u need just ask."


Skippydownunder says,? "well, we need jobs."? Kujo says," Yeah! we really could use that."

Axl replies," what happened?"? "Why are you unemployed?"

SLC says,"well, all three of us were working at the local sperm bank but got fired for drinking on the job"!? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Axl then says..............................

......."Well, I used to front the greatest band of all time, but it fell apart and I am unemployed too.......well, not really unemployed.......you see, I have hired people to work for/with me on creating this unbelievable record called Chinese democracy........which by the way, won't be out anytime soon........but, regardless, all 8 members draw a paycheck and don't do a thing but go on solo tours to promote their shit.? I have some openings if you all want to be a part of it and experience the rockstar life".

Kujo and Skippydownunder jump at the fact to work for Axl.? But, SLC........he ponders the fact.

Axl says to SLC, "dude, why would you NOT want to be a part of this?"

SLC says, "Axl........because...............you see, I'd prefer to work for....................

George W. Bush and start immoral wars based on flimsey evidence instead.

SLC leaves to infiltrate the Bush campaign and turn the Republican Party into the Green Party.  Eventually, he runs for president with Ralph Nader as VP, and changes the face of America.

Meanwhile, D and Skippy have chosen to work for Axl and start a band in Indiana.  They try to get signed by a record label, so they ask...

the choir director from Axl's church if he knows any record company execs they can strike a deal with.  Axl's choir director looks puzzled and says.............

Arent you that young red head named William who spent many EXTRA hours backstage working hard with me to perfect your singing in the church choir. Those tender moments we shared hugging, naked were priceless. I always thought Paradise City was written about our times together.

To which Axl blushes and..

says, "no, you have me confused with Sebastian Bach".

Axl leaves and decides he has had enough of Indiana and takes a greyhound bus bound for................

India!
so that he can meet the ever - mystifying liquidvirus :hihi: and.....

fuck some indian sheep.. like he felt he had done in a past life but in reality....

...it was some friend of D'sjunglesnake, in India Axl decides it time for leather-time-Axl and some serious hard rock n' roll! Yeah! So he decides to ask around and see if there's a club hard enough to survive the Guns N' Roses, second coming!

Leather-Axl walks to this punk across the street and....

...notices how he is taking photos of Axl.
"Hey take that, take that" Axl screams to anyone who is listening, "get over there and take that!... I'll take it goddamnit!!"
Axl hits the punk n gets his camera, people pull Axl away.
"Thanks to you lame-ass Indians, i'm going home!!" He slams the camera down n walks away.. heading for the airport....

At the airport, while waiting for his flight for Tahati to take off, Axl finds himself in the first class lounge, surrounded by a few other celebrities, including...

the likes of Rod Stewart, Richard Simmons, Sting and this thing (CLICK HERE ---->>>?

http://www.cnn.com/interactive/entertainment/0307/gallery.cruz.obit/2000.grammy.jpg
(http://www.cnn.com/interactive/entertainment/0307/gallery.cruz.obit/2000.grammy.jpg)

Axl says holy shit your hair is blue my hair is red, if we sit together we will look like  big flame, especially if Sting with his blonde hair sits between us.

The plane all of a sudden hits a turbulence patch and the engines go the plane is rocking and then....................................

axl screams
you gonna dieeeeee.....thinking that this is the end axl decides it's time to tell sting the REAL truth about..

.......Every previous GnR album being recorded by a group of aliens from a distant galaxy with their face where their ass should be and their ass halfway up their spine and just a blank orange canvas where their face should be. This is why Chinese Democracy is taking so long, Axl is trying to meet the standards of these amazing space aliens who have perfected rock and roll in the guise of Axl, Slash and the boys......

in the hood :smoking:

Sting looks at Axl and says, there is something I must tell you before we go down in this plane crash

Axl..... I am your father.

Axl jumps out of his seat with astonishment and.............

decides that D must pay for bringing this damned thread back from no-whereland.  He opens his gun cabinet and...

pulls out an AK-47 assault rifle, drives to D's house where D recites a MCGann haiku poem and instantly hypnotizes Axl with it as Axl has been opened through his hypnosis and while hypnotized a certain code was placed in his head that could be only opened witha certain Haiku poem.

He is now evil Axl under D's control.

D sends evil Axl over to Tied up's cribbage and she eagerly accepts him with great excitement considering the major hard on she has for him.

Axl asks her to the bedroom and she is off and running before Axl can kick his converse off.

she gets in the room and axl throws her down, and ties her up.

Tied up *no pun intended* she begins to get really excited

Axl suddenly remembering the command D gave him, handcuffs her to the bed where she cannot move, goes over to her CD player and puts 5 Bon Jovi CDs into her disc changer, turns it up full of blast and leaves it on repeat.

he turns off the lights and exits her house.

evil Axl returns to D with the good news of the mission.

D isnt finished using his evil Axl bot just yet , so he whispers the next command to evil axl which is............................

but before D can bark out his orders to Axl, Axl receives a mind altering telepathic message from Tied-Up, and he returns to Tied-Up's house, turns OFF the bon jovi, and keeps me Tied-Up... (that is my name, after all? :hihi: ) then, leaves to carry out the second part of the telepathic orders...

To destroy every single copy of every album ever recorded by Bon Jovi.? What most of the world doesn't know, is that Bon Jovi has secret subliminal messages in their recordings designed to make everyone use large quantities of aquanet on their hair.? (Unbeknownst to most of the world, Jon Bon Jovi owns stock in Aquanet, and since he has no talent to speak of, he is instead trying to control our minds so that he can reap a fortune by making us use these hair products).?

So, Axl sets out on his quest to destroy all the horrific, mind-altering Bon Jovi recordings and free the world from Project Aquanet......

...Jon Bon Jovi hears of this and decides to challenge Axl Rose to a fight to the death, but there is one clause.....

Axl must destroy the number one bon jovi nemesis tied up. She cannot be allowed to live and cause harm to bon jovi's career since she revealed the shocking sercret of the aqua net business.

Axl, who shared a stake in the same company decides to go along with it .

Tied up is an evil vicious monster, so Axl,Jon and D plan over an attack strategy.

Just as they are planning the strategy they are suddenly ambushed by Tied up who has a small army of her own that consists of...............

3 obise people, hitler's corpse, and a 500 of undead squires from the other dimension.

The fightng is fierce and bloddy untill a hero, a majestic and awosme force, appears. The warriors stare in awe and say his name...

........"Lionel Ritchie", they fall on their knees and avert their eyes for his power is just to awesome and majestic for them. Lionel looks at them and says.........

ohhhhhhhh what a feeling will be dancing on the ceiling all night long, all night

suddenly a missle from Evil Axl Bot's rocket launcher impales Lionel just as he is breaking into brick house.

Tied up sensing defeat takes her shoes off, thrusts her feet forward and the smell knocks out D and Evil Axl bot's army
she shouts

Episode 2 attack of the toes and they quickly retreat and replan a strategy as D and Axl bot's army regroups.

she picks up her cell phone now realizing how powerful the D Axl bot army is and she places the most important phone call of her life.

meanwhile bleeding hearts like Journey and SLC are standing on the sidelines picketing the war speaking out on the ridiculousness of lost lives over a horrible cause.

just then a huge boulder rolls off a mountain and squashes the bleeding hearts.

with the bleeding heart war protesters between a rock and a hard place, the war continues.

just as evil axl bot goes to finish off the tied up attack of the toes army, An enormous bus pulls up and out walks..................

........Vanilla Ice. He looks upset and says to the evil Axl bots. "I'm feelin down, I'm tryin to be real hardcore and get my career back on the road. But noone likes me cos I made Ice, Ice Baby, and generally suck major ass. Can you help me?" The Axl bots look at Vanilla Ice for a while trying to come to a desicion........

Axl calls Ice over and says, listen, we can use you as a decoy.

U go to Tied Up's army and pretend to wanna enlist yourself for their cause. I will give u this ultra sensitive poison powder that is undetectable by human senses.

U slip this in the pyscho beast Tied up's water when she isnt looking and u kill the vicious,evil,maniacal witch that she is once and for all and u come back and The bot army and D will make u a success.

Ice says word to ya mother?

Axl says sure whatever u just said.

vanilla says "thats mackadocious, I shall report back to your head cribbage quarters in a couple hours with my report. remember, ice melts in your mouth not in your hand, and peace to all my fans.

D looks at evil axl bot and says "we have to kill his poser ass" Axl smiles


Vanilla reports to the attack of the toes camp and gives his proposition to Tied up. Tied up is actually a closet MC hammer fan so she isnt to interested in Ice but she is a psychotic,vicious,brutal,savage beast of an evil woman, so she accepts his offer as long as he dont rap.

just as Ice is about to slip the poison into her drink, an unbelievable bright flash blinds Vanilla Ice and to everyone's amazement................

The bright light sears a hole in Vanilla's face, which drips away to reveal Jon Bon Jovi.  "Yes," Jon admits, "when my career started to slump after Axl Rose let me suck his dick, everything went downhill, so I donned this disguise and became a rap star." 

Tied Up... not at all sympathetic to the horrible excuse for a musician, decides that it is time to get out her Limited Edition, Signature Series Lorena Bobbitt knife and give Jon Bon Jovi the bobbitt treatment.  But, as she unzips his pants, she is amazed to find that Jon is actually a woman. 

"Well, at least this means D isn't gay," Tied Up muses to herself with a smirk.  "But, now what to do with her?" 

Tied Up decides that as a feminist, she couldn't harm a woman, so instead, she decides to reprogram "Joni Vanilla" and send her out to deal with D, who is in serious need of a bitchslapping. 

Since she still looks like Jon Bon Jovi, D was fooled by Joni's charms and D bent over and grabbed his ankles.  Just then, from out of the shadows......

...used illusions walks out and says ''you're all fucking idiots and this thread is locked.''

''I'm joking!'', he says, and everybody laughs.

He goes home, and then from out of the shadows...

Michael Jackson is seen molesting a little girl. He then pushes her away and pulls out a machine gun and starts to shoot everyone in sight untill...

Tied Up who couldnt resist ran up with her 8 inch strap on dildo and tried to beat joni ice to the browneye.

D having researched jon's penis in countless photos knew his wasnt that big. turns out it wasnt a strap on, Tied up really has a penis and yes its that big.

D clinches his ass cheeks, rips off Tied up's cock, she falls to the ground screaming, blood squirting everywhere, the ambulance comes and takes her to the hospital, Tied up screams "U will pay for this D, U will pay.

the movie ends and the sequel begins.

the sequel opens with D and Evil Axl bot eating some hamburgers at an outside joint. they are bragging about their destruction of Tied Ups attack of the Toes when all of a sudden from out of the sky appears.............

An Unidentified Flying Object, in the shape of Jon bon Jovi's penis, which D recognized immediately, having done 'extensive' hands on research on the subject.  The UFO lands right in front of where D and the Evil Axl bot are sitting, eating thier burgers (since when do bots need to eat?) and out scurries a bunch of little blue beings, singing "la la la la la" ... and the evil pair of men realize they're being surrounded by smurfs. 

The smurf-like beings capture the two evil men and carry them aboard their UFO, and begin intensive anal probes to determine the source of their evil. 

After several days of intensive probing, no source could be found, so they decided to reprogram the evil Axl bot and turn him in to a cool reclusive rock star again, and he returned to his mansion in Malibu.  They had other plans for D, however.  They decided to give him a sex change operation, and......

no matter how hard they tried to saw off evil D's dick, it just would not cut.

they tried a chainsaw, a hatchet an axe, even broke out a ginsu knife.

nothing was penetrating through that long thick piece of manly trouser snake that D so proudly displayed to the little bastard blue smurf men.

D over powered the smurfs bonging papa and lady smurf in the head with his cannon ball type testicles knockin them unconcious.

D escapes the plane and knows how to gain back control of his beloved evil axl bot.

he would have to get with his homies and go after the Chinese Democracy master tapes.

with those in possession D could rule the world.

D recruits a new army, Kujo,SLC,GunnerdownUnder and Izzy are suited up in their armor and night vision goggles.

the malibu mansion is now under attack.

they break in a side door, go down to Axl's studio, open the vault and they are blinded by the greatest sight ever

they have just uncovered...............

Something so amazing... so long awaited... something that people had given up on... something that people never thought would see the light of day... yes... it is ... Tied-Up's short story.  Apparently Axl pilfered the story from Tied-Up's computer when he came to her house in a previous episode.

As Axl read aloud from this amazing story, D fell to the ground and began to tremble violently, as his demons were being exorcised from his body.   Axl and the others watched in amazement as little demons that distinctly resembled Jon Bon Jovi left D's soul.

All of the sudden, out from nowhere, Bill Murray arrived wearing a ghostbuster uniform, and seized the demons with his proton pack thingy, and then disappeared just as suddenly. 

Shortly thereafter, D awoke and...

felt happier and alive more than he had in years, so good in fact he was bouncing around the room like Richard fuckin simmons.

Howdy guys how r ya screamed D with enthusiasm

Damn guys what did i eat last night,fuckin ass is killin me.

oh hi Axl, new hair do, love it

tied up, hey hows it goin? I had some weird dream that u were chasing me around with your tits shooting fire out of them or some weird shit. hell i dont know, crazy crazy dream.

and why was Jon's dick chasing me and trying to screw me in a very uncomfortable place

Kujo: :"what like the back of a volkswagon" this guy knows.

anyhow D retreats to his home everything is wonderful until A knockin comes upon his door.

He answers it and its the Evil Axl bot looking for revenge. the cockless Jon Bon Jovi follows in tow and they convince D that he is brainwashed and must lead the resurgence.

so now we go to part 3

D and the Axl bot vs Tied up and uncle axl part 3 "revenge of Jon's flying Penis and the attack of the anally probed."


Tied up is still in the jacuzzi with uncle axl talkin over plans to have her story published when the loudest bang u ever heard comes through the front door, axl and tied up jump up and run for cover and then...........................

We interrupt this story for this commentary:


 :rofl:  I may have found the title to my second short story!!!

NOW!!!

Back to the story...

Where were we?  Oh yes...


Tied-up's hubby comes through the door, very angry that Tied-up is in the jacuzzi with Axl.  Hubby threatens to kill Axl, when all of the sudden....

Tied-up deletes the last paragraph, because her hubby has no business in this thread.

D, the Axl bot, and  a penisless bon jovi aka vanilla ice aka joni vanilla, (which is what (s)he prefers to be called now) drive up in a little pinto hatchback (which caused the loud bang), and try to find Tied-Up's house.  However, Tied-Up's husband hasn't mowed the yard in ages, and the overgrowth hid the entrance of the house, allowing for a quick getaway.  They jumped in Axl's still unsold Ferrari, and sped off, as D and his army of mutants attempt to catch up in their pinto, failing miserably as the pinto reaches it's maximum speed of 32 miles per hour.

All of the sudden, the engine in the pinto exploded, and.........

Tied Up's hubby who somehow mysteriously received that paragraph via email from D *u can thank me later* :hihi: pulls up in a hummer assault vehicle with machine guns and grenade launchers.

That red head son bitch done stole my wife. U would think Id be happy as hell to get rid of that sadistic ball and chain but fuck it what can I say, I love that psychotic bitch.

So D,Axlbot and Jon no penis Ice hop into the assault vehicle.

they begin to give chase while planning their strategy


Axl and Tied up ease off the accellerator upon seeing the pinto blow up and they think they are made in the shade

WHAM!!!!

they are suddenly jolted from behind by the huge hummer that Tied up gave her hubby 4 christmas*hope u see the double entendre in there* :hihi:

Lookin over at Tied up Axl says "this calls for drastic measures" Axl pulls out his cell phone and dials a number

5 minutes later a helicopter is over head, a ladder falls out and to everyone's suprise...................

........Slash jumps out of the helicopter. Evil Axl looks confused and dismayed. "Hahaha" says Slash in a proud and happy voice, "I have foiled your plans for world domination once again!"Evil Axl looking quite annoyed and pissed off at Slash produces an AK-47 from his back pocket, and unloads into Slash's chest. "Damn" says Evil Axl, "I wanted Dizzy to be in that helicopter, but Slash must have ambushed the helicopter and killed Dizzy" Evil Axl turns back to where all the action is, but suddenly, without anyone present being aware Slash once again opens his eyes..........

.. only to be facing the real Jon Bon Jovi who reveals his evil plan, they will capture the real Axl, then he will steal his face (like in face/off) and they will take the "time machine" to rewrite the history where there will be these killer-ass song like "You gave love the nightrain" and "In and out of Michelle".

Jon quickly explains that the surgeons are ready to do the face removing operation. (They had done Mikael Jackson earlier, who will return as James Hetfield) And now they only need to find the real Axl...

who is currently in a local bar chugging down beers with an old friend named.....

Gilby Clarke.  Gilby and Axl decide to jump onstage to jam on some old Rolling Stones tunes, but before they can start playing.....

..... Axl insists that Gilby signs over the rights to his name or Axl wont perform. Gilby replies........

"When The Rolling Stones finally croak and die  :P". Suddenly a bomb is dropped on Mick Jaggard's house where all the members of the rolling stones were staying at the time. The bomb was dropped by...

Liam Gallagher. Who was very drunk at the time, and was spotted later that day having a drink with Damon Albarn while singing Yellow Submarine. Meanwhile, while Gilby was signing over the rights to Axl, Slash arrives on his helicopter (yet again) and.....

drops his two snakes from hell on Girlby's arm, thus forcing him to stop writing. Axl begins to rant at Slash, and the tension is building betweem the two, when suddenly...

Slash offers him a shot of Jack and a tight 'twisty'.."let's just get on with it' he says as his hat tips low over his brow...

..and Jon Bon Jovi crashes through the window and shoot's Axl with he's tranquilaizer-gun shouting "You're face will be mine!!"...

before axl yells out  "bon jovi can suck my dick" and proceeds to punch bon jovi in the mouth

..but actually hits "D", who's has been gone through plastic surgery to become a bon jovi look-a-like and is under Bon Jovis "Dominate"-spell. D goes down with a groan and Axl feel a tranquilazer-dart sting his ass.

He wakes tied-up and waiting for the face change-operation at Bon Jovi's evil base somewhere...

near UI aapc's house. UI reaches for the key on the keyboard that locks this thread when....

 :smoking: Izzy? :smoking:

..he notices someone has stolen the "Thread Lock"-key...

desperate to lock the thread, he picks up his cell phone to call jarmo to lock it but...

..Jarmo doesn't anwer since the beat-up D has gone to tell Jarmo that Jon Bon Jovi is going to steal Axls face and change the history of rock and roll, and Jarmo can't decide...

so jarmo chugs down a bottle of Jack Daniels and falls asleep. meanwhile uy aapc searches franticly for the key when suddenly he remembers...

.. that the big red "ban"-key is still there, so he's gonna ban us all on the thread and then on the forum, starting with Blue_Cut, but...

N.I.B sees whats going on and sais "This could be dangerous". So he jumps into a phone botth and gets into his Superhero costume, Capatain Obvious. He confronts ui aapc and sais "Halt evil-doer!" ui aapc is stunned but then he...

realizes he's not wearing any pants, so he.....

he tells jarmo to disable N.I.Bs account or Captain Obvious's account because you're only allowed to have one (http://www.heretodaygonetohell.com/board/index.php?action=profile;u=2670 :P)

 :smoking: Izzy? :smoking:

but jarmo is sound asleep with an empty bottle of jack daniels by his bedside and a porn magazine on his lap

........it is an old copy of Playmullet that he got from D. D passed on his magazine stack to Jarmo because D now prefers to get turned on looking at...........

mating horses

its only one acocunt. I'm a superhero and Captain Obvious is my alter-ego :P. im just using it for the story

Continuing the story: Captain Obvious sees D staring at the mating Horses and sais "Snap out of it man". Just then, the horses digestive systems kicks in and in the pile of shit was found...

the one existing copy of chinese democracy which one of the horses stole from axl's garden table and swallowed

......Along with Axl's bandana collection, and all his other clothes except for his American football jerseys and baggy trousers....

which made axl swear that he would never ever go on stage in bike shorts again

.......Which made all of Axl's male fans incredibly happy, and they began slamming car doors in all the major cities world wide in celebration, and Axl's male fans made this horse a false idol which made someone very unhappy, someone called....

D, who wanted the horse all to himself

D... who had been newly rehabilitated and deprogrammed from his jon bon jovi worship, was still weak in spirit and needed a new source of inner peace.  He believed the horse was the key to his new path. 

But, soon D began to covet something the horse had that he didn't......

which was a big, bulging...

bag full of home demos of Jon Bon Jovi singing in the shower. D particularly was interested in the CD where Bon Jovi recites the alphabet. Everytime Bon Jovi would sing the letter "D", our D would get so excited thathe would........

yell out "geromino!" and jump out the window

which would prove particularly painful, because Tied-Up put a huge cactus plant outside D's window. 

While D was busy plucking cactus thorns out of himself, the horse ran away and found......

Tied Up who is extremely addicted to big....bulging.........................

Cracker in the shape of ...

the rapper Fat Joe, dont ask Tied up has weird tastes

anyway the horse runs from Tied Up as any person with a penis would do  and D begans giving chase to the horse.

D hears moaning in a barn and hurries inside to see the horse, but the horse isnt alone, seems Timothy is auditioning for the Seabiscuit sequel if u know what I mean.

D shouts at Timothy "just cause u spend most of your time in a missionary position doesnt make u a missionary, now get off my fucking horse u no dick loser"

Timothy looks at D, flips him off, jumps on the horses back and takes off.

D sees a car in the distance being driven by Kujo, Kujo, who is a regular at beastiality.com is very sympathetic to D's needs and tells him to hop in.

they chase Timothy down but out of nowhere they are blindsided by.............

The bright light in MCT's avatar. 

Tied-Up uses their blind moment to her advantage, and ties them up, and leaves them in the car.  Of course, the car they are in is the old pinto from page 11, which Kujo found abandoned on the side of the highway, and he managed to get running again.  Little did he know that the hampsters that run the wheel that make the engine go in the pinto were mutant hampsters from outer space.   

As D and Kujo struggle with their restraints and gags, the hamsters get hungry, and......

eat the rope that Tied Up tied Kujo and D up with ( :hihi:) thus freeing them from their impending doom. Kuio and D quickly catch up with Timothy when Kujo realizes....

 :smoking: Izzy? :smoking:

that no matter how much he helps D, D will never give him a free shot with the horse thus leaving Kujo heartbroken.

Kujo realizes the only chance he has of stealing the horse's affection and having it all to himself is to turn on D.

Kujo is plotting his plan and exactly how he will do it when.........

The cat stuck in Kujo's ass starts squirming inside Kujo, which causes severe bowel cramps for Kujo, and he falls to the ground, screaming in pain. 

D, unaware that Kujo has a cat stuck in his ass, thinks this is just some ploy of Kujo's to distract D so that he can steal the horse.  Meanwhile, in a spacecraft that is hovering overhead......

Tied Up shouts maniacally and deploys an alien nuclear bomb....

 :smoking: Izzy? :smoking:

But then the alien cat that was stuck in Kujo's rectum, spreads its wings and flies into space to deactivate the nuclear bomb.

Tied-Up becomes furious when she realizes that the cat was in fact Jon Bon Jovi.  She then decides to.....

...Curse like a maniac because she thought she had ridden Jon Bon Jovi from her master-scheme, so she begins to plot how to be rid of Bon Jovi once and for all....

..I'm confused, which Jon Bon Jovi has Axl as captive?..



...Tied-Up gets a call from Blue Cut who has infiltrated Jon Bon Jovi's evil Base as maid and quickly explains the situation and that Jon Bon Jovi is preparing the face-change as we speak.

"I heard you want to rid the world of the wickedness of Bon Jovi! Here's one, hurry up! He's been a very very bad boy!"

But really I/he made the call to get the diversion I/he needed to...

there are two Axls  regular Axl and Evil Axl Bot, D also feared Tied UP would reach Jon so he also cloned an Evil Jon Bon Jovi Bot

so the Bon Jovi bot has the real Axl captive for the face transplant, Bon Jovi Ice stopped Tied up

thats how the story has played out so far
anyway back to the story

call up Gunnerdownunder and get him to help out as he has the fastest Kangaroo in australia

earlier in the story Gunner helped in the plot to steal CD and was riding in his kangaroo when he was stopped

he is now back.

so blue cut and GDU get in the kangaroo pouch and head to stop JBJ.

D sees the kangaroo and screams "Oh Shit" as he knows what is about to happen.He kicks Kujo and tells him to get up, but Kujo' asshole is the size of basketball goal and D screams "I could fall into a barrel of titties and come out sucking a dick"

Jesus on a moped get up Kujo!!!!!!! We gotta stop this! Kujo just growns. D says fuck it and starts planning.

meanwhile........

Blue Cut and GDU arrive at the secret headquarters and they see Jon and Axl lying side by side ready for the transplant.


they are ready to sneak up and stop everything when Tied up crashes through the roof in her Penis shaped space shuttle.

Tied Up GDU and Blue Cut stop the surgery and they untie Axl

Axl thanks them and tells them for saving him he will let them hear Chinese Democracy only if they......................

all get mass maried and then eat the mucus shit out of the Kangaroo's pouch.

 :smoking: Izzy? :smoking:

edited to add:  Oops.... *Izzy* and I must have posted right at the same time... so... since my post is better... or at least, less gross... let's keep mine!   :hihi:


It should also be noted that during the course of this story it has been revealed that bon jovi is also Vanilla Ice... who, upon closer examination, was actually a woman.? So... now the REAL jon bon jovi is actually a woman that posed as Vanilla Ice when people stopped buying bon jovi albums.? He now prefers to be called Joni Vanilla.? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? :yes:

NOW... back to the story... for those of you who forgot what happened last time....


remove the alien cockroach that is embedded in, and controlling Jon Bon Jovi aka Joni Vanilla's mind.?

Since they are now with the evil bon jovi bot, they have to move fast to capture the real Jon aka Joni.? But first, they dismantle the evil bon jovi bot, and they lanch the pieces of the bots into space, in 419 tiny space ships, going out in all different directions, so that these pieces will never reunite to reform this evil bot.

Now that the enemy bon jovi bot has been destroyed and completely eliminated, NEVER to be heard from again, Tied Up and the others head out to get Jon aka Joni.? They arrive at Jon aka Joni's Secret Lair, which is actually a hollowed out volcano, when.........

You posted nearly an hour after me? :rant:

Mr. Jovi himself, who is mounted on the horse that Timothy previously escaped on, emerges from a dark cave on the side of the volcano. Jon decides he has been insulted by Tied Up too many times so he planned to exact revenge on her. But before Jon can do anything Kujo tackles him furiously jealous that someone else is on the horse when....

 :smoking: Izzy? :smoking:

.......Sting returns from the grave and reveals he has joined with Bon Jovi because he is pissed off that Axl will not tell anyone that it was really super intelligent aliens with their face where their ass should be and their ass half way up their spine and a blank orange canvas where their face should be that recorded every previous Guns n Roses albums. Just as Sting is about to tell the world about Axl having nothing to do with recording every GnR album to date (except CD) something strange happens......

Tied-up appears, and she apologizes (it's difficult for her, you see, she is a woman, after all) for missing the *Izzy* post and forever altering the outcome of future events.

Just as quickly as she appeared, she vanished, and then Sting says......

I am a big stupid stupid head and explodes leaving his entrails all over Jon. *Izzy* then appears and accepts Tied Ups apology and then vanishes. Suddenly Bon Jovi....

 :smoking: Izzy? :smoking:

announces the release of his new album (which D immidietly buys after the announcement) called chinese democracy. Upon the end of the announcment (after D bought the album)...

bon jovi reveals that a large part of the album consists of collaborations with snoop dogg and 50 cent

"furthermore," bon jovi continues, "if you play the album backwards, you can hear the sounds of me having sex with a horse." 

Kujo is appalled to learn that jon bon jovi aka joni vanilla had sex with his idol, the horse, and promptly kills jon aka joni.

Tied Up and Kujo decide that they will have to get rid of the body quickly, so that the australians don't attempt to salvage him in their experiments, so they feed jon's aka joni's carcass to a shark.   After the shark consumed jon aka joni.........

.... Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, appears and attempts to gut the shark in a last ditch effort to save Jon/Joni. Just as it appears that Irwin might succeed, Crocodile Dundee sneaks up behind Irwin and knocks him out with a 5 gallon drum of Fosters ( :drool:). Dundee has held a personal vendetta against Bon Jovi as he feels that they prevented Men At Work from being the true stars that they should have been. The shark flees into the ocean when suddenly........

Slash emerge from the water with his guitar and try to hit bon Jovi's ass, even though Bon Jovi scape from slash, Mr. Dick Purple ambush him beat the crap out of Bon Jovi and then D appears ...

PS: sorry if I dunno how to make a great history  :-[

sitting on the back of the horse that swallowed chinese democracy, wearing nothing but pink leather underwear.? D, obviously still drunk from the night before, calls out "yiii-haa!!", then proceeds to announce to the schocked crowd that a naked jarmo had been found drunk and passed out the night before in his hotel room. on the floor were several ripped pictures of jack osbourne, and on the bathroom mirror jarmo had spray painted "he doesn't even look like me!". the hotel manager, who decided to call the police because of the damages, told the police that all of this could be traced back to axl rose, seeing as jarmo's obvious insanity was a direct result of the ten year wait for chinese democracy, which D' horse had swallowed. the police shows up on axl's doorstep, and says...

"we're really sorry that this thread got bumped up again and jarred you from your reclusive getaway yet again.  We're going to find the culprit, this August 18th person, and put him before a firing squad."  With that, the police left Axl's house, and Axl retreated back inside, confident that he wouldn't be bothered again, so that he could actually get to work on the long awaited Chinese Democracy. 

Meanwhile, the police, while on an August 18th hunt, find D, who was still wearing pink leather underwear.  The police do a strip search of D, and start trying on his pink fishnet stockings, when.......

then Tied-Up takes her clothes off and ...

nah im kidding, i let you guys play together  ;D

The cast of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy arrive and express their extreme shock and horror that not only are the police committing a disastrous fashion crime by wearing pink underwear and stockings (which are ssssssssoooooooo 1985) but that these horendous (sp) garments do not even fit the officers............

Boots so the officer call for back up and look for a new ...

Barbie doll so that the young girls of today's society have a better role model to idolize. But, then madonna shows up with a BB gun and...

shoots Kurt Loder, who had randomly driven round to D's house for a random interview for the Top 10 Reasons To Wear Pink Fishnet Stockings....

As Kurt falls on the pavement he confessed: "aaaahhh....... I'm shot!! I'm shot!!.............why........lordie lord......why?.....I just wanted to do an interviewwwww...." * Loder tries to stamp foot while laying down*.

D heard the gunshot outside and decided to take a little look: He saw Loder laying down covered with blood.....

Loder: "DDDDDDDDD yessss........you're here...save me.....save me.....I'm hurt"
D: "Who the fuck are you man? And what's that note you have in your hand?"
Loder: "ermmm.....nothing....just.."
D: "Well......what's on that note you homo?"
 
D grabbed the note out of Kurt's hand...Kurt started to cry
The note said as follows in rhyming sentences:

Georgie Porgie pudding pie,
Blew His load in his girlfriend's eye.
When the eye was all dried shut,
Georgie fucked his one-eyed slut.

This is a riddle, thinks D

I must go to the spermbank and find a one eyed slut!! And fuck george! Yay!

So D goes to the spermbank, where he bumps into Axl, who...

... is ashamed that fans of his are taking part in such a shitty thread. He goes home, cries, never releases the new album and then dies.

and then Skynyrd Girl kicks Jim's nuts for even THINKING of such a mean thing to say!!!


Then.... Jim wakes up and realizes that this is all a dream and this thread doesn't really exist..... :hihi:

So, Jim grabs a baseball bat, slams Markus Asraelius in the back out of frusturation.

And, out of his pain and intolerance, Markus Asraelius says:

"Ow you crazy fuckhead!! What the fuck did you do that for!!? Now let me twist your nuts!!"

After the nuts got twist, Axl release CD and everyone lived happily ever after.

The End
 :hihi:

and we all had a huge debauched kinky orgy party to celebrate!! :smoking:

And skynyrd was so happy cause richard wanted some ass on his head  :hihi:

the dirt drives by, probably for the only time to inform Mr. Dick that Interscope released a disc of songs Axl had been working on, not Axl, since he is now dead.

However Axl isnt really dead.

BotAxl is still alive and he kidnapped the real Axl, faked the real Axl's death, used another clone to pose as Axl's dead body and really has him hidden in a secret storage locker.

BotAxl was programmed by Scott  Weiland to ruin GNR's career.

BlueCut was waxing BotAxl's ass hair when he overheard the evil plan and he came to HTGTH to recruit soldiers to help free Axl.

Bluecut gets D,SLC,Kujo,Timothy,The Dirt,Chelle,Journey,Skynrd Girl and Dick Purple to help on the mission to free axl.

They have everything loaded into the car, they are on their way to stop Evil Axl Bot and SCott Weiland when all of a sudden...........................

... They all die.

Apart from Chelle. And Journey. And... D, you and SLC can survive the accident, too. The rest of you? Dead.

and then Skynyrd Girl and all the others who Jim pronounced dead came back from the dead and now had big fuckoff wings.... so we all flew to Scotty-boy Whineland's secret bunker and rescued Axl from inside....

So Axl starts to work on a new album inspired by all that D mentioned.

Rumour has it that he will devote a song each to all those that perished in gallant efforts to bring the real him back.

He promised we will hear new music next summer.

Thanks alot. I'm going to come back as a ghost and tell you the spoilers for every Lost episode than.

Footnote number 1, page 15: Everybody else was crap at faking their death, apart from kujo. Hence his continual assumed death. Why was he so good? Because he's a witch! How do I know? Because he turned me into a newt!


(Added points? If not..........

I've got better)

Jim and his Monty Python.

 :rofl: :rofl:

monty python... i thought it was a garder snake.....

Then, Jim's garder snake went mental and coiled itself around his leg... cutting off the circulation to his foot....


Suddenly, Jim's foot, deprived of blood, detatched itself from Jim's leg, grew a face, and bit the garder snake.... :hihi:

....and turned into Sebastian Bach who was mighty pissed off because they cut off all his hair, this of course did not please the lizard king because.......


they were Goonies, and the ten rules of being a Goonie are:

1.

This thread was FUCKING EPIC

Jarmo should archive this.